#553. Wanting to yell, "I still love Jesus!" when you run into someone from the small group you quit.
Jun 4th by JonTwo weeks ago when my wife and I were walking out of the sanctuary at church, I found myself behind a guy from my old men’s group. Although I knew him from the larger portion of the group, 100+ guys, and not the smaller portion (the 6 guys I met with regularly) we used to chat in the halls when I use to attend. But in the last year since I quit, we haven’t really talked.
I didn’t quit out of anger or any sort of problem. I loved that small group. It was just a long way from my house and I wanted to invest in some relationships with guys in my own community. But he didn’t know that. It’s hard to read someone’s thoughts from the back of his head, especially if they have a tapered haircut, “tapered” being one of those words that has a very elusive definition according to the ladies at the Sports Clips barber shop I go to, but here was what I was thinking when I saw him.
“Oh snap. It’s Josh. Hey, why am I saying ‘oh snap’ all the time these days? That’s becoming a problem. That phrase is like some sort of verbal eczema spreading through my internal conversations. I need to keep an eye on that one. But oh snap, there’s Josh. I wonder if he thinks I quit small group because I’m backsliding? I bet he thinks that all of the sudden I just stopped doing my quiet time, starting sinning like it was my J.O.B. and dropped out. I guarantee that if he turns his shoulder at a 15 degree angle and sees me, he’s going to look and me and think, ‘Didn’t that guy used to go to my small group and love Jesus? I bet both of those things aren’t true anymore.’
Is there a good way out of this? Should I just tap him on the shoulder and find a way to work in a quick story about the new men’s group I’m part of right now? Do I have to essentially read him my spiritual resume to let him know I’m still down with the King? What’s the most succinct way to establish that I’m still in love with the Lord and walking with Him on a daily basis and not living in the pig pen of life like the Prodigal Son?
Is there a way to quickly say that in a passing conversation in the hall? Maybe I should just yell, “Jesus!” like one of those guys at concerts? Or I could talk about my men’s group really loudly to my wife like people at coffee shops talk loudly about all the cool things they’re doing because they want you to know how cool they are. Should I do that or just slow my gait down just enough to walk behind him, essentially dragging behind him like a race car who allows someone else to break all the wind resistance?”
Thoughts like that went through my head for 2 seconds and then I made my move. I started walking really slowly, (it was slower than my normal walk but faster than how I do the worm when like Nelly Furtado I get my freak on if that helps you picture the pace I was traveling.) My wife noticed too, and teased me about it later when I revealed the reason for my pitiful pedestrian progress. (Alliteration!)
I didn’t want to catch up to him and have to justify the entire last 12 months of my spiritual journey in a single sentence or be forced to scream “Jesus!” in the middle of the toddlers Sunday School area.
Seems pretty reasonable to me.
Am I the only one that feels this way?
Comments
Liz- 1st comment- I cried laughing-
The Great Faith defense.
I hate it.
After being away a few years at university, I was visiting the church I had been in the last 18 years before that, but no one seemed to know me now. So when I got a prayer burden for the state of the church and was crying kinda hard towards the end of the service, people thought I was an unsaved friend my mom brought to visit and was under conviction of sin. I was approched and all these people were trying to get me to say a prayer of salvation. My mom was all, "It's oookaayyy….no really, she's good… she's already a worship leader!" and then they're all WOW, a WORship leader who realized she wasn't yet saved!!! WOW…
no.
And giving your Christian credentials?? How cheap and wrong does that feel??? *sigh*
and to counteract your laser attraction to negative comments, here's one to pile on the millions of good ones- THIS IS THE BEST SITE EVER! (I would jump up and down to show you my enthusiasm, but that wouldn't really help in this medium – just freak out my husband) I love it the best, I use it instead of prozac. And though laughter is reportedly the best medicine, challenging me to higher faith- which I feel this does, by helping me to face the fascade of Churchianity behind which I might hide, to cut off the hoopla and be an organic Christ-modelled believer, a true follower in the often painful and honest footsteps of The King-
THAT has real eternal value, my friend!!!
For this, I thank you!
(why did I imagine that last line being read with a Spanish accent???)
I could not stop laughing at this post. I love the ramblings. I personally think you should have just yelled "JESUS!" while you were walking down the hall – then the guy and every other person there would really know you are "down with the King."
Also, I was literally just thinking this today because I switched community groups and had someone ask me where I was Monday night when my old one met. I didn't yell "JESUS!" at him though. If only I had read this post before I had that conversation…ah regret.
dude, definitely felt like that all this last year at college. i stopped going to a christian group on campus and started going to another church and not only did some of my friends from that group stop talking to me but a few of my closer friends took me aside and actually "talked" with me about how i was no longer following God. kinda frustrating especially when i had just gotten to the point that i felt like i was truly following God for once
Ok I can relate to this from the past
I have to say though that I am a little different now … I tend to make an effort to catch up with the lost contact and ask them how they are doing… this has not always been my style, but I am learning how to throw off guilt and walk in truth. The funny thing is that surprisingly few people actually have those accusing "backsliding thoughts"about you in the back of their mind … remember their life is probably just as messed up as yours is!
Definitely made me grin!
Incidentally, is there a post on burnout in churches yet? I did a search over the site, but didn't find one (which doesn't mean there isn't one…my skills might be lacking).
It's an issue at my church at the moment. We lost two paid staff members recently and I'm starting to see the big red "BURNOUT ALERT" sign over the heads of those people picking up the slack.
Why do we church-goers have to work outselves into the ground? I'm sure it wasn't supposed to be this hard…
I can also identify with this post. When I decided to go to a church plant instead of the original church, I find the urge to explain myself to people who go to the parent church, adding that there's nothing wrong with their church. And I don't really want to yell "Jesus" because that's not my style, but maybe start singing a worship song. "Savior, you can move the mountains…"
Arg, and it's "He can move the mountains", not "you can move the mountains". That would be evidence that I am a heathen, huh?
So I used to be super involved in my church and am not anymore for various reasons. I sometimes feared that those who didn't see me anymore thought I had run off and pulled a prodigal on them. But I now realize that if they really have come to that conclusion and chosen not to reach out to me to see if everything is okay, they have a much larger issue to deal with. I'm also learning that people don't think about me nearly as much as I think about myself.
Dude… been there, done that…
I used to work (as in paid staff member) for a church that we had to leave.
A while later, we were invited by a family from that church to a special dinner at their grandparents' church.
It turned out that they had heard that we were on the brink of divorce and were reaching out to us to see if everything was ok.
Now, when I see folks from that church, it is *so* socially awkward…