#438. Refusing to let people borrow your pen in church.
Nov 13th by JonI like to think I’m a kind person, that deep down I have some degree of compassion bubbling in my heart like a holiday themed flavor of coffee. Perhaps a butternut toffee or peppermint stick swirl. But then something major happens and my true colors come out just like Cyndi Lauper promised they would. An economic downturn? A job loss or relationship crumbling? Nope, I’m talking about a major event, like someone asking to borrow my pen.
Last Monday I started a three day training event at work. Right before the class started, a guy at my table said, “Oh no, I forgot a pen.” I responded, “You’re definitely going to need one today.” Then I looked down at the three pens that were sitting in front of me and thought, “Did he see those already? I hope not. Is it too late to slide them back into my pocket so he doesn’t ask for one? Plus, he’s drinking a hot tea and has tissues. This guy has a cold and no pen. He’s about to ask me if he can germ up one of my pens all day.”
I ended up giving him one and after the class he immediately gave it back to me but I thought about the whereabouts and safety of that pen most of day. There was a free cheap one included in our training binder and I kept watching his face to see if he would notice it and say, “Oh, here’s a pen right here! Let me give this one back to you kind sir.” As silly and as superficial as that sounds, this is the same thing I do in church.
If we ever sit next to each other during service, and you ask me to borrow one of my pens, please know that I will be going through these five stages:
1. Denial
“That did not just happen. I brought a red pen for important notes, a black pen for regular notes and a few back ups in case they go dry during the middle of the sermon but I kept them hidden in my pocket. How did they even know to ask me for one? That did not just happen.”
2. Anger
“They should have brought their own pen. What am I Office Depot over here? I’m just supposed to bring pens and paper and other office supplies to church for you? And if I said no when you asked if I had a pen you could borrow, then I’m lying in church. So my two options are inappropriate anger and lying. Oh, and look at you, skating around the bulletin doodling. That’s what you needed my pen for today? To fill in the O’s and put a mustache on the picture of the steeple? That doesn’t even make sense, why would a church steeple have a handlebar mustache? You should be ashamed of yourself.”
3. Bargaining
”Maybe if I find them a different pen they’ll give me mine back. I mean I know it’s a Uniball Micro Vision which is the best type of pen there is, but maybe I could give them the cheapo pen my wife writes her checks with. Oh no, she didn’t bring in her purse and my church has refused to stock those little golf pencils in the back of their seats. Would it be so wrong for me to ask someone on the left side of me for a pen and then give their pen to the person on the right side of me? Is that neurotic or a stroke of a pen diplomacy genius?”
4. Depression
“I know what’s going to happen. God’s going to do something wonderful in this sermon that I’m going to need to write down and I won’t be able to. The pastor is going to say, ‘I’m only going to say this once, but here’s the secret to a super awesome life…’ and then my backup pens are going to fail me and I’ll be forced to try to scratch my sermon notes into the paper with my finger nail. I’ll try to remember it, I will, but by the time I hit the parking lot and start getting mad at the traffic team I will have forgotten what the pastor said. All hope is lost.”
5. Acceptance
“The pen is gone. Was it every really mine in the first place? You can’t ask someone for a pen back after church. You look so petty and unaffected by the sermon. The pen is gone. God gives and takes away. He really does.”
That’s horrible, right? I’m ridiculous, right? It’s just a pen, a stupid pen, but that’s not far from what I am thinking some Sunday mornings.
Am I the only one that has this kind of inner dialogue going on during church?
p.s. Atlanta readers, a friend at CBS46 mentioned they are doing a piece of God and miracles tonight at 11. She also said she would do a piece on Stuff Christians Like. OK, she didn’t that last part, but I’m pretty sure God wanted her to. Pretty sure indeed.
Comments
I started taking notes on my iPhone at church b/c
I don’t usually have a pen on me.
People look at me like I’m texting during the message
with consternation–perhaps another blog topic? Phone
usage during church/not turning the ringer off?
