SCL

As the Operations and Finance Ministry Assistant, all I have to say to our staff is, “If you mess with me, be prepared. Remember your check is worthless without my signature.” I choose to hit where it hurts! But I love them all, even the Student Minister (he does try my patience, though)!

I’d add another question about whether or not the church secretary attends the church she works at. I’ve met many who don’t, and I always thought that weird. Then again, they may not want to be around when their secret bulletin messages are discovered.

Verification word: thypeptr. THY? Are we going all KJV here? if it were The Message would it be youguyspeptr?

Yes, so true! Even if they aren’t necessarily the most powerful, they know everything, which is basically the same. We have a saying around our church, “if (secretary) doesn’t know, then nobody knows.”

i also was a “admin assistant” for a number of years. yes, there was power, but basically i was a slave to the church, 7 days a week. i worked during each of the multiple weekend worship services – baptisms, baby dedications, among other things. and we had to maintain the pretense that since we were church staff, we had NO ministry needs of our own. we were only to BE ministers. i was amazed by how poorly i was treated. but i stayed, i was instructed that only God could “release” me from my position. i made approximately $25K and thought i was the richest person in the world, except when it was time to ask for a raise after a few years – the pastor in charge of finances pretended not to hear me when i asked for a performance review. i learned so much from my time as a church secretary (don’t really care what you call it). i got married, moved away, and was “released” (haha) – more like “set free”. And AMEN to the posters who mentioned their disdain for church members approaching you during the service or during worship with business that soooo could have waited until the next day (Monday). We were definitely not a church that took off Mondays. After several years as a secretary, I too was “burnt out”. I needed a break. So I went to med school and I will graduate in 2 more years. Hallelujah!

I think the financial administrator is the most powerful, with secretary in a close second. The FA has control of the budget, and you know that EVERYTHING (right or wrong) hinges on the budget.

personally i think the pastor’s wife holds the most power…

but close second is the secretary…

Ours holds the key to the stationary cupboard… on her person… NO ONE has ever held the key but her.. when someone needs a new pen or a paperclip (yes a single paperclip) a form has to be filled out and she escorts you to the cupboard and supervises the gaining of said paperclip…

power… too much power

1. Should I say “Church Administrative Assistant” instead of “Church Secretary?”

Ministry Assistant is what they call me. I wouldn’t like secretary much, but to each her own2. Do you have a “cuckoo person in the lobby” emergency button under your desk?

For the most part. I can stealthly push the intercom button and help is on the way…3. If so, can you please tell me who it notifies? (I bet it’s the janitor. Every church janitor I have ever known looks like they could cut you. Not would, but could. And not deep, just enough to let you know trash cans on wheels are not designed for races.)

Any available male staff member 4. Is it true that sometimes you write funny messages in the bulletin just to see who notices?

Oh but yes. If being passive agressive is wrong, I don’t wanna be right5. When you’re mad at the pastor do you ever send him off to fake lunch appointments just so he’ll sit in some restaurant and stare at his watch for 30 minutes and be out of your hair? I probably would.

see above answer6. Do you have an arch nemesis that works at the church? It’s gotta be the youth minister. They make the biggest messes, use the most liability waiver forms and probably occasionally do pranks that involve you needing to call animal rescue services to remove a small woodland creature from the sanctuary.

Youth pastors, fo sho’. Don’t you guys own watches?7. If you don’t have an arch nemesis, who would you leg sweep? I’m talking members, staff, volunteers. Who is getting the leg sweep?

probably the head of the old ladies ministry. Man. Talk about high-maintence and persnickity8. How long did you keep the secret bathroom all to yourself without telling anyone else it existed?

I still haven’t. I was sworn to secrecy by the last assistant!9. Does the pastor ever tell you to create a rule so that certain people’s emails go right to the spam folder instead of his inbox? Am I on the list? Shoot me straight.

Yes and no10. Do you ever shot block volunteers out of love? Someone tells you “My kid is great at that Wii thing. I think he’d be good at designing your church website” and you reply, “Nah, we’re good. Thanks though.”

