SCL

I haven’t heard so many sex jokes, but I’ve seen some seriously over-the-top emphasis on sex that made me want to climb the walls. One was an ethnic wedding in which several (male) relatives of the groom kept going on and on and on about the bride’s virginity and sex and… ugh. I felt like yelling that she’s a person and not some slab of meat to be graded.

We played it totally straight at our wedding. We’re not prudes, but we’re not flaunters either. One mention of intimacy in a general context, and that was it. We didn’t even get gross on the kiss. Then my mother-in-law had the nerve to give us a card that said “now get busy and make me a grandbaby!” (Lady, what we do is none of your business.)

Speaking at this as someone who is getting married in September, I am stoked to hear one and ONLY one sex joke.

It is hilarious to joke about with your friends (as someone who is just attending the wedding) and only to your friends.
Go up quietly to the groom and make a quick joke (if you’re a guy, and only if you’re close to the groom … like say, in the wedding party). But don’t do it the whole night.

Yeah, let’s end this constant sequence of sex jokes at weddings. I mean, really we should be holding these people up as an example of, “what to do” (or what not to do).

We are Christian men and women. God called us to be sexual creatures but ONLY with our wife(/husband if you’re a woman). So if you made it to that point, gold star! Not awkward jokes.

P.S.
That was not a stab at those who have fallen victim to this sinful world we live in and have had sexual encounters with someone pre-marriage. Sin is sin, and we have all been ensnared by it. Luckily we have been blessed with a blanket of forgiveness and a clean slate no matter how dirty our past/present/future may seem here on earth. God love us all and wants us to turn back around toward Him. Toward home. It’s never too late for God’s love. Never.

I honestly believe that a wedding ceremony between a man and a woman is an Act of Worship unto the Lord God; with both making a covenant unto God. Shame on the officiating minister to use this platform to do that.

My sister-in-law didn’t hesitate to drop the sex joke during our ceremony. I suppose I should have seen it coming…

You make me laugh everyday!!! LOL

I didn’t get to witness this sex joke at a wedding myself but I definately heard about it… when everybody came back from the wedding they were all talking about how the GROOM kept saying to all the guests how he didn’t want to miss his “appointment” with his new bride later that night!!! It was funny the first couple of times but then it got awkard!

So true and hilarious. Man, I’m glad you’re coming to the Christian Web Conference. Looking forward to meeting you.

Last May I attended a wedding that had a great unintentional sex joke.

The man officiating was a campus minister and the two getting married were both intern campus ministers in that same ministry. One of the phrases that had caught on from a dating/relationship message given earlier that semester was that, in every relationship, whether romantic or not, we are to “make love our aim.” And the man officiating included something like that in his wedding message, only he paused awkwardly. He ended up saying that both this man and woman “make love… their aim.”

All three of them say they didn’t notice, but I’m pretty sure everyone else in the building did.

It’s even worse when the preacher says, “We all know what you two are going to do tonight, hopefully the rapture doesn’t happen for you twos sake!”

I think we should push to make it no sex jokes during the ceremony. Leave it up to the bridesmaids and groomsmen to harass the poor couple.

As a young lady that will endure this torture some day, I am pushing for no embarassment.

Nice starship reference, my personal favorite 80’s song! If you love 80’s music as much as I do, please check out the “literal versions” of the 80’s videos on youtube – here’s the best one I’ve seen: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLY9MWZVfiE

The most embarassing sex reference at my wedding was when the pastor (my husband’s father) said “Do you want me to show you how it’s done?” when I couldn’t stop laughing hard enough to do the whole “you may kiss the bride” part – talk about a mood killer…

You don’t know how much I agree with you!! Although in my experience it’s not just the minister, it’s the best man. Why do Christians somehow think that because someone is getting married they are fair game to be embarrassed, and because they are speaking in some way at the event they have a captive audience to make uncomfortable?!?!?!

I’d just like to say that my husband and I dated all through college and got married the month after we graduated…and we were VIRGINS…both of us…by the grace of God!

I want Jon to officiate my wedding but only if he promises to use the term “razzle dazzle” during the ceremony at some point.

I got these jokes when I was getting married (thankfully not by the officiating pastor, but I think that’s because it was my future father-in-law). But about every guy in the youth group and the youth pastor were giving my husband high fives and whispering sex-jokes to him. Even the girl who did my hair and make-up made a reference to our honeymoon! I was mortified! Then again, my bridesmaids spent the three days before the wedding reminding me I was going to having sex like I didn’t know

So gross-totally on joke minimum.

I’ve never been to a wedding where sex jokes are made during the ceremony. reception, yes; ceremony no. Maybe its just because most of the weddings I go to are Lutheran. However, I’ve decided that at my hypothetical wedding, when I leave my reception “Let’s Get It On” is going to be playing because you know everyone is thinking it. Why not be forthcoming with the situation.

“I didn’t though because my wife was there and she really hates when I yell things in the middle of weddings” is the most hilarious thing I’ve read in ages. Keep up the good work
xx

Annie- maybe it’s because my Dad (a pastor) performed my ceremony, so obviously he wasn’t gonna joke about his daughter escapades later on that evening…my brother is a pastor too and I’ve never heard him make the jokes, or ANY other wedding I’ve attended. (all in Illinois).

