#549. The Essential Cast of a Great Mission Trip
May 29th by Jon
(If you saw the iBible video recently, then you know Tyler Stanton. He helped write it and was in it. If you’ve attended North Point Community Church at any point in the last 5 years you know Tyler. He’s been in a million funny videos for them. If you went to the West Coast Catalyst you know Tyler. He and Tripp Crosby co-hosted it with Jud Wilhite. To put it mildly, he’s hilarious. As evidenced by this photo of rubber outfits Tripp and Tyler wore at West Coast Catalyst for a skit. When I asked Tyler where they got them he said, “Ebay. We got them a year ago from someone in China for a skit in which we pretend that they make us invisible.” Love it.
I’m a big fan of Tyler. This summer, Tripp, Tyler and I are going to goad each other into doing stand up comedy at some open mic night. Until then, here’s some witty insights from an Atlanta legend.)
The Essential Cast of a Great Mission Trip
It’s mission trip season again, and although there are a million resources that tell you what to bring (passport, fanny pack, hand sanitizer, etc.), no one has really documented the people that are essential to every trip. So as you review the sign-up sheet, make sure the following people are on there. The trip would be incomplete without them.
The Self-Appointed Crew Chief
This guy isn’t the official leader of the trip, but deep down he knows he is the most qualified. He sniffs around, waiting to pounce on any hint of indecision by the trip leader, and make it known that he is really the one in charge.
The Culture Expert
This guy takes advantage of every opportunity to show off the 8 Spanish words he knows. He also thrives on letting you know all the different things you’re doing right this second that are offensive to this culture.
The Mime
There’s always one in the group. This guy brought three extra bags full of costumes, face paint, and Rich Mullins tapes to make sure the mime drama comes to fruition. He spends the vast majority of his time trying to convince the rest of the (oh so hesitant) group that this is a valid and relevant avenue for furthering the Kingdom.
The Hyper-Witnesser
This guy can (and will) manipulate any conversation into a presentation of The Four Spiritual Laws. Don’t you just love Burger King? I used to love wearing those crowns. They were so much more comfortable than…say…a crown of thorns. Hey, speaking of crowns of thorns…
The Drama Queen
This girl somehow manages to suffer from diarrhea, heat exhaustion, and a badly sprained ankle before even getting off the bus. The only time she stops complaining about not being able to bring her hair dryer is when she is complaining about how gross the food is. When a friend confides in her about the deep impact this trip is having on him, she rolls her eyes and responds with “you don’t even know” and one-ups his experience with one of her own.
The Construction Guru
This guy scoffs at your childish attempts to hammer a nail. His favorite way to start a sentence is with “You know if you…” (as in “You know if you hold the nail at a 45 degree angle you won’t continue to embarrass yourself”).
The Photographer
This person holds a deep conviction that capturing action shots of her group is more important than helping provide shelter for Ecuadorian orphans. She manages to go the entire week without picking up a single tool or getting her hands dirty (except for that one time she dropped her lens on the dirt mound).
The Driver
No one has ever been more patronized than this guy. Once people find out his name is Leonard, they obnoxiously refer to him as Leo and slap him on the back every time they exit. He’s not even necessarily part of the group. He just drops everyone off at the appropriate destination and spends the rest of the day at Applebee’s. This poor sap has no idea The Hyper-Witnesser has targeted him as his special project for the week.
The Team Mom
You can spot her giving out band-aids and juice boxes at any given moment. Most of her time on the trip, though, will be eaten up by The Drama Queen, either taping up her ankle or helping her process this new depth of emotion (selflessness) that she’s never before felt.
The Neckers
Their parents made them come on the trip. They only agreed because they were excited about a new place to make out. The rest of The Cast is happy they came for a number of reasons. The Mime thinks this guy would be a great satan in his drama. The Hyper-Witnesser hasn’t been gaining much ground with Leo and sees them as a new target. The Culture Expert likes to let everyone know that’s how they do things in France. And The Photographer knows they’re about to make her Facebook page a lot more popular.
Who did I leave out?
Who else is essential to a mission trip?
And fess up, which one are you?
