Understanding how metrosexual your worship leader is. (A handy guide)

There are really only two reasons I wanted to write this post:

1. The first post was just an appetizer.
I wrote about this subject a few months ago when 12 people were reading the site but I just barely touched on it. I didn’t do it justice and people have reminded me that there is more to be said on this pivotal subject. So this is like the Timbaland Remix.

2. No one has quantified this phenomenon
There are some things in life that are concrete and true. For instance, it is a fact that “You’re all I want for Christmas” by Mariah Carey and “Christmas in Hollis” by Run DMC are fantastic songs. No argument there. But when you tell someone about your church, there’s not a standard system to describe the degree of metrosexuality your worship leader possesses. Wouldn’t it be awesome to say, “You’ll love my church and the music. Our worship leader scored a 78 on the SCL Metro Test.”

Don’t answer that last question. It was rhetorical. As a service to churches around the world, here is an easy rating system by which to analyze to what degree your worship leader is a metrosexual.

1. Has a faux hawk hair style = +1

2. Has more product in his hair than your wife = +1

3. Has Rob Bell, black rimmed glasses = +1

4. They are not prescription, but just for effect = +2

5. Attends the Catalyst Conference = +3

6. Performs at the Catalyst Conference = +10

7. Owns Puma, Vans or Diesel sneakers = +2 per each pair

8. Wears jeans on stage = +1

9. Wears designer jeans on stage = +2

10. Wears Wrangler or Rustler jeans on stage = -3

11. Has a goatee = +2

12. Wears one of those Castro revolution looking hats = +2

13. Drinks coffee on stage = +1

14. Drinks some kind of coffee you did not know existed = +2

15. Brings a French Press on stage and makes his own coffee during service = +5

16. Has a handlebar mustache = -3

17. Good at Frisbee but hates getting all “sweaty” = +1

18. Has a haircut that covers one of his eyes while singing = +1

19. Owns a white belt = +2

20. Owns suspenders = -3

21. Wears a scarf with a t-shirt = +1

22. Wears a winter knit hat even in the summer = +2

23. You think he covered a My Chemical Romance song last week = +3

24. Drives an Audi or VW, silver of course = +2

25. Uses the words, “postmodern, relevant” or “emergent” nonstop = +2

26. Cringes a little when people say the “H word.” (Hymnal) = +3

27. Has ever said some form of the phrase, “That song is so 1990s” = +1

28. Owns a Grizzly Adams red and black flannel shirt = -2

29. Named his kid after a color or a number = +2

30. References Norwegian punk bands you’ve never heard of = +2

31. Wears a tie = -1

32. Wears a tie as a belt = +2

33. Looks as if he might exfoliate = +2

34. Has a man bag or European Carry All = +2

35. Brings said bag on stage with him = +2

36. Has a tattoo = +2

37. Has a visible tattoo = +4

38. Wife accompanies him on stage and plays tambourine = -4

39. Was formerly in a punk new wave band = +2

40. Knows the names of all the people on the scripted MTV show, “the Hills” = +3

41. Refuses to drink anything but Vitamin Water = +2

42. Your wife ever says, “he needs a barrette for his hair.” = +2

43. Has a nickname with “the” in it, as in “the edge,” = +2

44. Owns every Nooma video = +2

45. Has a soul patch = +3

46. Won’t play barefoot on stage until he gets a pedicure = +2

47. Refers to California as “the left coast” = +2

48. Currently subscribes to Dwell or Details magazine = +2

49. Owns a pair of lady jeans = +2

50. Twitters you from his iPhone = +2

51. His toddler dresses cooler than you = +2

52. He wears graphic t-shirts over button down, long sleeve shirts = +2

53. Ever says “we got a hot mic here” = -4

54. Shops at the Gap = 0

55. Shops at Urban Outfitters = +2

I scored one of the worship leaders at North Point and he did pretty well. At some point I will do a lady version, but for right now, I feel like a 55 item list of analyzing worship leaders is enough to earn me a new batch of “you are weird” emails, and at the end of the day, that’s all I can ask for.

What does your worship leader score?

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Comments

  1. Mandi says

    I think you should add this to the Bulletin competition. If you can get your worship leader to score himself and then write his score on your bulletin – +10 points.

          • Dartist says

            OK, maybe not "metro" but "ironic hipster"–yes. I live in LA and all of the "ironic hipsters" are sporting 'staches, and a handlebar would most definitely create some major hipster envy. I had a handlebar 2 years ago, before it was cool. Now, it's trendy. I'm so over it. I'm THAT cool. I should be a worship leader… ;-)

  2. Charlie says

    I am not the worship leader at my church, but I play in the band. I decided to rate the entire band. And here it goes:
    The worship leader himself scored a 12.
    Our lead guitarist scored a 15.
    I scored a 5, but it was touch and go there for a minute.
    I guess we are just not metro enough *sigh*

  3. Karl says

    Good list. I think some of it varies by locale, also.

    Your worship leader should get some kind of recognition (I can’t decide whether it’s negative points or bonus points) is your worship leader is any/all of those things and out of his 20’s. Our worship leader is in his early 40’s but works out more than my college football team did and diets like nobody’s business, wears tight, short sleeved shirts with tight designer jeans that accentuate his buff physique, and at times seems as self conscious of his appearance as a teenage girl walking in front of the stands at a football game.

    Product in the hair – yes (I think). Not so much the enviro-friendly, techno-punk nerd thing. I think he gets bonus points though, for trying so hard to be 15-20 years younger than he really is.

  4. Ryan says

    I don’t know my worship leader that well, so there are a few criteria that I can’t score. However, based on what I know, he scored a “4.” Am I worshipping at the wrong church? He seems cool to me, but what a lousy grade!

  5. Greg says

    Yet another metric to show that North Point / Buckhead / BrownsBridge rulez. If we could get a cross between Steve Fee and Carlos Whittaker, I think we’d max out the points.

    One more point would be “Has been featured on ‘LA Ink’ (reality tattoo show) +10″

  6. Mandi says

    I also think you really need to add Chuck Taylor shoes and flip flops to the list along with Puma and the like.

  7. mb says

    30 + ! and i could boos t the score higher, if a few questions get answered our way:

    his faux hawk is a receding hairline – does that count?

    his wife is “the voice”, “the talent” and plays more instruments than 3 bands. so does he get pts for marrying up?

    he shops exclusively @ buckle. way better than urban outfitters, the gap of alt teens.

    show us some love?

