SCL

This post has made me even more excited about seeing my family at Christmas and going to the Christmas Eve candlelight service. I’m particularly excited to try out the surreptitious candle extinguishing move mentioned in #3!

But while we’re on the topic of candlelight services, my church has one at 4:30 PM, which I think is totally bogus. It’s not even dark yet at 4:30! What, do they light candles and sing “Silent Afternoon”?

Stalactite (thought I’d just beat all you editor types to the punch).

Jon,

You are deightfully ridiculous! Sorry I had t throw down that exclamation point, but it just fit. Don’t know about anything being better than Festivus, though…

wv: bendi – “My stupid brother melted the middle of my candle with his candle and now it’s all bendi.”

What about having the biggest flame by adding a little paper to the top of your candle? Might not be too smart in church though.

“The guy with the box that collects them all at the end.” Is so very important, we went to a small church that couldn’t afford a “candle box guy”. Not knowing what to do with our candles we stuck them in the glove box (which never had gloves in it) in the car. It was summer when we realized that those pretty colors coming out of the glove box were melted candles. It gets rather hot in Texas.

Word Verification: resseeti
I resseeti the thingy but it still won’t work.

my church has an outdoor Christmas eve service/concert/spectacular.
Flame preservation is the most important thing, so you have to sit huddled over your candle with your back facing SW (usually the direction of the stage) to stop the wind from blowing it out.
Other fun is making wax casts of your finger tips and the grass and making big wax pools.

Its so true, my over anxious parents seemed very relaxed about the candles but it may have had something to do with the presence of the local fire crew.

In relation to #1, my brother and I always competed to see who had the biggest buildup of melted wax at the end of the candlelight service.

Because nothing says “Merry Christmas” like a 7 year-old holding a big pile of dripping hot wax.

wv: crundo — “Aw, crundo. My huge glacier of candle side wax just calved off onto the floor.”

Your poor mother….

I grew up Catholic, so candles were a way of life. Big huge beeswax ones, itty bitty ones you pay to light. But the Christmas Eve/Easter vigil candles that they passed out were the best!

I’ll admit (not that I don’t have to go to confession any more) that I smuggled my share out.

Great post!

It has always amazed me that some of our churches here in the Southeast are SO UPTIGHT about their sanctuaries, and yet we hand sticks of fire to children on Christmas eve.

I agree with you, man!

Then there’s the Nimrod lighter down the pew who forgets he’s supposed to keep his candle straight while the “lightee” tips his to the flame. Nothing says “Silent Night” like the scream coming from a child hit with melted wax.

wv: bopygo
Ostracized brother of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego who was afraid of Christmas candles.

Start preparing in July by stocking up on fireworks. Then, play bottle rocket wars. Timing is key – just as the choir reaches the pinnacle of “O Holy Night” would be brilliant. People might actually think it’s part of the program.

(SFL Christmas Contest Day – come play!)

Growing up, our church didn't have Christmas Eve services! (My dad was the pastor, and, heck, we wanted to actually spend time with our family on Christmas Eve, not be in charge of something at church AGAIN. I know, I know… faith should be "inconvenient" sometimes.)

I think we did have a candlelight service the Sunday night before Christmas or something, though – but I don't remember them handing out candles to every kid in the room.

Anyway, I didn't have much experience with open flames. Then in first grade, I was a "snowflake" for our school Christmas program (it was the '70s, so we could still call it Christmas), and some teacher got the bright idea to have two kids from each class carry in long (lit) taper candles at the end of the program. Of course, they selected the most "responsible" students for this "honor," and I was chosen for my class. (Apparently no one caught the irony of having one of the "snowflakes" carrying a torch.)

It was first grade, so it was one of those times where they just sort of TELL you that's what you're doing…no one really asked how I felt about it. And I was terr-i-fied. I had never touched a candle before, and I was sure something was going to happen and I would burn down the school. (I tend to be a worrier and occasionally blow things out of proportion.)

I did it, though – and with no "meltdown" (literally or emotionally). I have since overcome my fear of candles and have them all over my house.

Our family did attend a Christmas Eve service last year, and my two stepsons (9 & 11) pretty much attempted EVERY move you mentioned in the post. Maybe it's a boy thing!

