#533. Pastoral Search Committees
Apr 30th by JonIs there a ring? You can tell me. I won’t tell anyone. Is there some sort of signet ring you get when you become a member of the pastoral search committee? Some crest you dip in wax and use to seal official-looking parchments?
Is there a secret room under the church where you hold meetings? I guess it would be more of a lair than a room. Rooms are for things like Vacation Bible School meetings. You’re plotting the future of the church. You’re more powerful than the deacons and the elders and maybe even the church secretary. So I’m hoping you have at least a lair.
The entrance to the secret room better be extraordinary. Like that waterslide in the movie Goonies or a fire pole or something. If you’re just entering the same doors at church that I use, I’m going to be pretty disappointed.
When I was a mailman–a sentence I like to throw out casually as if that whole experience was normal–the Postal Police had separate entrances to the post office. They’d walk around in covered catwalks in the ceiling, watching us all sort mail, making sure we didn’t pocket the birthday cash Grandma sent little Billy. Are you in the ceiling, too?
Do you have tunnels high above the crowd where you sit when the pastoral candidates deliver that awkward make it or break it sermon audition? If you don’t have secret tunnels, do you wear disguises in church? Eye patches or fake beards or maybe a chicken costume?
Do you each have a spiritual weapon that you’re proficient in? I mean every great team of spies or adventurers doesn’t need two guys who are great at the same thing. There’s always one guy who can break into anything, one guy who’s the muscle, one guy who’s the charmer and one guy who’s the mastermind. (I think I just described the A-Team.) Is that what you’re like? One of you is great at prayer, another at discernment, and another at intercession?
Do you ever get together and solve church-related crimes when you’re not searching for a pastor? I mean, what do you do if you’ve had a great pastor for the last 10 years? Don’t you get the “search” itch? Don’t you want to go find something or someone? Do you ever get the old gang together and look for missing dogs? I mean nice dogs, fancy dogs, don’t misunderstand me. I don’t think you’re out looking for strays. I’m talking about designer breeds like the Labradoodle. Do you guys ever look for Labradoodles when there’s no need to find a pastor?
You can tell me. I won’t tell anyone.
Comments
Well, around the same time my Dad joined the pastoral search commitee he started to dress like Batman and crave caviar. Once he came home on a hovercraft and took my family back to the church to ride on the secret rollercoaster that transported them from room to room. He also brought home a pet elephant one day, which I suspect he found. And he also took up playing the harp… but that might be unrelated?
(And sorry about that first deleted comment – it didn’t make sense so I axed it.)
Search committe member making a slight hand gesture:
“These are not the search committee members you are looking for”
Mere mortal repeating: “These are not the search committee members I’m looking for”
Search committe member: “You will go now”
mere mortal repeating: “I will go now”
Search committee members are known to be jedi warriors and can use the Force most judiciously.
“Searching for dogs I am. There is no try, only do or do not” (Little bald guy with big ears wearing a robe to hide his light sabre)
It seems you know too much. Don’t be afraid when a man in a chicken costume approaches you through your ceiling today. He is just there to give you your ring. Wear it proud.
Yeah, so I’ve never been on a pastoral search committee or even had to meet with one. I think the committee at my church got to meeting a bit early and ended up getting mad that the pastor didn’t take a hint because they got itchy and left. Now they are probably trying to get rid of the search committee where they went so they can control the new church’s destiny.
hahahaha I love this. We ar searching for a pastor, my husband is on the committee and is sworn to sercrecy about any progress that is taking place! Great post.
You’re more powerful than the deacons and the elders and maybe even the church secretary.No one is more powerful than the church secretary. The search committee actually reports to the church secretary.
The Pastoral Search Committee lair may be behind a wall in the church’s secret bathroom. Stepping on the right combination of floor tiles reveals it, but mere mortals would never be able to figure out the correct steps on their own.
I’ve said too much.
It is dangerous to question. Curiosity did in fact kill the preverbial cat.
This makes me think the cast of Ocean’s 11 would be a fantastic pastoral search committee…
how about when the search committee gives the church an “update” on their progress which consists of very vague statements out of concern of revealing too much. so you end up sitting there listening to 10 minutes of “God is working”, “he’s been amazing us with His provision”, etc. and then 3 months later, still no new pastor.
my last church’s committee had so much power that the only let one pastor audition and chose him without consultation from church members. hence why it is not my present church.
wv: trons – abbreviation for the bubble sheets you fill out for exams
Welcome to Search Committee. The first rule of Search Committee is: you do not talk about Search Committee. The second rule of Search Committee is: you DO NOT talk about Search Committee! Third rule of Search Committee: if someone yells “stop!”, goes limp, or taps out, the search is over.