  8. Christine says

    Our current worship leader? Well, seeing how he’s a good friend of ours, I can totally trash him. :)

    He’s a total goober. Where’s the quiz for that one?

    You need to check out my blog today. Feel free to take the “We Miss You In Sunday School” postcard thing and run with it. I was thinking of you, as I stood over the old, metal Sunday School box, in rural Oklahoma, on a stormy Sunday morning.

    Oooooohhhh … Sunday School boxes … and Sunday School record books! Door-knocker awards! Pack-a-pew nights at revivals! Heck, EVERY themed night at a revival!!!

    Man, I’m exploding with ideas today. I expect residuals … which, of course, I’ll donate to an African mission.

  9. Vintagekool says

    8 for me. No metro for me. I need the Hillbilly Rocker scale and then I would get a better score.

  10. Daniel says

    I am a worship leader and am very proud to say that I only scored a 5 (I wear Vans shoes because they are comfortable though, not b/c I’m a skater or anything).

  11. sammy j says

    daaaaamn. I just got 26, and I don’t even live in the USA which rules out several of the questions…

  12. jaybrams says

    sorry, man, but goatees are so 1990s… unless you’re a youth pastor, in which they never go out of style…

    but for metro-sexual worship leaders? no way.

    • sammy says

      very true….hoatees never go out of style for youth pastors…Every youth pastor I've known from 1990 and on has had a goatee…but for metro worship leaders?? a goatee is far from being metro.

    • perry says

      Yeah…this is the only question that doesn't make sense. Current metrosexual trends would avoid the goatee. That should be negative points.

    • Craig says

      That is the God-honest truth. And I like the 1990's comment. But I am a youth pastor. I read some of the questions and shuddered that I fit some of the criteria. It's my wife's fault. I used to be Grizzly Adams neighbor, now I shop at Express.

  13. Trey Hill says

    I just scored a 33, give or take a few. hmmm. I don’t know if I should be distraught or go out and get a tatoo to pump my score up a bit

  14. Gretchen says

    I’m one of two worship leaders at our church; my counter-part scored a 2. I’m a girl, though, so I’m waiting for that list. If I score way higher, can we take an average? Do I even want to?

  15. Jacob says

    Our worship leader has a score of -1.

    A question about the French Press: are the points for the fact that he uses a french press period or that he makes it on stage?

  16. Trigun says

    My worship leader is female. If you could get the female version posted ASAP that would be super. It brings great sorrow to my heart to not know how my worship leader scores.

    • cheri says

      What about someone who has an accent that you're not sure what country it's from? It's just slightly different than everyone else. Does that carry any points?

  17. Kendra Golden says

    My worship leader is african-american and rocks a straightened relaxed faux hawk that resembles a desert yucca plant so I give him bonus for that. Also, he occasionally sports a tie over a solid polo with the collar up, which gets the same points as for wearing one as a belt. His coolest though are his white leather shoes from some mysterious vintage source.

    I agree that goatees are out unless it’s long enough to have a ponytail holder on it like Charlie Hall.

  18. Anonymous says

    I stopped counting. My worship leader is metro even though he doesn’t have a lot of these things going on.

    I used to be a metro worship leader, but I had to tone that down. It was giving gay guys the wrong idea.

  19. Anonymous says

    our head worship leader got a -4. the other two got 6 and 20. waiting for the female version to score everyone!

  20. kimana83 says

    Dude, my worship leader is like a 2, though he is bald and has a great worship leader face. Our youth pastor, who plays the guitar and sings with the worship team, is about a 16, but I think he should be higher. These criteria just didn’t quite fit.

  21. Tim Burge says

    I’m not a WL but I am in a band. Imagine my disappointment when I only scored an 8.

    And my soul patch gave me 3.

  22. Tara Lynn says

    Jon-awesome. It’s hilarious to me that I have never taken the time to notice, but it’s pure truth.

    I agree with the Chuck Taylor thing-at least +2 for those.

    But the most important step here is recognition.

  23. Christi says

    40. My worship leader scored 40. : ) I would recommend though you add this to your list to go along with #43. Made up his own nickname and made people call him it to try and be cool but the nickname he chose is beyond lame. -3

  24. rhys says

    Collectively, my worship team scored 56. On question #7, anyway. I gave up on the total after we hit triple digits.

    And I have to agree with jenny, the handlebar should be +3 when it is worn ironically. Suspenders too.

  25. Jessica says

    How many points for or against if your worship leader drives to church with a 4-door american pickup truck covered in mud with a 4-wheeler in the back also covered in mud?

    Or that he has no hair? shaven: +2 bald: 0

  26. misty morning mountain says

    our worship guys scored in the high 50’s. He is tragically hip.

    The fact that I sat down with pencil and paper to total his score……is just tragic.

  27. Jason says

    I sent this to all our worship leaders and have only gotten 2 responses back. One scored a 6, the other a 20. Rock on.

  28. Karin says

    I’m offended by the “scripted” comment in reference to “The Hills”…we all know that there is nothing scripted about Lauren Conrad’s life…and certainly not Heidi’s or Spenc’s (we’re close like that!) ;)

    Ok, but for real…Urban Outfitters is just as mainstream as the Gap. And Gap has the (Red) line now…so I think that should count for something! No?

    I think E. Palmer at Reston Bible would win this award. I consider that a positive!

  29. KO says

    I am the worship leader at our church. I am a woman. Guess I can’t play this time….it will buy me some time, though, to go purchase one of those coat dresses and dye my hair blond so I can score high when you get to the female worship leaders….

  30. Jeremy and Jessica says

    My husband is our worship leader and sadly only scored an 8. I try but, there’s only so far I can take him. Does he get extra points for thinking that he’s more metrosexual than he actually is?

  31. christianna rachael marie woods says

    I think my worship leader (who is also my fiance) scores like…5-10.

    Haha. :)

    This could either be a good thing, or a bad thing!

