Remix – #53. Saying "I’ll pray for you" and then not.
Sep 4th by JonSo you’re faced with two choices – either you throw your house keys and hope that the moonlight reflecting off the key chain blinds them and the sound distracts them allowing you to escape inside or you tell them, “I’ll give you a call.” And since you need your keys for getting in the house, that option isn’t great, unless you carry a spare set of “bad date keys” but then you have to wonder, how many bad dates are you going on that you had a special set of keys made just to throw?
Instead you say, “‘I’ll give you a call” because it’s easier that way. Or maybe we mean it at the time. Maybe we intend to call that person, but life gets busy and we just forget. I think that’s similar to what happens when we say “I’ll pray for you.”
Right now I have about a 17% success rate when it comes to actually following through on my “I’ll pray for you” statements. I know that’s horrible, but it’s a ten year average and from 1996 – 2004 I was batting about 0%. I’ve done better these last two years to pull up my average but you know what they say about prayer statistics, “it’s a marathon, not a sprint.” (I think there was an analogy traffic jam in that paragraph, whoa.)
But what if there was a better way? What if instead of saying “I’ll pray for you” and then not, we could all do something else? What if we learned five new ways to end a Christian conversation without saying, “I’ll pray for you?” I think we should.
Five new things to say instead of “I’ll pray for you.”
1. “Here, have some pocket candy.”
Conversations, much like Saturday Night Live skits, are often difficult to end. What started out funny and enjoyable just kind of slowly deteriorates until you’re both standing there saying, “so yeah, that’s what’s going on.” I think it might be nice, when you sense that a conversation has lost its momentum and it’s time to move on, if you offered the person you’re talking with some pocket candy. Instead of saying, “I’ll pray for you,” you could say, “I need to go now, but I’d like to leave you with these hard candies. Here, have some pocket candy.” Everyone loves candy, and even if they don’t, they’ll be too stunned to really say anything as you fill their hands with delicious treats instead of an empty promise to pray for them.
2. “Razzle Dazzle, Razzle Dazzle.”
This one makes no sense and that’s kind of the point. It’s just really fun to say, and at the bare minimum, it will be awkwardly funny. Just imagine if your friend says, “so anyway, that’s what’s going on, not much else, whatever” and you reply, “Razzle Dazzle man, Razzle Dazzle.” (Bonus points if you combine this one with #1 and actually give your friend a handful of Razzles, the candy that turns into a gum. Remember that stuff? It somehow managed to suck as both a gum and a candy. Phenomenal.)
3. “I’m sorry, I can’t multiply the funk.”
Occasionally, a friend will ask you to pray for something that you completely disagree with. They’re in a funk right now and if what they’re praying for came true, the funk would be multiplied. Maybe they’re in a horrible relationship and they’re praying they’ll get married or they’re trying to quit their 47th job that year and when they ask you to pray for a new one you can’t do anything but shot block it. You don’t want to, it won’t feel loving at the time, but you don’t want to multiply the funk by praying for something you adamantly feel like God is clearly against. So be upfront and work in a little George Clinton/Prince type language to soften the blow.
4. “That’s interesting.”
If you’ve ever worked in a corporation, you’ve heard this phrase. This term is so large and undefined that when someone shows you an idea at work you can say “that’s interesting” and it can mean everything from, “I like that idea, I think we should turn it into a project” to “that is the worst idea I have ever heard in my life.” Try it today, you can use it in almost any situation. Someone spills a coke in your computer keyboard, “that’s interesting, the vowels don’t work anymore.” Someone offers to give you a raise and an office with a door, “that’s interesting, I would like a promotion.” It’s great for work and is a pretty handy “I’ll pray for you” replacement. Not because it’s a dishonest phrase but because it buys you time to gather your thoughts and reflect on the conversation instead of just throwing out an instant “I’ll pray for you.”
5. “Let’s pray right now.”
Rock the PRT, Prayer Right There, if you really want to pray. Don’t let the push and pace of life swallow the request. Even if you write a prayer request down, you might lose that piece of paper or have your wife throw it away because she thought it was trash even though it also had a great book idea on it. Hypothetically speaking of course. So just pray. Or if that feels weird, pray while you walk away or drive away or Ruckus away, if you are so lucky to own a Honda Ruckus scooter. (I love that word, “ruckus.” That’s what I want to do with God, create a ruckus and the idea of creating a ruckus while at the same time riding a scooter named Ruckus makes my head spin.)
