Dear person that googled "porn" and got me.

Wait, wait, wait, please don’t leave.

The other day I had to prepare a page of my site traffic in order to prove to some potential publishers that I am wicked super awesome. I am not, but that was the exercise. And when I was looking at my site traffic I noticed that since I started this site a few weeks ago, 194 visits had come from people that had searched for the word “porn.”

First, let me say that searching for porn and landing on this site must suck. Honestly, if I had searched for that (which I have before) and landed on a site that specialized in comparing GI Joe characters to the Bible, I would have left instantly. And you did. The average visit by someone looking for porn is 7 seconds long.

But have you stopped to think about how crazy it is that you landed here?

When you search the phrase “porn” in Google, you get 252,000,000 results. There are a quarter billion web pages you can land on, so how did you get to mine? I guess we could say it’s coincidence or that maybe you already looked at the other 251,999,999 other pages and mine was the last available. But you probably already know what I’m going to say – maybe it was God. God is weird and wild like that and I think He loves getting people to end up in different places than they expected. But let’s not talk about God right now.

Let’s not talk about the church or Christianity. The only thing I want you to know is that you are not alone. (That sentence sounded a little like a hallmark card but you know what you I meant.) Porn tries to isolate you. Our society still fails to really admit it’s a problem. When people get caught in it they’ll claim alcoholism or drug addiction or a million other issues before admitting something sexual. And a DUI is just something celebrities do on the weekend. The famous have made rehab a common idea that holds far less shame these days. But porn is still a dragon of sorts.

I don’t know where you are. You might be in the middle of medicating as fast and as furious as you can. You might be swearing off it for the millionth time, white knuckling away the temptation, trying to be perfect and earn back whatever it is that you’ve lost. You might be realizing that’s impossible and that you deserve a break and need to relax. You might be starting the circle all over again in the middle of medicating as fast and as furious …

If porn could carry a knife, it would stab you. It’s a jerk like that. But if you ever need any resources or just want to bounce some ideas around about what’s going on, let me know.

Sorry this visit was so weird. Chances are, it’s only going to get weirder if God’s trying to let you know how much He loves you.

Jon

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Comments

  1. lana says

    Jon… thanks for that. I’m somone whose life was destroyed by a husband “addicted” to porn and the the consequences of his actions. I am grateful that you took the time to write this post.
    I’m also grateful that God protected me and brought me to a fresh place to start over…God is good like that

  2. Anonymous says

    “First, let me say that searching for porn and landing on this site must suck.”

    … for Satan. It’s great for God! I wonder how I would have responded if this site was available back during my porn-crazed days. I honestly wish it had been.

  3. Anonymous says

    As a new reader, I always expect to laugh when I come to your site. This post almost made me cry.

    You are awesome. :)

  4. Rick says

    I’m a recovering porn/sex addict (58 days) and would like to tell you that this post rocked! I don’t know if you have ever personally struggled with it but you have great insight into the addict’s world. I loved the line “If porn could carry a knife it would stab you.” So true.

    @lana – I noticed you put the word addicted in quotations in your comment. It seems to suggest that you question whether this is a true addiction. I can assure you that addiction is an appropriate description although I do understand that spouses hurt by it sometimes find it difficult to accept that the person mired in it cannot “just stop”. At any rate, I am glad that God has brought you out of that season and you are in a better place.

  5. OregonKris says

    I really appreciate this post. My husband recently told me he is struggling with this issue. My husband is now attending an accountability group, but since we are both church workers, there is no one we can really talk to about this without fear of one or both of us losing our jobs. I’m pretty sure he’d be forgiven if he were an alcoholic but probably not for this. I’m glad someone has the courage and faith to talk about it!

  6. Mark (aka pastor guy) says

    It helps me, as a recovering addict to pornography, to make a couple of things clear to folks:

    1. the word addiction explains the compulsive hamster wheel cycle of suck that is porn – it doesn’t excuse the way it hurt my wife or my churches, even when they didn’t know what was going on

    2. talking about porn without talking about masturbation is like discussing peace in the Middle East without discussing religion – which makes it INSANELY difficult to talk about in your typical church setting.

