The Score Sheet for the Metrosexual Worship Leader
Jun 6th by JonIf you didn’t read post “#269. Understanding how metrosexual your worship leader is,” this won’t make a lot of sense. But after posting, some readers pointed out that I needed a score system to interpret what the results of my metro guide meant. For instance, let’s say you score a 22, what does that mean? What’s a 43? Great point.
So here it is. My hope is that everyone will post comments and confess which category they fit in. I scored a 35 by the way.
0 – 10 points = Hymnal Hero
You my friend are what is known in the industry as a “Hymnal Hero.” (the industry of sarcasm by the way) You’re not metro in the least bit. You don’t like fruit flavored chapstick and think that songs that were written in this century, or the last one for that matter, are “too new.” If married, your wife tries to get you to wear hip jeans but you’re not into it. When my hymnal cologne comes out, you will buy a case.
11 – 20 points = Tomlin Curious
Oh, well hello there, you’re Tomlin Curious. I am of course referring to Chris Tomlin, one of the founding fathers of metrosexual worship leading. You’re currently dipping a toe, pedicured even, into the idea of all of this. You still rock the occasional hymnal but recently you saw a wide leather bracelet at the mall and thought about getting it. When you sleep at night you can hear voices calling you, “come style your hair, come frost your tips.”
21 – 40 points = Goatee Guy
Right now, you’re wearing Pumas and drinking a coffee that has fourteen words in its name. It’s cool, I have Pumas on too. You’ve gone over to the Salmon side. (This is the side where instead of saying “pink” you say things are “salmon” or “melon” or “coral.”) You rarely play a hymn and style yourself after Jeremy Camp. For breakfast you had something with “wheat grass” in it.
41 – 60 points = Girl Jeans Gambler
I’ve never personally rocked the girls jeans because they make my legs look really skinny. Oh, and I’m also a boy. But you’re thinking about it. I mean you’re not ready to do the Chris Daughtry eyeliner thing, he’s a bit more rock than metro anyway, but when you shop for clothes you get a little tempted. You’ve never sung a hymn and think Chris Tomlin is “too traditional.”
61+ points = The Carlos
My friend Carlos of Ragamuffinsoul.com, who works at North Point, is perhaps the most metro worship guy I have ever met. He’s also one of the coolest too, but that’s beside the point. Not only does he have a tattoo of Paul’s conversion, he was featured on the show “LA Ink” getting it. He has a cool nickname, “Los” and hangs out with creative types like photographers a lot. He’s really funny but can bust out an instant, “I’m a serious rockstar worship leader” face for his photos and was sent to Africa by Compassion International because his blog is so big. He is the Michael Jordan of Metrosexual Worship Leaders. If you reach this level then you are on another planet my friend, the Carlos planet.
Comments
You have to salute those that can make it to the Girl Jeans level. I’m a guitarist for my worship band and I just barely made it to the Goatee level, which I feel is a little on the sad side considering I am in college. Maybe if I started communing more with the Holy Roast… Anyway, as a male that has tried the girl jeans, I salute those that can wear them regularly. I enjoy tighter pants but those guys that can make it through a full day with their leg hair smashed flat against their legs and their thighs crying for airflow (or blood flow) are a metro step above me.
good thing I get a plus 4 for a visible tattoo, and 2 for twittering from my iPhone. That pulled me back out of the negative. I am a 5. Proudly, I am a man that dresses like one.
i remember the episode with the saul’s conversion tattoo on LA ink (awesome show). that was one of the most amazing tattoos i’d ever seen! and you KNOW that guy! sweet.
oh, jon…a 35?
either you belong to shoe shoppers anonymous, and have skewed your score w/ way too many pumas,
or you are dressing your daughters like the rock stars they deserve to be acknowledged as.
please grow a mullet for the summer, and leave carlos his rightful throne, ok?
great score sheet!
My wife took this quiz for me, said I scored a 16, so that makes me Tomlin Curious.
I suppose I’m okay with that.
Good stuff.
So, is the Carlos Planet recognized by the Mormons? They still do give everyone their own planets, right?
oh guys wearing girl jeans. how I loathe them.
maybe it’s just a jealousy thing because some guys pull off girl jeans better than I do…but it drives me crazy.
my friends too.
When the phenomenon first started (about 4 years ago when i started college) my best friend and I were in the caf. We saw a guy wearing girl jeans…and she said: “I just wanna go knock him over!”
because seriously…if you are a guy wearing girl jeans…you look easy to knock over.
*end rant*
ps- I love this blog. it makes me laugh out loud so much. You’re just saying what everybody is thinking. well, not everybody, but all the cool people.
Tomlin curious?! ROTFL! That may be one of the funniest things you’ve ever written – and that’s saying a lot.
I do NOT understand the girl jeans on guys thing, especially now that there are a lot of places that make way-too-tight guy jeans for the emo boys. And I thought metro just meant you dress nicely, like some dark rinse, factory faded slim boot cuts, rather than girl jeans. Aren’t girl jeans pretty much limited to emo kids? Or maybe that’s just wishful thinking.
Oh yeah, and my worship leader is like a 5, and as totally un-metro as a worship leader can be, but we sing lots of Tomlin and Doerksen songs, along with plenty of hymns. ;o)
What the everloving blue-eyed world (to borrow an expression from the Possum of the Okeefenokee) is “metrosexual”; and more to the point, what has it to do with worship of the Lord? What, in fact, does noticing it have to do with worship?
