SCL

They may not rate high on the scale of Christawesomeness, but these sweaters inspired and allowed us to do THIS. Why wait till your over 40 to reap the benefits of the holiday sweater?

Dude, you better re-think the candy cane. Read this…

http://www.snopes.com/holidays/christmas/candycane.asp

I know it’s not true, but this is the kind of stuff we christians like to take as our own and run with.

Mine makes me “adorned in glory and splendor”….except I probably get points deducted because it has Christmassy words written all over it yarn and sequins. I had a picture taken while wearing it about 10 years ago, and right across my chest it says “Xmas” and “Ho.” Oops. Seriously. Those sweatshop sweatermakers should be flogged.

Or “slinged” as the word verification gods command.

Ya’ know…calling someone a

“cotton headed ninny-muggins”

on a Christian blogsite is NOT very polite!

Once again, I’m offended!

Why do I keep comin’ back to this place?

Good post!

I wold likely score a zero or less, but mostly because I’m a 30 year old male. I don’t really own a lot of Christmas apparel. I do have on shirt that has a picture of milk and cookies and says, “I”m on Santa’s Diet.”

Alas Curtis, I have no Christmasawesomeness…None. In fact my score is like -82. I haven’t hit 40 though and is that like a magic number where I’ll suddenly have the urge to run out and buy up loads of Christmasawesome sweaters? I’m suddenly dreading the big 4-0…

(By the way, big contest on my site and I’m looking for your sarcasm and wit. Please Buzz By Annie’s !)

i’m not a fan of any sweaters…nevermind the christmas sweater. they make me overheat which gives me a migraine. good times!

great job with the post, curtis!

Annie K, the Christmawesomeness doesn’t magically show up after 40. Some of us are able to resist.

This doesn’t stop us from buying embarrassing Christmas apparel for our kids, though.

I TOTALLY think someone should make a “Mary is My Homegirl” sweater though. (Annie?)

wv: parna
“Rufus, Ah cain’t fahnd mah two Christmas sweaters. I know I had a parna linen closet.”

hey… lay off the SBC with that boycott stuff christians like.

everybody knows it’s them radio guys in tupelo that get their boycott on this time of year.

Curtis-
As always, great post.

I wish there was a sweater that I could wear that was made of Salt and Vinegar pringles. Imagine that, spending the whole day slowly eating your sweater as you shopped for Christmas presents at the mall. Would that be weird? Probably.
Jon

WV: dighshol
How someone with a laid back, slurred accent tells you they dig soul music.

I feel a little left out! This is truly an American thing. Londoners are just not that ‘into’ anything lol! Hey we do have a line of London Underground apparel for those who just aren’t getting enough of the ‘mind the gap’ and the London Transport logo. Admittedly the only person I ever saw wearing one was an American but in time it could take off!

Do you really have 455 posts?? Wow, I’ve just started my blog and was thinking I was doing well… but then you can easily read mine from start to finish in 8 minutes.

But what can a British Mum write about? Rain? More rain? Oh have I mentioned it rained again?

Well done on the blog!

@Jon:

If you had your pringle sweater/turtleneck, you could slowly eat off the sleeves, so you could go from long sleeves to short sleeves to pringle t-neck tanktop to tanktop midriff, to tube top o’pringles. That shirt would be so versatile!

w.v.: holess- 1) to be without holes.

“Jon’s pringle sweater smelled like salt and vinegar. At least it was holess.”
2) When Santa has laryngitis and cannot say “ho ho ho”.

Steph, I was thinking the very same thing.. Heading over to the creative design department now.

And keep up the resistance.

Bill Cosby wants his sweater back…awesome. Bill Cosby had the best sweaters…really defined a generation, don’t you think?

Bonus points —

If you and your yippy-dog have matching sweaters = +3 points.

If you and your Husband have matching sweaters = +5 points.

