#467. Great Sex! Flat Abs! And Jesus!
Jan 7th by JonIf Men’s Health magazine was true, you would never need to buy more than one issue. If the articles that promised flat abs and less stress and better sex really worked as promised, you’d never need to have a subscription because every issue is the exact same thing. This was the thought I had while standing at the magazine rack at Wal-Mart watching my daughters read My Little Pony books. (Long live Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie by the way. Toola-Roola is a punk. I don’t even know what Toola-Roola is into, at least Rainbow Dash is all about rainbows.)
As I stood there though, I noticed something else kind of weird. The promises that the front cover of men’s magazines make were eerily similar to the promises that the back cover of Christian books make. So I thought it might be fun to play a little guessing game and see if you can figure out which is which:
1. “Build your perfect life and strip away stress for good”
A. Front Cover of Men’s Magazine
B. Back Cover of Christian Book
2. “The Secret to Effortless Success”
A. Front Cover of Men’s Magazine
B. Back Cover of Christian Book
3. “Total Health Starts Here”
A. Front Cover of Men’s Magazine
B. Back Cover of Christian Book
4. “967 Secrets of Happiness”
A. Front Cover of Men’s Magazine
B. Back Cover of Christian Book
5. “Supercharge Your Brain”
A. Front Cover of Men’s Magazine
B. Back Cover of Christian Book
6. “Keep Yourself Happy”
A. Front Cover of Men’s Magazine
B. Back Cover of Christian Book
7. “Gain control over your mind”
A. Front Cover of Men’s Magazine
B. Back Cover of Christian Book
8. “Uncover the proven process that will lead to a life of success and total fulfillment”
A. Front Cover of Men’s Magazine
B. Back Cover of Christian Book
9. “The Anatomy of a Successful Life”
A. Front Cover of Men’s Magazine
B. Back Cover of Christian Book
10. “Stress Proof Your Brain “
A. Front Cover of Men’s Magazine
B. Back Cover of Christian Book
11. “Living Life without Limits”
A. Front Cover of Men’s Magazine
B. Back Cover of Christian Book
12. “10 keys to fulfilling your destiny”
A. Front Cover of Men’s Magazine
B. Back Cover of Christian Book
13. “10 Essential Success Secrets”
A. Front Cover of Men’s Magazine
B. Back Cover of Christian Book
14. “Hold on to your hair – 5 new cures”
A. Front Cover of Men’s Magazine
B. Back Cover of Christian Book
OK, that last one was easy, but it reminded me of that Richard Marx song, “Hold on to the Night” and I promised myself I’d make at least three Richard Marx references on this site in 2009, sooooo one down. (Click here for the answers to the quiz.)
I didn’t use the titles of the books because I’m not trying to denigrate those authors. I haven’t read what’s inside the books and ultimately, I’m not sure what this little exercise means. But standing there that day in the midst of My Little Pony land, seeing how similar the two types of headlines were, and knowing that publishers of both items used those sentences because they knew those would motivate people to buy the products, I had to question my own motivations.
Am I that different from the world?
I’ve got God, the very power of Christ inside of me, shouldn’t my desires be different and not so interchangeable?
Do I ever go to God with a laundry list of better demands? Give me a better marriage, a better ministry, a better life, a better job, a better everything?
Do I chase the blessings of God sometimes more than the presence?
Do I ever treat God like a really good self help guru that is there to meet my needs?
Do I look weird scribbling this all down in a small moleskine notebook by the magazine rack in Wal-Mart?
Yes, yes I do. But I don’t want God to simply be a new vehicle for the things I want. I want God to be what I want.
I want Him to be enough.
Comments
The brilliance in this post, as in many of the others on this site, is that it gives few answers, but raises many questions. Which seems to lead to what previous comments have alluded to – that Christianity is less about a formula and more about a lengthy process.
Thanks for making me think, for making me question what I truly want, and how that reflects in my life.
I too want God to be what I want.
heartafire -
Thanks for the comment. The back of Crazy Love actually shows the opposite of those headlines, quotes like this one, “Does something deep inside your heart long to break free from the status quo? Are you hungry for an authentic faith …”
The key word there is faith. The thing we hunger for, the thing Chan argues for is faith, not an easier life, not less stress or more comfort, but faith. So to me, that’s the opposite of the comments on the back of the books I listed.
