#269. Understanding how metrosexual your worship leader is. (A handy guide)
Jun 2nd by JonThere are really only two reasons I wanted to write this post:
1. The first post was just an appetizer.
I wrote about this subject a few months ago when 12 people were reading the site but I just barely touched on it. I didn’t do it justice and people have reminded me that there is more to be said on this pivotal subject. So this is like the Timbaland Remix.
2. No one has quantified this phenomenon
There are some things in life that are concrete and true. For instance, it is a fact that “You’re all I want for Christmas” by Mariah Carey and “Christmas in Hollis” by Run DMC are fantastic songs. No argument there. But when you tell someone about your church, there’s not a standard system to describe the degree of metrosexuality your worship leader possesses. Wouldn’t it be awesome to say, “You’ll love my church and the music. Our worship leader scored a 78 on the SCL Metro Test.”
Don’t answer that last question. It was rhetorical. As a service to churches around the world, here is an easy rating system by which to analyze to what degree your worship leader is a metrosexual.
1. Has a faux hawk hair style = +1
2. Has more product in his hair than your wife = +1
3. Has Rob Bell, black rimmed glasses = +1
4. They are not prescription, but just for effect = +2
5. Attends the Catalyst Conference = +3
6. Performs at the Catalyst Conference = +10
7. Owns Puma, Vans or Diesel sneakers = +2 per each pair
8. Wears jeans on stage = +1
9. Wears designer jeans on stage = +2
10. Wears Wrangler or Rustler jeans on stage = -3
11. Has a goatee = +2
12. Wears one of those Castro revolution looking hats = +2
13. Drinks coffee on stage = +1
14. Drinks some kind of coffee you did not know existed = +2
15. Brings a French Press on stage and makes his own coffee during service = +5
16. Has a handlebar mustache = -3
17. Good at Frisbee but hates getting all “sweaty” = +1
18. Has a haircut that covers one of his eyes while singing = +1
19. Owns a white belt = +2
20. Owns suspenders = -3
21. Wears a scarf with a t-shirt = +1
22. Wears a winter knit hat even in the summer = +2
23. You think he covered a My Chemical Romance song last week = +3
24. Drives an Audi or VW, silver of course = +2
25. Uses the words, “postmodern, relevant” or “emergent” nonstop = +2
26. Cringes a little when people say the “H word.” (Hymnal) = +3
27. Has ever said some form of the phrase, “That song is so 1990s” = +1
28. Owns a Grizzly Adams red and black flannel shirt = -2
29. Named his kid after a color or a number = +2
30. References Norwegian punk bands you’ve never heard of = +2
31. Wears a tie = -1
32. Wears a tie as a belt = +2
33. Looks as if he might exfoliate = +2
34. Has a man bag or European Carry All = +2
35. Brings said bag on stage with him = +2
36. Has a tattoo = +2
37. Has a visible tattoo = +4
38. Wife accompanies him on stage and plays tambourine = -4
39. Was formerly in a punk new wave band = +2
40. Knows the names of all the people on the scripted MTV show, “the Hills” = +3
41. Refuses to drink anything but Vitamin Water = +2
42. Your wife ever says, “he needs a barrette for his hair.” = +2
43. Has a nickname with “the” in it, as in “the edge,” = +2
44. Owns every Nooma video = +2
45. Has a soul patch = +3
46. Won’t play barefoot on stage until he gets a pedicure = +2
47. Refers to California as “the left coast” = +2
48. Currently subscribes to Dwell or Details magazine = +2
49. Owns a pair of lady jeans = +2
50. Twitters you from his iPhone = +2
51. His toddler dresses cooler than you = +2
52. He wears graphic t-shirts over button down, long sleeve shirts = +2
53. Ever says “we got a hot mic here” = -4
54. Shops at the Gap = 0
55. Shops at Urban Outfitters = +2
I scored one of the worship leaders at North Point and he did pretty well. At some point I will do a lady version, but for right now, I feel like a 55 item list of analyzing worship leaders is enough to earn me a new batch of “you are weird” emails, and at the end of the day, that’s all I can ask for.
What does your worship leader score?
Comments
[...] at Stuff Christians Like has written a handy guide to understanding how metrosexual your worship leader is. An oldie but a [...]
Whoah, whoah, whoah,
You have some seriously twisted views on masculinity if you think a tattoo is "metrosexual."
First of all – looking good is manly. That's a fact. Frank Sinatra was not a "metrosexual," but I promise you he wore make-up to perform.
Second – tattoos? Seriously, tattoos? Do you know how much a tattoo hurts? I do, but I won't tell you – because I'm a man, and men don't whine about how much their tattoos hurt.
Furthermore, you mixed up "metrosexual" with "emo," "scene," and "gay."
Seriously – can you add a new SCL: having issues about their masculinity?
Metro is so out of style. Suburban Hippie is the new worship leader look. It's the retaliation against the Metro gender bending. Beards and long hair, sorta "hi-fashion Jesus". You just watch… its coming.
you are bang on Gabriel. "metro" was sooooooooooo 2000.
This was amazing!! My husband is the worship leader for our church and I was crying laughing due to the truth and validity of these! He scored a 40
…I would say some of it is my fault though!!
[...] Click Here To Read The Article From ”Stuff Christians Like” Blog [...]
