#228. NIV vs. KJV vs. ESV (Bible wars told via GI Joe)
May 14th by Jon
I’ve never been to seminary, so if they use a different cartoon from the 1980s to teach the differences between versions of the Bible, my bad. But when I sat down to write a post about how we like to represent and argue for our own brand of the Bible, I kept hearing the little Jon inside whispering, “yo Joe, yo Joe.”
So here it is, my explanation of the different versions of the Bible as told through the lens of GI Joe. I hope you’ll add to it since I was unable to work in key characters like Lady Jaye.
1. King James Version = Storm Shadow
When I was younger, I really wanted to be Storm Shadow. And by “younger” I mean last week. Seriously, he was just so cool. Storm Shadow was a ninja clad all in white that constantly battled the forces of good and evil within him. Yes, he worked for the bad guys Cobra, but deep inside he was pure. And my favorite thing was that he was unapologetically old school. He studied with these ninja masters in Japan and made his decisions based on a foundation of knowledge from thousands of years ago. That’s how I feel about the KJV of the Bible. It’s old school. Sure that makes it a little clunky, but so what? If you want to be a Christian ninja, I think you have to go the way of the KJV.
2. NIV = Flint
On the show, Flint wears a beret, but it looks cool. He’s the third in command and comes off as very approachable and accessible. He’s not trying to be the number one, he’s just walking through life as he sees it. Honestly, openly, it’s going to be alright. I feel the same way about the NIV or New International Version. The chief complaint I hear is that it’s not the most accurate version of the text. I think the NIV, much like Flint, is OK with that. I think at night when it’s playing Mario Kart with the other versions of the Bible it says, “Hey, I get it, I’m not as accurate as the ESV, but you know what? A lot of people read me. A lot of lives are changed by me, and that’s what it’s really about.”
3. Message = Wild Bill
Wild Bill was the crazy helicopter pilot on the show. He wore a vest and a huge mustache and was always saying crazy things that perfectly summed up the situation. Wild Bill could summarize in easy to understand language situations that all the other Joes needed to hear about. He wasn’t the only opinion that mattered, you still had to balance out his ideas with those of Flint and Duke, but he did have something valuable to say. Same with the Message. It’s a good read. It makes things easy to understand. Is it the only Bible I’d read? No. But it’s still a good one to have on board.
4. Amplified = Sgt. Slaughter
According to Bible Gateway, the Amplified Bible “attempts to take both word meaning and context into account in order to accurately translate the original text from one language into another.” According to me, the Amplified version is like Sgt. Slaughter. This GI Joe character is best suited to the Amplified Bible because he crossed over into professional wrestling as well. Much like taking the word meaning and the context into account, Sgt. Slaughter had a role in the cartoon and also body slammed people for the WWF (before it became the WWE).
5. NASB = Duke
On the show, Duke was the equivalent of apple pie and the American flag and down home values. While Flint was a little rougher around the edges, Duke bled red, white and blue. I feel the same thing about the New American Standard Bible. It puts a big emphasis on contemporary English and verbs and translating things into a smoother format. And it has the word “American” in the title, which is obviously a very American thing to do. Like Duke.
6. ESV = Snake Eyes
Clad all in black, Snake Eyes was the GI Joe version of Storm Shadow. He came from the same dojo, and there is no pain in that dojo, but he chose a life of helping the good guys. He had a cool red striped tattoo on his arm and never said a word, only adding to his mystique. He was old school too, but seemed more approachable than Storm Shadow. Same with the English Standard Version. I’ve heard it’s the most accurate translation, just what I’ve heard, but it still feels easier to read than the KJV.
7. New Versions = Random Characters
Right now, if you sell a lot of books, they’ll give you your very own version of the Bible. I don’t have a problem with that, but they all kind of run together for me, like the random bad guys on Cobra or random good guys on Joe. These are the secondary characters that are dressed all in blue or all in green and just fire lasers in the background. They don’t have any lines, but are still an important part of the battle. I feel the same way about niche Bibles. I doubt the John Maxell version of the Bible will ever overtake the NIV version, but it’s still a nice resource.
Wow, that was longer than I expected. But at least now you know, and … I can’t do it. I already made the joke, “knowing is half the battle” on another post.