  32. Troy & Tara Livesay Family says

    We love your blog! Hilarious. (The perfect combination of serious and ROFL funny.) Thanks!
    tara and troy

  33. Troy & Tara Livesay Family says

    We love your blog! Hilarious. (The perfect combination of serious and ROFL funny.) Thanks!
    tara and troy

  34. Troy & Tara Livesay Family says

    We love your blog! Hilarious. (The perfect combination of serious and ROFL funny.) Thanks!
    tara and troy

  35. Troy & Tara Livesay Family says

    We love your blog! Hilarious. (The perfect combination of serious and ROFL funny.) Thanks!
    tara and troy

  36. joey says

    nice start! haha. maybe west coast is a tad more flamboyant. i think you need to add a couple more:

    -you can see the remnants of saturday night eye-liner on sunday morning(a la glam rock/good charlotte influence) +3
    -either a single fatty leather bracelet or multiple small ones +1
    -any love for a bling-ear ring? +1
    -wears 3 rings on one hand… not including a wedding ring +1

    doesn’t pluck his unibrow -5

  37. Gina Marie says

    Our church is pretty traditional, but the bass player (when we have one) definitely gets a decent score on this. I often wonder what worship would be like if he were leading.

  38. Mitchell says

    As a worship leader, I scored a 4. I wear jeans on stage and cringe at the H word.

    Maybe I need to find a new vocation.

  39. katdish says

    ko,

    I knew I liked you, you diva for Jesus! The correct term is “worship coat”, and make sure you get some pointy, high heeled shoes to wear with your dark denim jeans. Also, french manicured nails are pretty much a “have to have”. Blonde hair? Good move.

  40. jenn3 says

    Haha. I’ve met a few worship leaders like that. Our current one is a woman though… Glad I ran across your blog today. Good stuff. Can’t wait to read more. The laundry is calling my name, now, so I’ll check your blog later.

  41. robyn collins says

    there are too many of said worship leaders at my church to warrant counting… but as i read this, each of them popped into my head at different points in the diatribe…

    i love this list. it is very helpful for when my kids arent’ paying attention in church… they can play a little game of “score the church staff”… it’ll be fun.

  42. Peapod Four says

    My husband is our worship leader – His SCL score would be a 2…only because our toddler dresses better.
    Two is good. I’m glad he didn’t land any negatives.

  43. katy says

    even my 10 yr old wanted in on scoring the checklist :)
    but i’m too lazy to do the math; did you? because she asked what’s the highest one can score?

  44. Adrienne says

    My worship leader husband scored a whopping 27. H e would totally deny about 22 of those points, but I’m turning him in. Thanks for the list!

  45. Anonymous says

    How many points if he’s pushing 70, has a (great) toupee, and is still refered to as a “Minister of Music”? -300?

  46. Rae says

    Just about any of the negative point items can be amended to a positive point item by adding the phrase “unless done ironically.”

  47. Michael says

    okay I love the church I work at and its awesome but I would put our worship leader in a mortal combat scl type of test for whose leader is the most metro. I mean our guy would absolutely destroy anybody. I don’t think the pastor would be too happy if I had my score card out during Break Free.

    • says

      Yes, I'm feeling a bit left out too; there seems to be an assumption in some circles that EVERY church has a worship leader! Maybe you could rate your cantor/precentor instead? As for me, I'll be taking a close look at our organist/choir master.

      Robin

  48. Miss Hannah says

    Our worship leader scores a tentative 23 (he actually got 21, but his wife is having a baby any day now, and based on their style, I can pretty much guarantee it will dress better than me).

  49. searching for reality says

    in relation to the “goatie” and “soul patch”
    i am extremely offeneded that there wasn’t a “full neckbeard” option or “jewbeard”.
    I would’ve had 5 more points for my worship leader.
    and the urban outfitter’s question,
    what about “H&M”?

  50. Anonymous says

    Oh my gosh! This is so funny! I work at a church with multiple locations and if you combine all our worship leaders I think they would average out around scoring in the 40’s. I have to admit they’re all pretty metro. Their favorite clothing item of choice (lately)seems to be those newsboy type hats or some version of them. But the bill of the hat has to be slightly turned to the side or is just isn’t as hip :) But it seems to work for them so I say keep it up boys!

  51. Anonymous says

    Ok… what I would like to see is a scale that tells us what the point values mean.

    Maybe:
    -10 to +10 Normal
    +11 to +30 Borderline Metro
    +31 to +50 Rip roarin Metro
    +50 and up Gaydar alert

    I don’t know, just something for us to quantify the numbers we are scoring… ;-)

  52. Jan says

    I was happy to say you were going to do one for us ladies. I was a bit worried that you thought all worship leaders were guys! I will say that I am probably not terribly cool as I do not know any Norwegian punk bands at all. Is this important to the art of worship leading?

  53. Jan says

    well now I’m worried because I don’t own a worship coat and I am a brunette. And I don’t have french tipped nails. Where do I buy a worship coat????? I must have one!

  54. Sarah says

    i love mariah carey’s “all i want for christmas is you” it is played constantly in stores during the christmas season and i love it! :) i also love that you referenced it in this blog…you seriously crack me up!

  55. dee dee says

    wow… not even one chi hair straightener comment! as a worship leader around the north point ministries, this is priceless, hilarious, and sooo true. as a chick, i can’t wait to see what you come up with for us… there really is so much to say!

  56. Anonymous says

    we don’t have a guy worship leader — but I already know she would score -500! yeah, really I’m not joking and I’m sad that I’m NOT joking!!!! :(

    • anonymous says

      Show me a church with contemporary worship with a male worship leader in South Florida and I'll show you a Metrosexual (metro being the catch-all term without making judgement about orientation) Hilarious list!

  57. deWeb says

    i just said the “hot mic” bit last week, so that brought me down to +15.

    thanks for the quantifiable scale.

  58. Travis Williams says

    Uh, what does a 59 mean? Based on everyone else’s score, I’m pretty flaming metro! Now, my wife watching the hills so that’s my excutse. The other stuff is all me, especially the shoes, I have 7 pairs of pumas and 3 pairs of vans.

  59. Anonymous says

    Funny post…but to be picky – if you are referring to the guitarist for U2 as “the edge”…you should know that he is known really just as “edge” – which disqualifies him for those metro-points.

  60. onetimeonsesamestreet.com says

    What if he wears women’s designer jeans. This should be like +10 for the metrosexual meter! :)
    Phil

  61. Anonymous says

    One of our worship leaders has a bald head with a tatoo of a cross on it how many points is that?