That was one of the main job requirements in being hired I’m kind about it. It’s my gift11. Are you ever tempted to wield the office supply requisition form like a powerful weapon? “Oh hey, you didn’t remember professional admin day this year. Hope you enjoy the cheap bic pens that come in a 400 pack.” That kind of thing. Ever do that?

Ummm….next question….12. Has a worship leader ever tried to write off hair product as a work expense?

One of our counselors has tried to write off Starbucks as a “work-realted purchase” so he could stay awake during sessions. I thought that was so funny, I totally allowed it

As a church secretary, I have to say this is so funny because it's so close to the truth!
One thing you left out, though – we also get to decide what happens to the things that end up in the lost & found box! If it's been there for more than a few weeks, it's free game. I've got my eye on something right now…

Allie
Same (25,000! Did I read that right?).

As an “administrative assistant” of a fairly large church, I would LOVE to put a secret message in the bulletin, but haven’t gotten up the nerve yet–maybe this is the weekend…

I’ve defintely “shot blocked” some overly helpful volunteers.

Something that maybe unique for me: the copier only seems to work right when I’m nearby…it’s weird!

I know it’s the pastor’s wife that holds the most power. We are a small church and everything is done by or approved by her. It is scary because one day, like Moses, she may need someone to help hold her arms up. Since she has never even allowed anyone to touch, or even come near her arms… her arms may just fall off. It is not easy to help someone who continually rejects any offer of help… even worse when they make it clear that they are looking for someone who is more ’spiritual’. I believe it is one of the big reasons that we are still a small church.

I just read some really funny answers and some really accurate answers !! However, I am naive about the power and admiration directed to the “Church Lady.” I work for pastor of a church where about 4000 people regularly attend every Sunday. That number doesn’t include “enrolled” – just “regularly attend.” I don’t mind being called the Pastor’s Secretary. I have many secretarial responsibilities but that’s not all I do. My duties also include administrative responsibilities. And, I am definitely the Pastor’s assistant. I do not know of an accurate job title for my position. I just know that this position is truly representative of assisting Pastor in his ministry and that’s all I care about because that’s what God has called me to do for now – assist Pastor in his ministry doing whatever needs to be done to accomplish that. All I know is I show up around 7:30am and stay until the appointments are over between 5:30-6:30pm, eat lunch at my desk, and rarely leave my office. I do have unlimited abilities to multi-task, make things happen, interpret, protect and defend! I know a lot but must maintain confidentiality. I attend weekly staff meetings and keep up with Pastor’s voluminous emails. I don’t have a panic button – panic is not allowed because it’s disruptive. I have a good relationship with our youth minister who likes to hang out in my office occasionally probably because he’s hiding out and needs a secret spot. Our worship leader doesn’t use hair spray – he has a current model hair do that requires gel. Also our worship leader only wears socks with his shoes on Sundays! Sometimes I get to pray with people, offer counsel, give direction. Dealing with people takes discreetness and tact. I always keep a pen and pad of paper with me on Sundays so when members tell me something I make a note of it and take care of it on Monday. My day off is Saturday. I don’t have a private bathroom. I do deal with unusual people. I’ve never sent Pastor on a faux lunch appointment – or for that matter pulled any kind of prank on him except to plan numerous surprise birthday parties. I have never hidden secret messages in the newsletter or bulletin. I know I am appreciated and valued and feel I make a contribution.

I am the Church Secretary for a very small church and I do agree that I am probably the most powerful person around this place. I do put funny things in the Bulletin and always announce my best friends birthdays. I am engaged to the Youth Pastor so I pretty much keep him in line.
It is completely crazy and some Sunday mornings I really have to remind self that I am going to church not work as they have a way of merging almost seamlessly. However, I love my job. No matter what you do your boss is nice and I never experience monotony.
P.S. I love those cheap bic pens!

hear, hear,

and im fwding a link to the church secretary. she pretty much rocks the house.

I turned the job down! I didn’t want to KNOW that much about all members!

You are right! I’m a church secretary and althought I don’t have a crazy person button (that would be awesome) we do have code words used over instant messages . Although every member in the entire church thinks you work for them directly it is still the best job in the world!

