#541. Making an Idol Out of Sports
May 15th by Jon(Bryan Allain is no stranger to the guest post. His last one, Christian End Zone Touchdown Celebrations, was a blast and this one is too. Here, with a post I probably needed a few months ago when the Tarheels won the College Hoops National Championship, is Bryan with another great look at life, sports and God. Enjoy.)
Of the many things that Jon and I have in common (and by “many” I mean “I have no idea what I’m talking about”), my favorite thing is definitely that we both grew up in Massachusetts. This can lead to amazing coincidences, like the fact that the city where Jon once got dumped by a girl in a coat closet is the same city where I earned my college degree. One man’s peak is another man’s nadir. (That last sentence should be sung to the tune of “It’s a small world after all”.)
Being born and raised in Massachusetts means you’ve got 3 things in your blood: platelets, midi-chlorians, and the Red Sox. Cheering on the Sox year after year is a bond that runs through my entire family, so I’ve done my best to pass this love on to my two children in hopes it becomes another connection point in our lives. I love that they’ve picked up on this already and seem to derive joy from a Red Sox win (or a Yankees loss) along with me. In fact, I’m smiling now just thinking about it.
I realize a big reason for this is that my children are always watching and taking their cues from me, so I try to model the appropriate level of fandom for them in good times and in bad. I never want them to think it’s okay to take your fandom too far (see Football Fans, European). This idea of balanced devotion applies to more than just sports, of course. Whether it’s the Red Sox, a favorite band, or even a favorite hobby, I don’t want my kids to get overly involved in anything that takes over their lives without them realizing it.
When the Bible talks about this type of obsessive adoration for something other than God, it’s called idolatry. And even though the Bible doesn’t contain a bulleted list of idolatrous behaviors for us to avoid, it’s clear God doesn’t want our love for Him to be dwarfed by our love for anything else. While no sports fan is fully exempt from this principle, the line that separates “loyal sports fan” from “over-the-top sports idolater” is going to be different from person to person. If you think you might be obsessing a little too much about the teams you follow, it could be God telling you to back off of the sports thing for a bit. It could also be your husband or wife whispering subliminal messages in your ear while you sleep, so it’s best to pray about it. And sleep with earplugs.
Without knowing you (which is a shame, really…you seem so nice), I can’t specifically tell you if your love of sports is hurting your spiritual life. I have, however, created this quiz to help you determine if it’s time for you to take a time out from the world of sports. So turn off the game, grab a pencil, and answer ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to the following twenty questions.
1. Have you named your kids, your dog, or your wife after players from your favorite team?
2. When you picture Satan, is he wearing the uniform of your hated rival?
3. Have you replaced your morning Bible devotions with daily readings and memorizations from the team media guide?
4. Have you ever prayed for forgiveness when an athlete on the opposing team sustained an injury because earlier that day you were praying for that exact injury to happen to him?
5. Have you ever used the sermon note section of your bulletin to write out potential starting lineups for your favorite team?
6. Have you been archiving these fake starting lineups in a locked, fireproof cabinet for the last ten years?
7. Are you the reason your pastor recently instituted a ban on prayers for sports teams during altar calls?
8. Have you ever promised God that you’d tithe off of your fantasy sports winnings in hopes he would tweak the wind to help your kicker nail a 50+ yarder?
9. Do people at church avoid you like a leper after your team loses a big game?
10. Do people at church just avoid you in general?
11. Is your favorite thing about Easter Sunday remembering the resurrection of Jesus…EXCEPT when Easter happens to coincide with the final day of The Masters?
12. Do you have trouble getting into the spirit of the praise and worship music unless you’re wearing your foam finger?
13. Have you ever brought your own communion glass to church, complete with team logo and “World’s Greatest Fan” etched onto the side?
14. Have you ever worn long-sleeved shirts to church to cover up the body paint?
15. Have you ever worn a ski mask for the same reason?
16. Does the team schedule taped to the inside of your Bible have more highlights and notes written on it than your Bible does?
17. Have you ever referred to ESPN as “religious programming”?
18. Have you ever considered painting your hated rival’s logo on the bottom of your toilet bowl to improve the overall bathroom experience?