So…does this work for pastors??
I think this is more "How Hipster is your worship leader" rather than Metro.
I think that the guy who just said damn at the begining of his comment gets to add 10 points just because he started his comment that way
I don't know about the worship leader, but one of the local pastors scores a 39 for sure (Corpus Christi, TX you know who I mean.)
I'm a worship leader, and I thought I was getting quite a bit higher than I thought I would on the scale. I didn't realize that wearing ties, loving Wranglers, and having a handlebar mustache (which I used to have but now have a full beard) would constitute Metrosexual. By the time I got to the "hot mic" statement, I knew that wouldn't work for Metrosexual, then I looked back at my score and realized most of my picks were negative numbers. Basically I ended up with a -11. The average age at my church is 60-70, and I'm 31. They think I'm hip, and I scored a -11! Wranglers are awesome, BTW!
For those of you concerned, what I lack in Metrosexual points, I make up for in looks and talent. I'm hotter than Brad Pitt and sing MUCH better than Chris Tomlin. I'm also humble.
nooo I got a 33! some of these I wasn't even aware of. How in the world did you know I owned diesel shoes and drove a silver Audi? And I am good at Frisbee. I feel so cliche. best post ever.
[...] favorite post… #269. Understanding how metrosexual your worship leader is. (A handy guide) #113. Booty, God, Booty Kinky Lingerie for Missionaries or Remix #303 – Donating Junk to the [...]
I got a 34.
[...] by petetegeler The new “Stuff ______ Like” blog I found is Stuff Christians Like. Number 269 caught my eye. It’s a guide to understanding how metrosexual your worship pastor is. So, [...]
If the song leader is called the worship leader, then what do you call the preacher? Is worship only singing?
so true!!!!
I only scored an 8 praise god
I'm a little ashamed. …52. The Pumas didn't help. I own 6 pair. My best friend worked there so I got wicked discounts. Brand name shoes for 12 bucks!? Get out of the way, Granny, Steve's on a mission!
Great post, love the humor.
I scored 6… Only if my wife playing her flute counts. And if my blackberry counts instead of an iphone… Hmm, maybe I need a forearm tattoo.
I thought people with handlebar mustaches were all agnostics.
I just saw this and rated my worship leader husband… he was only a 14. We don't have kids yet, but I guarantee our toddler will be better dressed than you!
[...] Deep V-neck Syndrome. Please forward this to loved ones. Print it out and post it in a spot where worship leaders are known to congregate. (Perhaps a common watering hole like Starbucks.) We’ll get through this [...]
Would be cool to see a 2010 updated version with even more items in the list! This was actually kinda fun to go through, but I only scored a 13. not very metro, huh?
It would be really fun to have an annual update. Maybe "state of the metro" report?
[...] Future profession? Professor of astro-physics. Or a super cool metrosexual worship leader. [...]
i am a worship leader, and i only scored 6!
oh boy. my worship leader got a 44.
I scored a -1 and I'm a worship leader at our church, but I must confess, I didn't even know what a "metrosexual" was, so I looked it up, and it's basically a straight guy that looks and acts gay. Nice. And people are aspiring to this? I don't know about you people, but that's *exactly* what I want in a worship leader: A sissy-boy, faux-hawked homo in girls jeans.
Unbelievable. Where have all the MEN gone?!
I finally got here! I've been working up from the first post and I've been sick of staring at it in the "most popular posts"for the past like 2 weeks. Great blog!
Can we make suggestions?
– Wears plaid shirts = -2
– Wears ironic plaid pants = +2
– Shops at second hand shops = -1
– Scores wardrobe items at second hand shops = +2
– Talks excitedly about his second hand shop scores = +1
– Stubble that is a consistent length from week to week = +1
– Did his bachelor's degree in art (any), sociology, philosophy, or foreign languages = +1
– Did his bachelor's degree in music = -1
– Is excited about ethnomusicology despite leading for an all-white church = +1
– Plays at least one goofy/ethnic/kitchy instrument on select occasions = +1
– Has a wife who's so beautiful that there's no way he could be really gay = +2
I scored a thirteen. But I am also a youth pastor so if you throw in a few of those things my score goes way up.
hmm…i'm in college right now…and music ministry is my major…i lead worship at my home church…and i'm currently an 18…i think i'll probably get more points when i'm on staff somewhere…
My worship leader got a 21. Haha I always told him he was slightly metro. Lol
Oh no…my worship leader scores really, really high. I think I need to change churches.
[...] #269. Understanding how metrosexual your worship leader is. (A handy guide) [...]
Haha, my brother/our worship leader scored a 41. Atta boy! lol. I loved this post, I want to read the lady version.
Yeah, I'm also thinking you need to add "Has CD for sale in the back!"
I scored a whopping 12. We may have one person in our band who would score a few points more, but I guess MD is not metro enough for this.
I’m a youth pastor and a lot of these hit me… HILARIOUS article! How about one for youth pastors?
this is hilarious! I scored a 27…is that good or bad? haha! myspace.com/shawnbilton
Laughing so much right now. I love this!
I'm a pastor and scored a 26…not sure what that means…
This is great! However, I'm a worship leader and I score a big flat zero!
Should I be looking for a new line of employment?