#555. Making up a prayer request because everyone else has one.
Jun 8th by JonYou don’t do this. I know, I know, you are a prayer warrior, a veritable beacon of holiness and Christian fortitude. But me? I’ve got a lot left to learn.
The other night when our small group leader asked if anyone had a prayer request, one of the first thoughts that went through my head was “Quick, come up with something.”
I didn’t want to make up a prayer request. I wasn’t going to fabricate something out of thin air, but if everyone else had something they wanted prayer for I felt like maybe I should too. So I googled my head and heart to try to come up with an appropriate topic.
And maybe I’m not the only one that does this. Maybe you’re in a small group where people do this too. If you are, and you want to spot it and eliminate people giving into “prayer pressure,” here are the warning signs you need to look for:
1. The Long Pause
If you ask for prayer requests and your friends pause, scratch their heads and appear lost deep in thought, chances are they’ve taken a trip to the part of their head called “Oh jeez, am I really not praying for anything right now?” They’re flipping through a mental flickr photo album saying, “Family is doing OK. Check. My job is doing OK. Check. My car is running OK. Check.” If after 30 seconds of thought time their face still looks kind of like a loading bar on a graphics intense website, move on.
2. The Greatest Hits
Sometimes if someone can’t come up with a fresh prayer request, they’ll dust off an oldie but a goody and give you a “greatest hits request.” These are usually requests that have no discernible end date or conclusion. “I’m still praying for patience and work. I’m also praying that I would be kind to the people in my life.” Notice how lo fidelity that prayer is? “People in my life?” Which people? All people? You can pray about that for the next 60 years.
3. The Ferris Bueller
One of the best scenes in the movie Ferris Bueller was when one of Ferris’ classmates describes a multilayered story of how she heard Ferris was sick. She tells the teacher, “Um, he’s sick. My best friend’s sister’s boyfriend’s brother’s girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who’s going with the girl who saw Ferris pass out at 31 Flavors last night. I guess it’s pretty serious.” The same thing happens to prayer requests. Like searching for a car on AutoTrader.com when you get zero results in a 10 mile radius, you expand your search out a little further. If you can’t muster up a prayer request about yourself or your family, you’ll expand the prayer request to include people on your street or maybe your neighborhood or maybe your city or maybe your state. If someone ever says, “I want to lift up our solar system in prayer,” tell them, “that’s adorable” and move on.
I promise if we’re ever in a small group I’ll try not to ask you to pray for something I’m not praying for. I’m not doing that much anymore, but it’s still a work in progress. Would you please pray that I will be honest with the words I say to people in my life and perhaps the universe
Could you just lift that up?
Have you ever wanted to make up a prayer request because everyone else had one?
Comments
My problem is the opposite. I usually have a prayer request but I don't want to be too talkative or monopolize the conversation. Also sometimes we're running out of time or the devotion is getting too long. So I find myself not sharing prayer requests when I have them, or only sharing when it's someting "really big."
Oh also, it's starts getting to me when almost all the prayer requests week after week are only about health – the person's health, immediate family health, friends' and neighbors' health. Legitimate yes, but that's the only type of request . . . I guess people don't want to share anything more personal. If this is you making up a prayer request – please stop.
Man, one thing is for sure. I am never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER going to be in a prayer circle with you. You are the ultimate prayer NAZI. If we run into each other at some random Christian event and someone says "lets pray." I'm running for the door and not stopping till I hit the ocean, and then I'm swimming.
Nomanery: What John's going to have after everyone runs from his next prayer circle.
Me and circle prayers do not get along. Actually, I really hate them. My mind goes blank and I'm thinking more about what I'm going to say and how I'm going to say it than agreeing with the prayers of the others. I would rather pray with one or two people than a roomful. And then only if there is no pressure.
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Somebody has probably already hit on this, but I'm too lazy to read through all 50-some odd comments.
I usually do prayer requests that are generic, but sound personal enough that people won't press the issue.
"Ya know. Just things with the family."
Don't push it though. There is a fine line between "frustrated and needs prayer" and "distressed and needs counseling".
hi Jon…this is my first time here…great site…really looking forward to the book release…relating to this post, I remember a family prayer meeting a few months ago…seemingly no one had any prayer requests so my dad came up with gossip disguised as prayers…"Dear Lord, I pray for Jim, help him overcome his laziness and may he pass his Bar Exams this time…you know Lord he failed in the past two attempts..all he's friends have passed it(yeah cos they studied harder)..You said Lord, we will be the head and not the tail…even this time Lord, Jim seems to lack confidence (dumb kid's probably gonna flunk again)…yet I pray Lord, by your stripes we are healed…thank you Lord for the excellent results you have already blessed Jim with…AMEN….by the time that prayer was over, I was rolling over..:)
In a similar vein: Come on all you Catholic SCL readers (I know you exist because you've commented here before. Surely you must have made up a couple of confessions in your time, when under pressure to come up with all the dark deeds you've committed? Do tell!
I don't mind prayer requests when there is genuine prayer. I do mind when prayer requests is nothing more than gossip in disguise.
I love it when it's a prayer circle so you know it's your turn and you frantically search for a prayer request (especially when it's a group you don't know very well and do not feel the need to bare your soul to), and then when you've found it, you use the last seconds before your name is called to try and phrase it in a really holy way.
These kinds of things is why I don't like group prayer anymore.
I feel more led to share when NO ONE else is sharing. I guess because I've been the leader, and I hate just leaving them hanging.
I find it hard to talk about the things that are really difficult like… "You know that son we lost three years ago? Well, I find that on days like this I still really struggle with that and the effect it has had on my faith. I know most of you think I should be over it by now…" So instead of talking about something like that, I don't say anything.
I wouldn't be surprised if there are others who are afraid to talk about what they really need prayer for because they fear being lectured about not having enough faith. On the other hand, some prayer requests really DO just sound too silly and trivial to say out loud…
We actually left a Sunday School class due to the prayer request time turning into group therapy sessions or a sort of brag-fest (look how great I am at teaching the inner city kids – wow, I just can't get over myself!). It was very uncomfortable and embarrassing. I just tend to be very quiet.
On the other hand, I've had very meaningful prayers with close friends and family during crises or times of joy.
it's more pressuring for me when NO one has a prayer request. because then it's like, oh great, no one's going to say anything, we're all going to sit here with our heads bowed and it's going to be so awkward for everyone, especially the person who just asked for prayer requests. and then we collectively all feel like awful christians with nothing to say to our lord and savior but none of us can talk about it because we're all ashamed. so, if it's been silent for longer than nine or ten seconds, i'll get really anxious and try to come up with something, anything, to break the ice.