I didn’t read through the 100 posts to see if someone else already had this idea, but what about a SCL pen that you could give away? If you don’t want to buy any, you could probably get samples from some companies….
Okay, so I’m the woman with about 15 pens in her purse, only one of which is suitable for another person’s use. I keep it in there (usually a hotel pen or some other cheap freebie) just in case. Because I don’t share my pens. They are mine. I bought them. I meticulously went through the process of discerning which pens work best on which papers they come in contact with (bulletin vs. journal vs. notebook paper vs. copy paper, etc.). After all that research, it’s my right to keep my pens to myself. Only the freebie goes out on loan. And I ask for it back.
I can (sadly) totally relate.
Oh my goodness. I have the same irrational possessiveness about ALL pens on my person. I always try to inconspicuously rifle through my pens and find the one I’m least attached to before I give that one to the irresponsible beggar.
Our church has a program called “Griefshare” that helps people navigate through the grieving process after losing someone. (Why do they call it losing them anyway? I know right where she is…) So, Jon, I’m thinking I should enroll you in a new program called “Penshare”. It will make the journey so much better. And you can be there with other penmongers. Se you there.
I can’t even finish reading the post until I stop laughing from the “handlebar mustache on a steeple – that doesn’t even make sense” comment.
Talk amongst yourselves. I’ll give you a topic: Why the worship eagle is neither worshipful nor a real eagle. Discuss.
Ok, I’m good. Read most of the comments, too. Good ones, my SCL pals, and I’m very proud of all the confessing penmongers (such a harsh term!)
I LOVE pens. I LOVE having pens for certain papers. Back in junior high, I remember this amazing pen I “borrowed” from my Dad’s pocket protector when we hugged good-bye that morning. This pen had a thick felt tip and a seemingly endless supply of oozing black ink. I would hold it in one spot on the top page of my algebra notebook and see just how far that ink spot would seep… down down down plumbing the depths of my wide-ruled Mead Composition Book… it was a thing of beauty.
Thus began my pen fetish, the nonpareil of which happened only this past summer: I was in a meeting with fellow camp counselors, naturally (yet inconspicuously) scoping out the pen used by each. I happened upon a fantastic specimen – a Uni-Ball of course – and commented to the owner “My, that is a truly great pen!” I expected the typical – and perfectly acceptable – “Thanks, it’s my favorite.” But no, I was dealing with a true servant of Christ. He replied with a genuine smile, “Well, you can have it!” I was dumbstruck. I blathered on about how grateful I felt. He reassured me that it was “no big deal.”
And I will honor his sacrifice by holding onto that pen until I die.
Or am I supposed to follow his example?
Darn it.
Hmmm. Had to LOL at this one. Most people, church/work/friends know not to ask me for a pen. I ususally don't let them borrow one. OR, if I do — I definitely keep an eye on it at all times.
Currently my favorite is the Pilot G2 .05, retractable, in blue. I buy them for work & home.
I am definitely a pen fanatic. Can't help it. Just the way I am. Don't mess with my pens! And God hasn't convicted me of it being wrong — yet.
So…you're not alone.
Thanks for describing me so well. Haha! When I was in college/ graduate school and someone asked to borrow a pen, I’d usually lend them one of my cheaper ones — of course, I had a batch of them, so, if they forgot to give it back, I wouldn’t feel as bad about it lending it out in the first place (though I often ended up feeling guilty for giving them a cheaper pen to use!).
I’m currently attached to using those Bic Grip mechanical pencils. My workplace currently doesn’t have any good pencils, but I keep a grip mechanical one in my purse. At the end of the day, I have to remember to put it back in my purse, otherwise I’m afraid someone will be tempted and take it! Hmmm…I have a problem, don’t I?
I’m a Uni-ball Jetstream person myself, but I totally find myself doing this. Of course, when I was in third grade and sitting through the service my dad used to refuse to let me borrow his pen. Seriously. Maybe I got it from him. Some people are just pen people, I suppose.