  62. angel says

    So I rated my worship leader…pretty sure he got like a 2. then again i don’t know everything about him so it could be a little off

  63. Ro(bert)o Lopez says

    Great Post but I think you might have a misconception of what metrosexual is. Metrosexual is basically a staright guy that knows how to dress. I guess you could say it is a gay looking straight guy. Look it up on wikipedia if you don’t believe me. My worship pastor has alot of those characteristics but in no way is the metrosexual type. He farts, belches and sweats after playing like the rest of us. I also looked at your friend Carlos’ blog and it seemed the same. I think what you are describing is more of the rockstar look.

  64. Prodigal Jon says

    Roberto -
    Thanks for the comment, but I have to disagree. You mentioned that Carlos is more rockstar than metro? Here is what Carlos said when he read this post:

    “Damn you. After scoring myself. I might not even be metrosexual anymore. I might be homosexual.”

    So in his own words, he’s beyond metro, not rockstar.
    Jon

  65. tarajackson says

    Awww…my poor dad scored a -4. But then again, he’s the MINISTER OF MUSIC (re: Not Worship Leader) at a small country SBC church. I like my daddy just the way he is b/c he’s cool like that!

    Me as the lady worship leader though…whole different story! :)

  66. WotUThink says

    One of the members of my churches worship band got a 27.

    Would have been higher if he probably lived in the states or money :lol:

  67. justin says

    as a worship leader, I really believe you should add

    #56 – pronounces words differently while singing than when speaking them.

    just a thought – this from a 9 pointer.

  68. Douglas says

    As a GenX lead pastor at a contemporary church, I can testify that all the worship leaders I meet at conferences range from 30-50pts each. If you’re at a traditional church, you need to go to Catalyst or somewhere and you’ll wonder what clothing store everyone just came from.

    Has anyone noticed but me that alot of my lead pastor peers (ie lead pastors of contemporary churches 35 years or below) are also somewhat metro? I went to a conference recently and all of the speakers dressed the same way: subtle ‘oriental’ pattern button down long-sleeve white shirt, designer jeans, some kind of loafers and Rob Bell glasses. I thought to myself, ‘you could be on that stage if you could just dress like them …”

  69. Anonymous says

    my former (sadley) youth pastor scores so high for this thing! His kid dresses cooler then me! Well, good thing he ever brought a coffeee press on stage. Does he gets bonus points for cooking on stage for us? Well.. he did put epicac in it.. good thing he didn’t give it to us LOL! Don’t you just love object lessons?!?!

  70. Erik Lindeen says

    As a Worship Pastor, I totally agree with the hair straighter comment: should be at least +2!

    My score came out at 34- the crazy thing is a lot of my worship leader friends would come out with a much higher score!

  71. Marc says

    Ha! I’ve totally done #15!

    Oh, and do you get any points for giving direction to the sound booth with a text message during a pastoral prayer?

  72. Cara D says

    I know this is worship leader…but I tallied it up for my husband who is a youth pastor. I like to jokingly tell him he’s metrosexual and he growls at me. After doing this it is confirmed that he is borderline. He scored nearly 30.

  73. Anonymous says

    Aaron from Texas

    Nice, I scored a 25, I don’t feel too badly about myself. But I agree that you should get points for plucking your eyebrows, waxing in any way, shape, or form, and texts the sound booth from stage.

  74. Anonymous says

    how about not only wears jeans on stage, designer jeans no less, but designer jeans that are so tight that you can see his p*#!$.

  75. Littler says

    I go to a conservative church and so my Worship Pastor (yes that’s what we call him … can you guess how low he scored?) scored a -1. He only qualified for #31.

    Not gonna lie though I love it – even at the age of 24 I appreciate and love the full choir and orchestra and dare I say it Hymns my church plays :)

    I am going down to LU for homecoming this wkend and I can promise I will have this list ready to judge:)

  76. Dani says

    just by your post I was able to call out which guy was the worship leader at a new church I attended this weekend. Thanks it was a pretty “handy guide”.

  77. Season1987 says

    61!! I’m From Regina Saskatchewan Canada,
    My friends and I ranked my Young-Adults/”Worship Arts” Pastor (Worship Arts is the trendy way of explaining that he brought and officially leads paining, dance, and sculpting in the worship set.)

  78. Shannon Lewis says

    I only scored around 7-10… I’m actually disappointed. 5 years ago I would’ve scored closer to 30+. That’s what getting married and having children will do to ya, I guess. I’m sorta disappointed. I think Metro is cool ;-)

  79. Kit Palmer says

    Too funny! I only scored a “2” myself, but would probably score tripple digits on the “You might be a red-neck worship leader if….” test.

  80. awakenedaffections says

    I thought I was going to be in the top but then I saw the 50 comment… he must play at the Catalyst Conference with that +10 score… I got a 35 and I am a worship leader… I would like to refute the tie comment b/c I wear a tie loosely with a vest and designer jeans (and I got a -1 on that) so anyway I think this is hilarious… I am not emergent/postmodern/emerging I am a Reformed Southern Baptist and I play at a small church that is reformed and we are NOT seeker sensitive… so I don’t think the locale has anything to do with this… it is a PERFECT test (besides the tie question)

  81. Jon is a Typhoon! says

    oh man oh man oh man… I know this is old… BUT i scored an 85…

    i think it was all those pairs of vans/pumas/diesel shoes I own…

    85!!!

  82. Tom Schwarz says

    I’m a worship leader – I scored a twelve and i’m nearly 49 years old, how cool is that (how sad is that I hear my 15 year old daughter saying)

  83. Anonymous says

    Just visited a church this week where the highly metro worhip leader had an 18″ tall, sequined cross on the back of his untucked, denim shirt (with the pink golf shirt collar underneath and the cuffs rolled up just that one time — double collars are muey metro).

    Sequins need to be on your list.

  84. Jenn says

    I think you add 1) if your worship leader drops his name to just his first initial, and 2) if he wears more chapstick/lip gloss than the women in the congregation.

    hilarious.

  85. Anonymous says

    you are truly, culturally, out of touch….unless you consider mall culture valid…..your trying to relate and compare christians to "hipster" culture, when you have n't the slightest about it, is almost as bad as a youth pastor saying the words "awesome" and "dude" in the same sentence….

  86. Anonymous says

    Funny stuff… I'm a worship leader and scored a 15, but have definatly known some guys who would score ALOT higher.

  87. Mallory says

    I think the ultimate modern worship leader would have a shaved (or buzzed really short) head, and wear a skinny tie (complete with the vest you mentioned and a striped dress shirt with a big open collar and the sleeves rolled up).

