#284. Willow Tree Figures.
Jun 9th by Jon
I’ve never been murdered but I thought I was going to be one night a while ago. I was asleep in my bed, probably dreaming of growing taller and dunking a basketball, when I heard a voice softly singing. I woke up and became instantly sweaty, which I think is my body’s only natural defense mechanism. It wasn’t either of my daughters, the voice was far too high pitched for them. It was sickly sweet, as if it were an adult trying to sing like a little girl. Worst of all, it was crackling and broken and full of static like one of those voice scramblers that all modern kidnappers seem to own these days. (Is it me or does every movie kidnapper shop at the same kidnap supply store?)
There it was, softly, potentially deadly, floating into my room, “Itsy, bitsy spider, went up the water spout, down came the rain and washed the spider out …”
It carried on for a few moments with me lying there in the dark, growing angry that my wife won’t let me sleep with a machete. I tried to imagine how I was going to fight this killer, who I was convinced would be wearing a red flannel shirt and unlaced brown work boots. Would I try to sweep the leg? Maybe a leg drop? A chair over the back? So many options. I sat there for a few minutes contemplating my next move. But once I had woken up a little, I realized the sound was coming from our bedside monitor, not the foot of my door. That’s why it sounded so crackly. And it wasn’t an ax murderer, it was baby Tad, a freakishly large stuffed animal frog that if rolled upon in the middle of the night, will just burst out in song.
In a thunder clap of hooves, Julieanne’s horses took off. Something had spooked them. A cat or a bird or anything, these were “Caillou horses” and they spooked easily. Dalton saw it when he looked up from his cup of coffee. Black. Just like his memories. With a fan sip, he finished the coffee and jumped up from his seat. With a leap that was majestic, he landed on the two horses, grabbing the bridle and pulling sharply. Julieanne screamed and fainted in the seat. Dalton patted the horses, now calm, and then walked back over to get another coffee.
Click here Mr. Johnson, Julieanne’s dad, doesn’t like Dalton McCoy but comes to love him eventually.
Comments
Stacy, please pass the brownies.
This reminded me of a time when we had a house guest complain of hearing voices in the night. He was staying in my little sister’s room and rolled over to hear, “Welcome to McDonald’s! May I take your order?” My dad works for McD’s, so our friend took this as subliminal messaging.
Actually, it was a Barbie toy under the bed.
You don’t want to sleep on my couch, or anywhere in my house. I have one of THEM on my dresser. BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
(But I’m now rolling on the floor from the thought of pasting tiny Groucho Marx glasses on it. Thanks, Matthew!)
Speaking of scary stuff in the middle of the night, I once left glow-in-the dark Silly Putty in my pocket, it went through the washer and dryer, and my mom woke up one night to find what she thought were two glowing eyes on her pillowcase. That went over big.
Gina
“How come they all look like they’ve had their noses smoothed away by some serial killer called ‘Mr. Sandpaper?’”
That was my favorite line from this blog! So funny! However, I will be leery of my Willow Tree Nativity set from now on.
everytime i read your posts, i laugh harder.
this one…starting out: “i’ve never been murdered but..”
are you kidding me!?
hiLARious.
they say you burn 3 calories for every hardy laugh. i guess, thanks for keeping us healthy!
Funny how when I saw the picture on this post, I thought, oh those are cute…. but then I read the post….
While they aren’t quite scary or freaky to me, I can see how their facelessness might cause one to see them that way.
I’d like to thank my mom for not allowing me to watch horror movies as a child so that I can look at innocent little wood-carved babies and not envision a psycho, machete-wielding killer coming after me. Thanks mom.
I’m so glad someone finds them as creepy as I do. My sis-in-law has a couple and I always thought they looked like modern art meets grandma’s basement bargains. I promise you that I’ll pass on this Christian trend
Hey, I’m new to your blog and I’m enjoying it so far. The title of this one caught me eye and now I feel like sharing my willow tree experience. I too used to think the facelessness of the figures was kinda creepy and I didn’t get the appeal of them. My friend however, would make the comment every once in a while that she “couldn’t wait to get married so she could start her Willow Tree collection” (I didn’t quite get the necessity for marriage to start the collection, but anyway..) One day I was passing a hallmark store and thought I would stop in to check them out. I slowly looked over the rows and rows and thought some were kinda nice, but still wasn’t grasping the “need” to have one. I was thinking maybe I could get one for my friend, and wait for some occasion to give it to her- even though her birthday and christmas were 6 months away. Well, suddenly my eyes fell upon a praying angel, and I was instantly overcome with emotion. (Yep, I started tearing up in the middle of the hallmark store). I felt compelled to get this figure for my friend and give it to her the first moment I could. Later that night, I gave her the angel, not wrapped or anything, and her response was amazing. She said- “You have no idea what this means to me. I have been having some issues with prayer and trusting God, and you giving me this is totally a message from God telling me to trust Him and believe in prayer.” I was overwhelmed with God’s awesomeness. So there you have it, that’s my (lengthy) story of how I, and a willow tree angel, were instruments of God. Facelessness and all, those little creepsters now hold a special place in my heart. Well… maybe just the praying angel one.
What makes chopping down one of God’s Willow trees to make ugly, sappy carvings to be sold for as much as it would cost a person to make a nice donation to a cancer research facility or children’s organization a spiritual, Christian-like, beautiful or even sensible product? They are quite hypocritical, in my humble opinion.