I once was given the specific title- at age 12 – to be the Junior Pastoral Search Committee. In other words, when the candidate came to visit, I was in charge of playing with the pastor’s children. Absolute secrecy was demanded as well.
It’s a tough job, let me tell you.
I don’t think we should be talking about this. They’re watching, you know. Always…watching.
They have code names. About 10 years ago, my dad candidated at a church in South Carolina where the entire search committee was called “Bubba.” (Yes, I’m absolutely serious.
young man,
you had better be careful with the questions you are asking..you are about to uncover something that is way bigger than you and you have no idea how well we are connected. you need to walk away from this topic…..just walk away.
the smoking deacon
Paul: FABULOUS! Love it! lol
This past Sunday, as a matter of fact, I was a part of a two person mission to spy on another church. My uncle, a pastor himself, sanctioned our covert operation. He and the pastor of that church have talked about merging, but, being one man shows, neither can spy, I mean share, in a service. Much like a search committee, my cohort and I infiltrated the congregation and attempted to maintain overt ambiguity while befriending the locals. She fared much better than I. I am so outgoing that I may have inadvertently mentioned our mission. Darn my chatty ways! I did get a free waterbottle out of the deal, but it leaks… coincidence?
WV: unnesiv- methodical examination by two or more, seeking a united decision. “The search committee will meet later today at the unnamable location to unnesiv”
No one. Repeat, no one, is more powerful than the church secretary. I have more fear of ours than I ever have of God Himself.
The fact that you referenced the Goonies water slide, which to be looks like a tremendous amount of fun, just made this post even more hilarious.
My dad was on the search committee for a pastor a few years back. We referred to him as the “Lord of the Rings” and he seemed to take it quite personally. I think this might be a backwards affirmation that indeed, the signet rings do exist. I also maintain that they haze the new pastor…why else would he look so terrified the first week if they hadn’t reenacted the scene from “Dazed and Confused” with him?
So, Jenny, are you a church secretary?
Beth, with the Oceans 11 Committee, wives wouldnt’s mind going on interviews!
My husband recently went on an interview. We were expected to spend a weekend with the search committee in one of their homes. Our children and I had to come (I guess to be checked for tattoos and piercings and to provide urine samples).
Our visit was totally clandestine. We were never introduced to anyone outide the committee. It was obvious that the committee never had any thought of actually hiring my husband. I suspect the “alpha male” on the search committee brought us in to serve as a contrast for his most preferred candidate (who started six weeks after our visit).
This was disappointing but not shocking for my husband and me. I will always regret exposing our kids to the seamy underside of pastoral search committees at 11 and 13. We should have refused to bring them on a first visit.
This was hilarious. We are currently searching for a new pastor, as ours accepted a call from a church in Texas.
Aussiechook – Whenever I see a deleted comment I assume someone swore at me and then changed there mind. Not sure why. I’m weird
Jon
WV: courch
How fancy people say the word church, similar to how people like to over pronounce ” haute couture.”
I went to courch today and found it to be delightful.
Anonymous at 7:17 AM — No, not a church secretary. Just know some very talented ones.
I can’t reveal much. But I can tell you most meeting include lunch! Even the deliverer is sworn to secrecy about our identities or anything else they hear.
aussiechook – despite the fact that your avatar continues to freak me out and I may have to put a piece of electrical tape over a small section of my computer screen, your comment was awesome. Now, stop looking at me!
I think I know both Anonymouses (sp?)
Favorite quote from Andy Stanley from Catalyst One Day during a Q&A: "Stop worrying about getting fired."
That could work for the interview process as well: "Stop worried about getting hired." (Even though I realize that is way easier said than done.
What I want to know is why you didn’t call attention to the “Searchmobile” which is loaded with the latest gadgets and technologies that help in searching for just the right pastor.
Legend is, if you see it once, you never see it again.
wv. – “phasp” gasping and farting at the same time.
I have never been on a pastoral search committee and never will because I am married to one that is searched for.
What I can tell you from being at a few meetings, it does involve food. They also speak in codes. They are too important to say things in the the entirety so they break it down to letters. So there is a secret language. So wherever the committee goes they can find other members of past or present.
But you didn’t hear it from me and I will be writing this as anonymous, so my husband won’t be hurt in future searches. Sorry committee members but John started it.
I recall a cartoon (called Biblings) about search committees in which one character is talking to the other saying, “Let me make sure I have this right. People from our church go to their church and try to steal their pastor? And God knows about this?”
Someone already mentioned it, but I laughed out loud at “You’re more powerful than the deacons and the elders and maybe even the church secretary.” HA!
As far as search commitees, I have no clue because we don’t do that in our fellowship of churches. Sorry, no help here!