(For more Tyler, check out http://www.tylerstanton.com/)
Comments
Great post Tyler! someone I thought of on every mission’s trip…
The 180 – On the flight over to the mission field, this guy is doped up on heroin, holding a Satanic Bible, and reading filthy stories he printed out on paper he stole from OfficeMax. But something happened to him on this trip. Something that he’s going to tell you about from the church stage a few weeks after they get back. This missions trip helped him to turn his life around, and he’s ditched the drugs, porn, and stealing. You’ll probably hear his testimony 17 times in the next 3 years, and you know what, that’s okay.
How ’bout the Prankster? You know shaving cream and firecrackers…Someone with a better imagination (or experience) needs to take it from here – (I was always the “Self-appointed Rule Book Keeper and Rule Reminder – nobody want to room with me. :0(
The Buddha (aka “The Enlightened One”) — This is the person who only after day 2 has had an amazing string of personal and spiritual epiphanies. They now know with unquestionable which new direction they’re supposed to take with their lives. But not only that, they also know the answers to the struggle for world peace.
And, of course, don’t forget about The Master Craftsman (or Craftswoman, whichever the case may be). This is the person who, during craft time with the children, displays for all the world to see a unique talent to whittle, color, fold, glue, or string together any combination of cheap Oriental Trading products in order to form the greatest single children’s craft that the world–or at least that part of it–has ever seen.
@Bryan–I was the 180 on a mission trip, my parents made me go and I got saved while on the trip. I also met my husband… pretty good trip.
But, i am the photographer… you all want pictures right? Good, now i dont have to get sweaty…
This was spot on! I have served as a troubleshooter to numerous short-term-missions-trippers who came to visit a missions base. All your cast members were there…oh the stories I could tell…
I think the Drama Queen you describe has got mixed up with the Model. They are not necessarily the same person. The Drama Queen (OR KING) is high maintenance, as you describe, and you can be sure that she hasn’t got adequate health insurance so you have to pay when she goes down with a potentially life-threatening illness and needs to go to hospital.
The Model is more concerned about how she appears in photographs than actual ministry tasks. She will ask for nail varnish remover after a bush outreach, so she can re-touch her toenails. She will agonise over which colour skirt to wear on the outreach to the slums. She will spend a lot of time looking for photo opportunities.
There’s also the Desperate Spinster. This person has come on the mission trip with the sole purpose of meeting a husband. Someone recently gave her a prophetic word about this so she is expecting to meet Mr Right on this trip – and if that means emigrating and ending up in a mud hut, so be it. Anything is better than being lonely at home. She will spend much of the trip eyeing up the possibilities.
The Rebel has no respect for rules and will do his/her own thing throughout the trip. You might find him walking alone in a far-flung, forbidden part of town, inappropriately dressed in teeny-tiny shorts, dangling an expensive camera from his arm.
All the above examples really happened…
…but most of the people who came were really nice and some were simply amazing.
Hahaha! Why is it that human beings conform to categories, wherever you are on the globe?
What about the Homeschooling family who uses the trip as a month-long field trip?
@ Cindy – So true about the Prankster. When did shaving cream become the official pranking tool? All I know is that it did.
@ Deek – How could I have forgotten the Master Craftsman? She compliments the Construction Guru so well.
@ Sally – I cracked up at the Rebel. I know exactly what/who you are talking about. His name is Josh.
There’s also the Doer. They guy that does the small stuff and some not so small stuff. Loads and unloads luggage sets up chairs for meetings, refills water jugs, and so on.
I’ll admit it; I’m The Culture Expert. (Hi, my name is Amanda, and I’m a culture expert.)
I went on a mission trip to work in Nashville. On one of our days “off” we went to Memphis and visited Graceland. One of Elvis’s mottos was “Taking Care of Business.” I’ll never forget this guy who adopted that phrase for God and after that every five to ten minutes would look at one of us and smile and say We’re Taking Care of Business for the Lord!
I don’t know what you’d call this guy, but I soon labeled him Annoying. :0)
How about the vanisher? You know, the person who mysteriously disappears, and you have to delay the departure from every station on the trip because you have the one person who can’t tell time (or forgot their watch, or just got caught up in the beauty of blah blah blah).