  88. tandemingtroll says

    SCL contest entry:

    Wears close-shaved mutton chops to match his close-shaved head = +3

    Plays three different instruments in three different songs = +5

    Looks cool playing an accordian = +20. (because that, my friend is really difficult to do)

  89. Brenda Lee says

    I think the new term is "hipster." but no hipster ever admits that he/she is a hipster, so you'll have to follow the guide below:
    (this is from Vancouver, BC)

    wears a plaid shirt – -2 for men, +3 for women
    wears a brightly contrasting plaid shirt, e.g. purple and yellow, with 2 buttons undone – +5
    brightly contrasting plaid shirt with 2 buttons undone and ripped intentionally at strategic places – +10
    influencing half the worship band to dress in said plaid undone ripped shirt – +30
    v-neck t-shirts (for men) – +2
    aviator sunglasses (perched on top of head) – +1
    bright Ray-ban sunglasses (perched on top of head) – +3
    Vans/chuck taylors – +2
    grandma shoes (you know, those suede floppy ones) – +2 for women, +5 for men
    tight black jeans – +3
    tight red jeans – +5
    poncho (for men) – +238290
    headband (skinny for women, folded bandana for men) – +3
    neatly trimmed, well maintained beard – -5 (-20 for women)
    playoff beard or similar scruffy, "unintentional" facial hair – +2 (for men, for women… yikes)
    "I wear short sleeve shirts over long sleeve shirts over short sleeve shirts" – +just awesome

    The key here is androgyny. If you can't tell between the worship leader and his/her husband/wife, the person is a hipster.

    man, I'd love me that Snuggle.

  90. Brett and Kris says

    Well to add to your already dead on list, a few things this season must be added

    He must wear a button up cardigan +6

    He must wear Tom's shoes +5

    I am proud to say my husband is a metro sexual worship pastor :) He is going to hate me for saying that

  91. erik w/a "k" says

    Twitters when the pastor is praying in between sets – +3
    Has jeans that look like they have been bedazzled – +5
    Wears cowboy boots (but has the leg part covered – +3
    Wears a shirt with print over the shoulder – +2
    Wears a v-neck shirt with no print on it +4

  92. Ravening Wolf says

    Piercings +1 each

    Diamond earrings +2

    Murders contemporary Christian worship tunes with falsetto vocal solos +2 per track

  93. mdrf says

    #11 needs to be updated to has a beard

    #12 needs to be wears a Fedora hat (Jason Mraz style)

    #16 mustaches are making a comeback could be positive points now!

    #36 has "sleeves"

    #50 updates twitter account while leading worship

    #57 talks about himself in third person

    #58 Wears Ray-Ban Wayfarer glasses on stage

  94. Justin says

    I only scored a + 7, but I pride myself on not being douchey. Church isn’t a fashion show, and anyone that uses emergent or postmodern that often probably doesn’t have a freaking clue what they mean. They Gould quit going to cat conference and read some books with some depth. No mclaren does not equal depth. That’s baby food. Read yoder, nt wright, Stanley hauerwas, and shut up about postmodern cause you don’t know what you’re talking about. Christianity isn’t a fad, it’s a lifestyle.

  95. annymis says

    I know it's all in jest but sadly, you described the prototypical pomo. That is NOT someone I'd want leading worship especially if he picks up the #44 points. There comes a point where people are trying too hard to be cool, usually that point is high school, but for some it carries on.

  96. Skylar Hartman says

    Oh cool, so we're rating our worship leaders. I guess this is how far the church has fallen into self-centered thinking. "It's all about the way I look."

  97. says

    Skylar I'm pretty sure it's a joke and everyone else is getting a good giggle out of it. It's called laughing. God invented it, and it feels pretty good. ;)

    The funny thing about this list is that one of my best guy friends here on campus scored like a 40 on this. I think this list could also go as a "hipster" test, because that's what he totally is :P

  98. says

    My youth pastor scored a solid 4. That's after the tattoo on his shoulder and his one-time soul patch. But he's definitely cool, and I know I don't have to worry about heresy from him. He's relevant but not postmodern, and certainly not a Bell junkie.

  99. says

    I'm a worship leader that moved from California(left coast) to Good ole NC and I'm proud that I own a pair of Old Navy "DIVAS" …every sunday baby!!!

  100. Chesney says

    Whoah, whoah, whoah,

    You have some seriously twisted views on masculinity if you think a tattoo is "metrosexual."

    First of all – looking good is manly. That's a fact. Frank Sinatra was not a "metrosexual," but I promise you he wore make-up to perform.

    Second – tattoos? Seriously, tattoos? Do you know how much a tattoo hurts? I do, but I won't tell you – because I'm a man, and men don't whine about how much their tattoos hurt.

    Furthermore, you mixed up "metrosexual" with "emo," "scene," and "gay."
    Seriously – can you add a new SCL: having issues about their masculinity?

  101. Gabriel says

    Metro is so out of style. Suburban Hippie is the new worship leader look. It's the retaliation against the Metro gender bending. Beards and long hair, sorta "hi-fashion Jesus". You just watch… its coming.

  102. says

    This was amazing!! My husband is the worship leader for our church and I was crying laughing due to the truth and validity of these! He scored a 40 :)…I would say some of it is my fault though!!

  103. JWG says

    I think that the guy who just said damn at the begining of his comment gets to add 10 points just because he started his comment that way

  104. Lindy says

    I don't know about the worship leader, but one of the local pastors scores a 39 for sure (Corpus Christi, TX you know who I mean.)

  105. Dan says

    I'm a worship leader, and I thought I was getting quite a bit higher than I thought I would on the scale. I didn't realize that wearing ties, loving Wranglers, and having a handlebar mustache (which I used to have but now have a full beard) would constitute Metrosexual. By the time I got to the "hot mic" statement, I knew that wouldn't work for Metrosexual, then I looked back at my score and realized most of my picks were negative numbers. Basically I ended up with a -11. The average age at my church is 60-70, and I'm 31. They think I'm hip, and I scored a -11! Wranglers are awesome, BTW!

    • Dan says

      For those of you concerned, what I lack in Metrosexual points, I make up for in looks and talent. I'm hotter than Brad Pitt and sing MUCH better than Chris Tomlin. I'm also humble.