Smuggling a candle out of the sanctuary wasn’t such a big deal when all we had were those little cardboard circles at the bottom to protect our hands from melting wax. Now that we’ve sprung for the fancy hard plastic cup things (which also require a larger candle by the way) candle box guy could easily get a job as German soldier in some WWII biopic.

wv: parfork – yet another utensil I have no idea what to do with.

Jon, great post. Definitely gives me some new ideas for this year’s candlelight service. But it is actually a lot easier for a women to smuggle out the candles, because then she can just surreptitiously put it in her purse.

WV: disth- “Why disth thou bloweth out my candle Jon? Why??????!!!!!!!!!”

The hardest trick is to try and sneak away during the service. Parents are extra vigilant because there is fire involved, and the service is extra holy and stuff, but it possible to sneak away to be with your friends. The difficult part is being perfect long enough to lul your parents into a sense of safety. There is a point where they will start closing their eyes to take in the holy, but don’t make a break the first couple of times because they are trading off moments with God and moments ensuring you don’t set the church on fire. Tose moments with God should get longer and longer, when the timing is right move like a ninja that is out of throwing stars. If your friends have been successful then you can combine forces for the next stage:

Fun with multiple candles.

The first step is easy. Tilt your candles together and make a bigger flame. This is fun for a few times, but you will quickly grow bored. The more friends you have together the more fun this will be because you can see how many flames you can combine and how big they will get.

The game will only get better until the service ends or you get caught. Try to save the best for last because you will get caught. It is a game of blow your friends candle out. You start off being less obvious like Jon suggests, but you can build into quite the wrestling match in the middle of a beautiful service. Make sure you win thought because you won’t see the light of day for a couple of months when your parents break out of the place of calm and reverence to notice you have not only left their side, but have become the center of attention as you wildly try to blow the last of your friend’s candle out in an over the top wrestling match.

Of course, I don’t condone or endorse this course of action, but would laugh uncontrollably if I saw it. This is why my wife’s job is to keep the Youth alive and mostly whole.

Word Verification: subtaree

The first step of being tared and feathered, when you are below the tar.

As I sat subtaree I began to think sneaking off with my friends during the candle light service was a bad idea.

We had our Christmas banquet this past weekend with the candle thing. Someone has an iphone & had a picture of a candle on the screen

Stacie, I too was terrified about handling candles as a kid because I had been told so many times NOT to touch them. It’s taken a lot of therapy, but I can light candles now without fear. Most days.

My sister, on the other hand, was an expert at playing with the wax, and usually had a whole wax sculpture done by the end of the service. Nothing says Happy Birthday Jesus like a wax snowman with embedded fingerprints all over him.

For real fun, sit next to a lady with big hair and repeatedly move the candle close to her head. Alert folks around you become instantly terrified of an explosion due to the hair spray factor.

Last year at my church’s christmas eve service, a spark jumped off of one of the candles and landed on the tablecloth under the advent wreath. It started smoldering and the pastor didn’t notice and just kept talking until one of the deacons finally got up and put it out. It was epic. This post just reminded me of that. Also, playing with wax is fun. I have definitely amused myself with this at Christmas Eve services in the past.

wv: yessl: what people say when they start trailing off after the 25th chorus of Trading My Sorrows.

It wasn’t Christmas eve, but Maundy Thursday (day before Good Friday) service where a friend decided to light another friend’s hair on fire because he had hair wax on his head.

Like Paul said… it’s no longer the cardboard circles on the candles, it’s like plastic cups… it takes away so much of the fun.

At my church, we only lit the candles at the very end, during Silent Night. They’d dim the lights and the pastor gets a big honkin’ candle and lights it, and passes the flames to the ushers carrying less huge candles, but still big, who pass them along to the person at the end of the pew… No special candle for them, just lucky that they get the flame the longest.

We’d sing several verses of Silent Night, each one getting quieter and quieter.. not on purpose of course, but have you ever tried to hold a hymnal and a flaming torch at the same time? Most people didn’t and so as we got to verses 67 and 68, only the music pastor knew them, in their original german, of course… so then we’d all go back for one rousing version of verse one… and then the pastor says something about “take your light out into the world” and we all try to file out the door… Someone then got the great idea that instead of extingiushing the flames then and there, we’d all try to walk out the door, and stand in a big circle on the corner and sing one more time. Being S Florida, no one really had to gather coats, but we did have a population with an average age of 89… a walker and a candle.. also, not a great idea!