Like Helen said, it’s not that our folks aren’t corrupt, we just don’t joke about it publicly at the altar.
*We hide our sins… like GOOD Christian people do.

veri word: undecord

Only AFTER the wedding ceremony are you allowed to pull the undecord.

I once went to a wedding where they read the juicy Song of Solomon verses and the poor friend that had been asked to read was blushing so much and I felt so uncomfortable for her.

At our wedding rehearsal, when the (Lutheran) pastor got to the part about “and if it be God’s will, for procreation”, one of my childhood friends yelled out, “HEAR HEAR!”, sending the entire wedding party and all of those in attendance into convulsions of laughter.

Luckily he was able to contain himself during the actual wedding, though when the pastor got to that part everyone in the wedding party giggled– our own private joke.

Like others who’ve gone before me, I don’t think I’ve gone to a wedding where sex jokes are made during the ceremony. During the reception is a completely different story, though. I’ve heard bridesmaids read a poem for a speech, ending with, “it’s going to be a long night.” My best friend got married a couple weeks ago, and as a groomsman, I think it’s my responsibility to still make sex jokes.
And if it’s not my responsibility, it’s my honor.

Hmm, I don’t remember having this problem at weddings, but I have four to go to in the next few months…all for people that are waiting for marriage to have sex, so the temptation might be overwhelming to make jokes. I’m more worried about the DJ (a close friend of all of ours). He would be a more likely offender than the officiants.

I know a couple who had “You Shook Me All Night Long” played as they walked back down the aisle. Everyone’s thinking it, so why not have some fun with it? I think God has an excellent sense of humor and probably enjoys the occasional ACDC song. : )

thank you for this entry! hilarious…i was beginning to think every entry was going to be a thinly veiled devotional until this month.

I just officiated my first wedding last month, and I’m proud to say that it is possible to get through a whole service, heck even the whole day (reception and all) without a single sex joke.

Also, this happened at my own wedding. Again, not a single sex joke.

What’s the common factor? My 6′5″ father-in-law, Ian. He banned the sex jokes at our wedding, and it was precedent for my sister-in-laws’

Know one dared to say one, and we were all better for it. Thanks, Ian.

I went to a wedding once where the best man kept going on and on and on about the wedding night… and some crazy alarm clock in-joke that no-one except the two of them understood. Seeing the groom was a youth leader and most of the youthies were invited, I found the whole reception highly inappropriate… and really boring. It was like, where’s all the funny stories? the laughter? the merriment? the dancing?
I’m so glad that at my wedding we kept it clean (I would have killed anyone who had broached “the subject”)- and had lots of dancing

Oh dear Lord of Heaven, people need to stop this awkward joking! A couple weeks ago, I was a groomsman in my friend’s wedding. The bride and groom hadn’t even kissed before stepping to the alter, let alone sleep together. Needless to say, jokes were flying all weekend, and it drove me nuts. I couldn’t explain my feelings toward this really. Maybe it was because I’ve known the two of them all through their journey, or that maybe I felt it was innapropriate, or maybe the jokes were just flat out dumb, and I’ve already said the joke about a year ago, but it was annoying. I feel you C.J., for sure. I’m just glad the joking is over for those two.

How about when they bring it up unintentionally? I was a musician at a wedding where the priest intended to say “as you seek together” and switched out ’seek’ for ’sleep’.

Wait…Can you actually Breakdance?

Proverbs 5:19…yeah i have that one accidentally memorized, came in handy during a game of listing as many verses memorized as possible. also signed that on a wedding card, but they were good friends. Though i did tell there little brothers who were decorating there car that verse and it ended up written on there car (just the tag). Not sure if there was more then one sex joke at the ceremony at least nothing that stood out. If i was going to do one i’d probably mention something about business socks.

If my pastor had started cracking these jokes I’d have told him right then and there that if he doesn’t stop, we’ll get down and “do it” in front of everybody!

Fortunately, all he said just before the kiss was, “Now this is the moment you’ve been waiting for.”

Um…you mean since yesterday??

I told my hubby wouldn’t it have been funny if we had just “high-fived” it up there for the kiss?

i find this post hilarious! love it!

Haha, how utterly utterly true. I was at a wedding a few years ago and the father of the bride’s speech was FULL on inuendo… funniest part was that he had no idea!!

ugh. “it’s her wedding, his honeymoon.”

no offense. but… I mean, I get tired of hearing that. it’s like the bride can’t enjoy the sex, too.

ha.

Thank you for this. I am getting married in two weeks and a close friend forwarded this to my attention. I may in fact, forward it to the officiant…just to be safe.

Also, random thought…have you ever considered doing a presentation at a Christian college? Your sense of common sense, scriptural references and steady flow of sarcasm may be exactly what stuffy Christian colleges (a.k.a. The Master’s College, Pensecola) need.

Brendie, what is it they say, though about those who most need the advice not being willing to hear it?

