#344. God: author of life, the Bible and billboards.
Jul 14th by Jon
Do you ever imagine how God spends His day? I do, but then I’m weird. I like to think He gets up early, shoots a round of Frisbee golf with David (the whole sling thing makes him pretty good), grabs breakfast at the Heaven Denny’s with C.S. Lewis and then spends the rest of the day building waterslide parks for my eventual arrival. But apparently, I’m wrong. Apparently God spends a good deal of His day writing billboards.
Have you seen these? I’m not sure if they are international or not, but here in the states (I said “states” to make me look cool) we have a God billboard campaign. They’re pithy little messages attributed to God that say things like, “I miss how you used to talk to me when you were a kid” and “Don’t make me come down there.”
I like them. I think it’s good to step outside what we usually do and I love the God billboards compared to say the “Got Jesus” or “Got Destiny” milk-flavored billboards. But because it’s Monday and early in the morning, I thought it might be fun to write our own versions. You crushed the sound guy haikus, so hopefully we can come up with some good ones. Here are mine:
1. “Hell has saber-toothed tigers. I’m just saying.” – God
2. “I deserve a producer’s credit for inspiring the Matrix move. (I had nothing to do with parts 2 and 3)” – God
3. “Would it kill you to have just one ‘pop and lock breakdance Sunday?’” – God
4. “It’s ‘all’ not ‘some’ when it comes to loving people.” – God
5. “I saw what you did. I see what you are doing. I know what you will do. And I love you.” – God.
6. “I got name dropped 26 times at the last Grammy Awards, that’s a new record.” – God
7. “David committed adultery with Bathsheba, killed her husband, let a war start that killed tens of thousands out of sin and I forgave him. What was it you were worried about?” – God
8. “I will never give you the answer. I will always be the answer.” – God
9. “Please pronounce the ‘t’ in ‘How Great is our God. It sounds like you’re saying ‘gray.’” – God
10. “Prince ain’t got nothing on me. I invented sex.” – God
Those are my ten. I would love to see you post a few. I think it will make Monday a lot more awesome.
Some other stuff I wrote today:
1. That’s pretend, right? - A child-sized nuclear bomb gets dropped on me.
2. Important - The greatest risk you face today.
Comments
http://www.cultivatinghome.blogspot.com/
I love hannah’s:
“I don’t believe you exist either -God”
Good one!!! hahahaha
“If you get lost on this road, you can consult a map. If you get lost in life, what will you consult?” – God
“I made cows fat, slow, and stupid for you and you’re trying to say they evolved?” – God
I would write more but it’s late and I’m tired.
You are your brothers keeper I’m not kidding- God
This is my favorite of your blogs. I especially like the one where God mentions Bathsheba and then asks me what I’m worried about. It puts things in perspective. Thanks for doing this.
You almost made me choke on my hot tamales, Jon XD
I got a few:
"You made life in a lab? Try doing that without using MY stuff." – God
"I turned satan into a toothless dog." – Jesus
"No, I do NOT wear white bed sheets." – Holy Ghost
I recently saw a church sign (and I am not making this up) that said: "Go ahead and mock me now. My turn's coming. -God"
those are great!
"“David committed adultery with Bathsheba, killed her husband, let a war start that killed tens of thousands out of sin and I forgave him. What was it you were worried about?” – God"
my personal favorite