SCL

You know, I don’t think there should be divorce ministries.

Why not “work through your problems”, “seperate for some time” or “forgive adultery” ministries instead.

I could not help but notice that the Reaching Adults in Pain is a combination of things we like to do. First off, you correctly point out it is a bad name, but did you notice it is also a bad acronym. The combination of those two make it even worse. Sunday school names I have seen recently: The Spares and Pairs class(you guessed it they have couples and singles) I also saw a singles ministry that said, “Singles, by death or divorce!” Not one person under the age of 50 in their “singles”ministry.

I talked with a Vineyard pastor once. Staff’s desire was to create a slogan to go with their church title “(city) Vineyard. A pretty good church.”

At a church I used to go to, the divorce support group, or maybe it was just the support group for struggling relationships, was called Mending Nets (Matt 4:21; Mark 1:19)

Alex Fear said…
You know, I don’t think there should be divorce ministries.

Alex-

I think you are missing a bigger picture. Divorce ministry is an incredible outreach tool. About half of all people who attend are non-believers. Great opportunity to introduce them to healing through Christ.

Yes, people should stay married. Yes, people should reconcile, but the fact that they don’t doesn’t relieve the church of ministering to these hurting souls.

Does a doctor in the ER condone drunk driving? Likely not, but he will still try to save the life of a drunk that nearly dies driving his car into a tree.

You’ve definitely hit on something here. Methinks the founders of all of the “Fusion” ministries are in cahoots with the billions of youth groups with “extreme” in their name. Or the more extreme version, “Xtreme.”

Not only are the names of these divorce ministries excrutiating, but attending them is even worse. They end up becoming a personal opportunity to vent or whine while the other members have to endure. Everyone has problems, and there is only one way to navigate through them and that is staying in the Word and building our relationship with the Lord.

I’m not sure it’s helpful to have long term “unique wound” groups. I’m basically for “mainstreaming” most of the people the church tends to put in “special ed” – although a short term support group environment can be helpful when people are hurting.

But here are some happier potential names if you want to go the long-term route:

SING – Salt In a Nasty Gash

The SPRING – The “Sad People Rehearsing Injuries Nonstop” Group

PLUM – People Left Un-Married

@Anonymous

I understand your sentiment but I’m thinking more along the lines of what Scott said.

Having “divorce” ministry can lead to confusion for Christians who really should be trying to reconcile- and don’t tell me that no Christians attend this.

I know Christians who are divorced, a few who are close to me. It’s a difficult subject, but they’re not attending any kind of divorce group, they’ve had council but I don’t think divorce should be a reason for people to come to church… maybe for the after church coffee but not divorce.

Of course, counseling should be on offer for these people, but as part of the wider counseling mission, not a special group.

Would you really want someone *considering* divorce to come along to a group of recent divorcees and see no alternative. Or would you want them to to consider options like reconciliation?

Plus there’s the whole badge thing. Younger people who have divorced are really not going to want to wear this badge, they really need to get out there and meet other people.

Personally I think fewer specialised ministries are better- I mean all that happens is the church becomes more fractured. Ministries should be kept as general as possible. Church should be bridging divides across culture, not creating more tiny little subcultures.

Alex:

If you were to begin experiencing kidney failure, would you go to a renal specialist or a general practitioner?

I think the principle of “one body, many parts” and the delineation of spiritual gifts suggests the potential for and desirability of specialized ministry within a church.

You wrote:
>>Having “divorce” ministry can lead to confusion >>for Christians who really should be trying to >>reconcile- and don’t tell me that no Christians >>attend this.

A good divorce ministry will emphasize forgiveness and reconciliation as a biblical mandate whenever possible, whether the audience is secular or Christian

Blessings

@alex..
for real.. apparently you are not divorced.. and sometimes you are not given and option.
Try being moved away from your family to a city you don’t know by your husband. who then leaves you 15 days later never to return. You try with 150% of your being to reconnect but after 10 months and allot of prayer you decide you have to move on. I don’t believe in divorce but sometimes you have no other option.. and you need a class with others who are going thru the same thing to know you aren’t alone. You need the encouragement of those that understand the pain.

They really need to name them “Place Where Christians Go To Grieve and Forgive and Hopefully Date Some Other Divorced Person Without Looking Like a Heathen.”

Or.. The Club Life Without Alcohol and More Lighting.