19. Did you just read that last one and think, “Hey, that’s not a bad idea”?
20. Have you ever turned to the Book of Numbers hoping to find ERA and WHIP statistics for Moses and Aaron?
If you answered “Yes” to one or more of these questions, I suggest you put the body paint and foam finger away for a few weeks and try reading a book. Honestly, you’re dangerously close to finding yourself on the bottom of one of those crazy soccer riots.
Oh, and if you’ve got a great “This is the craziest thing I’ve ever done as a fan” story, now would be a great time to tell it.
PS…You can keep tabs on Bryan’s writing at his blog, Ramblings and Such, or by following him on Ashton Kutcher’s Latest Invention, Twitter, @bryanallain.
Comments
Hey, it’s not just me. Almost everyone pictures Satan with horns and a tail just like a bull. Personally I don’t think this is just a coincidence … And what about the “hook ‘em horns” hand gesture? It’s not my fault it looks just like the “lets worship Satan” hand gesture. I mean come on you can’t blame me for thinking the Longhorns are a bit evil.
Nick, Nick, Nick. I actually liked you until I realized you were an OU fan.
I wouldn’t say sports would border on idolotry with me now, but I have had my moments.
Small town “rivalry” can rear its ugly head and haunt you into adulthood.
When my youngest would play against our town rival, the RANGERS,(Why did I put that in all caps? They don’t deserve it.) I would always say the same thing I said before every game, “Play your heart out and enjoy!”
But then, it was like something came over me and I would HAVE to add, “But if we lose…you’re grounded.”
I know, I know.
I’m glad he graduated and all that is behind me now, and I don’t have to wear the ski mask in the praise group anymore.
we are huge red sox fans.
when a friend from church got drafted, all was well. when he got traded to the yankees, we prayed without ceasing, for him to do well, along with our daily supplication for the yankees to lose.
one day walking my youngest to school, she asked if the yankees were going to hurt our friend. i tried to explain playing time, getting your shot as a starter, etc, and she said
“no, are they going to hurt him? they are the Evil Empire.”
Chris,
It is a burden to be a fan of one of the most winning teams in college history. Fortunately I became a fan by geography so I can honestly say I didn’t just jump on the bandwagon because they are that good. I graduated high school one town north of Norman.
But all that stuff is okay as long as the coach of your favorite team is a well-known committed Christian, right? Right? Hey and a few of the players always remember to thank Jesus when they do something good. Now we’re not talking about idolatry so much as we are being dedicated members of the body, right? Right? Don’t leave me hanging here man.
i should probably get an exorcism to remove the sports demons…
fun post Bryan, will check out your blog.
So, if at least 1 means I need to, um, step back from sports, what if I (hypothetically of course) scored a 7?
mones: the noises I make when I realize the preacher is going to long and I have to either miss the first quarter or find a way to sneak out
What if your freezer contains your favorite player’s leftover chicken wings that you stole the time you saw him at Outback? Is it ok if he’s a Tarheel?
And shouldn’t it be considered sinful to cheer for any team with “devil” in the name? Do we REALLY want to be supporting that?
P.S. – My word verification was prosecu which I think is what Jawad Williams might do to me if he finds out I have his chicken wings….
I’m not embarassed to say that I really did think putting a Patriots logo in the toilet bowl was a good idea… I’ll post pictures when we get it looking good.
Great post.
@anotherlisa: “they are the Evil Empire” Hilarious.
@Paul: I won’t leave you hanging. Always support the body…Chi-City
#21. If you took offering on Super Bowl Sunday with your face painted red, blue, and silver.
Guilty. XXXVI – the Patriots’ first Super Bowl.
I’m going to have a horrible day. Not only is “It’s a Small World” stuck in my head, but the writer’s suggestion that this sentence should be sung to its tune simply doesn’t work.
“One man’s peak is another man’s nadir.”
I’ve tried everything. Count the syllables, they just don’t add up no matter how you phrase them.
Do you understand what a terrible predicament this is? I’ll be singing the world’s most annoying tune all day long now, and to these foreign words, AND I hate sports, and it’s so sad that people dump people in coat closets.