  106. says

    nooo I got a 33! some of these I wasn't even aware of. How in the world did you know I owned diesel shoes and drove a silver Audi? And I am good at Frisbee. I feel so cliche. best post ever.

  107. Mandy says

    If the song leader is called the worship leader, then what do you call the preacher? Is worship only singing?

  108. Steve says

    I'm a little ashamed. …52. The Pumas didn't help. I own 6 pair. My best friend worked there so I got wicked discounts. Brand name shoes for 12 bucks!? Get out of the way, Granny, Steve's on a mission!

  109. says

    Great post, love the humor.

    I scored 6… Only if my wife playing her flute counts. And if my blackberry counts instead of an iphone… Hmm, maybe I need a forearm tattoo.

  110. says

    I just saw this and rated my worship leader husband… he was only a 14. We don't have kids yet, but I guarantee our toddler will be better dressed than you!

  111. says

    Would be cool to see a 2010 updated version with even more items in the list! This was actually kinda fun to go through, but I only scored a 13. not very metro, huh?

  112. Jason says

    I scored a -1 and I'm a worship leader at our church, but I must confess, I didn't even know what a "metrosexual" was, so I looked it up, and it's basically a straight guy that looks and acts gay. Nice. And people are aspiring to this? I don't know about you people, but that's *exactly* what I want in a worship leader: A sissy-boy, faux-hawked homo in girls jeans.

    Unbelievable. Where have all the MEN gone?!

  113. says

    I finally got here! I've been working up from the first post and I've been sick of staring at it in the "most popular posts"for the past like 2 weeks. Great blog!

  114. says

    Can we make suggestions?

    — Wears plaid shirts = -2
    — Wears ironic plaid pants = +2
    — Shops at second hand shops = -1
    — Scores wardrobe items at second hand shops = +2
    — Talks excitedly about his second hand shop scores = +1
    — Stubble that is a consistent length from week to week = +1
    — Did his bachelor's degree in art (any), sociology, philosophy, or foreign languages = +1
    — Did his bachelor's degree in music = -1
    — Is excited about ethnomusicology despite leading for an all-white church = +1
    — Plays at least one goofy/ethnic/kitchy instrument on select occasions = +1
    — Has a wife who's so beautiful that there's no way he could be really gay = +2

  115. Kaleb says

    hmm…i'm in college right now…and music ministry is my major…i lead worship at my home church…and i'm currently an 18…i think i'll probably get more points when i'm on staff somewhere…

  116. Miguel says

    This is great! However, I'm a worship leader and I score a big flat zero!
    Should I be looking for a new line of employment?

  117. Theorchestraplayson says

    Mine scored a 52… and is in his late thirties.
    While tallying his up, I laughed out loud frequesntly.
    The female one is now being anxiously awaited. :P

  118. Caleb says

    I'm a worship leader for Intervarsity Christian Fellowship and I scored a 3! I own a pair of pumas and I've worn jeans occasionally for worship.

  119. Ty @ FCC Lansing says

    If you count "goatee" and "soul patch" within the greater context of my facial hair ("The Riker"), I come out at 15. That also counts my estimation of toddler's fashion sense vs. those of our congregation.

    Peace
    Ty

  120. carry says

    Pretty sure the elders would have this metro man re-baptized, because they would be sure the above list is evidence of demonic possession :) LOL! But gotta love those elders anyway:)

  121. Andrew says

    I'm a worship leader and for some reason I was sad to score 28 out of a possible 102+ score . . . or should I be stoked? I'm not quite sure how to feel actually, offended? Tickled? Relieved?

    Any who, good work here.

  122. Rob says

    This scoring system is irrelevant for the west coast, as you mentioned goatees and soul patches (not) but failed to mention eyebrow waxing (yes).

  123. Taxamus Maxames says

    i don't think people who do not live in NYC, Seattle, Portland, San Fran…etc.. really know what Metro-sexual is… need to define it for everyone; it does not simply mean "pretty boy" or trendy.

  124. Soren says

    My worship leader scores a 12, but I'm sure his "Stuff White People Like" score would be much, much higher.

  125. says

    I got a 9, but I do mention to the sound man when the mic is hot… so I guess I can take 4 points off for that. That makes 5! I also gave myself only 1 point (instead of 2) on the VW question because I drive a Jetta, but it's not silver.

    Thanks for this article, very funny, and true.

    james

  126. aimhigh says

    Our worship leader JE is scoring HIGH…I'm losing count at number 7.
    Oh and does he score points for each pair of designer jeans (#9) or just the one 2 pointer for wearing them period?
    If there is a picture of him wearing the Castro hat on the cover of the bulletin does that count for anything?
    Also, I have a very important suggestion… Sunday JE did a move that I'm fairly certain should score points. He was sitting at the piano rocking it out and stood up (while playing, of course) and did a really cool kick toward us. Seriously. 5 points? 10 points? A move like that has GOT to count for something, man.
    JE rocks! Just sayin.

  127. John Wright says

    Hello
    I am new to this. I am a little confused. I think that there is only one place in the whole New Testament where Christians meet for worship. Christians don't go to church to worship, that can do this anywhere. They go to encourage other Christians (Hebrews 10:24-25).

    Isn't the whole idea of a "worship" leader unbiblical and unhelpful?

  128. says

    sadly, it appears your definitions are blurred between metros and postmoderns. metros like pressed clothes, neatly manicured finger and toenails, and shaven faces. tattoos? not so much. you've described our youth pastor with perfection!

  129. re:st. says

    the only problem with this: is that it is splintered: and hits across on several, i dont know generations?
    and there is a missing one called "me, a lot of use who got used and abused and also kept on going some have kidds some dont and noone seems to care or can help and it dont matter"
    ..
    i thnk this is funny. and i have seen some of this to be true, and then i am so angry? and then i have fought to be like, well we are all in this together. and i have been friends with everyone i can be friends with christian non christian i dont care? i just want the love of God. and i am an asshole a lot. too. i ahve problems. and i knew this years ago. and in the end i am alone. so maybe write a funny effin book about that. okay?
    ..
    becasue im gonna die alone. and noone will care except my poor family and husband: and that should be enuff: but it isnt. and its not because i am selfish it is becasue we were meant to have community in general: . and for some reason no community can either handle me and my husband? or i dont fit in with any community becasue i happen to like to talk to people every day, not just like every other 5 weeks: and i need to be at least 30 percent myself??. and then especially if i am going to be on some part of ministry or something. and eff all this clothing thng. and coffe. coffe is a replacement for whiskey. and the designer jean thng is better than the bad clothes my father and our family wore: which just throws my mind back into "OMG WE ARE GOING to jail because we cannot pay the bills."

