SCL

One of my favorites is: "I know God has someone for you…" Really? Who? When did he tell you? Did you take a name or number down? We are never assured a spouse. I can't recall reading in Scripture where God says, "And I will grant my children a husband or wife of equal or greater attractiveness…"

When I was 28, (just two short years ago), a woman I had never met had an interrogation session that went like this:
Older Woman: Are you married?
Me: No.
OW: Are you engaged?
Me: No.
OW: Are you dating anyone?
Me: (becoming rather annoyed and flabergasted) No.
OW: (long pause)……Are you divorced?
Me: NO!
OW: Well…how old are you?
Me: 28.
OW: Oh, well, you have two years left just get to lookin.
Me: (dumbfounded silence)……

I know! I just sat there thinking, "Two years! That's all I've got left or I have to pack it in!" I guess I'll get a couple of cats to await my impending doom.

Funny but my church is half singles and generally speaking they are worse about making bachelorhood seem hellish than the marrieds. Still being the only single in a small group filled with married people is fun. I'm like the looming reminder of what life would be like for the guys if they ever screwed up so bad that their wives would leave them and a reminder to the wives that their husbands aren't so bad. If I ever feel out of place when they get all coupley I just remember that it takes two of them to make one small group member and I am able to do it all on my own!
Don't know if it gets any points but the best thing ever said to me by a married friend: "I can see him being single his whole life."
Next best thing was when his wife said in home group that if there is a woman for me that there is probably only one woman for me. That was metal.
I think it is all because I "cussed" from the stage the one time the Pastor let me up there.
Freakin' churchies.

I have at least 1000 points based on #6 alone, but here's my favorite. In college (at least 8 years ago), my friend's dad came to visit one weekend, and before he left, he prayed for me to find a husband (my friend was recently engaged). Right there in the Chili's parking lot.

And my senior year, my roommate and I went to a singles meeting at our church, where we were met with thinly veiled contempt for our presence at what was clearly NOT a meeting for college students.

I got a 26. That is crazy.

I am Hopeful that all the singleness nonsense will change once church leaders realize how much money there is to tap into when they realize that single adults with stable jobs are able to tithe and make a significant contribute to the church's finances! LOL

Bachelor ’till the rapture!

Looks like someon has a new facebook “About Me” quote.

the post is a riot…and totally spot on.

the comments revealed some insight…pastors and church administrations could benefit from reading…

I recently got both the "you are so great, I don't know why you aren't married." and the "you just need to go ahead and plan out every detail of your wedding and then it will happen.' Seriously?

How about at your sister's engagement party thrown by the women of the church…3 SEPARATE groups of people come up to you and say, "well, we won't be having another one of these for your family for at least 5 more years!"

i got a whopping 45. i'm a youth pastor at a church and on my first sunday here, the senior pastor actually prayed that God would swiftly provide me a wife so i could do a "full and complete" ministry.
i love this place…

Can we get points for

1) Each single friend who claimed they were "Called to celibacy" who got married before us?

2) Each *horrific* singles conference which was actually a "how not to be single" conference attended? Bonus points if the literature came with a card for writing down 5 phone numbers, and more bonus points if the words "single mingle" were printed on the schedule.

What about when people tell you that God is using your single years to draw you closer to him? To refine you into who he wants you to be. After all, we have more time to devote to the Lord than if we were married.

this is my fav post you've written, i believe.
… thank you.

I agree with what people said about "married = grown up". I got married at 28 and was treated like a high school kid until then, seriously. However, I also have to agree that (women especially) are not treated as grown-up until they also actually have children. Because apparently, those women you are almost a decade younger than you, who were married right out of high school and had babies the very next year are oh, so much wiser and more mature than the 30- or 40-some year old woman with a life of hellish experiences! Even though I am married now, I still get irritated by the prayers for the lonely singles.

I would GLADLY endure being introduced to a few "single Christian men" if only to break up the monotony! I can't even get a score on this card because I've never really gone thru anything like this. I haven't even been on a "real" date. I'm soooooooooo far off of everyone's "would make an acceptable mate" radar that no one even thinks of me. In fact, I hear a lot of "you've got God, so you're never alone" more than anything else.

I'm odd anyway. I am uncomfortable with most women (especially if they are my age) because I'm not really like them. I'm much more comfortable with men, but either of my churches aren't geared to mixed gender groups or friendships "lest [someone] be tempted".