Oh…fun…
The Nervous Nelly- This is the first time she has been out of the state, let alone the country! She is constantly asking…”Are you SURE this is ok?” and is afraid that you will be thrown into the local jail or will be deported at any minute. She has back up traveler’s checks to the back ups and they are probably hidden in a money belt in her underwear somewhere…
The Storyteller- Every experience reminds this person of something else on some other trip they’ve been on. “Guys, I know using a machete in the rain forest is difficult, but you should have seen the time I was….” By the end of the trip, you have heard each story at least 8 times and feel deep sympathy for the next group this person goes on a trip with.
I lean heavily towaqrds one of these types. Any guesses which one?
the “worker”- this is the guy or girl who at every site is doing every thing they can to look busy and not accomplish a thing. Then when you ask them to work they look at you like “how could you even question how hard I am working?”
the visitor- this person never does any physical labor but knows the people being helped like they are their new best friend. Can sometimes be resented but actually does a lot of good
the gasser-the teen guy with the rancid gas- not the normal teen guy stuff. But the green cloud, our eyes are watering, everyone out of the van stuff. (had one in a NYC subway you know how people never talk on the subway? they were that day)
I’m the team mum – they call me Mary Poppins because of all the things I keep in my bag. I’ll pick the bugs of the mosquito net, chase the rat from your bedroom, send you to bed when you’re sick and clear up the vomit in the squatty potty just to make sure everyone is looked after. Possibly this excessive motherliness was due to the fact that I went on a mission trip to the same place five times…after a while…you just know what to bring and nothing really shocks you anymore. I’m not that selfless in real life – possibly a disappointment to my family.
The Disaster- The one person who all of the legitimately bad things happen to (unlike the Drama Queen who exaggerates). He’ll get held up going through customs because his name is the same as an international crime lord’s alias, narrowly miss the connecting flight, get lost three times(one of which whilst wearing one of the mime’s costumes) and that’s only the first 24 hours. The leaders cringe when they hear his name, they are expecting bad news. Should never room with the prankster or be trusted with heavy machinery.
The Disaster’s Keeper: That unfortunate person who is more responsible than the rest and is given the task of making sure the disaster makes it back alive.
So funny and so true! And, alas, I see bits of myself in several of those categories. I’ll have to tuck that one in my pocket for next year when we’re hoping to go on a mission trip to build houses in Mexico. Note to self: step away from the camera!!
@Robbie lobst – on our missions trips we called them Sandpaper People – the ones that no matter what they did, they were rubbing you the wrong way. Every group has gotta have one, like it or not.
the sugar daddy/mama: the person put in charge of managing the money for the team. this person isn’t necessarily financially adept; (s)he’s been chosen because (s)he appears to be good at math, seems organized, and/or has a habit of saving receipts, but doesn’t actually have a background in accounting.
The Imposter- The guy who does his hardest work when others (especially The Model that Sally mentioned) are looking, but conveniently finds break time when no one is around. I hate to admit this was me.
So true! These are great!
The Polyanna: The glass is always half full optimist who makes a game out of everything. Always with a word of encouragement, they notice the little things others do and continually build team morale. They are always encouraging the other team members to joyfully push through the rain, 110 degree heat, and relentless bugs. What a blessing!
The Peacemaker. The person usual winds up intervening to keep the Crew Chief from throttling the Drama Queen and holding back the Mom from dosing everyone up with Tylenol and Band-Aids.
what about the guy that sneaks out at night to remove sign posts?
You forgot The Incessant Musician! This guy made sure to bring his guitar, and won’t stop playing the three chords he knows and volunteering to play with the actual worship team.
i’m always the mom–though i’m just 25 and don’t have kids! but i carry the “mom purse” w/all the supplies you could possibly need, i hold other people’s stuff in my purse and i pass out medicine and bandaids
Vegetarian:
She came on the trip, but now that great BBQ place you wanted to hit on the last trip won’t be happening unless she willing to eat a side of coleslaw, the cooks at the mission have to make special concession for her, like chili night, and 1 bag of salad. She’s not forceful about it, but there a lot of pulling aside people and letting them know her “situation”
The Invisible Person:
Doesn’t say much, never fusses, when you reach the destination there is a job for only one person and they seem qualified to do it, hey disappear to do that job the entire week, and have a completly 1 off experience from the rest of the group, essentially being invisible.
