SCL

You’ve been looking in my church’s windows, haven’t you? D

Hey, that’s creepy… Were you at our staff meeting yesterday?

Being in a circle of ramblers is a special kind of torture. First, you let yourself daydream about last night’s American Idol, then before you know it you’ve nodded off unawares until your head falls forward unnaturally and you snap up with a loud sucking in sound. Or…you dont wake up and your breathing becomes really slow and loud and someone has to nudge you when the Closer is finally able to break in and put everyone out of their misery. I think even God is thankful when some prayers are over.

I think you should remember those precious people who always offer up an “unspoken” sometimes they even say “i have three unspokens today” which leaves everyone else imagining the terrible things that had to remain “unspoken”

My experience has been that this happens a lot with middle school girls.

This was a classic in my youthgroup.

I laughed out loud at least four times. I personally can’t overcome the awkwardness of it all. I think I’m going to just breath heavy from now on and see how long I can stump others. Or maybe just take the reins from the opener and say “Excuse me but I think God is leading ME to open today”.
Thanks for the laughs.

I remember when I was a teenager, my mother and I attended a church that had a prayer room. This post reminds me SO much of those times! I used to HATE trying to decide if I was gonna pray out loud or not! It was definitely alot of pressure!LOL You made me smile this morning! I’m not gonna say which person I was in the prayer room!LOLOL

oh my gosh. this might be one of my favorite posts. i have been in this situation multiple times and i hate how awkward it gets. i think i am usually the gunslinger and sometimes the cave-in.

nicely done.

lol. I was appointed as the ‘closer’ the other night (by the ‘opener’).
But, I had to add to the mix of not being too loud; because we were in the middle of a local Starbucks. LOL.
It was important though, since one of our group was rushing his mom to the emergency room with a burst appendix. She is recovering well.

Excellent…..and too true. I don’t bend to peer pressure in prayer circles, unless pastor is in the circle.

OK-here’s one Jon, how about those little plastic individual church banks we send home with the children to fill.

I am often #5, not because I cave in, but because praying for others makes me weepy and snotty. Is that caving? I just FEEL so much.

I always enjoyed the times, as youth director, when I would start, but no one would jump in, so I would have to close making my prayer into more or less a lengthy prayer with one large dramatic pause in the middle. So, I decided to implement a system in which we held hands and gently squeezed the next persons hand in order to indicate it was their turn to pray. In doing this, it eliminated the awkward pauses, but to my dismay, it simply created the same effect, but with a little more laughter when the next persons hand was quickly squeezed without a word said. Even today, as I am attending seminary, whenever the professor asks for someone to open in prayer, there is a strange awkward silence even among future clergy.

How about the Name-and-Shamer… not always found in prayer groups but can turn up the heat in one.

It’s the kind ‘know what you did last summer’ type who, no matter what the subject of the prayer group is, feels led to pray for you in that particular area- and letting everyone else know in the process that you have a problem.

Usually picks on the gun-slinger or the cave-in.

This is SO true. I am laughing in agreement right now. Just came across the prayer circle last night at Choir rehearsal.

I tend to be the “holdout”. Sometimes, I don’t want to pray out loud. Does that make me a horrible person? No. Does it mean I’m far from God? Not necessarily. It just means that sometimes I prefer a private conversation with God. If I have a problem I want to share with my husband, I don’t do it in front of a group.

Jon, how did you know?! This is my company every single Monday morning. The other problem is what if you’ve been chosen as The Closer but don’t want to pray, you know, you’re just not feeling it that day. What do you do then? I’m waiting for the day when someone in my group says to our boss, “You know, Mike, would you mind picking someone else today? I just don’t feel like it this morning.”

What about “The Squeezer”. The person who has just heard the person next to them pray and the second that person finishes, they tightly squeeze the hand of the other person next to them to let them know that there is no way they are going to pray out loud.

That’s how my youth group rolled… back in the day.

I love this site man. It’s like we grew up in the same youth group.

this is absolutely, totally, completely hilarious. but in an awkward kind of way. meaning, i feel guilty for laughing about it. but it’s so true.

i’m continuing to really enjoy your blog. i’m planning to post about it soon as my favorite new blog, so that even more people in my life can enjoy it, too.

