#228. NIV vs. KJV vs. ESV (Bible wars told via GI Joe)
May 14th by Jon
I’ve never been to seminary, so if they use a different cartoon from the 1980s to teach the differences between versions of the Bible, my bad. But when I sat down to write a post about how we like to represent and argue for our own brand of the Bible, I kept hearing the little Jon inside whispering, “yo Joe, yo Joe.”
So here it is, my explanation of the different versions of the Bible as told through the lens of GI Joe. I hope you’ll add to it since I was unable to work in key characters like Lady Jaye.
1. King James Version = Storm Shadow
When I was younger, I really wanted to be Storm Shadow. And by “younger” I mean last week. Seriously, he was just so cool. Storm Shadow was a ninja clad all in white that constantly battled the forces of good and evil within him. Yes, he worked for the bad guys Cobra, but deep inside he was pure. And my favorite thing was that he was unapologetically old school. He studied with these ninja masters in Japan and made his decisions based on a foundation of knowledge from thousands of years ago. That’s how I feel about the KJV of the Bible. It’s old school. Sure that makes it a little clunky, but so what? If you want to be a Christian ninja, I think you have to go the way of the KJV.
2. NIV = Flint
On the show, Flint wears a beret, but it looks cool. He’s the third in command and comes off as very approachable and accessible. He’s not trying to be the number one, he’s just walking through life as he sees it. Honestly, openly, it’s going to be alright. I feel the same way about the NIV or New International Version. The chief complaint I hear is that it’s not the most accurate version of the text. I think the NIV, much like Flint, is OK with that. I think at night when it’s playing Mario Kart with the other versions of the Bible it says, “Hey, I get it, I’m not as accurate as the ESV, but you know what? A lot of people read me. A lot of lives are changed by me, and that’s what it’s really about.”
3. Message = Wild Bill
Wild Bill was the crazy helicopter pilot on the show. He wore a vest and a huge mustache and was always saying crazy things that perfectly summed up the situation. Wild Bill could summarize in easy to understand language situations that all the other Joes needed to hear about. He wasn’t the only opinion that mattered, you still had to balance out his ideas with those of Flint and Duke, but he did have something valuable to say. Same with the Message. It’s a good read. It makes things easy to understand. Is it the only Bible I’d read? No. But it’s still a good one to have on board.
4. Amplified = Sgt. Slaughter
According to Bible Gateway, the Amplified Bible “attempts to take both word meaning and context into account in order to accurately translate the original text from one language into another.” According to me, the Amplified version is like Sgt. Slaughter. This GI Joe character is best suited to the Amplified Bible because he crossed over into professional wrestling as well. Much like taking the word meaning and the context into account, Sgt. Slaughter had a role in the cartoon and also body slammed people for the WWF (before it became the WWE).
5. NASB = Duke
On the show, Duke was the equivalent of apple pie and the American flag and down home values. While Flint was a little rougher around the edges, Duke bled red, white and blue. I feel the same thing about the New American Standard Bible. It puts a big emphasis on contemporary English and verbs and translating things into a smoother format. And it has the word “American” in the title, which is obviously a very American thing to do. Like Duke.
6. ESV = Snake Eyes
Clad all in black, Snake Eyes was the GI Joe version of Storm Shadow. He came from the same dojo, and there is no pain in that dojo, but he chose a life of helping the good guys. He had a cool red striped tattoo on his arm and never said a word, only adding to his mystique. He was old school too, but seemed more approachable than Storm Shadow. Same with the English Standard Version. I’ve heard it’s the most accurate translation, just what I’ve heard, but it still feels easier to read than the KJV.
7. New Versions = Random Characters
Right now, if you sell a lot of books, they’ll give you your very own version of the Bible. I don’t have a problem with that, but they all kind of run together for me, like the random bad guys on Cobra or random good guys on Joe. These are the secondary characters that are dressed all in blue or all in green and just fire lasers in the background. They don’t have any lines, but are still an important part of the battle. I feel the same way about niche Bibles. I doubt the John Maxell version of the Bible will ever overtake the NIV version, but it’s still a nice resource.
Wow, that was longer than I expected. But at least now you know, and … I can’t do it. I already made the joke, “knowing is half the battle” on another post.
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I enjoyed the previous 227 posts, but with this one you became one of my heroes. Best. idea. ever.
My family has owned Christian Bookstores for over 35 years and I now operate a web store which sells Bibles in bulk. The stories I could tell about “translation wars” would fill a book. Anyway, this post has made my day. GO, JOE!
As no one else has given a bible for Lady Jaye, I’ll do it…
The Whatever-Version Women’s Bible.