I HATE wedding sex-jokes. I went to a Southern Baptist university, and every time someone got engaged that’s all that anyone would talk about in the dorms. And then again at the showers. And again at the wedding. And the reception. And then they would trash the car with “Get some” or some other charming little euphemism. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

haha – this was totally not the point of your post, but I laughed at the “3 ribbons that represent the man, woman and God”. My dad is a pastor and has done it at every wedding I’ve ever seen him do. I will allow him to do my wedding ceremony only if there is no braiding involved.

That makes me a little nervous… I get married in two weeks! O.O

i just started reading this blog so i went back to catch up a little . . . and let me just say i wish i could link this post on our wedding website. i’ll make a new page called “Protocol.”

i also just want to let the men know that women objectify you without reservation when it comes to bridal shower time. and it’s awkward. only ONE person in the room is about to get married; do you really want all the virgins/married women in the room to be thinking about what you’re going to do with your future husband?

I really appreciate that you hate sex jokes at weddings as much as I do.

In fact, at my last wedding, I called my boyfriend and said, "If one more horny Christian virgin makes a joke about being excited that they get to have sex I'm going to barf."

Preach on brother.

this totally happened, unintentionally at my wedding, and I thought I was the only one. Our pastor was talking about my husband being a person who doesn't let just everyone see directly into his soul, and that I will be privileged to "see parts of him, not literally of course, that no one else has ever seen." it took everyone a minute to register what he had said, and then one gasp from a bridesmaid and we were all laughing, and our pastor was bright red. It was great, and we still laugh about it today!!

It depends on the maturity of any individual, how they react to sex jokes at weddings. Personally, I couldn't imagine our pastor doing that; and even if he had I wouldn't have understood, since he conducted most of the service in Japanese (my wife is Japanese and we live in Japan but I am struggling with the language).

During a ceremony there is a certain protocol that is best adhered to. Leave the sex jokes to the time you spend with your family — before and after the wedding.

I was very privileged to have most of my family able to come over here to attend our wedding. Then I was able to make subtle sex jokes in person rather than on skype. :p

But yeah, why make something awkward during one of the most important days in two people's lives? I agree with Jon: one sex joke is more than enough during the ceremony.

You can always laugh at unintentional faux pas, though.

I think that is right, to change certain old fashion way of doing things and keep tp the principle of our kingdow as a sacriladge and an act of worship to god

I just officiated my first wedding last weekend. I did have a lot of fun during the rehearsal, but I didn't make one sex joke during the entire event, including the rehearsal.

I made a hat out of poster board to resemble the "impressive clergyman" from the Princess Bride and went through the "maiwwage" bit during the rehearsal. I also did an Elvis bit and told a couple of non-sex related marriage jokes.

If, for any reason at all, you are at my wedding and that happens, please, do stand up and say something.

I have these two friends who are eachother's first serious relationship, first love, first kiss, and all that gooey stuff. They will soon be married. They are young and one of them has been working on making a network of all the highshoolers in our area who love Jesus. So we get together and hear what's troubling one school or what might be failing in someone's bible study and we intercede for eachother. This gives him lots of highschool friends like myself. (cont.)

(cont.) So three of these highschool friends and I went to the couples shower and met some of her family. We are the young, innocent minds. All the groomsmen and bridesmades present sat next to the cute couple as stories were shared and gifts were given. We teens refused to give advice like we had been asked, claiming ignorance but really just wanting to sit down as fast as humanly possible after our short speech. Then the adults began to speak. *dun dun DUN!!! creepy organ music with a thunder clap and lightning* Oh, the jokes were too much for our innocent minds! We drowned ourselves in our punch and appeared to be fascinated with the emptied plates before us. The bride, groom, and their friends had to just sit there, gaping at eachother and blushing.

After the most obscene joke which many of us didn't get, a groomsmen shouted, "Is this the part where I get naked?" Awkwardness that you can taste….

One of my best friends went to a very conservative Christian college in a Deep South state, and most of her friends got married before graduation, so she went to LOTS of bridal showers. At one shower, the bride said something like, "I heard that on the wedding night…" and then proceeded to describe sex, and then asked "… is that true?"

As the bride asked her question, every head in the room swiveled to look at my friend, waiting for her to answer. Because apparently being an Episcopalian from Florida made her the best-equipped person to deal with a 20-year-old who didn't know where babies came from. So my poor friend had to give the birds-and-bees talk to the horrified bride with everyone at the shower watching.

To be honest, it shocks me that a minister would tell a sex joke at all. Weddings should be fun and laughter is certainly not out of place. At the same time a wedding is a very holy moment when a man and woman stand before God and enter into a covenant with Him. To ruin that with something as base as sex jokes cannot be acceptable.

I think it's just another sign of the church lowering it's standards. I prefer a NO sex joke rule to a 1 sex joke rule.

Eph 5:3-4 (NKJV) But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; (4) neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks.

The fact that you added Jefferson Starship turned this into an epic post.

if i ever get married i am so warning whoever's officiating that i have a 0 tolerance policy on sex jokes. even once would be too mortifying for words, just thinking about it makes me feel like i should email my parents and apologise! lol!