#269. Understanding how metrosexual your worship leader is. (A handy guide)
Jun 2nd by JonThere are really only two reasons I wanted to write this post:
1. The first post was just an appetizer.
I wrote about this subject a few months ago when 12 people were reading the site but I just barely touched on it. I didn’t do it justice and people have reminded me that there is more to be said on this pivotal subject. So this is like the Timbaland Remix.
2. No one has quantified this phenomenon
There are some things in life that are concrete and true. For instance, it is a fact that “You’re all I want for Christmas” by Mariah Carey and “Christmas in Hollis” by Run DMC are fantastic songs. No argument there. But when you tell someone about your church, there’s not a standard system to describe the degree of metrosexuality your worship leader possesses. Wouldn’t it be awesome to say, “You’ll love my church and the music. Our worship leader scored a 78 on the SCL Metro Test.”
Don’t answer that last question. It was rhetorical. As a service to churches around the world, here is an easy rating system by which to analyze to what degree your worship leader is a metrosexual.
1. Has a faux hawk hair style = +1
2. Has more product in his hair than your wife = +1
3. Has Rob Bell, black rimmed glasses = +1
4. They are not prescription, but just for effect = +2
5. Attends the Catalyst Conference = +3
6. Performs at the Catalyst Conference = +10
7. Owns Puma, Vans or Diesel sneakers = +2 per each pair
8. Wears jeans on stage = +1
9. Wears designer jeans on stage = +2
10. Wears Wrangler or Rustler jeans on stage = -3
11. Has a goatee = +2
12. Wears one of those Castro revolution looking hats = +2
13. Drinks coffee on stage = +1
14. Drinks some kind of coffee you did not know existed = +2
15. Brings a French Press on stage and makes his own coffee during service = +5
16. Has a handlebar mustache = -3
17. Good at Frisbee but hates getting all “sweaty” = +1
18. Has a haircut that covers one of his eyes while singing = +1
19. Owns a white belt = +2
20. Owns suspenders = -3
21. Wears a scarf with a t-shirt = +1
22. Wears a winter knit hat even in the summer = +2
23. You think he covered a My Chemical Romance song last week = +3
24. Drives an Audi or VW, silver of course = +2
25. Uses the words, “postmodern, relevant” or “emergent” nonstop = +2
26. Cringes a little when people say the “H word.” (Hymnal) = +3
27. Has ever said some form of the phrase, “That song is so 1990s” = +1
28. Owns a Grizzly Adams red and black flannel shirt = -2
29. Named his kid after a color or a number = +2
30. References Norwegian punk bands you’ve never heard of = +2
31. Wears a tie = -1
32. Wears a tie as a belt = +2
33. Looks as if he might exfoliate = +2
34. Has a man bag or European Carry All = +2
35. Brings said bag on stage with him = +2
36. Has a tattoo = +2
37. Has a visible tattoo = +4
38. Wife accompanies him on stage and plays tambourine = -4
39. Was formerly in a punk new wave band = +2
40. Knows the names of all the people on the scripted MTV show, “the Hills” = +3
41. Refuses to drink anything but Vitamin Water = +2
42. Your wife ever says, “he needs a barrette for his hair.” = +2
43. Has a nickname with “the” in it, as in “the edge,” = +2
44. Owns every Nooma video = +2
45. Has a soul patch = +3
46. Won’t play barefoot on stage until he gets a pedicure = +2
47. Refers to California as “the left coast” = +2
48. Currently subscribes to Dwell or Details magazine = +2
49. Owns a pair of lady jeans = +2
50. Twitters you from his iPhone = +2
51. His toddler dresses cooler than you = +2
52. He wears graphic t-shirts over button down, long sleeve shirts = +2
53. Ever says “we got a hot mic here” = -4
54. Shops at the Gap = 0
55. Shops at Urban Outfitters = +2
I scored one of the worship leaders at North Point and he did pretty well. At some point I will do a lady version, but for right now, I feel like a 55 item list of analyzing worship leaders is enough to earn me a new batch of “you are weird” emails, and at the end of the day, that’s all I can ask for.
What does your worship leader score?
