Comments on: #55. Getting a precise defintion of "virgin" from your youth minister.

By: Michele

Michele — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 20:00:17 +0000

A late entry, but here are my kid's youth pastor's definition of 'safe dating'
1) Stay in group settings -no getting off 'alone'
2) Don't lay down – thing happen when you lay down that don't when you are upright.
3) Don't touch any body part that is (or should be) covered with underwear.
His wife would also get together with the girls once a year and totally gross them out with the thought that you are not only having sex with that person, you are having sex with everyone they have also. Germs!!

By: SarahC

SarahC — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 01:51:08 +0000

Rule of thumb I decided upon while in high school and pass on to kids I lead small groups for: "If you don't have one, don't touch it." It tends to make kids laugh, but I think it gets to the point concisely and covers a lot of ground…but agreed, the "future spouse" explanation is a good one. Yeah, I think emphasizing "staying a virgin" can confuse kids with all the gray area it allows, so more thorough explanations are generally needed, especially in terms of how spiritually and mentally damaging pre-marital sexual activities (not just intercourse) can be.

I've known several couples who have a waited to get married to kiss, and some of them don't recommend it for reasons I won't take up time/space going into. I know others who waited until they got engaged and said that worked pretty well for them. And I know a ton of other couples who kiss while dating, but honestly I think this is a topic that Christians not only avoid talking to teens about, but avoid talking to each other about…my (non-married/dating) friends aren't very into discussing it, anyway. It definitely needs to be more openly discussed, but in safe environments (i.e. maybe in same-gender circles).

By: Tracey

Tracey — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 19:27:27 +0000

My youth leader answered it this way: "Everyone is someone's future spouse. Don't do anything with someone that you wouldn't want someone doing with your future spouse. And don't do anything you'd be ashamed to admit to your future spouse."

I think that's a really great way to deal with it!

By: Anon

Anon — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 18:20:18 +0000

"Also, some of the problems are "don't have sex till you are married" means "get married so you can have sex." to many people who really love God. We need more clear teaching."

I completely agree. Maybe that's a cynical POV but I think that's why a lot of Christians marry young, then they have to stick it out once the lust fades because getting a divorce for reasons other than adultery is wrong. "Umm… well, you see… He/she just didn't light my fire anymore, so I said 'Peace out!' " probably wouldn't go over too well in Christian circles =)

By: SCL: The Youth Group Rules | More Than DodgeBall - Youth Ministry Blog by Josh Griffin - Saddleback Church Youth Ministries

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 11:39:53 +0000

[...] 4. All youth group ministers should expect at least one kid to ask for a precise definition of “what it means to be a virgin.” [...]

By: Stephanie

Stephanie — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 04:49:50 +0000

Remix! Definitely needs to be talked about.

By: Amelia

Amelia — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 16:14:43 +0000

Remix! Remix! I agree with Silas that emphasizing virginity over the other kinds of goodness and purity kind of misses the point, and minimizes all the OTHER sins being committed.

By: Nick the Geek

Nick the Geek — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 16:13:50 +0000

I'm really surprised that I didn't comment on this when I read through before. Anyways, I really think this needs a remix, possibly for a serious post. I think there is a lot of funny to be had here but I know that I've researched this and can't find much written on it from the Christian circles. Too many things that people are afraid to address. I wrote on it for my blog a while back. Also, some of the problems are "don't have sex till you are married" means "get married so you can have sex." to many people who really love God. We need more clear teaching.

By: joanna

joanna — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 13:34:51 +0000

I think this post deserves a remix. This topic can be one of the more entertaining pieces of christian awkwardness.

By: Jay

Jay — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 02:24:13 +0000

funny!!
I am 26 now and thinking I ought to get married to the dude I am dating...
"before I hump I tree" will be a great, convincing argument for it. LOL

thanks!