    I don’t claim to be a genius at this stuff, but I’ve written a good bit about my personal experiences & teaching on my blog, aka pastor guy – you’re welcome to follow the link and/or ignore it.

    Jon, thanks for keeping this issue smack dab in the middle of this blog – sadly, this is stuff way too many Christians like.

  7. Katanna says

    Joh, I can relate. Last September I came out on my blog about my pornography addiction, and I get some weird traffic to that page…

    I too would like to throw in my support for those who have these problems. It is truly an addiction. You can cut it cold turkey, but you will be struggling with it the rest of your life. I don’t say this to discourage you, I say this to strengthen you, that you may once and for all flip that bit in your brain from “ehh, I am not doing it right now for God” to “I will never do it again, no matter how much it hurts.”

    If you are struggling with this addiction (or even if you are not) feel free to read my post:
    http://katanna.blogspot.com/2007/09/it-is-finished.html

    Feel free to contact me if you have any questions or comments. I pray that you are blessed and refreshed.

    Matthew

  8. Randy & Terry says

    Jon, I think it’s phenomenal that you talk about subjects, like porn, that NO ONE else will talk about; especially in a “Christian” setting. You rock!

  9. Randy & Terry says

    Jon, I think it’s phenomenal that you talk about subjects, like porn, that NO ONE else will talk about; especially in a “Christian” setting. You rock!

  10. Randy & Terry says

    Jon, I think it’s phenomenal that you talk about subjects, like porn, that NO ONE else will talk about; especially in a “Christian” setting. You rock!

  11. Randy & Terry says

    Jon, I think it’s phenomenal that you talk about subjects, like porn, that NO ONE else will talk about; especially in a “Christian” setting. You rock!

  12. Anonymous says

    In response to “anonymous” id say that while xxxchurch is a fantastic resource and x3 watch is a great idea, x3 watch absolutely killed my computer. im running a 2.2GHz Dual Core with 3GB of RAM and it hogged about 70% of my system.

  13. Anonymous says

    Just finished this great sexual purity class called Valiant Man. Is from some minister in Australia. Google it. Good stuff.

  14. Kevin J. Bowman says

    Loved the post. My wife and I are both addicts.. Speed for me and alcohol for her.. We think you nailed addiction dead on!!!

    Abundant Blessings!

  15. Anonymous says

    I was about to google porn and try to find your site too.. Then i realised what a dumbass idea that’d be

  16. rhys says

    Jon, this is an incredible piece writing.

    It blows me away how you can be so acerbic and so heartfelt at the same time. You have a tremendous ability to cut right to the heart of the issue and speak the truth with your wry humour.

    Well done once again.

  17. Matthew says

    I’ve gotta gotta gotta tell you this. I’ve switched computers temporarily, and evidently “stuffchristianslike.com” is not this site’s address. :-0 Anyway, I thought to myself, “what’s the easiest thing I could google to find this site?” My solution?

    “stuff Christians like porn”. That’s what I put in the google search engine. :-)

  18. Catherine R. says

    Re: the number of male commentors on this post; are there any men that are not recovering porn addicts? Sorry if I am being insensitive but that’s depressing to me.

  19. Sovann Pen says

    “First, let me say that searching for porn and landing on this site must suck.”

    LOL. Awesome post Jon.

    I started blogging a series on Masturbation and started getting some interesting google searches too.

    catherine r, yes there are men who are not recovering porn addicts.
    It seems like you’d be surprised at how many are though. And yes it can seem depressing, just as it’s depressing how broken and sin-marred this world and the Church can be. That’s why we alll desperately need the grace and truth of Christ

  20. Hali says

    Found this post through another blog and I must say, wow. I wish more people ended up on websites like this.

    What would be even better is if they took the time to read it too.

    I don’t think there is a man alive in our western society that isn’t addicted to porn, even the casual users [I say addiction because if you ask the average guy to try and masturbate without porn, he simply can't do it for even a week.] it’s depressing and disheartening, but it’s always comforting to see guys who really understand just how evil porn really is and are doing their best to change it, and in doing so, may help others not aware of the danger to do so too.

  21. Anonymous says

    Awesome post.