I love your blog, Jon, and I believe that you are using your talent to call attention to some foibles that need to be addressed.
I do note, though, that by their own admission, it seems several Christians are using their employer’s time for blogging. What’s up with that?
I appreciate following through on the comment for a rating scale! Yours is far and away better than the one I proposed.
But after I scored myself I was left in limbo! Does 35 mean that I am so metro it’s scary, or am I just another post-modern wannabe trying to fit in with the rest of the coffee roasting man-bag toting bunch of music leaders.
Ahhhh…. I can rest easy now that I know where I fit in this life.
what episode of LA Ink was Carlos on?
16. Tomlin-curious, brah! Which is totally wrong. I’m all Tomlin, all the time!
/just don’t frost my hair…
Funny, funny post!
I just recently came across your page and it kills me!
I noticed that you mentioned Compassion International. Would you be willing to add a Compassion featured child widget?
You can check it out at http://www.compassion.com/share/freestuff/compassion-widgets
Thanks!
Zach
Zach -
Thanks for reading and sharing some feedback. I’m not sure how much time you’ve spent on the site, but I don’t accept advertising (widget, banner or otherwise). I’ve talked with the folks at Compassion a few times and love what they do, but am going to pass on the widget.
Jon
Okay, this is a bit off topic but the blog world is becoming too small. This whole “six degrees of separation” is scary/weird.
I actually know of Carlos’s blog because he was linked from an adoption blog that I read months ago. That guy gets around.
Colleen
Tomlin Curious is one of your best so far. Bravo, my friend.
wow! WAY FUNNY. i have a friend who thought his female low cut jeans were too baggy, so he tailored them in by hand to … accentuate his thighs! ace! im pretty sure he would be carlos’s nephew.. lol!
Ok….this comment has nothing to do with this particular post. You’ve been warned. I just wanted to say that I love this blog. I recently found it, and have just finished reading every post on here. Keep up the amazing work!
Tariel -
Thanks so much for reading. It’s folks like you that take the time to read every post that keep me writing lots of posts.
I appreciate you sharing your time with me
jon
I am trying to figure out how guys (who has “stuff”) get into girls’ jeans that are not cut for “stuff”.
Have you done a post on “building campaigns?” Our church has been on one for about 3 years. You could write a book on it!
“Tomlin Curious”
Abby, who is shaking her head and laughing.
OH MY GOSH, I TOTALLY KNOW CARLOS WHITTAKER!! this is such a crazy, small world. i went to sandals church in riverside for two years when carlos was the worship leader. his music is so amazing. i don’t remember him being metro back then, but i do remember him being real and totally cool. (he doesn’t know me, by the way. i was just one person of hundreds going to that church at the time.) so cool.
great post, by the way. we so appreciate the scorecard. tomlin curious . . . so great.
Where’s the level for the guy that that only does worship choruses from the 80s and 90′s and maaaaybe EARLY 2000′s?
…cuz that seems to be my church, in its “contemporary service”.
Does anyone have a powerpoint presentation of this thread?
What is one to do if one’s music pastor scores in the negatives?
to be fair about the girl jeans, which i’m going to assume you mean designer jeans… seven, true religion, citizens of humanity, paper, denim and cloth… etc….
i, for one, appreciate a man that will purchase jeans that with respect. if we’re going to have the magic of denim… why can’t our denim be magical. i’m all for the “investment” … you wear them everyday after all…
“You’re currently dipping a toe, pedicured even, into the idea of all of this.”
Why’d this give me a pic of Tomlin dipping his pedicured toe into a lake ?!
I haven’t taken the quiz but I’m pretty sure I’m on the lower end of the Goatee Guy, because I like hymns but I’m all about pumas and other retro sneakers and healthy foods.
I bet it stinks when those guys take off those girl jeans. I can just imagine a cloud of funk escaping like a freed prisoner.
“You’re just saying what everybody is thinking. well, not everybody, but all the cool people.
”
Best. Comment. Ever.
Joey please tell me you’re joking.
Robyn, no they actually mean GIRL jeans as in jeans cut for girls not men or even boys.
You should do a post on VBS or Children’s Ministry Leaders like this. I’m sitting in my office, listening to the VBS crew outside and amusing myself at how stereotypical he is. Think, that guy from Blues Clues is a good example. And these aren’t pre-schoolers either.
“Let’s put our thinking cap on children.”…in “that” voice.
modern worship leaders keep getting gayer & gayer!!
I’m feeling better about my image than I have in a months. I give myself a -3. 2 points off for a black and red checked wool coat that is my winter uniform, and 3 points off for numerous pairs of suspenders (too bad you don’t get points for each pair–like the sneakers). My favorite pair of suspenders says “Montana Logging ASSC” in huge yellow letters (though I wouldn’t wear those to church). I would have gotten a -5 but I had to concede 2 points for having a tattoo, though it IS my wife’s name, so I don’t really think I should have to take those points. So how do guys that get a negative figure in?
Maybe this is why I’ve been relegated to the soundboard…
LOL Buy a case of Hymnal Cologne? Brutha, you should know that a true Hymnal Hero wears not cologne – only the scent of pure man”
[...] donation drive, Jon asked if I’d draw a metrosexual worship leader (an oft-used theme on the SCL site) in various stages of dress. The idea was to add a new piece of metrosexual clothing at various [...]
HYMNAL HERO!!!!!! YEAH!!!
Ha! I don't like skinny jeans either, Jon