The opener definitely has the easiest job. Everybody else, especially the closer, has the pressure of making sure that they aren’t just repeating what somebody who went before them already said. It’s no wonder that it’s usually the person who initiates prayer time who appoints himself the opener!

Your blog was posted by a friend of mine, and I came over to check it out. Very witty, very funny, and it’s good to laugh at our awkwardness in trying to do what the Lord has called us to do. It’s so good not to take ourselves too seriously…as I think that God is there quietly chuckling at our silliness too!

I would add “the peeker”…the person who is always looking around and peeking during the prayer time. The only way to catch a peeker is to be a peeker yourself.

You are so insightful!

5. The Cave In
Deciding not to pray in a prayer circle is like not giving to a love offering. What you don’t have any love in your heart? What you don’t feel led? You’re the only person in the room that didn’t get led? Maybe we should pray for you instead of doing this prayer circle. Expect at least one person to be the Cave In.

I once did something similar to this in a youth group Bible study. There was an invitation at the end to rededicate your life to Christ. I did not feel led to do this, nor did I think I needed to. I was pretty good with Christ at that time. But EVERYONE AROUND ME stood up, so I did too.

I was part of a prayer group last weekend where members of the group were contradicting each other’s prayers. Talk about tension.

This is so spot-on. Who says there isn’t unity in the Body of Christ? We’re all doing the same stupid human tricks.

Another variation is where everyone shares prayer requests, and then the meeting leader says, “Kim, will you pray for us, incorporating all the requests just shared”.

Now you’re under pressure to remember them all. Even if you’ve managed to write them down, how do you subtly sneak a peek at your list?

And, if you remember Fred’s mother, but forget Ann’s dad’s surgery, you feel awful. Usually then the ‘encore-ist’ jumps in, and I feel even worse!

How about The Repeater? “I, too, want to pray for John’s sick uncle and I also thank you for this day that you created…” Then there’s The Inadvertent Repeater, which is the guy in runningmama’s group that daydreams and doesn’t pay attention to what everyone else is saying but DOES want to pray… and ends up repeating what everyone else said.

I generally throw a wrench in things when I’m leading our small group. I appoint *myself* the closer and leave the opener and in-between positions open. Makes for some interesting dynamics.

First time, long time. (If you consider 9 days a long time.) Hilarious stuff.

This post got me thinking of another thing Christians like–spontaneous, uncontrolable giggling in the middle of group prayers. We’ve all been there. The rambler is going on asking God to heal his cat’s rash, and someone’s mouth quivers until that strong burst of air quickly surfaces and bursts forth from their lips and they start giggling. Then the person next to them catches the fever and giggles at the giggler. And on it spreads until each giggler forces himself to think about Jesus on the cross or something else super-serious and stops giggling… until a person across the prayer circle starts giggling 45 seconds later. Round 2. You know what I’m talking about.

What gets me is when there’s a male/female mix and it’s mostly the women praying. Come on guys! Step up!

Not sure if you’ve covered this one or not, but our youth group used to do “Rapture Practice” quite often. Someone would randomly yell it out and everyone was supposed to jump and scream. lame.

This may be my favorite post so far.

Just discovered your site today and am loving it! Thanks for writing.

Christy, where ya at? I will come pray with you.

I love all of this- it’s insanely accurate and hilarious! I think you should do a post about Christian Radio- cheesy announcers, the same rotation since 1997 or so, with approximately 5 “new” songs (AKA 2002 if you’re LUCKY) interspersed. Anybody feelin’ it?