    wot i do not like is LYING, FAKE, being looked over: used continuum that stuff. it dont matter wot you ware or not if somebody is fake, or using you YOU KNOW. even if they are doing it on accident. and i know when i am doing the same. it is that simple.

    thats all. that is my comment. i am almost 40. pumas and addidas rock son. let the grown ups speak. some people need to wear metros and or do stuff to faces wotever: ? fashion stuff becasue they HAVE LOST ALL THEY GD TEETh DUE TO POVERTY AND DISEASE, SO : LOOK AT ALL SIDES SON. COME DOWN here and live in my world. you wont last. some of us never had fashion. its like omg, i finally get to have 3 pears of jeans that actually fit. I HAVE 3 PAIRS OF JEANS. DO YOU UNDERSTAND. i will never NOT be in ministry. DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT CONCEPT. apparently you dont.

    and yes i am already prayingfor katie. i hope everybody: whutever i dont know whut god wants or wills. just hope no pain. i can ask for what i want . no pain. and God make it better now. He's gonna do what He wants anyway, and its going to be Good it is? its what we believe. ITS WHAT CHRISTIANS LIKE. whutever.

    now go make money of bloggs and book s and spin and relevance off of speaking againce RELEVNACE you chump. omg.

    sorry for bad spelling i need glasses and i dont go back and edit unless i felt i was so over the top harsh and i just dont care today. april sucks.

  130. hannah says

    There are a couple worship leaders that float around Buckhead Church who might score even higher than North Point.

  131. Natalia Bondarczuk says

    Seriously, there are lots of things that are more productive than this. Have you thought about guitnessing to your unsaved friend?
    Instead of looking at the mote in your brother’s eye, why don’t you start doing an introspective?
    If you are going to publish something, why dont you try to make it of SOME edification to the body of Christ?
    It is easier to make fun of people in front, what are you doing for the Lord?

    • Izzy says

      I could say the same thing about this comment, but then it'd be a neverending cycle of back-and-forth. So I won't! :]

  132. Jess says

    my husband is our churches worhship leader and he only scored a 6… that tattoo really got him, and the jeans of course.

  133. Hansel Ngretel says

    so apparently if they score low enough they are a hipster worship leader…..suspenders, moustache, plaid, lady tambouriner, tie….yep yep seems to be all here except cowboy boots with skinnies and fedora hats on the back of the head….

  134. stephen nettles says

    well i scored an 18… cept for the hot mic part… took me down to 14… i guess thats a respectable score… i play barefoot all the time… but i DO NOT get pedicures.

  135. springs church says

    one of the drummers scored a 19; leader AR, 12; leader JB, 20; leader JZ, 14; leader MD 12; didn't rate the rest of the band. great scoring system!

  136. Betty says

    We have two worship leaders in our church, one scored +2 and the other +13. The one who scored +13 shaves his legs (used to run marathons).

  137. says

    I'm so glad that I came across this.

    My youth pastor always tells us that he's not fruity, he's just extremely metrosexual. Haha. Too bad he only scored a 15 when I graded him based on your scale.

    Anyway, thanks for the extremely humorous post. It made my day.

  138. Alex says

    WOW! My Worship leader would score the highest because he fits those descriptions perfectly. the Castro hat, the European Carry All, Black rimmed glasses. THATS CRAZY =D

  139. chris_spruiell says

    56. He takes his shoes off to preach because he's standing on holy ground.

    57. He doesn't just read from the Bible. He "camps out" right here in John.

    58. He let's everyone know that he prays with his eyes open because he see's God's wonders everywhere.

    59. He repeats the phrase "being real" to apply to many different areas.

  140. photovampire says

    I go to a mega church in Phoenix, AZ, and our college group worship leader scored a whopping 35! And he wears V-necks… but the kid's a great worship leader!

  141. Courtney Rose says

    honestly, i think the my chemical romance version of all i want for Christmas is you is better than the Mariah Carey.

  142. Lane says

    My worship leader scored a whopping 44! I also think that “owning at least 3 pairs of Toms” should be added to the list…then he would have scored a 46!

  143. AlanK says

    Compare and contrast "metro" and "hipster". While the two overlap they are not the same, eg: a "hipster" would wear a Grizzly Adams flannel but a "metrosexual" has no concern for ironic tact and goes for the low hanging fruit of your loins. Quotations are alright

  144. Lady Tam says

    Are you sure this isn't a quiz to find out how emo/[insert other alternate fashion craze here] the worship leader is? lol

  145. Angela says

    I'm with Trigun, is there a female version? I'm a female church planter in a sea of metrosexual men…where's MY sterotype?

  146. Miles says

    15. Brings a French Press on stage and makes his own coffee during service = +5

    … i have literally seen this happen. the worship leader was preaching that day, and used the coffee as a sermon illustration.

  147. says

    shut the front door. this.is.AWESOME. thank you for writing this book or creating this website – i'm not sure what you've done, i hopped over here from boo mama's link to your page and i think you might be my new favorite person. looove this! xo

  148. Austin Martin says

    My last worship pastor wasn't metrosexual, but he was short, fat, balding, and slightly effeminate. Yet he laughed at me when I told him I like Panera. He said it's a girl's restaurant. I think he has a mental list of things that are effeminate, yet his wife teaches guitar (a masculine activity).

  149. says

    I scored a 29 as a worship leader. But you need to add a few like:

    Does he own a mac?
    Does he have a apple sticker on his car?
    Does he always hold his iphone in his hand?
    Does he play a Taylor, Martin, or Gibson?
    Does he act like he plays in a rock band?
    and most importantly is he always singing or playing a guitar (even off stage)

  150. Dartist says

    I go to the church that Tommy Walker serves at, and let me tell you, despite some of his recent album covers, he does not have one metrosexual bone in his body! He wears jeans and occasionally shorts on stage, yes, but def not designer ones. So, if you ever need a break from the v-necks and emo haircut your worship leader sports, come swing on by our church!

