#560. Writing twitter messages that sound 14% holier than you usually are.
Jun 15th by JonSometimes, when I sit down to tweet or twitter or twittle or whatever the verb is we’re currently using to describe the action of putting a 140 character message on twitter, I am tempted to write something 14% holier than I normally would.
It’s not that I want to lie, I just find myself thinking, “WWJT” and then I end up writing something more holy spirity religitastic than I’d usually say to a friend at a cookout or on the phone to my brother.
(If you don’t twitter, it’s an online service that essentially gives you a chance to “micro-blog” a short answer to the question, “what are you doing?” to your friends.)
But it’s not easy. It’s not easy to fit the entire gospel message into the 140 character messages you’re allowed to give on twitter. And when I recently read that celebrities had hired “ghost tweeters,” people that are paid to write and post short messages that make you feel like Kanye West or Britney Spears is regularly updating twitter with humor and insight, I had an idea.
Maybe instead of fighting my desire to write “super spiritual tweets” I need to embrace it. Maybe, all this time that I’ve been praying for a full time ministry I’ve missed what was right there in front of me. Maybe, it’s like Richard Marx said, twitter wants me to know, “Wherever you go, whatever you do, I will be right here waiting for you.”*
Maybe, it’s time to write the ultimate guide to crafting holy sounding twitter updates. Here are the 7 approaches I think you can take and actual examples that are less than 140 characters:
1. The Retweet
This move is kind of like looking into a mirror that is next to a mirror and staring off into infinity. When you see someone you follow write something holy, just put a RT in front of it to let everyone else know that you too had a very similar holy thought. You want to take it up a notch? Add an “Amen” in front of the RT. It’s like they just made a church hot fudge sundae and you come along and put the cherry on top. You’ll get 80% of the credit with 5% of the work.
Example:
Amen! RT @JESUSROX – The only time I’m not reading the Bible is in the shower but I’m inventing a waterproof OT so that will change soon.
2. The Riddler
Your followers, the people on twitter that sign up to read your updates, are expecting you to report back things like how you stepped in gum on the sidewalk or what type of mustard the waiter put on your sandwich. Throw them for a loop with an esoteric brain twister of spirituality that will have them twitaplexed all afternoon.
Example:
If God is all powerful, can He create an object so heavy that even He can’t lift it up? And if He did, what color would that object be?
3. Quiet Time
Want to look holy in your twitter updates? Constantly reference things you learned during your daily quiet time. Yes, that 30 minute window might represent 1/48th of your day, but that doesn’t mean you can’t twitter about it as if it were 19 hours long.
Example:
During my quiet time, God revealed some things to me. It’s hard to capture all of them in one Tweet, but here is the first of 32 updates.
4. The Church Sign
Pretend your twitter updates are church billboards. Just tweet things like, “CH__CH, what’s missing? UR!” The best part is that because church signs tend to be short, you can cram in a number of statements into each tweet.
Example:
God accepts knee-mail. No God, no peace. Know God, know peace. Go to church for a free faith lift.
5. Quote
Clearly, if you want to get your spirituality on in a short burst of words, you should bust out a quote from a well known theologian. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, CS Lewis is the way to go. His name only costs you 8 characters too. It’s like 50 years ago he knew that twitter would one day come along and he would need a short name to get some quote love. Seriously, you can’t quote “St. Augustine of Hippo” on twitter. You just don’t have the room.
Example:
Christianity,if false, is of no importance,and if true, of infinite importance. The only thing it cannot be is moderately important.CS Lewis
6. The Other Day
Start every tweet with some sort of bold statement that you act casual about because you’re always doing things like this. “The other day while helping a group of drifters forage for sweet berries in the woods, I noticed …” Oh what? My drifter ministry? That’s just something I do for fun in my spare time.
Example:
The other day while rescuing orphaned baby seals and handing out free Bibles to fisherman, I stubbed my toe on the sidewalk. Kind of hurt.
7. Across the Uni-Verse
The easiest way to kick the doors of twitter open and proclaim, “Here I am, Gospel like a hurricane” is to simply quote a Bible verse and then link to a site like biblegateway.com. It’s kind of a lazy way to do things, which is why I personally don’t quote verses, I quote whole books.
Example:
Have you guys read Isaiah lately? You should check that book out. http://www.biblegateway.com/
Chances are, I’ll never get hired by any famous Christians to ghost tweet for them. But if I do, Carmen I am talking to you at this exact second, please know that I will be employing all 7 of those techniques, even if my tweet last week about the commute didn’t exactly reflect any degree of holiness:
“Sometimes, Atlanta drivers react to rain the same way my 3 year old reacts to the vacuum: raw terror, apprehension and 5MPH escape plans.”
Did I miss any ways to look 14% holier when you twitter?
Do you twitter?
Do you ever find yourself tempted to holy it up?
*And that makes three Richard Marx references in 2009. Goal accomplished by June. Dang, I am productive!
Comments
I just try to be as witty and hilarious as I can in my Twitters. Then, once in a while, I'll go with something deep or personal.
If all else fails, I go with a Bibe verse or a Rob Bell quote.
Twitter. Yuk. Not in a million years. And I'm so glad my church doesn't twitter, especially during the worship service. That would be the end for me.
I immediately re-tweeted this on twitter and added an "amen!" to it.
addition to number 4:
don't give up! moses was once a basket case!
best church sign. ever.
love the church sign idea. LOL
Anonymous @6:35
The despair.com site is the hilarious! Thanks for sharing.
I work at a christian bookstore and we sell a bible that is totally waterproof! For all those times you need to witness taking a dip in the pool ya know..
I am such a fan of the Richard Marx goal…extra credit??