That hit a little too close to home. I stick with the Uniball Micro Vision and a clickster automatic pencil that I would rather not share. (Seriously, I am a germ freak and my husband even knows not to mess with my writing utensils). So I keep an extra “disposable” pen with me. That way if someone asks I can just give it to them and look like a nice person instead of the neurotic pen hoarder that I am.
~Another great pen is the Pilot V Ball Grip Extra Fine
Issues, Jon… deep-rooted issues. It’s good to know I’m not alone. I get belly laughs reading your blog… the kind my Grandma used to have that make your whole body shake.
I always brought my jumbo pen to class so that I could loan it to some one and see their face! It was a really big pen! way fun but it was hard to write with so people usually found another pen and gave mine back…too much fun
Oh my. I’m right there with you…except I’m more partial to the Pilot G-2.
I bring crayons to church. Nobody wants to borrow a crayon.
I love your blog…really. It makes me feel almost, normal.
Pens don’t bug me too much. What gets me is when I casually ask the elderly folk how they are doing and they tell me, IN GREAT DETAIL. From the hangnail that’s giving them pain to the “depends” accident that happened at the grocery store. Some stuff I just really don’t need to know, but I have to just shake my head and listen politely.
I tie my pen to my bag.. that way they would have to sit near or beside me. That way, it will be returned.
lol. love it.
(although maybe I would be the one asking so I could write my grocery list during slow moments in the service. *gasp* did I just say that?!)
You’re hilarious. And it’s so true all those things just bug me especially I borrow a pen to a stranger. If it’s someone I know and I lent that person my favourite pen, I’d hunt him/her down until I get it back!
Humans and our attachment to pens. Boggles the mind.
i get the same way about my pens! i didn’t realize it until one day i offered a pen to someone (out of guilt) and he said, “no, that’s a nice pen, i don’t want you to lose it” and handed it back to me. that made me so ridiculously happy i wanted to make out with him. haha. but i didn’t.
I have a supply of crappy pens for when someone inevitably asks to borrow one of mine… No one touches my Uniball Micro Vision.
Oh yes, I am SO possessive with my pens! I have been known to track down the person I loaned it to and take it back. Fortunately, I’ve restricted this behavior to my “purse pen.” If the person is in my home and borrows a pen, I don’t give it a second thought because we have pens everywhere. But don’t think about walking away with my purse pen!
My favourite pen is the Bic Cristal in black ink. Nothing fancy, but I like that the barrel is transparent.
I like those cheapy papermate pens, the black ones especially. They never let me down, and you can get like 30 of them for $3 so it’s no big deal when I lose one or let someone borrow one. I think it’s only because I’m a college student and have no money to invest in nice pens though.
I think it’s funny how everyone here has their own preffered brand/type of pen! I think I have the potential to be like that, if I had extra money, as I am sort of a neat-writing freak (I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve heard “wow, you have really nice handwriting!” At first it was like a compliment, but by like the 10th or so time and often from the most random people (my spanish professor, for example–who’s a guy!), it became just plain weird.)
as a former waitress who got peeved whenever customers walked out with my pens that I gave them to sign their credit card receipt, I recommend this foolproof tactic that one of my fellow servers came up with:
get some good novelty pens, like the tween girly ones with a fluffy pink top and googly eyes. or a giant baseball bat pen. nobody is “accidentally” walking off with those.
Well, there’s over a hundred comments already and you may never get this and it’s possible someone else has already said it… BUT
I think what you need in a couple Boomerang pens to use as ‘loaners’.
Check them out here.
They’re the pens that always come back!
To: Katherine Laine said…
HAHAHAHAHAHA!
click on it Jon your answer!
wow…lol…talk about being selfish w/ your pens…
I was a Wal-Mart cashier in college, so it was my JOB to let people borrow my pens. Occasionally I would even gain one or two by the end of a shift. I would use/loan the pens in the order from most willing to lose to “Give me back my pen or you’re not getting your receipt or your change!”