The worship nazi:
She or He must make every second count for God and things must be done by the book. Have we prayed at every meal, every time we traveled, before bed, in the morning, each nail in the bored, after very thumb that gets hit by said nail? Also the church has a 12 page nightly workbook from the last trip that just seems perfect for this trip… but isn’t. This is the workbook tht brought the Nazi closer to God, don’t you want to capture her lighting in a bottle twice? And you must do all your holy homework on the mission trip at night OR ELSE!
I’d probably be a cross between the photographer, the construction guru, and the culture expert. I know a lot of useless trivia and love to share it. I tend to be bossy sometimes. And the last mission trip I went on I did a lot of work but I managed to not get dirty at all.
The Tour Guide — Has studied all about the place we’re going to, learned the local customs, knows how much to tip, and where to find an American hamburger. Sometimes he’s amazing and a lifesaver. Sometimes you’d be fine if he’d just shut up. Sometimes he’s clearly making it up as he goes along.
i was the necker. but as fate would have it, i ended up marrying her 5 years later.
How about The CFO This guy knows how to raise money for the trip, but don’t question the price of spaghetti dinner tickets. If you charge any more than $5.15 it will hurt the bottom line. Then when the mission trip is underway you have to ask permission to buy toilet paper and gummy bears or else you will go broke.
On my first mission trip, I designated myself as the photographer and everyone knew it. I was going to photograph the happenings like a seasoned National Geographic war photographer photographs the natives in Papua New Guinea (we were going to Belize…for VBS).
On the first day, THE FIRST DAY, before it ended, before we got to where were staying, my camera was destroyed.
On the boat ride to the "base", the seas got a little bit rough and as we were turning around to back into the dock, a wave came over the side of the boat, my side, and I was drenched head to toe. My camera bag all of its contents were flooded & were beginning to immediately rust because of the salt water (they were rusted pretty good by bedtime.) No one else on the boat was touched. (There were 4 other people on my side of the boat, how did they NOT get wet?)
Needless to say, I was devastated. My purpose on the trip was thwarted by Satan himself. The next morning, we went to the village for VBS & everyone in our group was offering their cameras to me, to help me fulfill my purpose. Until one little girl, probably about 5 years old, approached me and wanted a hug. I opened my arms, hugged her and she jumps into my arms so I could hold her, and she would not let go. Come to find out the kids have little to no male influence, let alone any signs of affection by their mother.
It wasn't the work of Satan that destroyed my camera, it was God who destroyed my self designed purpose. He didn't want me behind the camera, He wanted me up front with the kids.
I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE how God does stuff like that!!! This story was just so inspirational.
The trip mom has some power I don’t understand. I was once on a bus trip with my high school (there was a missions component, but a lot of it was educational and/or fun). This trip, everyone got sick, and the school secretary (who can’t be much taller than 5 feet) somehow forced everyone to take these nasty orange-rind flavoured Vitamin C pills …
I’m definitely the photographer on any trip. Two reasons for this: 1, I’m actually a decent photographer, and 2, it’s the only way to assure that no-one will take any pictures of me!
I am totally the photographer. We had a mission trip scheduled over my birthday. I informed my parents they HAD to celebrate my birthday before we left so I could have the lens they were giving me to use on the trip.
Haha…I definitely fall into what someone called the “Craftswoman” category, as well as being a bit of a culture expert. My dad is the Construction Guru for sure because that’s essentially what he does in real life too.
I’m the mom. I always have Advil and Pepto Bismal…and I always have to deal with the drama queen(s). For that role, God is either trying to teach me patience, or convince me to get a Master’s in counseling so I can charge money for my efforts. I’m not sure which yet.
I also seem to be “gopher” as well. It’s slightly more glamorous than the bus driver but not as good as the sugar momma. Sigh.
Wow, these are incredible.
@Beth – ah, the Nervous Nelly. Great call. Isn’t she the one that always carries around that around-the-neck-pouch with the passport and all other essentials?