Comments
There’s a version of the Bible that, like the Message, is sort of a paraphrase. It’s called Word on the Street, and it’s written much like I’d imagine a gang member in New York or Los Angelas would talk. (Here’s a wiki about it: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_word_on_the_street)
I don’t know my GI Joe characters too well, so I have no idea who would be the equivalent character.
Holy cow! What an awesome post! So many thoughts running through my head now. Thanks for ruining my day.
1611 AV = 12″ really old school joe’s. Purists say the Real American Hero 3 3/4″ stuff is the devil’s work.
This is fantastic. I may print it out and carry copies for all the people I come in contact with that are willing to body slam a person over their preference of Bible translation. Then I can say, “Hey, just because you want to be Duke and I prefer Flint doesn’t mean we can’t all fight the same fight. There’s more to us than meets the eye.” Whoops, that’s Transformers, sorry. You should make some sort of Transformers analogy for something in the future.
What about the NRSV man? I like your blog and I’ve been around the evang. world long enough to laugh my face off at your posts, or at least smirk. I think it’s endearing that you have such adept observations of your surroundings, but omitting such an influential version (at least to us “liberals”:) shows just what those surroundings are, and what they aren’t. Don’t be all things to all people though, keep doing that thing you do.
Book of Mormon – Dr. Mindbender
Wikipedia – “Dr. Mindbender is a master of mind control and interrogation but his expertise does not stop there as he also has specialties in genetics, cloning and some cybernetics. The Dr. Mindbender toy was clothed in purple pants and leather metal-studded suspenders.”
‘Genetics and Cloning”, maybe that is where all of those kids come from?
for more information on the Doc:
http://www.myuselessknowledge.com/joe/mindbender.html
Awesome!
Excellent. Loved it so much I pay homage on yawpster. Keep it coming.
K&K -
Thanks for the comment. I wasn’t trying to express a bias, I’m a conservative, you’re a liberal etc. I just wanted to showcase the most popular versions. I pulled a handful from bible gateway and did not see the NRSV in their list of 21 english bibles. It might have a different name which is why I missed it. But if you want to nominate it for Lady Jaye, by all means, please do.
Jon
This is awesome.
So which Bible can open the cockpit and throw a spear at Mach 2?
That post rocked my world! I loved it. I am making an entire post referring readers to it on my blogsite. http://www.danieldulaney.wordpress.com
Helpful on so many levels, in particular since I am not familiar with the entire pantheon of GI Joe stuff. But I do have GI Joe standing guard on top of the bookcase here in the office. (12″)
I read “The Message” for the thrill of reading, for enlightenment in the vernacular, but it’s still the KJV for serious moments in the word. As old Sister Pincomb might have said, “If the King James version was good enough for St. Paul, it’s good enough for me.”
So I have to do an essay comparativing bible translations for my Degree exams this year, I think quoting your theories might just give my essay that certain ‘je ne sais quoi’ to push me into the top marks. Score! Thanks!
Soul winner’s New Testament – Gung Ho. To the point and all about action.
Jack Chick tracts – B.A.T.S. Violent and disposable.
This post is just so freakishly timely for me! I have just spent portions of the last 2 days e-mailng back and forth with a lady that I’ve never met, but have been communicating with via a home decorating website (don’t ask, it’s a girl thing). Anyway, I mentioned to her that I was at a church planting convention in her home state, she asked me about my “religion” and opened up a conversation about my faith. To make a long story short (too late), she told me she tries to read the bible, but it is unbearably boring to her. So I went to biblegateway.com (I KNOW, weird, huh?) and gave her 4 different translations of John 3:16. I’m thinking this is a job for Wild Bill. Thoughts?
I too was curious about the lack of the NRSV (the NIV’s cousin).
I’ve always been told the NRSV is hard to find because the publishers are stricter with their copyright. You can, however, find it at http://www.textweek.com
But since I’ve had at least one NRSV since I graduated high school, who needs an online translation? (of course I’m using it right now)
blessings!
Jack
Jon I love this website and I look forward to coming into work every morning and reading your newest post. Please keep it up. My husband who isn’t a Christian is even getting into it and I am hoping helping in some way. You rock Jon!
*Shay plus 3*
The TNIV Version is like the NIV but has male and female. For example his and her or she and he. Any ways that would be a perfect fit for Lady Jaye. just a thought.
hunter: I think you are looking for Roadblock. Great post!