I was a Church Secretary for many years before I had to make the choice between quitting my job or taking up residence in the loony bin.

1) I don’t care, just bring me cookies.

2) No but I had an air horn. That was great fun.

3) Never had to summon anyone after a few good blasts.

4) Yes. Oh, yes. Copying the same thing on both sides of the paper and watching everyone flip it back and forth the whole service is fun too.

5) yes, and I send him the crazy people that I didn’t get with the air horn.

6)Yes. Head of the Vestry. Functionally illiterate but screamed bloody murder if you edited her announcements.

7) the above mentioned, plus everyone who phones to tell you why they don’t like the pastor, followed by the people who come into the office to tell you why they don’t like the people who just phoned.

We only had one bathroom. Woe.

9) If that man learns to operate a computer before he retires, I will fall down from shock.

10) No, but I have assigned them to the pastor when he was on my bad side.

11) Of course.

12)No, but beer and a dartboard made the list once.

Oh, this is too wonderful.
1. My title was switched to administrative assistant after too many members seemed to think that church secretary meant person available to be the personal secretary to everyone in the church. No I cannot help you file your taxes.

2.I page the youth pastor over the phone, who is also my husband. We also have hand gestures when he comes to investigate the beep so as to let him know if I suspect cuckoo has a gun or if they are trying to tell me Jesus is coming soon.

4. This is an idea that I will now be trying…

5. My pastor is so busy running around during the week that I never get the chance.

6. The youth pastor is my husband, so I am quite spoiled by him. It would have to be the members who corner me on Sunday morning to speak with me about things that should have been addressed during the work week or the following Monday. These people are why I hide on Sunday mornings.

9.No, but there are 3 separate people in the community who refuse to come to our church but really feel the need for some of the Pastor's time to share with him what they feel God wants our church to be doing. I know who you are. You shall not pass.

10. I like to think I am gently redirecting them to volunteer positions that would be more fulfilling in their personal walks than those they wish to pursue…

11. No, but I have converted all post-its, highlighters, and legal pads to excellent shades of girly-ness. If I'm going to be the only female in staff meeting then they can sport pink and lavender.

12. No, but the youth and children's directors did join forces and now for some reason the church owns a Wii…

I'm sad that some people see the admin position as one of coldness. I really love my job and I feel it is an amazing opportunity for ministry using a specific skill set I have been given, whether it be babysitting/ puppysitting while someone is meeting with the pastor or training to retired senior citizens ministry leader how to maintain the web content on the seniors page. It's never a dull job.

But yes, please leave your admin alone on Sunday mornings. If it's so important then you WILL remember to call it in on Monday or you should have thought about it last week. Let me be at worship.

When you're mad at the pastor do you ever send him off to fake lunch appointments just so he’ll sit in some restaurant and stare at his watch for 30 minutes and be out of your hair? I probably would….

How tempting this is.

I view our current "office Assistant" as the bouncer to the rest of the staff. And we are all so greatful for her. She is also the pastors daughter so can get away with alot more than some others. Who are people going to complain about her to? the pastor? no way.

I DO agree that church secretaries are very powerful. I am an office assistant (I help out the 2 secretaries and the office administrator) at my church, and have spent quite a bit of time filling in for the secretaries, and I gotta tell you, they work HARD. Everyone pretty much assumes that the secretary has all the time in the world on her hands, and that all she does is answer the phone and visit with people who come into the office. So they give her EVERY task that they decide they just don't have time for.

There really needs to be a "cuckoo person in the lobby" emergency button. As the fill-in, I never knew what to do with those people. And we have a walkie-talkie that calls our janitor directly – if there's an issue, he gets paged.

my mother is the church secretary.

and you nailed it like no ones ever nailed it before.that woman could teach seminars on the profession.

oh and the janitor? his name is john. and he definitely could cut you.

They think they rule the roost, but gees how hard can it be to sit there and answer the phones and file? I applied for the position at my church and thought I had a pretty good shot compared to the old bags that are sitting in there now. I guess you have to be old and frumpy to occupy the chair! Plus the pay is pretty pathetic!