    For all those who need help with breaking sexual addiction, try googling seeting captives free. It is a free online course and it works.

  22. boaks says

    "If porn could carry a knife, it would stab you. It’s a jerk like that."
    That made me laugh right out loud. A for real lol. Not the kind where you say "lol" but don't really laugh out loud.
    I'm glad my really modest and conservative roommate wasn't around, she would have asked what was so funny and it would have been awkward explaining it to her.
    Porn is such a jerk.

  23. Anonymous says

    I'm a little late on this convo, but thought it might be worth saying guys aren't the only ones that struggle with this issue. You'd be surprised how many girls/women do as well- I know I was when I finally reached out for help.

  24. Michael Wong says

    Stuff Christians Like: Feeling Guilty and Deleting/Destroying Your Entire Porn Collection For the Nth Time.

    Come on, how many of you have done that? You watch porn, you build up a library of DVDs or video files on your computer (or at the very least, bookmarks to various illicit websites), and then you have a paroxysm of guilt, destroy all of it, swear never to watch it again … and then eventually build up a new one. And so the cycle continues!

    Of course, I say this as someone who sees "porn addiction" in much the same vein as alcohol addiction. It is POSSIBLE to use this stuff in moderation without harming anyone. Sure, an alcoholic can destroy lives and a maladjusted porn addict can destroy lives, but that doesn't mean the alcohol itself, or the porn itself, is necessarily evil. The real harm from porn is not the porn itself; it's husbands and wives lying to each other about it. If the two of you watch porn together, what's the harm?

    Don't talk to me about child abuse or women being beaten: I'm talking about well-regulated legal porn, not that sick underground stuff. And don't talk to me about "objectification" either; Cosmopolitan Magazine objectifies women as much as porn does (in fact, you are far more likely to see a woman 15 lbs overweight in porn than in Cosmo, since porn is surprisingly open-minded about body types). And don't talk to me about "degrading" porn; not all porn is like that, and I can choose to watch the good stuff. It's not as if the bad stuff floods into your house against your will once you start watching the good stuff.

    Good porn is usually light-hearted and comedic in nature, because let's face it (and this is something Christians don't want to accept), sex is funny. It's a funny subject (which is why stand-up comedians use it for so much of their material), and come on, you know you look ridiculous when you're doing it. The one time in his life that a man will look most like a monkey is when he's "making love" to his wife.

    Of course, you might argue that it's a form of mental infidelity, but that's not necessarily the case either. My wife and I just use it to get in the mood; after the first 5 minutes we're not even looking at the screen any more. The fact is that while it sounds good to say "you shouldn't need that", just TRY to fast-switch from dishes, laundry, and helping the kids with homework to thinking sexy thoughts in 5 minutes so you can knock one off with your wife before you have to put the kids to bed. It's almost impossible, which is why so many couples' sex lives wither when they have young children. What's wrong with using something like that to generate mood? It doesn't mean you're actually fantasizing about being with those people; to be honest, I wouldn't touch them with a ten foot pole. It's just a mood enhancer.

    There would probably be a lot fewer "porn addicts" if society taught them how to use it in a moderated and healthy way, rather than forcing them to skulk about in shadows and shame. The judgemental types may think they're helping, but they're actually hurting.

  25. Rebeccamh says

    I love this. I wonder though, how many people would be appalled at the number of women secretly addicted to pornography, ashamed to bring it up. It's like men being bulimic or anorexic. It's like in our society their are "male" sins and "female" sins, and if you don't fit into that category, you're more messed up than the rest of folks. It is sad to me. I know several females, including myself, yes, I finally admitted it without posting as anonymous, who struggled with pornography and had to receive help in overcoming that obstacle. I just wonder why it is more acceptable for men to struggle with this than women. We are sexual creatures too. And, I know for myself, it wasn't even the sexual nature. It was the constant comparison of myself to those women, and knowing that I would never, ever measure up and thinking no man would ever love me because I am not a porn star. I'm glad I am not in that place anymore. It was dark, and dirty, and mostly it was very lonely. This is an extremely old post and I doubt anyone will read this, and maybe that is empowering me to be honest. I still wonder though…

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