If we ever have the chance to hang out and we find that our conversation starts drawing to a close, and neither of us knows what to say, I hope you’ll say, “Razzle Dazzle” and hand me some Razzles. Because even though it’s a sucky candy and then a sucky gum, it’s still free candy, and hey, I like free candy a lot more than fake “I’ll pray for you” shout outs.
Comments
I think adding a side hug with any of the above should get you extra points too. I’m cool like that though.
This is sooo true! I am going to try to change from being an EPP to a PRT kind of person. I always have good intentions but then I forget…and I can’t imagine I will ever have pocket candy handy…great post!
hey there – i was just tuned in to your blog.
that was stinkin' funny!
it reminds me of a story i once heard about old fashioned fire & brimstone preacher. he used to say "PRAISE THE LORD" at random to what ever conversation he was having…can u see where this is going? … anyways, during one conversation, a missionary (or some one else quite important, i don't remember) had made the comment about the rate of immorality in this generation. he said, "…people are dying and going to hell."
to which the old pastor followed with "praise the Lord".
(true story)
“I hear you say your heart is aching
You’ve got trouble in the making
And you ask if I’ll be praying for you please
And in keeping with conviction
I’ll say yes with good intentions
To pray later making mention of your needs…”
“..Let us pray, let us pray, everywhere in every way
Every moment of the day it is the right time.
For the Father above he is listening with love and he wants to answer us oh let us pray.”
-Let us pray
Steven Curtis Chapman
Let’s rock the RPT, I even do it over the phone with friends, which feels kinda silly at first…praying with a phone in your hand. Gives new meaning to the ‘I’ll dial’ thought to opening prayer.
Thanks for the remix!
I demand an SCL T-shirt that says “Rock the PRT”
I’m a huge fan of #5. And. I can’t think of anything else interesting to say. Except, you might like to know that I totally cracked up several times at this post.
Razzle Dazzle! (Since I don’t have Razzles, can I just throw Skittles at you and run away?)
Heavenly Father,
We come before you in awe at your majesty, your power, the amazing grace you pour out on all of us– undeserved and underappreciated every single day.
We are not worthy to gather up the crumbs under Your table, yet you see to fit to bless us with the bread of life living water every time we hunger or thirst.
Right this minute I lift up to you all of the people reading this post at this moment, and ask that you “give them power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Jesus Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that [they] may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” (Eph.3:17-19)
Thank you Lord, for hearing the prayers of the lowliest of Your servants, and I especially lift up my brother (sister?) who posted here at 7:58, as well as Ben’s son. Heal them, Great Physician, with Your grace and power. We thank You, knowing that what is impossible for man, is more than possible with you.
Lord, I give you so much thanks and praise for the creation and preservation of Jon Acuff—what joy he promulgates on his website. I thank you that he is so truly Yours, and that you’ve gifted him so prodigiously and allowed him to generously share his remarkable gifts with us.
In Jesus name, I pray all of these things. Amen
I wanted to add a PS about “Thanks-but-no-thanks for the invention of Razzles which are neither a candy nor a gum, but I did not wish to disturb the solemnity of the prayer just for a cheap laugh.
My friend, Connie, and I have decided to implement “Razzle Dazzle” in our conversations starting . . . TOMORROW. It will be so awesome. =D
Thanks for the idea, Jon!
Hey! I abso-freaking LOVE your blog! I have read back about three months of it and have yet to be offended by your sarcasm/ truth. Having served as a church janitor, youth leader/pastor, worship leader and encountered many of the phenoms you write about– I just LOVE your blog. I also share a similar twisted viewpoint that has led to many “one-laughers” (me only, laughing at my own jokes) and a little well-deserved isolation in more serious settings. Seeing as I have not read your entire site, it is probably premature to make suggestions for topics. But I’m going to anyway.
* Tamborines and Shofars and their contribution to a quality worship experience. (Ever tried to lead worship with a moose yelling in your face or a drummer that is hypnotized by that lady in the back row “shaking it”)
* The Essential Items Protection Program- the place to which much needed items in a church disappear.
* Worship banners
*Do you remember “88 reasons why Jesus will come back in ‘88″? You haven’t lived till you’ve told your mom good-bye before school on the day of Judgment by the Almighty.
Just a few thoughts… You’ll hear from me again.
One of our youth group leaders was getting into a long passionate speech and ignoring other leader’s ‘wrap up’ signals. Suddenly, at the end of a sentence, he said ” So, anyone want some snacks?”
