I went ahead and figured out how powerful God is.
Considering that this is probably a question philosophers and theologians have struggled with for thousands of years, that’s pretty nice of me. Who knew one day a random blogger would figure it out and share it for free. What can I say? I’m a giver.
So here it is:
God is slightly less powerful than Mutton Hollow Chevy.
That’s it. That’s the answer. If you have some other things you need to go do or other blogs you want to read you can probably skip out right now, having been exposed to that little gem of knowledge. But if you’ve never heard of Mutton Hollow Chevy, who is slightly more powerful than God, allow me to explain.
When I started stuffchristianslike.net, I had to go with a .net address because someone already had .com. A small church themed online gift shop had that web address. They sold puzzles of Jesus and what not. I felt like .net was not nearly as cool as .com but oh well, that was what I had available.
Apparently they went out of business or sold their domain to someone else though because now, if you type the .com version of this site, you will be taken to Mutton Hollow Chevy, a small car dealer that specializes in 1955-1957 Chevy parts. I’m not sure why they registered a Stuff Christians Like URL. I guess the hope is that if you searched for wry Christian satire but instead found a Chevy dealer you might stay at their site and buy a 1957 Billet Hood Latch Support Bracket instead. (You know the one I’m talking about, it’s all Billet Hood Latches these days boys.)
I’d like to say that when I found out that, once again, someone from Mutton Hollow had scooped me, my first thought was “aw shucks!” But that would be a lie.
My first thought was more like this:
“I am so dumb! How could I let that happen? I am screwed. If I was smarter and more web savvy that wouldn’t have happened. That kind of nonsense would never happen to a real blogger. When my book comes out, people who don’t know this is a .net are going to accidentally type .com and never find me and I’ll never sell any books and never get a second book deal and will waste this opportunity that God has given me. It’s all over. It is all so freakin’ over.”
I know that probably sounds dumb, but it’s true. I felt sick to my stomach and kind of panicky and really ashamed of myself. And I’ve felt that way before about other things, but do you know what I don’t ever do? I don’t ever take thoughts like that to their natural conclusion. I don’t ever spend time reflecting on what that thought says about me and what it says about God.
This time I did.
And do you know what I found? If that thought is true. If Mutton Hollow Chevy has somehow sunk the Stuff Christians Like ship by reserving the .com version of this web address, if they’ve effectively limited the size of this ministry, if they’ve dashed the opportunity to reach people for the Lord, than Mutton Hollow Chevy is slightly more powerful than God.
Don’t get me wrong, He’s big and mighty and “Almost All Powerful.” He set Stuff Christians Like in motion, but in a late game changing move, Mutton Hollow Chevy showed up and limited even Him. He had plans that were pretty amazing, but unfortunately they involved me getting the .com address and since I don’t have that, God is limited too. The dreams He had just got a pair of Mutton Hollow-sized handcuffs put on them.
That’s ridiculous and I hope right now you are laughing both at the shallowness of my faith and my dedication to repeating the phrase “Mutton Hollow” which is delightful to say I don’t care who you are. But I promise you’ve done the same thing before in your own life.
At some point, you’ve had a fear you thought was more powerful than God.
You lost your job and worried that unemployment was more powerful than God.
You lost a boyfriend and worried that being alone was more powerful than God.
You got in credit debt and worried that Visa was more powerful than God.
Your dream did not turn out the right way and you thought the circumstances were more powerful than God.
It’s so easy to do this, but today, as new worries crop up, I’m trying to do things I little differently. With each new fear, I’m trying to stop long enough and ask myself a simple question:
“Is this more powerful than God?”
Is Mutton Hollow Chevy more powerful than God?
Is a possible layoff at work more powerful than God?
Is __________ more powerful than God?
So far, every answer has come back with a resounding no. I still worry. I’ll still walk through the hollow of the shadow of death from time to time, but with that question and a God that loves to answer it, I think I’m going to be alright.
And Mutton Hollow, please know that when you’re ready to give me that .com I, much like the band Journey, will be waiting right here for you with open arms.
How would you write this question today about your own life?
Finish this sentence:
Is _________ more powerful than God?