#492. Creative Niche Ministry Groups.
Feb 13th by Jon(Everyone loves Curtis. He’s a champ at the guest post, is always leaving funny comments and might be coming to the Off the Blogs event in Atlanta on February 26. So if you want to meet the man behind fantastic posts like this one, you should come too. In the meantime you should laugh with Curtis, because he is fantastic.)
Creative Niche Ministry Groups
Your church probably has a group of men who love riding Harleys who get together every Friday and ride motorcycles called the “Holy Rollers.” So does mine.
There’s more than likely a group of women who chew gum and discuss books at your church. They call themselves “Chick Lit” or something clever. News flash: every church is required to (I think that is in accordance to Luther’s 21 statutes).
It’s about time we came up with some new, fresh, relevant ministry groups to reach some groups in the church who don’t feel connected. If you do decide to start one of these ministries, you’ll no doubt be the first. Here is my idea:
Jon recently told me I could start an interpretive dance senior adult ministry at the church he’s starting someday. It will be like Blue Man Group meets Evil Knievel meets the Golden Girls. I’ll call them the “Beulah Land Group.”
Picture this: two old men in HoverRound wheelchairs propel off of ramps on opposite sides of the stage. They exchange a mid-air fist pound. They are wearing matching windsuits made of felt board material that they use to illustrate Bible stories while on the move. For the percussion portion of the performance, the elderly grooveaholics smash bedpans together in rhythm (instead of trash can lids) and bang their drumsticks on each other’s metal hips (instead of trash cans or cowbells). All this is performed to David Crowder remixes exclusively. For the grand finale, a jumping geriatric who has replaced the tennis balls on the legs of his walker with pogo sticks performs Lord of the Dance moves. This may give an all-too-literal meaning to the term “break dance”.
If you don’t have enough spry old timers at your church though, here are some other ministry ideas that are soon to take the church world by storm:
Sunday Morning Worship Enforcement Unit:
This ministry attracts the many in your church who moonlight as security guards or bouncers in clubs, but with a twist: instead of kicking people out of worship services, this group of burly gatekeepers makes sure people don’t leave the service early for any reason. Don’t worry, it doesn’t take too long to get out of the parking lot. Your church has a police traffic person to keep things moving, right?
Skittleholics Anonymous:
In this 12 step program, people who can’t get enough of tasting the rainbow learn to break the addiction. Step 1: Purple is not a flavor, it’s just a color. Step 2: There is a higher power, and He doesn’t reward me with colorful candy treats. Step 3: I will be accountable to my dentist…and so on.
Knitty Gritty:
In this program, at risk youth are paired up with old people who teach them how to knit sweaters, socks, and even teach them how to make those awesome God’s Eyes out of popsicle sticks and yarn like we used to make in VBS.
Lego Outreach Ministry:
We’ve all seen “The Bridge” tract dozens of times…but have you seen it built in real Lego blocks? This ministry does some serious connecting…to God. Does it feel like God is several hundred cubits away sometimes? Love can build a bridge between you and God—a LEGO BRIDGE!
I realize some of these ministry ideas might be a tad bit specific to my community, which is apparently comprised mostly of old people that enjoy candy.
What are some creative niche ministries you’d like to see in your church?
For more from Curtis, check out his blog justwallpaper.wordpress.com
Comments
The Birthday Ministry: Make baked goods for whoever’s birthday it is. Also, follow them around and be a mobile party.
The Christian Food Ministry: In charge of everything food. Picks the bread for communion as well as the grape juice. Also, has outreach programs selling girl scout cookies and fellowship at In-n-Out or Chick-fil-a.
“teach them how to make those awesome God’s Eyes out of popsicle sticks and yarn like we used to make in VBS.”
Oh my word. I think I missed that week!
“They are wearing matching windsuits made of felt board material that they use to illustrate Bible stories while on the move.” LOVE IT!!
And love the DCB reference – my all time favs!
wv: antsoy – the new kind of especially organic soymilk made with organically raised ants. and fed to children during sunday school.
There are already plenty of “Fisher’s of men” ministries out there for men that like to fish, but I think they should be reinvented much more literally. This new more literal group will be trained in the ancient art of net making so that they can cast their nets wherever they go and catch men for Jesus.
Admittedly the local law enforcement might have an issue with this but I imagine a great number of spinsters are wishing there was a ministry like this … for God of course.
Word Verification: jitypolo
A niche ministry geared towards miniature polo enthusiast for Jesus. (that’s where the “J” comes from)
I’d like to see a group for bloggers within the church (GODBLOGGERS) who meet once a week and critique each others posts, offer ideas and try to figure out how to get the pastor to incorporate their most recent RELEVENT post into his sermon.