Thanks How about for the "single again" group? BTW, I got 10 pts. What does that mean?

oh wow this totally resonates with me. I am 31 and still single, and the only single person my age at church the single person closest to my age is 18, I am also the pastors daughter. For the last few years I along with the two youth we have have been given the responsibility of putting on the valentines banquet, putting together and making the food and then serving the couples but then they have to be constantly looking over our shoulders and changing our plans because we certainly don't know anything about how to put on something themed for couples. then they hem and haw about the problem of how to include single people in events like we are purposefully trying to cause a problem.

I also hate the proverbs 31 thing mostly because it is always given in the "well your just not trying hard enough, you are way to flawed for anyone to love you" kind of way with the indication that I should just change everything that makes me me in the hopes of finding a man. Now I am glad to work on myself AS GOD MAKES AN ISSUE KNOWN.. but it is NOT done in the hopes it makes me a wifey.

I often get told that I just need to lower my standards, which makes me want to blurt out, oh so my ONE standard that a man should have a personal relationship with Jesus is way to picky then?

I have gotten so sick of constantly being in that state of looking and also being encouraged to be in that state. This year I have really been convicted by how I had been treating other people especially men constantly trying to figure out if they were "the one" and discounting their friendship if they weren't someone I felt I could share my life with. I am so sick of constantly trying to find a man like some stupid game of hide and seek, and I hate how it made me treat others. So I am working on stopping that, I focus on friendship first because honestly I would rather have a friend forever that I can count on then a romance that may not last forever and will just end up in hurt feelings on both sides. I get frustrated with singles groups being treated like meat markets, and actually being set up that way, I am sorry but I removed all my online dating stuff because I was sick of that scene why would I want to put myself through that again.

i had totally fallen for the whole "a single person can and lived in a state of being on hold til that happened. 't ever be complete they must find their rib" junk that I was living in the fantasy of being married because I thought my life couldn't happen till I was married. I finally realized that I want to be strong all by myself in Christ. Don't get me wrong… single is hard, and I certainly don't feel content or happy because I feel like the gift of singleness isn't for me… but I don't want to wait around when I know God has alot of stuff to work on in me. I am trying to find joy in it while still praying God will help heal the intense loneliness I struggle with.

This is great though, it made me laugh and think of so many other incidences lol

I love this blog.

Good for you, T.O., on not changing under pressure to "find a man," as they say. I'm engaged now, but I never really dated and was pretty darn happy being single. When I actually started dating my fiance an older women started telling me what I should do to keep him around, which included the admonitions that fix my hair and dress up more often and always let him think he was right. I very bluntly stated I was not going to do those things, I was just going to be myself, which she later agreed with me was the right thing for me to do. Acting like you're somebody you're not always seemed like such strange advice for a Christian to give–it's bait-and-switch, inherently deceitful and unfair to the other person.

The world–and church–are full of crazy pressures to remold ourselves according to these little ideas people get about what masculinity and femininity should be, ideas that just don't fit for all of us. Even just engaged the pressures regarding motherhood have already started, and people don't seem inclined to believe me when I say that I'm probably not going to fit the mold of stay-at-home Christian mom, either. It can become exhausting, trying to hold one's shape in the midst of it all.

bachelor till the rapture! I rock that saying all the time!
This was hilarious!

My score: 17,008. That's 17,000 points for #6 and 8 points for the rest.

that was so acute!!!

During a closing prayer after a sermon series on relationships our pastor said "and Lord please be with all of those who are single and their "special needs"". WOW! I am one of about three single (never married) adults in my church so I think I'm the only one who caught what he said. It was both laugh out loud (yes during the prayer) funny to me and insulting at the same time.

I did finally come to a place in my continuing of what it actually means to be in a relationship with God where I decided that it was silly to pretend that I didn't want to get married. I felt for the longest time that to admit that I want it and to not have it granted was some kind of failure to meet His expectations for me. I truly desire to be married and to be a mommy. I was taught that to want that and more over to verbalize it was desperate. Being honest with myself and others about this knowledge has helped me to mature in my singleness. I do not desire to marry someone because I am attracted to their pulse. I am NOT running out of time since time seems to be relative, and I will no longer wait until I get married for my life to begin. I wasn't born to my parents, entrusted with blessings and gifts to keep them locked up until someone comes holding the key. I have found the one holding the key but I found that He was the One who created the box to begin with! I do and will however look forward to adding the new dimension that marriage and children bring to what God has already blessed me with…my exsistance in Him.