If you used pointy candy-canes to destroy your collection of Christmas Sweaters = -10 points.

curtis, curtis, curtis…. I think you have taken the wrong approach to candy canes. I prefer to look at them with a “glass half full” attitude. First you get to suck on delicious peppermint candy, which besides being tasty also helps relax smooth muscles therefore helping in indigestion and minor bronchoconstriction in asthma. Then after all that delicious peppermint enjoyment, once you have worked the tip into a pointy death instrument, you can use it to defend yourself from, say, annoying Christmas shoppers who waited till the last minute to buy the years biggest doll (a half princess/half unicorn)!

“knitted from the wool of a Bethlehemian sheep” –That alone is Christawesomeness. Great job, Curtis.

Darryl: typo? did you not mean -10 points for spousal matching sweaters?

wv: exces–SCL makes me laugh to exces.

I’m so with you on the Mary is my Homegirl sweater….I would have totally bought that last year…much to the embarrassment of everyone around me.

All I have is Christmas socks. Secret Christmas spirit.

Going with Jon’s idea…what if your Christmas sweater is made out of Skittles? Red and green skittles are a delightful flavor combination worthy of Christmawesomeness.

this post is awesome! i can’t rate mine yet because i haven’t found it! i’m on the search though because we are having a tacky christmas sweater party! fun fun.

check out this website my friends and i found – it’s amazing. you can make your own tacky holiday sweater!
http://www.weloveholidaysweaters.wehatesheep.com
the only problem with this website is that you can’t actually wear the sweater you make. sad

@ jon – i’m pretty sure that if you had that salt and vinegar pringles sweater, no one would walk beside you shopping in the mall. you wouldn’t have to worry about the holiday crowds at all..you’d have like a 20 foot radius circle around you.

I must say, I loved the maternity sweater. Anyone would be my friend if I saw that.

WV: hedless
A dyslexic Ichabod Crane

@ Shelli -

Sweet how slipped that fresh Office reference into your comment!

Curtis – great job!

My grandmother used to make us “Christmas sweaters” every year. One year she took one of those FAT Christmas potholders and sewed it to a Wal-Mart sweatshirt. I was in elementary school, and I totally thought it was the coolest thing ever. There’s just nothing like an 8×6 stuffed potholder sewn to a sweatshirt worn by a small child. (We’re a bit “southern”)

Another amazing post Curtis. Unfortunately, I don’t have any “Christmawesome” sweaters so I guess that puts me somewhere in between a cotton-headed-ninny-muggin and a person who goes around handing out candy-canes to little children to pierce their tongues.

You’re sweater smells like fresh baked cookies +2

You’re sweater smells like cheese -2

Agreed on the candy cane. And what’s with the different flavors? I grab one hoping to get regular peppermint and then all of a sudden I have the taste of tomatoes in my mouth. Like really, don’t trick me with weird flavored candy canes. It’s like those Berty Botts Jelly Beans from Harry Potter. I think I’m going to get a nice chocolate or green apple and I get dirt and boogers. Not a good combo

I am proud to be over 40 and have nary a single tacky Christmas sweater… Though I did go to a “Tacky Christmas Sweater Party” — and had to tie cookie cutters on my hoodie to be “Christmas tacky” enough.

Because NOTHING says “Happy Birthday Jesus” like a sweater with Chinese Prison Camp decor on it…

Deb

I haven’t been issued my wooly Christmas spirit closet yet. Who do I submit my application to? Do you have to have a note from your doctor proving menopause?

Jon,

I'm not sure I could slowly eat S&V chips. Although, may absolute fave aren't the Pringles. Have you had lays kettle cooked Salt & Vinegar chips? I'm afraid to buy them because they are so good.

Word Verification: hystench

The traditional greeting to people that wear Salt & Vinegar apparel.

kablot spot – I LOVE IT!!!

Seriously….muted wheezing laughter from the cubicle sounds so bad.

And I agree COMPLETELY about candy canes. If you want minty-goodness, eat a mint, not a death stick.

what about painted christmas sweatshirts? i have a tacky one that says “merry christmas” in gold glitter paint. the one i had as a kid had a reindeer with lights tangled in his antlers, and a red pin-on pom-pom nose. i think my mom even sent out a christmas card with me in it.

curtis-this post actually inspired me to first of all, buy many christmawesome sweaters (and wear only christmawesome sweaters until christmas), AND destroy all of my five year old cousin’s candy canes. well done. excellent post.