As always, thanks for the challenging thought and for making me grab my book to make sure the quotes on this post wouldn’t fit on Crazy Love
Jon
heartafire
“And that would be “moleskin”—Love, Your ed.”
Actually, it’s moleskine, with an e. I’m looking at a dozen of them on my desk and they all have the e embossed on them. For once I have bested the editor. That makes the score “Me – 1, Heartafire 200″
Jon
great post… i just wanted to say i admire your ability to carry around a notebook and jot down your thoughts and lead your kids through a grocery store and keep them focused on the adventures of toola-loola and not the adventures of oprah’s weight gain… someday you’ll have to pass on your parenting secrets to all!
I think you are onto something about the Christian world. It really does feel like “My Little Pony Land.”
And we’re all worried about what label has been stamped onto our haunches to define us.
This list isn’t the least bit surprising to me. In all the years that I was a Christian I had a more and more difficult time differentiating the marketing of Jesus and the marketing of everything else in our society.
I eventually realized that it was because there isn’t any fundamental difference there. Marketing is a way of modifying people’s behavior. People wouldn’t normally believe in an extraterrestrial being that sent a version of himself to save humanity. Nor are they willing to take a complete stranger’s advice on what to do in bed. It takes a lot of marketing to past those defenses.
So then why is it that so many christians think you are living in sin, or that there is sin in your life, if you mind is stressed, or if you don’t have flat abs, or if you are struggling/putting forth tons of effort to make life work?
Why do christians think that you are living in God’s will only if everything in your life is perfect?
i got 12 / 14… although i was definitely guessing… i considered just entering ABBA ABBA ABBA and seeing if that wouldn’t get me a higher score… not because I pray alot to the Father, but because they are one amazing 70’s band.
great post… so true!
wv: quini. How Christian’s define whether a t.v. program is sufficiently Christian to watch, ala Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman: It’s just not quini enough for our kids.
jon- i forgot to ask in my comment if you could write about christian couples who meet on myspace because eharmony failed them… cus thats how i met my wife…
wv: calvinandhobbes’ed: the moment your boss walks in on you talking to yourself and you have to pretend like there is someone there to avoid the embarassment of looking like you’re really bored.
“anderson, you look like you really just calvinandhobbes’ed it.”
“i know- i should have known wilkins would forget to knock…”
Aha! The Moleskine BRAND of notebook. Very nicely done, Jon. I thought you were speaking of a moleskin notebook (as in, made of).
However, I can only award you half a point on your correct spelling of Moleskine, since you declined to capitalize the brand (which is a proper noun, BTW.)
Keep working on it though, Jon. Maybe someday you will even write a book!
I know you’re right about Crazy Love not having bad blurbs on the back. However, I must say I think Chan’s theology has something in common with those who are very prescriptive about the ways a person can move from Point A to Point B.
Also, I find it quite offputting that he constantly exhorts people to be a certain way and to do things in a certain way, namely HIS way. Whatever happened to “many members, one body”? His is almost a theology of glory, and it is so antithetical to how I believe that I almost don’t want to do SCLBC.
But I did want to tell you.
Amen Brotha!
I think you are right but there is another thing which gives you wonderful abs… Slendertone Discount
Good post. A lot of the “self help” books bug! I especially don’t like when they say things like “unleash the power of God”. As if I have control over the power of God. Anyway, it’s all just a sign that we buy into the messages of the culture. BTW Toola Roola is into art, so she is an artist, which makes her way cooler than Rainbow Dash. (not that I have anything against rainbows)
Oh, this post is right on time. I'm coming to the conclusion that self-help books and magazine articles are a blessing and a curse. We've become a nation of "now, right now!" people, terribly impatient and totally stressed out.
We are so into quick fixes that we fail to realize that God doesn't work on our timetable. When a vine of grapes grow, they have to be plucked and pruned in the process. Many of us don't want God to pluck and prune us because we're afraid of what we'll see – our true selves.
Lord, help us to slow down, savor You, and enjoy the journey!
WV: ooosome (taken from my husband) – something/someone who's beyond awesome!