Day’s ruined!
Jacoby was on the short list of names for our now 10-month-old. (But got dumped when we realized he would inevitably get called Coby.) Also, our cat is named Pesky.
In CT the Sox-Yankee fan base gets split pretty close to the CT River. We lived near the dividing line. Things got a bit tense at church during the playoffs of 03 and 04.
Great stuff Brian. Laughed the whole time.
How much would it make you mad if your suggestion led someone to put the Sox logo on the bottom of their toilet bowl? Not that I would, the Yankees would go before that.
One thing one of the churches I have been a part of always said was, “Now we know that God is bigger and better than football…” and then proceeded to talk about football during the service. I love football, but it got on my nerves. And then all the deacons would have their certain colored (or mascoted) ties on every Sunday.
I am guilty of #19, and I am not that into sports. Still….White Sox rule while Cubbies drool! Nah nah nah nah nah…..GO WHITE SOX!
I don’t think they’d accept me as a true fan though. My White Sox hat is pink.
wv acoputo How I’d say Acapulco after a couple of Tequila….
That’s good.
I literally live on the Yankee/Red Sox border. (Since I’m a Met’s fan, I have Switzerland-like diplomatic immunity.) Like most border towns, there’s a little of both cultures here, and that bleeds over into church.
Of course, the Giants/Pats superbowl was a completely religious experience!
My husband’s grandpa was a HUGE Detroit Lions fan (poor guy). He was the guy in church who sang too loud and made comments to his wife that everyone could hear. Well, if church was going to run over and then conflict with the kickoff he would clear his throat loudly, raise his hand in the air and tap his watch so the minister could see.
So Satan really doesn’t wear a Red Sox hat? And Gabriel really doesn’t look like Derek Jeter?
My entire theological foundation is now cracked. This just isn’t fair…
What if your child came home one day and said, “Dad, I like the yankees” My daughter is 2 weeks old and I’m already terrified that she will be a UNC fan (shudder) ((I’m a die hard Duke Fan))
Growing up in Durham, NC where the sports rivalry is huge, there were some Sundays where half the church would avoid the other half…
fun post.
I was doing ok until #19. Would it really be that wrong for me to create toilet decals for the Anaheim Ducks, Dallas Stars, Calgary Flames and Detroit Red Wings? Ooh, or maybe toilet training targets with those team logos for my son who is just learning to use the potty? I think I have a new business venture…
If you’re wondering who Satan plays for, he is a winger on the Pittsburgh Penguins. Still weird seeing people wearing jerseys with SATAN on the back of them.
Hi! This is my first comment, although I’ve been following this blog for a while.
Here in Cincinnati, OH we take our lousy sports teams seriously.
Are you familiar with touchdown Jesus? If not, please follow the link below.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Touchdown_jesus.jpg
Enjoy.
jon (adiferentworldview),
Train up a child in the way that is right and when they are grown they will not depart from it.
This is why I dress my boy in crimson and creme and have already taught both my daughters how to cheer “Go OU” with the hand gestures. If I end up with a Cowboy or Longhorn I’m not sure I’ll be responsible for my actions, legally speaking of course. We may need to take a trip to Norman so the jury is sympathetic though.
I’d buy my daughters cheerleader outfits, which they beg for, but not being in the area makes those absurdly expensive.
Okay, I totally want to get one of those foam fingers and use it during worship. I sing in the choir, and I’m sure my director would appreciate my enthusiasim, lol.
I was nine months pregnant when Walter Peyton died on November 1, 1999. My husband said that morning, if you go into labor today can we name our son Walter Peyton? I, thinking there was no way I would go into labor that day, said SURE! Our son, Samuel Aaron, missed being Walter Peyton by 7 1/2 hours.
I was guilty of #11 this year.