The page messed up, so I don’t know if the comment posted, so here we go again….
I think it’s absolutely dreadful that people find more beauty in a chopped up piece of one of God’s beautiful trees that is marketed, quite unattractively, in my humble opinion, as a sign of love, beauty, peace, Christainity and friendship. It’s very wasteful and hypocritical, I think. The 30 dollars spent on these ugly, creepy, wasteful little carvings could be better spent making a donation to the Gideons, a cancer research facility, or organization for children. By the way, my husband is a service manager at a logging equipment dealership, so I’m certainly aware of the blessings God has bestowed in our lives through timber management, and I’d rather see a tree go to the use of toilet paper than willow tree figurines any day. After all, cleaniness is next to Godliness, right?
Jon, please please please make a post on the phrase “In my humble opinion…”
I’m pretty sure you could do a good job with that. Not to say Jayme meant anything bad by it at all, I don’t think she did. But it’s one of those “Christian softeners” that remind me of the phrase “No offense but…” and then lay down all the horrible things you are/do. You know, things like “In my humble opinion, you’re a really sleezy person and a horrible Christian.”
I admit, it’s a horrible cliche’. However, it has nothing to do with my faith, or trying to soften up comments and more to do with my boredness and the acknowlegement of the fact that yes, I am humble because I recognize the blogger’s talent and intelligence.
I’m surprised (well, not really. Just disappointed) that one of my first comments on a Christian blog wasn’t replied by someone trying to be a good witness to the ignorant newcomer, rather it was a reply that ended with the words ‘a sleazy and horrible Christian.’ Whether it was directed toward me or not, someone who is spiritually weak could be deterred from the opportunities of becoming closer to God through this site because they were offended and never returned.
I refuse to believe that was directed towards me, simply because I myself would never be that way to someone, especially if I thought they needed spiritual support, and I give the commenter the benefit of the doubt just as I’m glad that she did me.
Yes, Jon, please do ’something on that.’ I do agree and would enjoy it. And yes, I still think willow figurines are stupid….maybe not the people who collect them, but the product itself.
No worries Jayme. I was being overly exaggerated in my comment and you shouldn’t take that as being directed at anyone. It’s just an example of how people can take things meant in innocent ways and not word it the right way so it sounds harsh, or also people who want to pretend they’re not being horrible by saying that so softening it with a phrase such as the aforementioned. I am not saying either is a good thing. So it’s hard for me to see how a non-Christian would be turned off by me saying those are bad things to say. Unless I missed something you’d like to explain?
This is why I skip the business meetings. lol
I’m not offended, because I’m not ’spiritually weak,’ as I wrote, but I know alot of people who are and who would be, and I didn’t mean ’spiritually weak’ people were non-Christians…I was just referring to the sleazy and horrible Christians that show up on blogs where the good ones hang out.
Have a nice weekend…you’ll be in my prayers, and I hope to be in yours…
I’m cool about the Willow Tree figurines.. wouldn’t display one in my current room/new room(as I go through the throes of purging, preparing to move), but I won’t begrudge those who think they’re cool. They’re just not my thing.
However, you know what creeps me out? Those Troll dolls that used to be so popular…you know those little dolls with the pug-ugly faces, with the neon spiky hair? Phew, thinking about those things gives me the serious creepy-crawlies. I used to despise those things, and still do….eeeuw.
oh my! have to agree w/kerry that the precious moments figurines are WAY worse – with their giant head & bambi eyes and all…
About the Willow Tree figurines…don’t you get it (obviously not)the facelessness of the figures is the whole mystique, and not in a spooky way at all, contrarily, it represents the common human emotions we all share without a name or personalization…that’s simply beautiful! Get a Life!! AND RETHINK THESE DELICATE, EXQUISITE CARVINGS…How can you even think of these as creepy???
Anon @ 1:11
You’re teasing right? My sarcasm detector is a little worn out right now, but you are pulling my leg right? I just can’t imagine that a true willow fan would tell me to “get a life.” That seems to go against the “code of the tree.”
Jon
I always have and always will find those things enormously freaky. It’s good to know I’m not the only one!
Here’s a great way to have fun with your Christian friends who love Willow Trees: next time you’re at their house, bring a sharpie and add faces to them. Talk about MAD! Bonus points if you put Munch’s “Scream” face on one of them!
Here’s something to increase the “creepiness” factor. Back when I was a kid (mid 60’s), I saw a horror movie on TV in which Willow Trees somehow came to life, and went around killing people (pulled up roots and started walking). Scared the bejesus out of me. My neighbors across the street had a willow tree in their front yard and I wouldn’t go into it for years. I had dreams it would get up and come over to our house in the night. A really good creepster of a film. They finally dispatched them somehow.
I still don’t like willow trees very much, and won’t even have these things made from them in the house (just in case they come alive).
p.s. This post came up first when I was googling for “killer willow trees horror movie”.
i’ve never heard of them, and i’m glad…
i’m in criminology class trying not to burst out laughing. maybe it’s not the best idea to read this during class.
Creepy big time. A faceless humanoid form can't be anything but evil? Aliens, shadow people, mannequins? If you see a faceless entity, I say shoot first and ask questions later.
Caillou horses! Ha.
I carve a different version of these you would really enjoy .
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