There was stunned silence after which we applauded him. He looked slightly sheepish
Ideas for posts: yeah,I think kablot spot’s ideas would be good especially worship banners and shofars. Another one I’ve been thinking of is “trying to think of ice-breakers for cell groups”. When I was a new Christian I was always given the job of thinking of ice breakers as it was supposed to be easy (compared with organising worship or other more meaty tasks). All I could do was think of really inappropriate ones which I could never say because the others in the group were so serious. Things like: “What do you like least about this (host’s) room?”; “If you had to ask one person to leave the cell group who would it be and why?” and “What would you like to be when you get reincarnated?”.
w-o-w. “bad date keys.”
and then the phenomenally sucktacular candy and gum that is razzles! great post.
I just want to tell everyone and anyone who prayed for me yesterday…a sincere, heartfelt thank you..from the bottom of my heart…
If you couldn’t tell..my heart was burdened with my situation yesterday when I posted and I should have chosen a better time to post…so I offer an apology to all of you for coming across as critical of the topic …and I apologize for putting a damper on the humor and lightness of the situation
I really do enjoy the site and the comments…and I am very humbled and thankful for the prayers you offered up for me so please forgive me my moment of self pity
I noticed this phenomenon recently and decided I wouldn’t tell someone I’d pray for them unless I actually would. Not that I ever intended not to pray for someone, but it’s easy to forget. So now, I pray right then and there (usually silently) and then tell someone I prayed for them. I admit that sometimes this means I don’t pray and I find something else to day.
I tend not to want to pray aloud, ’cause my best friends are likely to laugh and others think I’m making fun of it. Never did learn how to make a prayer sound all spiritual and serious. Or long. Comes out more like, “God, please heal this person. Give them peace, show them your love, although I know you don’t stop showing it so, yeah, you get the idea. Uh, I think that’s all, thanks.”
PH (’cause signing off with P seemed weird, and now people can wonder what my comment has to do with acidity)
hahah…wow…this is really interestingg…=D
This is something that has been brought up a zillion times in small groups. A seriously cool solution: offer to pray for them right then and there. Instead of “I’ll pray for you,” ask “Can I pray for you right now?” and pray for them right then. It works like a charm
I used to work for a great woman who did the “pray right now” thing. I was always so struck by how caring she was.
“Could you describe the ruckus, sir?”
(Bonus for getting the reference…)
Haha, we had a youth pastor that preached on not saying “I’ll pray for you” and then not. So we tried to only either mean it or pray for the person right then and there. I’ve remembered it ever since.
Jon, I just ran across your site and think you’re hilarious… you’ll get a link on my blog for sure. I also think you have the greatest readers too. Here’s to Christians who can have a sense of humor!
Keep up the blogs, and .. um .. Razzle Dazzle!
when I say “i’ll pray for you”, I just pray in my head while I walk away. Then Its true, and I don’t feel bad if I forget to pray for them later.
so funny because it’s so true!
I never tell people that i’ll pray for them (even if they ask me to – if they knew what my prayers were like they would know better than to ask, ’cause i hardly ever end up praying for whatever the person wants… I do not want to ‘multiply the funk’ so to speak)
I HATE it when people PRT for me… it always gives me the heebie-jeebies ’cause I get anxious about what they’re gonna do… I’ve had too many run-ins with overly-charismatic people trying to pray the ‘oppression’ out of me.
And it’s REALLY awkward to be frantically praying the opposite in your head while the person is praying some crazy thing for you. e.g. “Jesus PLEASE don’t listen to this crazy woman – please do NOT hook me up with the nice young man over there!!”
(I’ve never had the courage yet to interrupt someone’s prayer and politely ask them to stop)
I don’t want you to pray for me to find a new job unless you’re also willing to keep your eye out for a suitable one and give me a recommendation if i need it.
But I DO pray for people all the time – stealthily in my head when they’re not looking – I think of it as ninja prayer. And if I need to end a conversation i say something like “I’m sorry about your sucky life, but I hope the rest of today is a little better” Also, I make cookies all the time for sharing. You can’t go wrong with sugary substances.
God forbid that I should say that I am going to pray for someone and I don’t!!!!!!
I get tired, too, of hearing “I’ll pray for you” when I know it’s likely to be forgotten. I ran across a t-shirt the other day – it had a picture of a safety pin and used that pin as a reminder to Pray It Now.