@bignateym – unfortunately, I am the Gasser. I let them go on ‘local mission trips’ as well (a walk to the refrigerator).
@my brother – Wow. Good call on the Imposter. Sounds pretty much like how I live my entire life.
@Becca – I always looked for an legitimate excuse to punch the Pollyanna in the face. I haven’t found one yet. You know what Polyanna? Sometimes it’s ok to not like digging trenches.
@Anna – I can’t believe I forgot the Incessant Musician! Is this the same guy that sold all of his secular CDs after last mission trip?
The Voice of Experience – Similar to The Storyteller (see Beth, above) except that instead of relating what’s happening to previous missions trips, this person has a much greater category of life experiences. Often older than the other members of the group, this person has reached an age where everything reminds them of something else.
The Narrator – This person talks — nonstop — from the time the group leaves the church parking lot. It’s easy enough to tune them out, but weeks later, while viewing everyone’s home video of the trip, he or she turns up on the audio track of all of them, with the comments droning on like the director’s cut of a bad movie.
Sometimes these people are one and the same. Trust me, I know. I know what it’s like to be with that person, and sadly, I’ve caught myself a few times being that person.
sorry…catalog of life experiences.
(wish you could edit after posting…)
I got a blistering sunburn the first day of a mission trip in high school….guess that makes me a drama queen!
J (Jennifer) of Clay and J
I can live with all but the worship Nazi. This person makes life miserable. No we don’t have to, need to or want to pray about whether or not we should walk down thwvleft path or the right path through the village (both of which end up in the same place-right where we’re going), no I don’t want to hear you singing alongbto your iPod, nor do I want to listen to it. I brought my own. No, I don’t want to hear you sing at 3AM when the rats in the roof wake you up. *sigh*. Definitely the worst.
WV:poree. God wants us to poree ourselves into the poor pitiful people we’re ministering to, says the worship Nazi.
The BTDT Guy: You know the one who has always Been There, Done That before. He regales the whole bus load of people with stories from all his previous mission trips. This is fun for a while, but then you start losing the ability to enjoy/experience your own trip because his was always bigger/better/more remote/scarier/hotter/colder/more successful.
I am the Photographer. I can do lots of ‘helpful’ things without actually touching a tool! I’m great at that!
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
All of the above in Ft. Myers, Jamaica (twice!), Wales, Panama City Beach, West Palm Beach and who can remember where else I was, but the “cast of characters” always remained the same!
My question is why are mission trips always to pleasant/vacationlike locales? Isn’t there something to say about how a mission trip destination must also provide that one day of sightseeing/shopping/touring or the beach? What’s that all about? (But hey, I got my straw bag that said “Montego Bay” on the side while “The Disaster” came back announcing he narrowly escaped a local who tried to sell him marijuana.)
Out of that list, I’d probably be the Team Mom. I’d be fetching things and trying to make people feel better when they’re sick or upset.
Not just on missions trips – a lot of these folks work where I work on a daily basis! I’ve played several roles in my life as situations warranted!!
You’ve got them pegged! Hilarious!
The Acoustic Guitar GuyI refrain from calling him ‘the guitarist’ as that would imply the possession of actual musical ability, not just playing the same four chords in different keys and orders and tempos and singing terrible worshippy lyrics. Kinda like Matt Redman, i guess….
William Lane Craig podcasts. Food for the mind:
http://www.reasonablefaith.org/site/PageServer?pagename=podcasting_main
There is also “the patient” this is the guy or gal that ALWAYS gets sick or injured while on a trip. They may have had too much native water or had a freak accident during group building time. And it never fails, something happens to them. (this is not the drama queen)
Another one is “the accidental inflictor” this is the one that causes all the accidents that happens to “the patient”. They are usually clumsy, and evrything they do is seriously by accident.
I am the accidental inflictor. Though I never accidentally gave someone native water, I did cause a freak accident durig a group building activity. We were playing this crazy “cross the river game” and I attempted to carry 2 girls on my back and one in my arms. Than the inevitable happened, and we all fell. And I ACCDENTALLY sprained the pastor’s daughter’s ankle. Good Times???