The good thing about going outside with the flame, tho, was that we were all ushered past the collection guy, and we were supposed to go drop them back in the box at the end.. we recycled them back then.. so green, so ahead of our time! lol.. but as good Youth, we kept the flames around as long as possible… yeah.. teens, outdoor flames, not the best combo!!

My own favorite thing about candles in church was always finding residual wax to scrape off the pews in the sunday to follow!

wv: birter

I’m not birter that the church i go to now doesn’t do candles! Not birter at all!

I don’t know if there is a candle app for the iPhone, but there is a Zippo lighter app, which could basically be used for the same thing. You literally flick your phone to light it, then blow on it to put it out.

Boggles my mind.

WV: forki
“The Lord said to Noah, You’re going to need a forki, forki, forki” to build that arki arki.

We used to light the candles from the front of the sanctuary to the back. About two years ago, the woman lighting the candles in the balcony fell down the steps. the room was silent right before it (everyone in awe of their flames)and were waiting to hear from the Lord. well they got it. to give the woman credit, her candle did not go out…now that’s dedication!

WV= devere

You have nothing dvere, there is a baby in a barn over that way a bit.

you forgot about the amazing children’s pastime of “singe the armhairs of the person next to you”. that is amazing, because people don’t want to break the christmas spirit to yell at a child that is just a few years removed from his/her role as baby Jesus, so the kid has a field day. it’s amazing.

it really is an art to try to blow out someone else’s candle. you know you are good when you can blow out the person’s behind you. seriously. tough stuff!

“If someone asks you to blow it out, say, “We’re out of fire at home, I need to save this.”” – this is awesome. totally unexpected and i laughed out loud. you are just a funny guy, jon acuff.

I grew up Catholic too (Peace be with you Michael)

I must have had one of those renegade Priests or something because he totally let the kids keep their candles after the Midnight Mass candle service. It was awesome! But then my mother always took them away from me. Bummer. I found them years ago in her old cedar chest and since I was a Baptist adult by then, I so swiped them for memories sake.

My church now uses those battery operated ones. What a snooze fest….

wv: odimulat–some weird Khazikstani cologne

Post of the month so far Jon, you totally had me at the first sentence, and then all the way through #5. Ninja throwing star, lol…hey well technically that kind of fits with the Bethelehem star motif of Christmas doesn’t it?

Stacy I am starting on July 4 this year

i had a friend who’s hair caught on fire as well because we all “bowed our heads” in prayer and her hair fell into the candle flame…

bwahaha I love moving my candle around building up the wax, making pretty patterns — so that really resonated with me. I’m in the choir too, so I have to be really careful not to swear when the wax escapes the paper cone, although we upgraded to plastic cups at Easter and they were just as useless frankly.

My that was a runon sentence.

Now I have something to read at our Christmas Eve service. I was going to come up with some inspirational thoughts or encouraging words, but this is way better. Laughter is just another way to worship. Thanks

OK, some middle school kid must have tried to combine the flame of a Christmas Eve candle with the noxious gas of a fart. “Shepherds quake at the sight…”

Do you have Christingle services at your church?
If not, a Christingle is basically, a candle (representing Christ, the Light of the World), stuck in an orange (representing the world) with tin-foil around the base of the candle (to reflect the Light of Christ) and a red ribbon tied round the orange (Jesus’ blood) and 4 cocktail sticks with fruit and sweets stuck on them (to represent the four seasons).
Well the church in the village had its Christingle service last week.
Candles stuck in oranges galore! I wonder why health and safety hasn’t banned it yet…
Anyway, I like your idea for the iphone app. My dad has an Ipod touch and there are so many crazy apps on there. Theres even one that lights up in all different colours so when you go to a concert (obviously something Christian – Delirious? or the like) and they say hold up your phones, you can be the ‘star of the show’. I think that was actually a quote from the page.

I can’t WAIT until Christmas eve……

wv: playstim, as in:

Boy, will my kids want to playstim w/ the candle wick!!

Oh, you missed the best one – my brothers and I used to draw on things using the black smoke coming off the cheap candles – it was awesome – so much more fun than wax

I do have the Zippo app on my phone. If they can do that, they can do a Christmas church service candle.