One day I was going to church and I saw that one of the greeters was wearing a David Ortiz tshirt. Since then, I've had this fantasy of Christian unity in action. It involves two or more people serving in the same capacity, but wearing Red Sox & Yankees paraphernalia. (insert your own rival here)
wv – crumish. As a Sox fan, I hope they crumish the Yankees again!
also, the name I use is RSSS, which is short for RedSoxSteelersSuns. I love sports!
hilarious. I recently moved from Vermont and the Red Sox mania over there was over the top! In Seattle now, we have nothing that compares. But when in Vermont, riots broke out on the University of Vermont campus after a Red Sox/Yankees game. Lots of campus property was destroyed, and I had to deal with a divided class of students the next day who were angry with one another based on which team they rooted for. I had to honor their very real anger while also find a kind way of telling them to get over it, that it didn’t matter THAT much.
Nick,
I will take your Cowboys if you will save any future Sooner I might have from certain parental death in my home. . . .
I was born and raised in Massachusetts. Lived there for twenty years. But for me it was the Boston Bruins, not the Red Sox. My sister named her cat after a player as well as her daughter. When I went to visit her and her husband (I live in California now) they invited me to a game, but wouldn’t let me go in until I told them that the Bruins won the last time I was there.
Good post – valid points about sports interfering with your spiritual life. Bottom line though, you could substitute sports for any number of things and the principles still stand.
Regarding soccer, those statements are correct (as far a soccer being a religion) but are probably a tad misleading and contribute to the general attitude people here have of the game. What many people fail to understand is that things like riots have nothing to do with the sport itself and everything to do with the culture, attitudes, and general “godlessness” in that country. If the most popular sport in the world was baseball, they would riot at baseball games and worship their baseball team. The point is, because it’s the national pastime of every other nation on Earth (pretty much), this is going to happen. There really is no connection to the game itself (millions and millions watch thousands and thousands of games every year and the small few end up violent), and I think many people here fail to realize this.
I am also a Sox fan …..White not Red, and and yes, my other favorite team is anyone who plays the cubs. I am anxious to get to Heaven and see Jesus face to face, and I know is saw somewhere in the Bible that when the cubs win the World Series again …..it’s all over, now that the Red Sox have drawn us closer to that prophesy. Satan does like green and gold also …. in Chicago janitor land
I’m happy someone else mentioned that Longhorns are evil. However, Nick, you do realize that, in terms of fan base, UT and OU are basically the same school, right? Two different flavors of the same bitter brew.
yeah, I’m totally guilty…
I wore my Tom Brady jersey to church one Super Bowl Sunday. God punished me by having the Pats lose to the giants.
My fantasy baseball team’s name is “Jesus Hates the Yankees”
I love sports, but sometimes I take it too far.
I used to arrange the church staff section of the church news bulletin into a football line-up when the sermon was boring…
Brian-
Is it ok to picture satan wearing the jersey of a player from your favorite team? I am still having a hard time forgiving Mitch Williams for giving up that home run to Joe Carter in the 1993 World Series.
I am totally guilty of wearing one of my many Chelsea jerseys to church (and often getting my boys to do the same) and have on one occasion shouted “YES” (a la Marv Albert) during a sermon upon seeing a Chelsea scoreline while reading the BBC Sports Live Text on my Blackberry.
well, not being a sports fan (at all, other than to watch the Superbowl – you know, for the commercials), I felt pretty safe with this post and its non-applicability to my life. I was scared on question 1, though, because I named my cat Clark Kent (and a small bit of transference/parallelism in application). But then, being more of a literalist, I realized you mentioned dogs, not cats. I’m safe from idolatry. Even if it’s on a technicality.
I could not paint a decal of the Lakers on my toilet — it would be an insult to the toilet.
(Go SPURS Go!)
And while Duncan, Parker, or Ginobili would make great baby names, I don’t see those making it into my family lineage. This generation, anyway. :O)
So what does it mean when you read
"20. Have you ever turned to the Book of Numbers hoping to find ERA and WHIP statistics for Moses and Aaron?"
and think "Moises Alou and Hank Aaron weren't pitchers"?
Sorry, but I'm the daughter of a former sports writer and have worked in newspaper sports departments myself. And I'm married to a sports copy editor. I think most of what was just described here is normal behavior. And hubby and I root for different teams in several sports leading to interesting rides to work.
Who Dat!