You forgot the awkward' "So when are you gonna settle down and get married and have kids of your own." This line is used most when your the oldest of 4 and younger siblings are married and have children… I hear this every time I got to a family event for either side of the family… gotta love it.

Funny post, Jon. I like!!

Here's what the points mean:

Less than 10 points: You've got a ways to go before you're considered truly single and lonely.
Between 10 and 25 points: There's still hope for you but you're toeing the line.
Over 25 but less than 40 points: You're walking the line. Totally.
40 points and over: You're totally over the line into doomed singleness. You need a miracle and razzle dazzle.

Here's one I get all the time:

As a single woman over a certain age with a career, her own home, car, and financial independence, I'm evidently still single because I'm "intimidating" to men.

So to get a husband, I should still living with my parents and taking the bus everywhere on borrowed cash?

As a 52 year old, your comments sadly are quite accurate. All the beautiful things God created, marriage, child bearing, weddings, marriage seminars are often used with attack arrows at His most dedicated, royal, single people. The people who will not leave the tender loving arms of God to follow strangers. The people who would deny their own desires for something better (in this life and overwhelming rewards in eternity). Sound like Heb. 11?

Keep and use your sense of humor, wished I understood this in my 20's!!!

The gift of singleness, maybe not, but this is personal only between God and the rare ones gifted.

Yes, Jesus in His humanity was single. He is fully deity, but it is often skated that He is full human, He is single. We are in the BEST of company. Always remember that the first will be last and the last first. Oh, and after sitting through about 35 years of marriage instruction, because I will be married one day – maybe married people can sit through at least 10 years of widow instruction (without any help in their marriages) because one day they will be widowed!

26!! =)

hahaha so funny.
my friend and I wrote a spinster song it goes…

"spinster good, so good, some people are sexy, we are sex free"

Gotta love the, 'it'll happen when you stop looking" and the 'your so lucky you have so much free time." .. great

I just moved to a small farming town and got excited when I found 1 church (out of about 30, I live in the Bible Belt) that had a singles group. I went once and was the youngest member by about 30 years, there were about five people in that age group and the other fifteen were 20 years older than that. No one had the foresight to tell me that this was more of a "My spouse has already died of old age" group. I have come to the conclusion that this town is so small and isolated that all the singles moved out by the age of 18.

The group might still have had a chance with me (I have nothing against people who are older than me) if they weren't playing a game against the other sunday school classes where you got points by inviting people to your class, having people attend your class, and calling or visiting people to see why they didn't come to your class.

41. Your married friend sent this to you with the caption "All the single ladies"

#6 should include a "6b":
When you reply that you're not looking, they'll then quickly respond, "Well, you're just not trying hard enough, hun!"

#31 should also have a "31b" because the other statement that pastors give:
"This doesn't only have to deal with marital relationships. This can be about family relationships with siblings and parents. This could be about how you minister to the elderly, or how you treat your friends…"
And then continues on to preach using marital terms as illustrations about how to love God… Marriage feast, honeymoon period, courtship, initial attractions, etc.
I don't know about my pastor, but I sure don't stare lovingly at my friends across the lunchroom when I was in highschool.

You missed the one where your friend secretly make s up an eHarmony profile FOR you and proceeds to begin finding you a husband. Followed by her announcing that you are her New Years Resolution. True story!

Yeah I get the: "You're still young. You've got plenty of time, don't worry." Who said I was worried?

When the singles group is dominated by people old enough to be your parents–and you're in your thirties. That's adds at least one point.

When only two people show up to a singles group and the leader doesn't care about building members. Add at least three points.

When the pastor calls you "the most wonderful person in the world" even though you're the only single person at your church. Add at least five points for every time you hear that expression come out.

When said pastor offers to procure a mail-order bride for you. Add at least 25 points (As I understand it, procuring mail-order brides violates church ethics and is probably illegal.)

I speak from experience on these points. That is why I am barely on speaking terms with my church at this time.

I just love how whenever I attend a wedding an older lady always tells me I'm going to be next.
Explain to me again why it is inappropriate to tell them this at funerals?

When asked by well-meaning friends "aren't you married yet?" I would say "No but I'm accepting applications. Please tell anyone you know to submit a net worth statement." That always ended that conversation.