Comments
24… agree with the chucks comments. i’d score higher with that… time for me to tone it down!!!
how about not only wears jeans on stage, designer jeans no less, but designer jeans that are so tight that you can see his p*#!$.
all these things sound more like my english teacher than my worship leader xD
I go to a conservative church and so my Worship Pastor (yes that’s what we call him … can you guess how low he scored?) scored a -1. He only qualified for #31.
Not gonna lie though I love it – even at the age of 24 I appreciate and love the full choir and orchestra and dare I say it Hymns my church plays
I am going down to LU for homecoming this wkend and I can promise I will have this list ready to judge:)
This made me laugh so much. I can totally relate those 2 people I know.
I found some of these on http://www.metrosexualman.co.uk.
On there it was more for regualr people.
just by your post I was able to call out which guy was the worship leader at a new church I attended this weekend. Thanks it was a pretty “handy guide”.
61!! I’m From Regina Saskatchewan Canada,
My friends and I ranked my Young-Adults/”Worship Arts” Pastor (Worship Arts is the trendy way of explaining that he brought and officially leads paining, dance, and sculpting in the worship set.)
I am a worship leader in Nashville TN. I scored a 55
I scored 55….yea me
Im a worship leader in Houston and i scored 32
I only scored around 7-10… I’m actually disappointed. 5 years ago I would’ve scored closer to 30+. That’s what getting married and having children will do to ya, I guess. I’m sorta disappointed. I think Metro is cool
Too funny! I only scored a “2″ myself, but would probably score tripple digits on the “You might be a red-neck worship leader if….” test.
OH boo!
I scored a 28.
haha.
The Timbaland Remix of the Metro-guide is nice.
I’m a worship leader in Auburn Hills, MI… I got a 50 all by myself.. wow..
I thought I was going to be in the top but then I saw the 50 comment… he must play at the Catalyst Conference with that +10 score… I got a 35 and I am a worship leader… I would like to refute the tie comment b/c I wear a tie loosely with a vest and designer jeans (and I got a -1 on that) so anyway I think this is hilarious… I am not emergent/postmodern/emerging I am a Reformed Southern Baptist and I play at a small church that is reformed and we are NOT seeker sensitive… so I don’t think the locale has anything to do with this… it is a PERFECT test (besides the tie question)
oh man oh man oh man… I know this is old… BUT i scored an 85…
i think it was all those pairs of vans/pumas/diesel shoes I own…
85!!!
I’m a worship leader – I scored a twelve and i’m nearly 49 years old, how cool is that (how sad is that I hear my 15 year old daughter saying)
Just visited a church this week where the highly metro worhip leader had an 18″ tall, sequined cross on the back of his untucked, denim shirt (with the pink golf shirt collar underneath and the cuffs rolled up just that one time — double collars are muey metro).
Sequins need to be on your list.
I think you add 1) if your worship leader drops his name to just his first initial, and 2) if he wears more chapstick/lip gloss than the women in the congregation.
hilarious.
you should add something in this list about graphic design and possibly TOMS shoes.
you are truly, culturally, out of touch….unless you consider mall culture valid…..your trying to relate and compare christians to "hipster" culture, when you have n't the slightest about it, is almost as bad as a youth pastor saying the words "awesome" and "dude" in the same sentence….
Wow…I got a 4. I have got to get some Rob Bell glasses.
Funny stuff… I'm a worship leader and scored a 15, but have definatly known some guys who would score ALOT higher.
I think the ultimate modern worship leader would have a shaved (or buzzed really short) head, and wear a skinny tie (complete with the vest you mentioned and a striped dress shirt with a big open collar and the sleeves rolled up).
SCL contest entry:
Wears close-shaved mutton chops to match his close-shaved head = +3
Plays three different instruments in three different songs = +5
Looks cool playing an accordian = +20. (because that, my friend is really difficult to do)
I think the new term is "hipster." but no hipster ever admits that he/she is a hipster, so you'll have to follow the guide below:
(this is from Vancouver, BC)
wears a plaid shirt – -2 for men, +3 for women
wears a brightly contrasting plaid shirt, e.g. purple and yellow, with 2 buttons undone – +5
brightly contrasting plaid shirt with 2 buttons undone and ripped intentionally at strategic places – +10
influencing half the worship band to dress in said plaid undone ripped shirt – +30
v-neck t-shirts (for men) – +2
aviator sunglasses (perched on top of head) – +1
bright Ray-ban sunglasses (perched on top of head) – +3
Vans/chuck taylors – +2
grandma shoes (you know, those suede floppy ones) – +2 for women, +5 for men
tight black jeans – +3
tight red jeans – +5
poncho (for men) – +238290
headband (skinny for women, folded bandana for men) – +3
neatly trimmed, well maintained beard – -5 (-20 for women)
playoff beard or similar scruffy, "unintentional" facial hair – +2 (for men, for women… yikes)
"I wear short sleeve shirts over long sleeve shirts over short sleeve shirts" – +just awesome
The key here is androgyny. If you can't tell between the worship leader and his/her husband/wife, the person is a hipster.