There are kids bibles that have a lot of pictures, men’s bibles that come with a bottle of BBQ sauce, and women’s bibles that…well, in fear for my life let’s just say that Lady Jaye would be the Women’s bible.
I’d say Roadblock would be the Hebrew bible because there’s just no getting through it.
That might be funny, but I wasn’t allowed to watch GI Joe. (See #67)
I own a used bookstore and print this out and post it next to my Bible section in the back.
Apparently I haven’t woken up yet…I meant to say…
I own a used bookstore and may print this out and post it next to my Bible section in the back.
I have a lot of people that end up arguing over versions of the Bible back there.
As a teacher of Biblical interpretation, translation and hermeneutics who also happens to have been a die-hard G.I. Joe fan, I wanted to offer my meager contributions…
The KJV would be less like Storm Shadow and more like Spirit, I would argue. Noble and dedicated to preserving the traditions of the past, even opting to use less effective weapons/manuscripts for the sake of preserving its heritage when there are far more accurate ones it could be using.
Plus he had an eagle as a pet. I don’t know how that relates to the KJV, but who cares? It’s a freakin’ eagle!
The NRSV is Scarlett. Most other Joe’s would scoff at the idea that a woman could overcome the innate assumed gender roles required to lead the troops into battle, but Scarlett proved them wrong and was gorgeous while doing so. Likewise, the NRSV is often scorned for attempting to show that gender-inclusive language can be effective in communicating the Word of God. Yet like Scarlett it does just that and is aesthetically pleasing as well.
The HCSB would be the Lady Jaye of translations. Gritty when necessary, but still maintaining that air of comfortable and down-to-earth. While the other gals might be intimidated by Scarlet’s sophistication and sex-appeal, they are more able to relate to Lady Jaye and her down-home laid back charm. After all, there’s a reason the HCSB’s official spokesperson is Beth Moore!
The Living Bible would be the Bazooka of the bunch. It gets the job done…regardless of it less-than-stellar intellectual approach.
The NET Bible would probably be Beachhead. He didn’t care how much you had to work or sweat or groan–he was gonna equip and train you to be the best soldier you could be, even if it meant taunting you to anger in order to motivate you. The NET Bible’s 600,000+ notes are intimidating and their use of technical terminology and original languages are tough to wade through…but if you can get through them and endure the constant humiliation of realizing just how little you actually know about the ancient context, setting and grammatical nuances, you’ll come out the other side tougher and better equipped than you ever imagined you could be.
And I would also have to differ regarding the Amplified Bible. I believe it is the Serpentor of translations. Just as Cobra Commander picked and chose various parts of various great warriors and leaders in history with no regard for their historical settings or background, so too the Amplified Bible picks any and all relevant lexical glosses of key words and throws them all together into the text with little regard for their context. The result could be a mighty ruler with all the strengths of past geniuses…or an out of control monster that even Cobra is against!
Blessings from The Discipleship Dojo (gsdisciple.blogspot.com),
JMS
Dear Brother / Sister in Christ,
Greetings in the most precious name of our Lord Jesus Christ !!!
I am glad to introduce myself as the head of Lord’s Ministry in Georgia, U.S. As a part of our Ministry we send free Bibles to all who request us and who cannot afford to buy one but have a thirst on the Word of God. Please let me know if I can get the KJV Version of Bible in bulk at $1 a piece so that the love of God reaches all around the globe to the Glory of our Almighty Lord Jesus Christ.
Yours in Lord’s service,
JAMES ALFORD
Single Seed Ministries
Please feel free to visit our ministry website : http://www.singleseed.org
I don't know the 'G.I. Joe' series, but I'd guess that there's no-one there for the Masoretic—he would be an older guy who thought the rest of them were talking nonsense half the time….
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[...] that I have on different Bibles was from Jon Acuff at Stuff Christians Like in his post about Bibles comparing to G.I. Joe characters. I’m a fan of Snake Eyes, so I’m leaning towards the English Standard [...]
[...] really adds nothing of substance to the debate but we need a break from all of the intensity.
#228. NIV vs. KJV vs. ESV (Bible wars told via GI Joe) Stuff Christians Like – Jon Acuff __________________ "If I had to choose between extreme happiness and extreme sorrow, I would [...]
One finds education in the oddest places! Thank you for this thread and to the person who recommended the NET, I'm interested in trying to recover historic details about women's spirituality and religious practice, so I need the most accurate and properly foot-noted version. Oh, and if anyone ever pulls a 'the KJV is the only real bible' on you, direct them to read the surviving love letters between King James and the Duke of Buckingham. I'm tempted to quote one passage in particular, but I'll restrain myself for fear of scorching delicate sensibilities.