We should create a bingo card style score sheet of this that you can take to sermons on marriage and cross out the items as they are mentioned. The sermon on marriage I heard today was mostly very good but in the first few minutes I heard
- How marriage helps make you more godly
- How amazingly wonderful marriage is
- How marriage messages really are applicable to everyone
- How great the preachers wife was

How many points was that?

Reading through random posts has completely reinforced and reminded me why I got out of the church environment. So happy to be out of it. But I'm glad y'all are having fun!

17!!! is it better to have a lower score in this case….?

I have 50 points so far, but I stopped at number 28 because I was laughing too loud.

I thought it was just in the Christian circles in Charlotte that people expected you to only go on a second date if you know they're the one already. True story, on my second date with a guy, we were out with friends and one of them looked at him and said, "Well, when you two get married…" Embarrassing. I haven't seen the guy since.

And can I add one… If you've heard the "If you're single right now that means that God is still working on you and you need to concentrate on fixing yourself first" sermon. Twice. +5

My church recently held a black tie fundraiser ball, complete with live band. Sounds fun, until you know that I am the only single girl at my church – I'm 28 – and there are no single guys. Who wants to be the only person without a date or a dance partner?

All of my friends are in couples who often forget my single status. Most of the time that's great, until over drinks all together one night one person asked if I was attending the ball. I said no, and tried to change the subject but not quick enough. Someone else asked why, so I said it just wasn't my thing. Cue a round of 'what? It'll be fun, you have to come etc etc.' Then the penny dropped for one girl who said, quickly, 'it wdoesn't matter we're all couples, you can still come'.

Erm, yes, it does matter and now you have pointed that out and made me feel like the odd person who can tag along…..ouch

I was a Christian single adult for 13 years. I had friends who meant well but connected me with other singles who were not Christians or who I had nothing in common with. The second time they set me up it was so horrible that I decided I had to talk to them. I tried to be nice…but basically do not set me up again (ever). Made me think that either they do not know me well or they think just anyone with a pulse will do.

I had the comment or variation of it "I can't believe you are still single, being so beautiful, great, fun etc".
"You are so strong to not need a man." "You wouldn't be interested in this Bible study or retreat because its for married women." "You are so lucky to be single.."followed by some reason she was mad at her husband.

The gift of singleness? If anyone ever says that to me I may just punch them out!

I am 29, self-sufficient, I have a wonderful circle of friends and am very involved in the life of my church. In some ways I am very lucky.

But is going home at the end of the day and watching TV by yourself or going to the gym a gift? Is waking up alone on saturday morning, wondering how you're going to fill your weekend, while all your married friends are off doing married couple stuff, a gift? Or listening to all your couple friends plan their holidays when you are desperately trying to find somewhere to go that doesn't mean you're sitting at dinner with a book but isn't a dreadful 'singles holiday'.

I've had the well-meaning 'but why isn't someone as gorgeous and amazing as you married yet?' comments. It doesn't make me feel 'gorgeous' and 'amazing'. It makes me feel like a walking failure.

I want a partner to share my life with, just like everyone else. I haven't made some kind of choice to be celibate and holy. I just haven't met the right guy yet.

I've been a Christian since I was a kid. I still find it funny that Christians struggle with wrapping their minds around those who are in long term relationships, but do not have marriage on the agenda quite yet. They just think something is really wrong with you, aside from probably thinking you're sinning. Also, are Christians more eager to get married because they do not want to feel the guilt and temptation of pre-marital sex?

PS- My mom actually said: "You should probably consider freezing your eggs soon, you're running out of time". I'm 27.

How about whenever a new person walks into the church you immediatley wonder whether they are single and if this person is "the one". Pathetic I know, but it was an issue there for a while. That's good for a laugh, I think I have it pretty good at my church as far as how the singles are treated. Its quite small and has a total of 5 singles ( 2 divorcees, 2 single 27 yr old girls, and one single 24 yr old guy). And the rest are married with children We dont have a singles ministry – and are pretty much involved in everything the married couples are, we are even doing a growing kids gods way course this year.
We never MISS mothers day, sure it can be tough if you dwell on what you dont have but its not about me. And I have a mother, and I like to Bless her because she put up with a little stinker like me for many years ( I only became a christian about 4 years ago, I probably still would have been a stinker even if I was a Christian though, that blimmin inherent old nature…).

At my younger brothers wedding everyone was reminding my family that I was the only grandchild left that isn’t married. They also became shocked when they found out I wasn’t dating anyone. I was 23 at the time of this wedding.

what did you say was the address of North Point again?