Did I miss me? I tend to abruptly stop when I run out of words… and then nobody knows if I’m done or not. It is actually pretty amusing when I realize what I’ve done… but probably not to anyone else.

one that always gets me is the person that prays with a lot of long pauses. after about the third one, you think they’re done, and you open your mouth to begin praying, and suddenly they start back up again! its a terrible mind-game. nobody knows when they’re done or when to begin.

and there’s the person who prays, but then thinks they haven’t prayed long enough, so they just kinda insert some “thank you lords” and “yes fathers” for good measure, but completely unrelated to anything…

and of course the person who has to keep reminding God that they’re talking to Him. “i just want to thanks you, Father God, for your goodness, Father God, and for just saving us, Dear Lord…”

oh yeah, and the guy who falls asleep because he’s had his eyes closed for too long…

Don’t forget The Preacher. Not an actual preacher, but the frustrated wannabe who takes these opportunities to treat us all to an edifying little sermonette they’ve been prepping since the *last* meeting.

And me… The Counter. Because after a while I get distracted by people’s speech tics and completely lose track of what’s being prayed for. I start counting the number of times people say “Lord,” or “Father” in the prayer. As in, “Lord, I thank you, Lord, for the wonderful things you’re doing in my life, Lord, and Lord, I ask that you would bless us all, Lord, with your grace Lord and your mercy, Lord, as we go about our days and try to glorify you, Lord, and honor the Lord, I mean, You, Lord.”

what about the rambler who rambles together random phrases of “God” stuff:

“Lord, God, Jesus, Majesty, I thank you for uh, this group, uh Jesus, today, and the spirit, and, uh…be with us, and uh, in your name, and uh…”

Just about fell out of my chair laughing! I can’t wait for my husband to read this. You really have a talent and I just love reading your blog.

As someone who has recently taken up a year long post to encourage and facilitate prayer on my university’s campus (which includes organising and attending at least three prayer meetings a week as the person “in charge of prayer”) this reasonates STRONGLY! I’m usually the closer.

What’s more awkward than being closer though is when no closer is assigned… so people just keep going round and around until people start to stir, stretch and look up. Then it’s awkward for the last person to look up…

hahaha! Love it!

You never know what you’re gonna get with a “popcorn prayer”.

What about the “long pauser”? That’s when a person has been praying and then they pause a beat longer than is necessary, so the next person goes to start and the first person starts up again? Usually with even more emotion and with several more pauses. So then when the LP is finally done, no one wants to go because they aren’t sure if this is another long pause. Then when people finally realize the LP is done, two people usually start at once. This is usually when I get the aforementioned giggles.

Oh yes!
How about the fixer? The people in your group that always try to fix other people’s problems as they are sharing prayer requests. It may sound something like this:
“My best friend’s great aunt had the same problem recently — have you tried a strict diet of grapefruit and seaweed? There’s a doctor who specializes in this type of ailment…” It just goes on and on!

Where do you come up with this? It is awesome!! You put such humour on the often mundane. Thanks for the laughs!!

Oh man, this happens to me all the time in class! Being that I am a Youth Ministries major at a Christian university, I have one prof that always wants someone to “focus us in prayer.” Always awkward! It’s best not to make eye contact or you’ll get ‘volunteered.’

I worked with a youth pastor this past summer who had a 5 second rule. He would generally pick the “opener” and appoint himself the “closer,” but sometimes he would choose both. Anyway, the “closer” was to close if there was more than 5 seconds of silence between prayers. Took a lot of pressure off anyone who didn’t want to pray!

I laughed out loud at the shot blocker convo because we all know it was the conversation they wouldn’t have without the disguise of prayer to keep it non confrontational.

By far the best post…

Funny, funny stuff

Or how about when pastors continue to preach in the middle of their prayers? “And thank you, Lord, for showing us in this passage in Romans how we can get to heaven through the blood of Your Son…”

Or the people who add “Father” every three words. “Father, we come to You today, Father, asking, Father, that You would forgive us, Father…”

Jon,

I picked up your blog through my wife’s friend. Could you invite me so I can come back sometime?

Justin Laughlin

Just left a prayer circle. The opener was an “undesignated hitter”. No one was given the power to open. Someone had to take it. I wanted to, but someone else grabbed the bat first. That’s ok. I rambled and made up for. After all, cousin Myrtle (2nd removed) needed help with her bunion. It was worth the pain inflected on others for my Myrtle’s healing.

this is the best…. crying… laughing… been the victim of the shot blocker