Your posts have been great, but this post just takes the cake for most extreme awesomeness. ESV as Snake Eyes indeed.
Whoa! My ESV Study Bible just nailed the KJV on the shelf with a shuriken!
Looking forward to Transformers, Voltron, TMNT, and all the rest….
I LOVED Mario Kart. I never liked those violence video games like all the other dudes. I just wanted to race my homies in sand dunes and on islands. I miss the mid-90s. Good times.
I read the NASB, but from your description I’d probably enjoy the NIV more, which I read sometimes. But I’m actually a bit nervous about it, because of all the criticisms. I should check out the ESV. I don’t think I ever have. I’m a bit weary of all the new versions that some celebrity Christians get. Even if God elevated me some great level, I think I’d be a little nervous about coming out with my own version of the Bible.
I can just see all the GI Joe figures holding their bibles running up to each other facing off a la the gang in Michael Jackson’s “Beat It” video before singing,
“I don’t care whose wrong or right. I don’t really wanna fight no more!”
I have been lurking and reading your site for a while, just wanted to say thanks. Reading your site challenges my mindset sometimes and make me laugh my butt off others. Sometimes both.
I will never look at my Bible(s) the same!
I love mixing the 80′s references with spiritual subjects!! Brilliant post!
Nora
I’m just relieved that you didn’t compare any translation of Scripture to “Diff’rnt Strokes”. We all know that would be an eensy bit blasphemous. “What you talkin’ bout, NIV?!”
TNIV = Cobra Commander
From what I hear it’s the most evil Bible of them all. And it yells “Retreat” whenever confronted with gender-specific passages.
I
Love
This
glad i wasn’t drinking anything when I read Mike’s comment, or i’d be cleaning my screen……
“Knowing is half the battle” I always wondered what the other half of the battle was.
Given that this was the slogan of a bunch of soliders, I always had this theory that the other half of the battle somehow involved blowing crap up.
I never saw the movie, but I played GI Joe a lot when I was growing up, and Flint was my favorite character. Go figure, NIV is my favorite translation.
NRSV is the “official” translation for the Roman Catholics and the more mainline Prots (like us Presbyterians…who by the way have USA in our name..P-C-U-S-A! GO JOE!) It’s a revised translation of the RSV (Revised Standard Version) which is a revision of the Standard Version also known as the King James Version.
The NRSV translators used manuscripts and variants that were discovered since the publication of the RSV to help get better translations (sometimes more accurate and sometimes showing the variety of translations used by the early church) of lots of different texts in the New Testament. These usually are indicated in the footnotes. (One example is indicating where the original gospel of Mark ended.)
What’s really remarkable about the many variants of the books of the New Testament isn’t how different they are, but how little they vary considering how widely dispersed the manuscripts were. But there are some variants that are very much worth noting for serious Bible scholars. The NRSV committee also took into account more recent discoveries in Hebrew translation based on unearthed, non-Biblical writings that were contemporary-to-the-times of the Hebrew scriptures.
For a great study Bible, check out The Harper Collins or the Oxford. A unique bible is the Renovare Spiritual Formation Bible which is more of a devotional/study Bible, but it was put together by people like Richard Foster and Dallas Willard. It uses the NRSV.
It’s a good translation, but every translation is an interpretation.
What about New Living Translation? That’s the one my Christian radio station (WAY FM in Nashville) uses for the verse of the day.
I alternate between NIV and ESV, but every once in awhile I get great insights from KJV or from Luther (I’m a German major.
I am not super familiar with the G.I. Joes, I just remember digging a hole and throwing all of my older bothers G.I. Joes in there to never find them again!
I think the KJV = Storm Shadow is great. Good ole’ King Jimmy was an idiot and he was definitely working for the bad guy (he was a bad guy). Not sure if there were any good motives inside him. I think Paul say something about God using even bad men to accomplish His will.
Another great thing about the Authorized KJV it originally included the Apocrypha. How many KJVers would flip out about that?
This is brilliant. I can’t wait to share it with my husband and some other men who I know will appreciate it.
I’m new to your site, but I look foward to scrolling through some of your past posts and to seeing what comes next.
Liberal bible = Lady Jaye
That seems about right.
The NRSV is not THE official version for the Catholic Church. It’s quoted in the English-language Catechism, but the New American Bible is the only version authorized for use in the liturgy in the U.S. The NRSV is approved for use in Canada, though. Just thought I’d clarify, as someone who is not a fan of the NRSV. Gimme the old RSV any day.