Hold up …
I was walking into the gym today thinking, "What a beautiful day." My mind wandered and I caught myself singing a little ditty from one of my childhood favorite movies … and suddenly I stopped short.
Did you get the phrase "Razzle Dazzle" from the song "Razzle Dazzle Day" (from the pre-Harry Potter mystical creature cult classic "Pete's Dragon")?!!???
Oh, wait. It's Brazzle Dazzle Day. Sorry.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AjBJlpz3WWY&feature=related
I cannot even remember laughing until I cried…thank you Jon, thank you. I just have to go to church on Sunday and use one of these to which I will be stared at in stunned silence while making myself laugh outloud and surely uncontrollably. And the best part? Only I will be in on the joke. Am I allowed to do that? Be the only one in on the joke? I like it. I like it.
YES, Stephy, you can be the only one in on the joke! That is one of my favourite things, having a little laugh at a joke only I get… socially inept – yes – but really fun – yes!
oh, and one of my favourite movies is the Aussie movie razzle dazzle – i watched it with my sister Seren. Aussie moves kick ass. i am going to find a link. so you can watch it too! Here we go: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AHoje2rqX9c
And you’ll love Summer Heights High if you like Razzle Dazzle: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P1QsapRnhsw
love meg
An awesome post, which I just discovered. Thanks for waving the “insincere prayer” thing in people’s face, Jon — ever wonder why the world is so cynical of Christ’s followers, people? We tell others that their lifestyles are wrong, then don’t even follow up on our own words!
I blogged on this very topic awhile back:
http://felipebeach.wordpress.com/2008/10/17/update-1016-plus-thoughts-and-prayers-revisited/
…these thoughts came after months of hearing “I’ll pray for you” (in light of some health difficulties I was going through), and wanting to believe that people actually planned on doing so.
Late to the game, but thanks for the remix, Jon. I came across your blog a week or so ago, and I have steadily been reading Every. Single. Post. I’m planning to share this one with my cell group tonight.
I’m slowly getting better at #5.
P.S. “Razzle Dazzle” was also the name of a Saturday morning show back in the 70s with the Hudson Brothers.
Yeah! It’s cool to pray for them right at that moment, too, so you definitely don’t forget.
Silent in-your-head praying is great. Praise Jesus for opening the door!
So, I was wondering if you would let me use this razzle dazzle phrase. It is awesome!
My Mum taught me her secret tool of awesomeness to combat this all-too-common problem. Basically, if you tell someone you're going to pray for them, you do it….right there. On the spot.
As soon as the other person starts to respond, you set your head-nodding/affirming murmur faculties to 'Autopilot', mentally check out and offer up a quick, explosive "energy blast" prayer. Right about the time when they're winding up their turn at talking, you're finished and resume the conversation with something vaguely applicable, based on the few snips of verbage that filtered in while you were praying.
Is this sneaky? Undoubtedly. Bordering on rude, even. But forced to choose between this maneuver and the alternative (forgetting to pray for them at all), this one is the clear winner. Even if you totally forget to take their burdens before sweet baby Jesus ever again, you will still have kept your word and prayed for them at least once.
[youtube py2ktp_sQAA http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=py2ktp_sQAA youtube]
I'm a little late to the game, but I had this old video from 2005 when my youth group was going to Youth Camp. The guy in the driver's seat is my youth pastor, and the first guy is another leader. I'll let the video explain why I embedded it here. It's not long so I hope you enjoy.
Get razzles to advertise your book since you advertised them on your blog at no charge to them. Razzle dazzle man, razzle dazzle!
Launch a 'metrosexual worship leader' line of scarves and hair gel, or get a Christian clothing company to produce a deep-v neck tshirt with a quote from your DVS essay on the front (like just the titles of the 5 steps).
Get Rob Bell to recommend your book frequently in his talks over his current tour (hey he's your Zondervan buddy… surely he should want to help you while he's plugging his own book).
Get a flash mob together for a wreckless publicity stunt somewhere big . When the first whistle blows everyone takes off their jacket (revealing a lovely tee with an ad for your book and website on the back) and then side hugs someone else for 5 minutes (or any variation of this flash mob sort of thing would be cool).
Get Zondervan to find you a song writer who can write a Christian Lady Gaga cover (which blatently plugs your book) and set it loose on Youtube and pray it goes viral…
Wheeeey
This is posted under the wrong post and I don't know how (I think it was because I had multiple posts open at once. I'm reposting it where it should be, so feel free to delete this