Twitter, like many popular phenomenon, originated on the coasts and is making its way inward. I am still hesitant to jump on this newfangled bandwagon. Similar to how Canada didn't get the 80's until like 1993 (shout out to HIMYM), my beloved state of Minnesota, who got the '80's in like 1982, is just starting to get hip to the jive that is Twitter.
I have noticed, though, that many inanimate nouns such as businesses, cities, and non-profits are now followable on Twitter. Really, ‘cause I’ve always wanted to shadow the city of Minneapolis, and now I can know what Minneapolis is doing at all times! Finally! Churches should really have someone Tweet highlights during the service on behalf of the worship staff or the prayer ministry or something. That way, if you miss something because you had to utilize the facilities or your child’s number flashes on the nursery staff rescue alert system, you are no longer penalized. Just a thought.
@TwitterHaters you don't have to sign up for or use twitter, but there's no reason to criticize twitter. If the Iranian people are going to throw off this regime, a LARGE part of the credit is going to twitter, along w/ the brave protesters. Search for #Iran for the real news out of iran, or follow some of the reporters. to anyone that twitters please twit to @twitter to cancel tonights scheduled maintenance. Twitter is the only form of communication we are getting out of Iran, news media has failed. VERY TIMELY POST!
I do tweet. Its entirely to addicting. And I believe i have in fact quotes C.S. Lewis. Actually my little bio thing on twitter is a C.S. Lewis quote "I gave in and admitted God was God." or something like that. You don't get much holier than that.lol
When he said "Carmen, I am talking to you…" I freaked out… My name happens to be Carmen, but I think he was referring to CARMAN with an "a", since that's the only famous Christian I know that has a name remotely similar to mine.
Otherwise, another great post. Depite the fact I don't comment, I am an avid reader, thanks alot for listening to God and being used by Him to brighten my day. ^_^
I am to be true to your message sort of laughing out loud…or giggling would be best!
This cracked me up!
I love that there's a link to biblegateway.com for Isaiah. Keep being awsome!
In answer to number 2 I like what i once heard a late night preacher say"Yes he can but, he's not that stupid!" Oh, and it would be orange like the drink and the fish
cronc: the act of crunking on the cronic
2 things drive me crazy on twitter. 1st is when people use twitter as IM between themselves and their friends. 2nd is when people (pastors and church staff primarily) use their twitter account to over promote their church. I don't mind the occasional "On my way to church with the family" tweet. I mean the ones that tweet stuff like "YOU CAN'T MISS OUR UPCOMING SERIES ON MARRIAGE STARTING TODAY AT 'CHURCH AT THE (INSERT RELEVANT WORD HERE)'. IT'S GONNA ROCK YOUR SOCKS!"
All I can say is thank God for the 140 character limit!
Twitter. Just don't get the appeal. I like the Despair.com t-shirt that has Twitter as the intersection of Narcissism, Stalking and ADHD.
wv – dumno – perfect for Twitter! Am I dumno I just don't get the appeal of Twitter.
SO TRUE!!! I would take a 14% more holy twitter anyday over "Eating Lunch"
I love the during my quite time… soooo holy!!
Hilarious! And thanks – seriously – for taking time to give a short explaination of what Twitter is. I'm clued in now, but one thing that drives me CRAZY is people talking about something and assuming that everyone knows about it.
(But I guess I can thank those Sprint commercials for giving people like me a heads up! If only I knew how to ask about things like Pandora without feeling like a dork! Pandora is awesome for playing music online, by the way. I guess all things do 'work together for good'…does that count for my 14%?)
Omigosh…I just found a perfect new job for me. I could GHOST TWEET for musicians. This is absolutely brilliant. Now how do I advertise my services? Maybe you could write about how to GHOST TWEET for Christian musicians on your next post.
Brilliant stuff. Whenever I tweet, I want to write weird and awkward things like "I just picked my nose" or "Yup, stepped in dog poop again." But I don't think the world needs to know about that sort of thing, yet I find it so darn humorous.
Instead, I just got for whatever's on my mind, be it of God or of something else.
What about the personal J.C. Tweet that models for others how you have a relationship with Jesus, even on Twitter…
@Jesus U R da man. I'll stop asking you to be my co-pilot and just hand over the engine keys to you.
Worse than that is when Christians pray. Talk about holy sounding! And reading their Bibles out loud? Forget it! Holy rolling!
Amen! to the CS Lewis one. That man had great foresight.
Yes, I Twitter and love it.
@ChristFocus
End every tweet on a spiritual note.
"PTL", or, "Thank you Jesus!" for the good ones, and
"Boo Satan!" for the bad ones.
Use Christian jargon and buzzwords.
"Is feeling things in the spiritual that will come to fruition in the physical for mighty blessings."
"is blessed and highly favoured and lifting up praise and hallelujahs."
(if you practice it)Speak in tongues.
"Shabba wonka bonka bonga!"
Quote the pastor's message from Sunday and Retweet to him on how awesome it was.
Reference how much time you've spent at church recently and all the "extra-curricular" stuff you're doing. You know, because you're so holy.
There's so many. AWESOME blog by the way!!
etc…
Microblogging is a web service that allows the subscriber to broadcast short messages to other subscribers of the service. Microblogging is a growingly popular technology for lightweight interaction over the Internet. Indeed, for now, Twitter appears to be winning the microblogging arms race. With the popularity to Twitter and other Microblogging tools, we should expect to see a flurry of simliar tools in near future.
Thanks for the post! if you feel that 140 characters aren't enough – try Jumbotweet to write longer twitter messages. I find that it helps skip the "superficial tweets" symptom you're describing!