#523. Singing with your eyes closed.
Apr 16th by JonHow do people who sing with their eyes closed know all the words? It’s uncanny. You watch them, and even on the new songs that a music minister introduces or the choruses that a special music performer asks the congregation to join in, they don’t miss a beat.
Do they get advance warning on what the songs are going to be? Are they coming to church early each Sunday and memorizing what’s going to be performed? Are they doing the “watermelon” and just mumbling “watermelon, watermelon” in a holy-looking way so that it looks like they’re singing along with the words? How in the world does someone singing with their eyes shut know all the words to all the songs in the world?
The truth is we don’t. Even though I’ve only been a card-carrying member of the singing with your eyes closed society for a very short time, I’ve learned a few tricks that I’ll be happy to share with you.
At the start of the song, read as many of the words as possible. This is the equivalent to taking a huge breath before you go under water. Breathe in as many words as you can, and then shut your eyes tightly.
Eventually though, you’re going to run out of words. It happens to the best of us and you’re going to need to come up for some lyrics. If you’re an amateur, you can crack your eyelids a little and peek, but there’s really no honor in that. Instead, try a distraction technique like a fake sneeze. Make it a big one, then open your eyes like, “Wow, that was a big sneeze.” Look through your stuff like you’re looking for a Kleenex, all the while sneaking glances at the words you’re unfamiliar with. Blow your nose dramatically, reading along as quickly as you can. No one’s going to criticize you for taking care of what appears to be either a cold or allergy with your eyes open.
Singing with your eyes closed can also be a team sport. You shouldn’t be afraid to get the people sitting near you involved. If you find yourself out of words in the middle of a song, just turn to your friend and pat them on the shoulder as if to say, “I’m glad you’re here at church today. Isn’t God awesome?” As you do, use your peripheral vision to read the hymn they have open, since they’re not an eyes-closed singer. If you’re sitting next to a spouse, you can rub their shoulder in an “I’m so blessed to have a spouse like you” kind of move. This is a double bonus because you look like a loving spouse and you get to maintain your holy front of already knowing all the words to all the songs.
Dropping something is also another excellent way to buy yourself some eyes wide open time. I personally prefer to drop my keys. In addition to clattering and creating an audio presence that something has happened, they’re shiny and cause people to look away from my face, which is usually anxiously reading the video screen and saying, “O’er, is that a word? O’er? Really?” If you’re completely lost and don’t know any of the words, you might have to raise your game and drop a coffee. Sure, it might get all over your Bible and the people around you, but at least no one will suspect you can’t hold your song breath for very long.
If all else fails, pretend you’re so deep into worship that you don’t need words. You’re lost in love to such a degree that knowing the second stanza to the song “Amazing Grace” isn’t really even an issue. Sure, it’s probably never good to pretend during worship and ultimately worship is about God not us, but if you don’t want to get kicked out of the eyes closed society, you might have to spill a hot coffee or two on the people sitting next to you.
Comments
Dagnabbit, you got me! If I run into a line I can't remember, I just take a lil slit-eye peek and continue like all is well with the smug k-nowledge that the worship leader who wrote the song must be marveling at how awesome I am that I'm the only one singing with him during The Practice Round (which you should write about if you haven't yet, btw).
But here's the one reason this is really all even possible. It's true that I learn songs torturously fast, to the point that a complex new Flo Rida song on the radio can haunt me all day so that at night I'm going crazy trying to exorcise it from my mind by humming old Maranatha standards. But worship songs are so very predictable that you can sing most new ones with your eyes closed easier than you could pwn Colbie Calliet by guessing the next word in her song before she does.
And it's not just the ever-predictable Fire-Desire Phenomenon (the rule that says that worship songs must choose from a list of about 29 vocabulary words so as to make the song accessible for the little people [i.e. the souls in the congregation who are sadly not so musically gifted as you, the worship singer-songwriter, are). It's that most worship songs use either one of two chord progressions (also due to the rule (which must be a secret nod to the punk greats) that says you must use no more than 3 chords in any given song so that it can be replicated in small groups by lesser guitar players than yourself).
Plus, if you have a low voice and thus are compelled to always sing sweet harmonies, it's even easier to see with the eyes closed! Cuz my note will go with about 8 other possibilities as we praise the Lord together singing A-le-lu-ya. Yay! I win!
oo–one more thing: Sometimes we people in the SWYEC club get overly confident and then end up giving ourselves away on new songs (which we're guessing on) when the songwriter pulls anything out of the ordinary, like only repeating a line twice when it seemed that song-logic would demand it to be repeated THREE times. This could leave us in the awkward position of starting to sing a solo during a 2-bar musical interlude, like the guy in the audience who bleats out the first few words of the song too soon as the band plays one too many opening chords (darn you, worship song false starts!).
So, to avoid this embarrassment, you should always be prepared to make such a poetntial faux pas sound more like you're just singing a Holy Spirit-inspired Echo, equivalent to the worship leader prone to inserting little vocal refrains in every little space between lyrics (i.e. "Yes,Lord" "We worship You" "Jesus!" "You are Holy" "Thank you, thank you for _____ [the cross, Your love, etc--whatever was mentioned in the song]"). If you get good enough at this, you might just amaze the worship leader so much that you get tagged to be an official back-up singer. Which is always the goal!
Heck, you all have it easy! At MY church, they have try-outs for joining the SYEC club! One designated Saturday a month you can show up at the church and you can stand before the SYEC board where they will randomly choose 10 songs from the church's database and then you have to close your eyes and sing them ACAPELLA. Typically within a week you'll either receive your member's card or a letter of decline demanding you keep your eyes open at all times in the mail.
Of course the above is all a joke.
I'm curious as to why people feel the need to close their eyes during worship for show? Shouldn't you all be focused on God and the words you are singing versus whether someone "sees" you with your eyes opened or closed?
I know most of this is just fun, but I wonder how many are actually really worried about being seen with their eyes opened?
BTW. Is SASKIA the same SAS that went to Furman?
It's a contemporary church requirement that 59.5% of the congregation have their eyes closed during 'I Can Sing of Your Love Forever'
and let's not forget the 'Eyes Closed, hands clenched, shake head side to side' move.