I was just at my church’s annual Christmas Sweater Gathering (aka Women’s Holiday Dessert Fellowship), and as I gazed around, squinting, at all the bespangled splendor, I thought to myself “why has SCL never discussed Christmas sweaters?” Next year, I won’t have to wonder–I’ll just bring copies of the score sheet and start handing them out. Thank you.

I always would wear the shiny red shirt with a Christmas-y vest. But a new trend are blinking and flashing Christmas pins! I think last week there were at least 5 older ladies in my church who had blinking red and green Christmas pins. Super cute, but kinda distracting when you have to lead worship…

eireann: However did your mother get you into the Christmas card? and how did you get back home?

That was a great read.

Not only do candy canes transform to miniature spears of death, there is also the unpleasant phenomenon of either the red or white stripe dissolving more quickly than the other causing an uneven groove which will either sever your tongue or slice your lip in half.

I went through a puffy paint phase in the late '90s and made my mom a puffy painted teddy bear christmas sweatshirt. She wore it faithfully for nearly 10 years, even when I begged her to retire it.

Miss Vickies Sea Salt & Vinegar chips…hands down best chip sweater choice.

I was laughing so hard…until I realized I’m a woman over 40! PLEASE make it for women over 50 (or Kindergarten teachers!)

I love candy canes! Then again, I am a stabbity person in general, which may be why I love them.

I DESPISE (yeah, you heard me right) Christmas sweaters (exclamation point) Especially when paired with Lee relaxed fit mom jeans and new balance tennis shoes. I am also convinced that the creators of said sweaters are also responsible for the stupid barking Christmas dogs. “They mock the scripture Himself!”

P. S. – Freaking hilarious post, Curtis. And while this doesn’t make up for your blatent disrespect of The Great State of Texas, I want you to know that I’ve been praying for you and God is really working in me to find forgiveness.

“Don’t Mess with Texas” – which, incidentally is head and shoulders above the slogan, “Oklahoma is OK”, which just narrowly edged out the second choice, “Oklahoma, Oklahoma. There. I said it twice.”

Cyberhugs,

Katdish

Curtis disrespects Texas? I must have missed that. He just went up 50 points in my books.

Other potential state slogans for Oklahoma,

“We’re going to the big game and you aren’t”

or the ever popular and simple

“Not Texas”

Of course this I say in jest. I don’t know what I would do without Texas … I’d lose easily half my jokes.

Yes it’s true…. I do love candy canes…. hahaha Loved the post. Brings me JOY!

Hey, don’t be hatin’ on women over 40. I do not own a bedazzled, bejeweled, or bespangled Christmas sweater and wouldn’t be caught dead in one! Gee, you do have a good point about the danger of candy canes. Blood and peppermint are not a good combination.

I agree with the anti-candy cane movement! I’m surprised they haven’s outlawed those things. They should at least be added to the ever growing list of items not allowed on planes. I

oh, and I think +3 if your sweater sings Christmas songs when someone hugs you, like a Hallmark card when you open it

@Katdish: See, there are some things that can unite us, although the Red River will always divide our hearts in a geographical and ideological way. Boomer Sooner!

Curtis,

Nah. We’re good. Nick the Geek…well, let’s just say I got some high church praying in my immediate future. (And to think I called him smart.)

I can see that although we agree on the fundamentals (Christmas sweaters are heinous), you all need some schoolin’ on another matter. Not Pringle’s, not Lay’s, not even Mrs. Vicker’s which are pretty good. Utz Salt and Vinegar, the kettle cooked kind, are the best ever chip anywhere, hands down. I will defend these chips to the death. In Christian love and the Christmas spirit, of course.
Melissa in Raleigh

Do the bells have to be from the polar express or can the be generic bells, say on a reindeers collar?

this blog is “chrismazing”.

please don’t take away points for ripping off sleeves of christmas sweatshirts in order to show your christmas tattoos though.

i’m just sayin’….