man, I'd love me that Snuggle.
Well to add to your already dead on list, a few things this season must be added
He must wear a button up cardigan +6
He must wear Tom's shoes +5
I am proud to say my husband is a metro sexual worship pastor
He is going to hate me for saying that
Twitters when the pastor is praying in between sets – +3
Has jeans that look like they have been bedazzled – +5
Wears cowboy boots (but has the leg part covered – +3
Wears a shirt with print over the shoulder – +2
Wears a v-neck shirt with no print on it +4
Has Man-Pris (Man Capris) = +3
Has Man-Flats (TOMS shoes) = +3
Wearing Both at the same time = +10
haha
Piercings +1 each
Diamond earrings +2
Murders contemporary Christian worship tunes with falsetto vocal solos +2 per track
i got a 15. i honestly thought i'd have more points. ha.
#11 needs to be updated to has a beard
#12 needs to be wears a Fedora hat (Jason Mraz style)
#16 mustaches are making a comeback could be positive points now!
#36 has "sleeves"
#50 updates twitter account while leading worship
#57 talks about himself in third person
#58 Wears Ray-Ban Wayfarer glasses on stage
Yeah, my youth minister was nowhere near metrosexual but our worship leader? Yeah, he was metrosexual. ^_^
[...] no jokes about singers and worship leaders?
I will have to rack my brains to think of some!! #269. Understanding how metrosexual your worship leader is. (A handy guide) I think his understanding of metrosexual is not the same as mine, but pretty good. [...]
I only scored a + 7, but I pride myself on not being douchey. Church isn’t a fashion show, and anyone that uses emergent or postmodern that often probably doesn’t have a freaking clue what they mean. They Gould quit going to cat conference and read some books with some depth. No mclaren does not equal depth. That’s baby food. Read yoder, nt wright, Stanley hauerwas, and shut up about postmodern cause you don’t know what you’re talking about. Christianity isn’t a fad, it’s a lifestyle.
What about the bandana in the back pocket?
i think this list is more "hipster" than "metrosexual"
[...] Posted November 3, 2009 Filed under: Church, Culture, Humor | I remember seeing this post when it first came out over the summer. Jennifer sent it to me a few days ago and I laughed just as [...]
I know it's all in jest but sadly, you described the prototypical pomo. That is NOT someone I'd want leading worship especially if he picks up the #44 points. There comes a point where people are trying too hard to be cool, usually that point is high school, but for some it carries on.
Oh cool, so we're rating our worship leaders. I guess this is how far the church has fallen into self-centered thinking. "It's all about the way I look."
Skylar I'm pretty sure it's a joke and everyone else is getting a good giggle out of it. It's called laughing. God invented it, and it feels pretty good.
The funny thing about this list is that one of my best guy friends here on campus scored like a 40 on this. I think this list could also go as a "hipster" test, because that's what he totally is
i got a 34
34
36 for me
My youth pastor scored a solid 4. That's after the tattoo on his shoulder and his one-time soul patch. But he's definitely cool, and I know I don't have to worry about heresy from him. He's relevant but not postmodern, and certainly not a Bell junkie.
"Gap = 0"
Oh man. Right on.
His wife accompanies him on stage and plays bass +4
[...] debate that I score very high on most metro-sexual quizzes. (My fav deals with the question “How Metro-Sexual is your worship leader?“) In fact, I think I have only been beaten by Doug Paul, who out-metro’d me thanks to the [...]
Maybe it's because they are gay, because metrosexuals don't really exist…?
I'm a worship leader that moved from California(left coast) to Good ole NC and I'm proud that I own a pair of Old Navy "DIVAS" …every sunday baby!!!