KJV = Optimus Prime.
Just imagine his voice narrating the KJV, or any version of the bible for that matter.
” In the beginnig was the Word…”.
AWESOMENESS.
How about adding a pic of each of the “JOES” to refresh my memory?
I must have watched that movie 100 times when I was younger.
I still have a box full of figure in my garage much to my wife’s disgust!! (I am 27 years old
)
Thanks Jon!
C!
@knell,
I think I wrote “official” to indicate that I wasn’t sure. I’m not Catholic, so I wouldn’t know. I just assumed because the Catholic bibles I’ve seen have always been NRSV.
My church uses NIV because that’s what someone bought 10 years ago.
Oh and the main difference between the TNIV and the NIV is that it corrected a mistake the NIV folks made. NIV rendered the Hebrew and Greek words for “people” as “men”. TNIV corrected that but still rendered the words for “men” as “men”.
Oh, c’mon, my liberal brethren. Don’t just kvetch about the NRSV not being there. Get with the program. Here’s my two cents:
New Revised Standard Version = Scarlett. Yeah, she’s a chick. But she’s a badass counterintel chick, smart as a tack with a roundhouse kick like you wouldn’t believe. She likes her translations accurate *and* gender neutral. You got a problem with that, soldier?
i saw this site after reading this post. and i had to share it. i promise it’s relevant. (see jeff’s comment)
http://graphjam.com/2008/05/08/song-chart-memes-the-battle/
I preach in a conservative area and I still hear arguments about which version is best. Here are some actual comments made to me by other preachers from around here. “The NIV guys are trying to take the Blood out of the Bible.” And my personal favorite, “I used to use the NIV, before I became spiritual.” GI Joe would have been great about then.
BEST. POST. EVER.
I don’t know if you still read old comments but here’s mine:
Well for those who love Joe…you will remember that the brilliant execs over at GI Joe attempted to capitalize on the success of the Super Bowl winning Chicago Bears by creating the Refrigerator Perry GI Joe action figure…you heard me correctly. I don’t have the strength to repeat it.
The Fridge sported his #72 jersey, camo pants, and a football attached to the end of a chain that he could throw at any miscreant cobra elites or crimson gaurd that popped into catch a Bears game.
So I would compare The Fridge character to the plethora of over-designed, ultra-hip, metal encased, tribal engraved youth Bibles.
Sure Fridge seemed cool to the marketers but to the 12 year olds reading the comic and collecting the action figures, he was the character you propped up on a clod of dirt and shot with a BB gun.
On the other hand, everybody bought two Snake Eyes, one to play with adn one to keep in the box.
anon -
I read all the comments and thanks so much for reminding me about the fridge
Jon
*Love* this one! Grew up watching GI Joe with my dad and siblings. Can still sing the whole theme song – good times!
I really want to reference this post when parents give me the inevitable “this version is the only real one” spiel. I don’t think they’ll be convinced, but at least now I’ll have visions of Snake Eyes and Flint dancing through my head and giving me a secret chuckle!
My wife used to work in a Christian Book store. It is called the Bible House, so, naturally, a lot of their business revolves around the selling of Bibles. Some of her customer stories were great. It is amazing how crazed the fundies get when you suggest something other than the KJV. I mean, they go nuts. You get the same response as if you had just suggested that they read Harry Potter
. That blank stare that practically screams, “DEAR GOD, PROTECT ME! I’M IN THE PRESENCE OF PURE EVIL!”
I had a friend that was in another book store one time reading a Hebrew Bible. An old man comes up and starts talking to him. This is the exchange:
Old Man: What’cha readin’ there?
Friend: It’s a Hebrew Bible.
Old Man: (disapproving look) Humph. Well, King James was good enough for Paul, it’s good enough for me.
Friend: …ooookay.
Classic example of ignorance in the church. Is this why the world hates us?
ONWARD CHRISTIAN SOLDIERS
I don’t know the GI Joe characters myself; what does GI stand for anyway, gastro-intestinal? Anyway, if you felt inclined to do a Transformers or Halo version that’d be a good chuckle.
Pretty creative writing there! I had to laugh at the various GI Joe persons you mentioned because I think I collected them all when I was a kid. Ironically I loved Snake Eyes and I love the ESV!