(I’m sure katsish has already tried this)
For the Sunday Morning Worship Enforcement ministry we might add an al fresco outreach team who go out into “the byways” and “compel them to come in.” Burly guys who serve as bouncers and police officers would be good for this. Great for getting into the larger numbers for the attendance board.
I”m gonna make oyu an offer you cannot refuse. You will come to church and you will have a good time then you will pay 10% of what you have and thank us for it. Do you like horses?
Word Verification: orsigno
Reverse pig spanish for Signor
lego outreach ministry? sign me up.
and i swear that i will start a Beulah Land Group cus that is exactly how i would spend my retirement. you effectively mixed everything i love (blue man group, david crowder remixes, percussion and lord of the dance moves) into what promises to be an amazing show. after i hit AARP age- you’ll get the first invite to the show…
Outreach ministry – Evangelube. Something for everyone on this one:
Men: Perform free oil change.
Women: Clean the insides of the car and leave appropriate salvation tract and Jesus fish window sticker in the front seat.
Teens: Free car wash
Kids: making the popsicle stick God’s eyes in the church.
Could be a lot of work, but only needs done every 3 months or 3000 miles, right?
You are a funny, funny man, Curtis!
My husband wants to start a ministry where he gets to drive a big tow truck around and rescue people who break down on the interstate…
My pastor used to be a part of a men’s group who rode ATVs for Jesus…
But I really see myself as one who would start IHOPP: International House of Prayer AND Pancakes. Because they are so much better together than apart.
I’m definitely doing the Lego Bridge thing!
Okay, I’m going to dispel some rumors here:
I’m not going to make it to Off the Blogs (although I really want to). I’ve got a team retreat with my Outreach team at church.
Maybe someone could set up their laptop and I could Skype in my presence…
I actually did hear of a church that started a ministry by fixing cars for people who couldn’t afford it. They fix thousands of cars a year now.
How about a ministry where we upgrade people’s seats in the sanctuary? Kind of like they do at professional sporting events. You know, we go around and find some poor, pitiful types sitting in the way back or up in the rafters and bring ‘em right up front! You know that’s where they want to be. Every so often we’ll even sit some folks right up there on the stage where they can relax on an overstuffed red sofa. Awesome!
I think the Sunday Morning Worship Enforcement Team’s job duties could be expanded just a bit more. They could walk the aisles during the worship and look for people who are participating a little less enthusiastically than what they should be. For example, if they see someone who’s not singing, they could walk up and yell at them to sing. (Think Jillian from Biggest Losers here — “Sing LOUDER!”) If they don’t comply, the worship eagle comes out and plucks them up and drops them in with the toddlers. Your pentecostal/charismatic assemblies might have similar penalties for lackluster hand raising/waving or inadequate dance movements. It all depends on your congregation’s worship standards.
I will start one too, but it will be called the Blue Hair Group, but only because it is slightly more offensive.
Then I will start a group of skateboarders who keep the nursery just because I like to solve two problems at once: what do we do with these crazy youth and who is keeping the nursery this week? It’s a great idea that has no flaws whatsoever.
I got to a Calvary Chapel and we already have the Sunday Morning Worship Enforcement Unit. They stand at the sanctuary doors and if you leave during the service, they block you from reentry. You have so sit in the overflow or the cafe.
They look a lot like bouncers.
I have experienced a Sunday Morning Worship Enforcement Unit. They locked the doors and no one could get out. My friend needed to take her son outside to the bathroom and she couldn’t. Even scarier: the building was filled to at least twice the capacity. Thankfully I didn’t know about the locked doors until afterward.
@the jake
What about “The Blue Mane Group”?
wv: clatagg. What you need to produce your clatoddler out of childcare after the service.
My town church has an archery ministry. It’s called Arrows for Christ or some such thing.
And even though I’m only 17 I would love to see a cross-stitching group as a ministry. It’s ridiculously fun. And even guys could join. After all, Wilt Chamberlain cross-stitches (or so my sociology prof tells me).
As a grown man who has always included Lego in any shoeboxes sent via Samaritan’s Purse, I love the Lego idea. Have you heard of “The Brick Testament”? Not always sweetness and light, but all in all, a much better project than the “Lolcats Bible”. Both are a far cry from being THE Authorized version.
I’m pretty sure Ryan B has already started an interpretive country line dancing ministry called (bad word) kickers for Jesus.
I find this equally fascinating and disturbing.
And Sherri, if I had attempted such a ministry, it would no doubt already be incredibly successful, cuz I’m gifted like that (and humble to boot!)
My old church has a Quilting Ministry, called the Sew Sew Sisterhood. They supposedly make quilts to give to give to places like the Crisis Pregnancy Center and elsewhere. I’m pretty sure it’s a cover for a bunch of old ladies it around and gossip in the name of Jesus, though.
oh, the God’s Eyes. I never knew that God had square eyes…
that lego ministry sounds totally fun and do-able. did you know that the children’s museum (indy) is having a lego display for awhile. we should infiltrate. great way to reach the kiddos for jesus!