If I were experiencing kidney failure I wouldn’t know it.

So I’d start to get a little weak, maybe get sick, then since I wouldn’t be able to diagnose myself, I’d visit the GP.

At that point the GP does some tests and recommends a specialist.

I guess if you were to apply this analogy- you would have a general counselling service, and when you come to the counsellor with your divorce problem they take it from there.

I agree with the general principle of having ministries (eg. healing, prayer, counselling, outreach, youth etc) but what you’re talking about is micro managing and splitting these ministries into little sub-ministries.

Ever been to a group and discovered you and one other person were the only ones who ‘belonged’ in, or signed up for it? What happens to that group? Well anyone who knows how to lead would suggest joining it up with another group or canceling it and doing a one-2-one thing.

Sure you can have a group with like, 2 or 3 members but it’s more like a team, and then, if you don’t have the right dynamic or character in that team it’s going to fail. Joining a larger group gives dynamic and one-2-one will give you character.

You don’t think churches should have divorce ministries?

Go and find a DivorceCare group. Sit in on the first meeting.

If you cannot feel the broken hearts in that room, I seriously would suggest you need to reevaluate your heart. You don’t think God’s heart breaks for those who have been through the pain of a broken covenant?

Whether we like to put some blinders on or not, divorce is something that people go through and churchfolk are not exception. Without that ministry, they will feel like they are going through it alone. God forbid that they feel like God has abandoned them.

I don’t care what you have been through. You do not have to do this life alone. Divorce ministry is absolutely needed.

I think I’ve explained my position clearly enough.

Divorced people are not the only broken (hearted) people in the world.

There are so many ministries today. People who attend church may require healing in a small group environment that focuses on a specific theme that will assist them at a deeper level.

Divorce classes are for the divorced not the ones who are having problems and are thinking about divorce. Alex, I really think you missed it; we need these type of classes where people can be ministered to and understood because they are surrounded by people who can identify with their pain.

Our church offers DivorceCare. People who felt rejected their own churches because of divorce come to this program. We love on them and pray for (and with) them and remind them that we are all made in God’s image.

Our congregation is intentionally focusing on ministering to our community instead of to ourselves. DivorceCare and Financial Peace University have been two of our most successful ministries–if you measure success by people beginning to change their lives by relying on God through Christ and His scripture.

Singles ministries also have some horrible names. I once designed a tshirt for ours that looked like the front of a Kraft (cheese) Singles package!

Oh, and one girl suggested that our motto should be “We Serve Christ Alone.” ok, stop laughing.

Before I was saved from Christianity, my favorite local singles’ ministry was the one that herded us around by age: 20s, 30s, 40s, etc. On paper, it looks like a great way to address topics in Bible study relative to our life stage. In reality, it just made it easier for the men to shop their favorite age group.

All the women dutifully attended the class assign. The fellas joined the class of their preferred female age group.

Hilarity… ensued.

I used to work downtown, and every day on the drive home, I would pass the Rape and Sexual Abuse Center. Not the Rape and Sexual Abuse HELP center, mind you. Might not seem odd to some, but all I’m saying is, I go to the grocery store to GET Groceries, right??

umm…did anyone else think that RAIP is probably not the best acronym for them to use?

our church had some sort of recovery program called (this is what they printed in the bulletin, qoutes and all.)

“His” Harbour.

There are actually 5,840,000 results for “fusion church”. I thought that was pretty hilarious.

My former husband, an ex-pastor, turned his back on God after being asked to leave a church. I was pregnant at the time and had a difficult pregnancy, birth and suffered postpartum depression, plus had a terrible auto accident 3 months after my baby was born. It was a miracle my child and I survive. In the midst of this, I was the only one employed, and my husband (at the time) spiraled more and more out of control and became extremely psychologically and emotionally abusive. He left over a year ago for another woman and we are divorced. I found a fabulous single parents Sunday school class at my church where I now have begun serving in different ways. I have gone to counseling at my church and my child and I are walking in freedom. You can't tell me Christians don't need divorce ministries. I did not ask to be betrayed or abused. NO ONE DOES. But Christ brings freedom. That's why we have the ministry. To minister to the broken, to bring true healing.

yikes.

Our church has a middle school ministry called "Fuse". The high school ministry is "Merge". We often get them mixed up and call them Muse and Ferge.

The singles/divorce care ministry temporarily had the name "whole in one". It didn't last long.