Junior Pastoral Search Committee – i want that job!
Was anyone else visioning the Ben Linus’s secret-secret room, used not only to choose the next staff member, but also summon the judging smoke monster?
Our church didn’t have a special room, but I wouldn’t be surprised if the conference did (yeah you know which denomination that is). In Michigan where I grew up, if they didn’t like you, I swear the sent you to serve those in the North…Like “a stones throw from Canada” North.
I sat on 3 or 4 in my 20’s and early 30’s. We used a formula that had been typed using a manual typewriter in the 1960’s. Any attempt to update or deviate was met with the overwhelming force of inertia. At times it reminded me of an old Tom Waits song…”in the land of the blind the one-eyed man is king.”
The A-team? A=pure awesomeness.
Question: Do search committees light up a big stogie when it is over and say, “I love it when a plan comes together!”
I sure hope so!
LOL The Goonies slide was a pretty awesome entrance.
I was on the search committee…I rode my bike to the secret meeting place. No one ever suspects a bike rider.
We had a guy come and interview for a youth pastor position 6 years ago. He wasn’t very friendly, and they let some of the kids interview him, and the kids all said that he wasn’t a good fit for our church…
Fast forward to today. He’s been the youth pastor for 6 years, and lets just say, the search team is wishing they had listened to the students. He is not a nice man, and they’ve had a million problems with him. Of couse, our other church leaders are too nice to get rid of him.
I just don’t understand why search teams act like they care about how everyone feels. Just like any other job, it’s more about who you know then how gifted you are…
I can’t help but to think that a Hogwarts-style sorting hat would come in handy. However, since I’ve just tried to connect Harry Potter and the church, I’m probably going to be struck by lighting from the dark clouds that are swiftly amassing over my house. If you never hear from me again, at least you’ll know why.
wv: thurrity–a mispronunciation that is guaranteed to get you blackballed by the pastoral search committee: “My age? Oh, I’m thurrity-sex and mah wafe is saventeen…” *crickets chirping*
“Next…”
I was on the Pastoral Search Committee, or Call Committee as our church refers to it, when we called our new pastor in this past August. There were 12 of us. We were more like the Justice League than the disciples (and, fortunately, there was no Judas.) Unfortunately, I didn’t get to be the one who flew the invisible jet. We didn’t do the “pastoral try out sermon”…we just went to the prosepctive candidates’ churches and scoped them in their own environments, all the while being very much on the down-low. We were more into the whole secrecy thing for the sake of the canididates’ identities than our own. And we didn’t all go at one time. Oh no, we just sent a few people at a time. We figured the best way to keep people from figuring out what we were up to was to send 2 male non-church members into a service to sit together. Or a man and a woman who are indeed married. Just not to each other…good times! ;D
I can tell you that as a pastor there is some need for secrecy. Case in point…if a church knows that their pastor is being “wooed” by another congregation – that makes it very difficult for the pastor to be a pastor. Before I became a pastor, I was a youth director at a church in MN. During the service, one member of the call committee stood up during the prayers so that we would pray that Pastor X would come to their church. Problem was…Pastor X has not accepted – and his church found out. He was so mad he left the ministry altogether.
Just playing devil’s advocate here.
God Bless
Slightly related story:
In our nomenclature, ‘Pastoral Search Committee’ was replaced with ‘Calling Committee’.
So, when the head of the Calling Committee introduces the new pastor, he says:
“Every Calling Committee is different, and this one was no exception”
Easily one of my favourite moments in church, ever.
having read what committees looking for ministers are like in america, i feel cheated.
ours isn’t like that at all!
Jon, great post. But after reading 41 comments, I have to say that once again, the comments MADE this post. Awesomeness.
Oh, and the last time a church I attended was searching for a pastor, the search committee was definitely NOT more powerful than the church secretary. How do I KNOW this? Because the secretary was ME.
MWAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!
For me, I’ve always seen this as more of a Moby Dick scenario: “We’re looking for a new pastor, men! Bring me my harpoon!”
Just wanted to say… loved the A-Team reference. Rock on. –And I’m a college student, so don’t despair for my generation’s lack of culture.
Is it wrong that growing up I viewed the PSC something like the general manager of a MLB team and pastors like baseball players? I mean, mega-church, Yankees, same thing right? “Rummer Mill: First Church of the Worship Eagle is said to be negotiating the trade their youth pastor for a new metrosexual worship leader. Stay tuned for Fox’s sermon of the week coming up next!”
I think your church secretary is the one who TOLD you to make this post…
How do you go and try to hire another shepherd and take him away from the flock that he has been given by God above?
No wonder Augustine called the Church “a whore and my mom”.