I always wanted to own a Christian coffee shop. Not quite Starbucks for the Trinity, more like a mom and pop shop with Christian books and Bibles and commentaries and stuff for people to read while they drink coffee and eat scones….
How about a theatre group for all people in the parish, not just youth, so that people can bring there friends to the performance once a year as an evangelization outreach. Obviously the performance should be spiritually uplifting.
Okay, now for a more serious idea: Truant Officers to go to the house of families that didn’t show up to ask why they weren’t there. If you didn’t go to Church by the last service, there had better be a good reason!
Cropping for Christ. (A Jesus-centric craft circle)
Haha…my church does have a motorcycle thing, but it’s called “Zion Thunder”. Umm…and God’s eyes are a summer camp counselor’s worst nightmare (especially if you work in arts and crafts like I have) because you have to teach each kid individually how to wrap the string, and once they finally get it you have to tie it off for them, and then they want you to start another one for them.
I think there needs to be a mural-painters’ ministry; people who like to paint can get together and beautify the walls with scenes from the Bible. Like the part in 2 Kings when Elijah turns 42 teenagers into bears for making fun of his bald head…it would be a great scene to put in the youth room…teach some respect.
is it wrong to have already enlisted the help of others to not let people leave services early?
and if so…how wrong?
cause i can be okay with “only a little.”
This post made me think of a conversation I had with a deli clerk in Target a while back. After my pastor convicted me that talking to other Christians about Christ isn’t really spreading the Word, I picked my unchurched ministry; retail clerks. Let’s face it; they’re a captive audience, and if they’ve been trained properly, the customer is always right. My success rate is actually pretty high. Anyway… (and hey, I just realized that could be ANOTHER ministry–”Ring one up for Jesus”! woot!) … I was talking to the burly clerk behind the counter, asking for my usual smoked ham, thin but not shaved, and somehow crossed over from pork products to Christ. Turns out the young man was a wrestler in the Ultimate Christian Wrestling league, based out of Woodstock, GA (and apparently not doing too well right now, because there are no tour dates listed on their website). THAT’s a unique ministry… I googled and found this quote from ABC News in 2005:
Bible Stories as Plot Lines
Ultimate Christian Wrestling’s story lines and characters represent morality tales. “Beautiful” Bruce Biggins has been portrayed as the league’s Judas, selling out Adonis’ character.
After roughly two hours of fairly typical if low-rent wrestling — headlocks, “street fights,” cheap shots and the like — comes that little something extra. This past weekend’s main event came right out of the Book of Revelations, with a depiction of God and Jesus judging the main characters harshly on Judgment Day. Only one got to heaven.
Even “God’s Property” Billy Jack — a crowd favorite, a good guy who does good deeds — was dragged to hell for not being a “true” Christian.
“I don’t want to go to hell!” screamed Billy Jack as wrestlers portraying demons carried him off.
When it was over, the “passion pile drivers,” followed by a sermon by Fields, inspired two dozen fans to become born again. Many were inspired specifically by the travails specific characters went through — whether Biggins, Billy Jack or others.
“I used to not believe in God or his miracles, but now I have lots of reasons to believe in his miracles,” said Christy Fowler, an emotional 13-year-old.
“You just got to forgive people and move on,” said Don Lester, another convert, who said God spoke to him that night.
’nuff said.
Jon, I’m not really sure if you read these comments, but I went to a Lutheran Youth Retreat over the past weekend, and our main speaker for the weekend, threw handfuls of hershey’s kisses into the crowd as both a distraction and a way to get us paying attention. he used them as a way to draw volunteers, (like if you have a purple raise your hand)
it wasn’t quite skittles, but it was a start!
but then when we got home from the retreat my boyfriend almost broke up with me (a la 154). bittersweet SCL associations.
haha…we have the “amazing grays” at our church. i crack up every time my pastor announces an amazing grays trip or game night, its awesome
I’m the pastor’s wife, and I help co-host “Holy Crop” scrapbooking and card making nights in our church hall.
Kristin -
Naming a scrapbooking ministry “Holy Crop” is awesome. Seriously, I love that.
Jon
And the only thing that could even come close to Holy Crop is, of course, Holy Scrap.
You just mentioned HoverRound wheelchairs, mid-air fist pounds and felt board Bible stories in the same sentence.
YOU. ARE. AWESOME.
Hmm? Where did I put that bulletin with the request for local ministry opportunities suggestions?
If there was an elderly interpretive dance class at my church, I would SO be there! I want to hang out more with elderly people, I think they’re cool. They won’t let me join the AARP, though, which makes me sad. (I’m only 25.)
vw: lates (which is so close to being a real word that I’m going to let myself believe it is one)
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