After college I worked in healthcare, so like Pam, I knew drug names and companies by who had the best pens. Seemed like the recalled drugs were featured on the best pens? I still have a few Baycol pens stashed away in my desk drawer.
Jesus said, “If you give your pen to the least of these, then you’ve loaned your pen to me. But if you refuse to loan me your pen on earth, then I’ll refuse to loan you a pen in Heaven.” Or something like that.
I’m more concerned about who chews the lids to all the pens in the back pockets of the side-interlocking chairs we have at my church. They can’t be that tasty. Not to MENTION the germs! Oy vey!
In the privacy of the internet, I confess that I began chewing on pens for just this reason. Worked in an office of kleptos… so I just consciously made a point of walking around the office, attending meetings, etc. with pens in my mouth. Not professional, but desperate times call for desperate measures.
“Oh? You want to borrow THIS pen? *chomp, chomp, gnaw* Sure thing! What? *chew chew chew* You don’t want it anymore!?! Weird.”
Also, my Verification Word: “Marinse” the use of slobber to mark private property.
This morning, at Church, I needed a pen. Or a pencil, or something. And I was too shamed to ask someone… lol good thing I hadn’t read this first, or I’d have probably been even more shamed! lol
The pen issue. For me as a highly organised teenager pens are in fact a big deal to me. I have the red pen for titles/ sub-headings etc. The blue or black pen for normal use and *wait for it* the green pen for those special times when green is the only colour suitable for the task. Indeed my pencil case a pen haven. But alas I am also a pen chewer, it’s not so bad they are MY pens, but then someone asks to use one. I hastily take off the chewed lid that looks as if ive never seen food and toss the remaining pen to the kid in the class. Then after the bell rings I eyeball them waiting for the pen back and to my dismay they usually are pocketed and taken with the person I so kindly gave one to. *sigh* all my beloved pens.
I can totally relate to this. In school I was always the girl who had the six pencils (at least). But only one would be sharp enough to write with so I couldn’t give away that one, could I? So I gave away my more blunt ones. Plus, this one time in French class I didn’t give this guy a pen to borrow and he thought that meant I didn’t like him. So I’m sorry, guy from 8th grade, it’s nothing against you, I just really really like my pens.
that is awesome. i feel your inter conflict. i carry a bad/generic pen to lend out to people.
I know I’m coming late to this but I just discovered SCL a few weeks ago. Am slowly working my way through the 500 list. Kids in the Hall did a sketch about this situation:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cFEUy8NzazE
I don’t get uptight about lending my pens (I save my ire for real annoyances, like people who ask to borrow a sheet of paper). But whenever someone asks to borrow a pen, I start thinking “my pen! my pen!”.
word verification: graphydr
In mythology, the graphydr was a winged beast that tormented people who stole pens.
“If anyone wants to sue you and take away your tunic, let him have your cloak also.”
We, christians need to be generous even we know it is sometimes “bad” for us.
As you said: “God gives and takes away. He really does.”
It is true, and God will reward us for giving ourselves even when we don’t want to. Even if you hadn’t your pen to write down “the secret to a super awesome life…” the God would reward you with even more awesome life afterward if you give yourself completely. That’s why you need to give your pen to people around you if they didn’t bring any. Satan is tempting us all the time and we all need to be prepared for that.
Jesus saves, my brothers and sisters. May the love and blessings of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you and give you an open heart to the people around you who ask for pens.
I'm pretty attached to my pens, too. Especially the nice ones.
"Collateral" Teachers often have trouble with too many student pen and pencil borrowers so my son's teacher required collateral…a shoe. No one forgot to return her pens.
EVERYBODY at youth group would ask to borrow a pen! Then my youth leader wised up and filled a plastic tub with cheap pens, which he steals regularly.
OMG. That's so freaky that I stumbled across this entry today, since we're studying D.A.B.D.A in my Psych class right now lol OH and cause, I'm totally the same when it comes to pens. Absolutely. lol