  151. Andy says

    I scored a 7 and a friend of mine scored a -1. awesome, I would say this quiz is definitive and a definite authority in defining worship leaders out there

  152. Mizz M says

    I gave this to my fried (our worship pastor) and he scored himself at a 22…..I definately pegged him for a solid 35 :)

  153. Stephen Hill says

    Well, he only scored a 9. But if you heard him talk, you would change the score to 100! He is a great guy, 100% heterosexual. Happily married with 3 sons and is a great musician. But if you heard him talk! lol Everyone has a preconceived notion as to what gay people might sound, dress or act like according to their experience. My worship leader is a great, straight guy! But if you heard him talk!!!!

    • Observant Reader says

      Metrosexual – is not really a determinate of your sexuality. The beginning of it Metro – which mean’s city because men who are metrosexual are more common in the city. The word just basically means that the man cares about his looks, and pampers himself, and is not afraid to show his feminine side. For example he may get manicures and pedicures, designer hair cuts, wear designer clothes – etc. A metro person can be hetero or homosexual. I just wanted to try to clarify that.

  154. DOUG WILCOX says

    This is sick!….your either a Soldier of the cross or your not! Regaurdless what you wear or don’t wear! With out holiness no man shall see GOD! GOD looks at your heart! And he knows the heart! WHO CARES WHAT someone is wearing or what he possesses! NOTHING is unseen in GODs sight! WHATSOEVER A MAN SOWETH THAT SHALL HE ALSO REAP! IF HE SEWS TO THE FLESH HE WILL REAP CORRUPTION IF HE SEWS TO THE SPIRIT HE WILL REAP LIFE EVERLASTING!!! DO NOT BE DECIEVED GOD WILL NOT BE MOCKED! MAY GOD BLESS YOU AND HAVE MERCY ON YOU! LET THE CHURCH SAY AMEN! BLOOD BOUGHT! TRUIMPHANT CHURCH OF CHRIST! ITS ALIVE AND WELL!!! GET READY CHURCH! GET READY!

    • says

      And therein lies my fear of starting my own blog of sarcasm/satire – the freak who doesn’t get it becomes the squeaky wheel and I lose readers because somebody out in right field is foaming at the mouth, looking up while the ball is headed home.

      Maybe the “sex” in Metrosexual set Doug off. Maybe he was off before he got here. I’m guessing the term “worship leader” is as foreign to Doug as a $6 coffee or clever reparte. “Choir director” is the way he soweth it!

      Go protest a military funeral, Doug ’cause that’s something you can probably understand while the rest of us don’t get it.

      As the Church, I’m ready, Doug but you may not be.

  155. Daniel Campbelll says

    I read this in your book this morning before church. My wife and I was cracking up the whole during the Worship Service. The one about clapping didn’t help us a bit. It just added to the fire. It all made sense! Thanks!!!!!

  156. says

    I am so relieved – I’m a worship leader and I only scored under 20. Then again, I’m a little old for some of the trendiness.

    Anyway, at my church, if you don’t hunt or wear plaid, you’re looked at with suspicion. But by this score card, I’m positively butch. Oops, i probably lost points using that term. Oh well…

  157. says

    This is SO funny! I’ve never seen it or your blog before.. As a West Michigander who used to attend Mars Hill for years, I say “Right on!” ..Although I must say, if that is what our worship leaders are like, isn’t there a good chance that the church attenders (who are employing said leader) probably also aspire to such specifications? :)

  158. Inka says

    I think my worship leader will score low on this one, although I think he has a tattoo. But my youth pastor definitely scores a high one on this test :-)

  159. Jessica says

    As I was reading this I was picturing the worship leader at North Point ( in Atlanta I’m assuming?) and then was surprised when I got to the end and that’s whom you were talking about! This is HILARIOUS.

  160. says

    has a subarrachnoidal stroke at age 36 and craniotomy due to only stress and fear and trying to live by the fruit of the spirit and then dealing with th elikes of the “plasticity” and absolute erroneus satire of yu. i am so happy when i am given clothes and get to look “cool” or normal. when we get to go out and be with people. for once just be normal. not have a ntural disaster something. someone in jail. money for food? and we get to “keep it”. my god. stop this nonesense. this is wrong now. my worship was “US” and they hated it and we smiled. my husband wore metros i wish he still looked like “that” and YOU WOULD TOO FRANKLY. you would WEEP AT THESE WORDS .i feel sorry for you. all of you.

  161. spencer from oskaloosa says

    you forgot – plays a taylor guitar. all the hair-over-one-eye-hightop-wearing-grumbly-singing-chris-tomlin-wannabe-dressjeans-with an untucked-dressshirt-retrotshirt-quoting-socail-justice-ina-esvbiblereading- worship leaders play a taylor.

  162. Lindsay says

    He got a 39.
    I only was able to know some of these because he is my ex. Baha.
    This was fantastic.

  163. Kyla says

    Oh dear. My worship leader scores a 49, and that’s leaving out the things that I don’t know but think he probably adheres to. (: Yay for metro worship leaders! (:

  164. James says

    Hi Dave,
    Just finished reading “Quitter” on my new Kindle. The book was worth every penny and I had to check out this Blog post since I used to be a WL. I got to say, I know a ton of high scoring metros out here on the Left Coast…thanks for sharing.

  165. says

    that is stinkin’hilarious! Maybe you should send it to Mars Hill so they can tame the Mark Driscolpalooza. This could be a helpful tool. And I mean “tool” as in “a mechanism of assistance”, not in any way referring to anyone’s orientation.

Trackbacks

  1. [...] Deep V-neck Syndrome. Please forward this to loved ones. Print it out and post it in a spot where worship leaders are known to congregate. (Perhaps a common watering hole like Starbucks.) We’ll get through this [...]

  2. [...] to SCORE him and pass JUDGEMENT.  Rate your youth pastor here. (And if you haven’t read the metrosexual worship leader one, you should.  I happen to like my worship leaders a little bit metro.) blog comments [...]

  3. [...] I had gone to far too many music festivals where a guy with a guitar would come out on stage and play. He was talented and good looking, always smiling, reading heartfelt scriptures that impacted his life, which then led to him writing the next worship song. (Not to sound to critical of someone’s own experiences, I was moved by many of the songs and related scriptures.) My point is there was barely any variety of what they were singing about, or how they were singing. I became disengaged with the whole worship leader guy/guitar/back up band setting. I became a cynic of most any worship band out there and wanted them to stop. Their music all sounded the same. (Thanks Jon Acuff for this great tool.) [...]

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