#548. Throwing the B Card.
May 28th by JonWhenever my wife and I try to talk about our future, we both end up throwing different cards on the table almost immediately. I’m a big fan of the “G card” (God) and she’s a big fan of the “D card” (Dad). Here’s how a typical conversation about our future breaks down in about 30 seconds:
ME: “I’d like to think about maybe moving or doing something else. I’m not sure if I’m where I’m supposed to be or doing what I’m supposed to be doing.”
HER: (Fearing I’m on the verge of suggesting some crazy, non health care-having adventure like making the family join the carnival for the Lord) “Maybe you’re where you are so that we’ll have a steady income. Why can’t being a good dad be what you’re supposed to be doing?”
ME: (Sensing that I can’t follow my dreams and be a good dad at the same time) “I’m just trying to do what God is calling me to do.”
Boo-yah! The God card always trumps the Dad card because in essence, by getting God into the mix, I’ve said to her, “Are you saying you want to stand in the way of the Almighty, the Great I Am, Jehovah, the Holy Lord? Is that what this is about?”It’s an almost flawless card to throw.
The only way to counteract it is to reply, “Well, that’s not what I’m hearing from God right now.” You in essence snatch the G card off the table and throw it back down. I think technically it’s the “G squared card” at that point, but I’m not sure.
It’s not even really my favorite card anymore though. It used to be, but lately I’ve started hearing pastors throw the Bible card like it was going out of style. In the middle of a sermon, they’ll make some claim like, “You can’t love money and love God.” Sensing that the affluent crowd might have winced a little and thought, “Yeah, but can you love a Range Rover and God at the same time?” the pastor will say, “I’m not trying to be argumentative; I’m just telling you what Jesus says in the Bible.”
I love that. On the one hand it’s such a succinct way to shut down complainers, and on the other, it’s a great way to motivate people. A pastor I know mentioned how he loves when people disagree with him after a B card throw-down because it inspires them to get into the Bible.
“Oh no, he didn’t just say that. I’m going to look that up, prove him wrong and throw the B card back at him on stage next week. Security will probably escort me out, but I’ll be throwing out B cards like an octopus as they drag me to the exit.” (Flipping Bible pages when he gets home that Sunday afternoon.) “Huh, what’s this? That verse he quoted is in the Bible? He was right? Weird.”
Comments
@ Amelia,
I don’t know what your life is like right now but this is for you, girl. No matter what anyone has ever said or done to use God’s Word against you be confident in this. We all know vs. 16 but 17 is just an key. Love In HIm to you, girl!!
John 3
16″For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.
Sometimes the God card is the Joker (Satan) in disguise. When I’m unsettled about something in life it’s often because I’m actually doing what God wants me to do. It’s really the enemy trying to cast doubts.
Like an Octopus? Was that a Night at the Museum 2 reference?
You forget the H card… calling something “Heresy” in your most sappy “Humble” tone… and then throwing the H-B combo by saying “that’s just what I get when I read my Bible.”
We had the author of the Shack at my church… he has enough H cards to supply flash card companies until the end of time, or until the new preschool iPhone teaches you the alphabet and how to pee.
How about the fact that Jesus said that those who leave their own families for the sake of the gospel will receive 100 times more.
I’m glad this satirical. Even jokingly I get into a crouching tiger position when talking about stuff like “hearing from God” and “reading the Bible” comes up.
Brian Miller:
the “V” and the “p” card…….
love it!
Stacy, that just made my day, it really did. Nothing but love, SFL!
I was delivered from the G card when an ex-boyfriend pulled the G card and said that God wanted us to be married and stalked me for a year (and that is not a joke- it was very creepy- he would "pray for me" outside my house for 12 hours etc). I said well we must not have the same "God" because that is not what he is saying to me. I am very suspicious of anyone who says, "God told me…" I have been sharpening my discernment skills ever since. There are a lot of misguided manipulators out there… Very scary.
Just something to mention to all the people saying that quoting the bible reduces confusion. The bible is only as clear as one's interpretation of it. The bibles we read are just the interpretation of a group of men that translated it into our language.
I've been wating to make this point for a long time, this seems like a good time to do it. God speaks, the bible can only be read, it has no voice.