A couple weeks ago some friends and I were hanging out, and one of them put in the DVD of the fireplace. When it first came on, it was really loud so I told her “Turn down your fireplace, it’s too loud!”, lol.

I know what we’re missing!!

When all the kids try to touch the flame.. the older boys in the youth group always pass their finger through the flame, but they, of course, know you have to do it rather quickly… the littler kids try it, slowly of course, and burn their fingers!! so fun. HA! lol

You are so funny, and you make a good point. I have always thought the candles for kids on Christmas Eve thing was bizarre.

When our church first opened its new sanctuary a couple of years ago, I remember the deacons were concerned about wax getting on the carpet on Christmas Eve. Really? You’re giving a bunch of people open flames in a relatively small space, and wax on the carpet is your fear?

So far, so good, though.

Us Catholics risk setting the Church on fire during the Easter Vigil. I am afraid of fire, even on one candle, so Easter Vigil is a real joy for my husband, what with me standing at the exit ready to bolt any minute. Thankfully they get put out early during Mass. Anyone neglect to extinguish it at the right time, and they risk Helen coming around and blowing it out for him.

As Barbara Jean, on Reba, said “If I didn’t do all the crazy things I do I’d go insane!”

Use the candle and your bulletin to create the theme from Bonanza.

Extra credit if you stain the bulletin first with your coffee so it looks like an old map.

Keeping the Fire was totally my fav 80s song. Hilarious.

Kinda creepy, but I used to let the wax melt on my fingers until I had made a perfect mold of my finger. A mold which I could then use to clone my finger for generations to come.

This is one of the most special worshipful services of the year, and I do not know why you have to turn it into something funny. I guarnatee that all you have done is given these people something else to distractthem at the Christmas Eve services.

My fave thing about the Christmas Eve candlelight services was fighting with the wax shields. We used tin foil and/or tart tins, and I swear, they were the same ones year after year. So, you spent most of your time doing the shift-the-candle-so-the-pool-of-wax-doesn’t-run-down-your-finger dance, instead of singing. My poor unfortunate cousin wasn’t good at this one year, and her screams interrupted Silent Night. Oh the irony…

I can’t believe after over 40 comments no one stated the most fun you can have with a candle. We used to reshape them all during the “holy” service. The best one was when you could get a nearly complete circle with them. Oh the joy, the flames and the smoke!

We confronted this problem in the school where we meet. The seating is stair step and most kids holding candles would have been holding them right behind the head of the person in front. Besides that the school frowns on it. So – for that last 8 years we have our glow stick service. During communion everyone takes a glow stick back to their seats. We take the room to black, talk about letting our light shine and everyone breaks open the glow sticks at the same time. Very cool. We sing Silent Night and the kids take them home with them.

Holding the candle tightly in your fist during the whole service will allow you to bend it into “J” by the end of the service. My brother and I ruined a lot of candles throughout the years.

My brother and I have tried to blow out each other’s candles for years… SO FUNNY.

Oh, Jon….. AS IF.

AS IF you need to tell people what fun they can have with a candle.

My experience with my own children is that they’re so in awe of getting to hold the candle, it is like they are holding the baby Jesus himself. I love that this experience happens at church— that they are being entrusted with this wonderful yet dangerous entity…sort of like the Christian walk…

They wouldn’t dare act up with it (at least not yet) because it is so truly wonderful, and they would hate losing the privilege, but they do BEG every year to take “their candle” home. They know we have drawers full of candles at home, but they don’t even think to ask about those. Isn’t that funny?

Dear Anon @ 1:06 PM,

Church Lady? Is that you? (totally kidding) (sort of) (not really).

Maybe you’re new here…

Jon has a tendancy towards sarcasm. And while he write some excellent serious posts, he also has a wicked sense of humor, which is why we dig him. (Actually for all of the above.)

“You mock the Website Himself!” (See there? Sarcasm. Try it. It’ll be fun.)

Oh man, Christmas services was the best time of the year. Me and my friends would always find something, burn it, and than kick it around. Not the smartest thing in the world but we sure did feel like the coolest kids in the congregation.

I’m SO going to play the blow out game.

p.s. greatest post you’ve written yet.

bryan