#560. Writing twitter messages that sound 14% holier than you usually are.
Jun 15th by JonSometimes, when I sit down to tweet or twitter or twittle or whatever the verb is we’re currently using to describe the action of putting a 140 character message on twitter, I am tempted to write something 14% holier than I normally would.
It’s not that I want to lie, I just find myself thinking, “WWJT” and then I end up writing something more holy spirity religitastic than I’d usually say to a friend at a cookout or on the phone to my brother.
(If you don’t twitter, it’s an online service that essentially gives you a chance to “micro-blog” a short answer to the question, “what are you doing?” to your friends.)
But it’s not easy. It’s not easy to fit the entire gospel message into the 140 character messages you’re allowed to give on twitter. And when I recently read that celebrities had hired “ghost tweeters,” people that are paid to write and post short messages that make you feel like Kanye West or Britney Spears is regularly updating twitter with humor and insight, I had an idea.
Maybe instead of fighting my desire to write “super spiritual tweets” I need to embrace it. Maybe, all this time that I’ve been praying for a full time ministry I’ve missed what was right there in front of me. Maybe, it’s like Richard Marx said, twitter wants me to know, “Wherever you go, whatever you do, I will be right here waiting for you.”*
Maybe, it’s time to write the ultimate guide to crafting holy sounding twitter updates. Here are the 7 approaches I think you can take and actual examples that are less than 140 characters:
1. The Retweet
This move is kind of like looking into a mirror that is next to a mirror and staring off into infinity. When you see someone you follow write something holy, just put a RT in front of it to let everyone else know that you too had a very similar holy thought. You want to take it up a notch? Add an “Amen” in front of the RT. It’s like they just made a church hot fudge sundae and you come along and put the cherry on top. You’ll get 80% of the credit with 5% of the work.
Example:
Amen! RT @JESUSROX – The only time I’m not reading the Bible is in the shower but I’m inventing a waterproof OT so that will change soon.
2. The Riddler
Your followers, the people on twitter that sign up to read your updates, are expecting you to report back things like how you stepped in gum on the sidewalk or what type of mustard the waiter put on your sandwich. Throw them for a loop with an esoteric brain twister of spirituality that will have them twitaplexed all afternoon.
Example:
If God is all powerful, can He create an object so heavy that even He can’t lift it up? And if He did, what color would that object be?
3. Quiet Time
Want to look holy in your twitter updates? Constantly reference things you learned during your daily quiet time. Yes, that 30 minute window might represent 1/48th of your day, but that doesn’t mean you can’t twitter about it as if it were 19 hours long.
Example:
During my quiet time, God revealed some things to me. It’s hard to capture all of them in one Tweet, but here is the first of 32 updates.
4. The Church Sign
Pretend your twitter updates are church billboards. Just tweet things like, “CH__CH, what’s missing? UR!” The best part is that because church signs tend to be short, you can cram in a number of statements into each tweet.
Example:
God accepts knee-mail. No God, no peace. Know God, know peace. Go to church for a free faith lift.
5. Quote
Clearly, if you want to get your spirituality on in a short burst of words, you should bust out a quote from a well known theologian. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, CS Lewis is the way to go. His name only costs you 8 characters too. It’s like 50 years ago he knew that twitter would one day come along and he would need a short name to get some quote love. Seriously, you can’t quote “St. Augustine of Hippo” on twitter. You just don’t have the room.
Example:
Christianity,if false, is of no importance,and if true, of infinite importance. The only thing it cannot be is moderately important.CS Lewis
6. The Other Day
Start every tweet with some sort of bold statement that you act casual about because you’re always doing things like this. “The other day while helping a group of drifters forage for sweet berries in the woods, I noticed …” Oh what? My drifter ministry? That’s just something I do for fun in my spare time.
Example:
The other day while rescuing orphaned baby seals and handing out free Bibles to fisherman, I stubbed my toe on the sidewalk. Kind of hurt.
7. Across the Uni-Verse
The easiest way to kick the doors of twitter open and proclaim, “Here I am, Gospel like a hurricane” is to simply quote a Bible verse and then link to a site like biblegateway.com. It’s kind of a lazy way to do things, which is why I personally don’t quote verses, I quote whole books.
Example:
Have you guys read Isaiah lately? You should check that book out. http://www.biblegateway.com/
Chances are, I’ll never get hired by any famous Christians to ghost tweet for them. But if I do, Carmen I am talking to you at this exact second, please know that I will be employing all 7 of those techniques, even if my tweet last week about the commute didn’t exactly reflect any degree of holiness:
“Sometimes, Atlanta drivers react to rain the same way my 3 year old reacts to the vacuum: raw terror, apprehension and 5MPH escape plans.”
Did I miss any ways to look 14% holier when you twitter?
Do you twitter?
Do you ever find yourself tempted to holy it up?
*And that makes three Richard Marx references in 2009. Goal accomplished by June. Dang, I am productive!
Comments
If GOD had wanted me to twitter, he would have made me a budgie.
See here for my rant on the subject.
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Cool post! Every time I stare down those 140 characters I'm trying to increase the holiness of whatever I put. But I don't think it is necessarily a bad thing – I'm totally with you on the twitter missions field idea. I guess the key is to have enough followers on twitter to be able to reach people.
On the other hand, following Christian friends who do tweet Godly, inspiring things can really pick you up and encourage, so maybe we're all charged with making our tweets insightful and inspiring.
I think with all the new emergent web technologies, as Christians we should be aware of the giant witness that is to the people we know. Via Facebook or Twitter, our lives could be impacting people that we rarely interact with, and so we should be wise about what we put there. I would want people to see any portion of my activity on FB and know that I am a Christian. (Though I'm nowhere near that!). I do see kids from the youth group I lead, and my own peers too just posting stuff which is not honouring to God, and it definitely can discourage people.
Sorry for the long post!
Twitter?
Isn't that a type of donut?
I don't tweet, but thumbs up for C.S. Lewis quotes. I almost always have one on my Facebook Flair board. Makes up for all the sarcastic, perhaps mean-spirited flairs for sure!
Well. hmmm. I can't say I try to intentionally tweet holier. What you see is what you get. That said, I avoid tweeting about how my boys do certain boyly things at the dinner table and that probably takes it up a percent or two right there.
Na, I save holier than thou for blog posts, which I send out via twitterfeed. : p
As usual, great post!
Love the Scorpions reference… Reminds me of "Sweet Home Up In Heaven" sung to "Sweet Home Alabama."
#8. Join the Christians Twibe and then give in to subtle self-pressure to throw in "pray" or "Jesus Christ" every few days so as to get your tweets picked up on the site.
Example: Btw, this week was a total loss except 4 the times when I was praying 2 Jesus Christ.
Hilarious post Jon. Now you can quote your post and link it to the blog on twitter all day!
Wow… thank you for telling us all how to tweet. You are way better than us. How bout no tweet at all?
Funny post . . . I'm a new "lurker" on the blog, and have thoroughly been enjoying it!
I cracked up when you referenced bad church signs. I came across a blog that is dedicated only to recording the terrible church signs out there. You may get a chuckle out of it: http://crummychurchsigns.blogspot.com/
It'll give you tons of ideas for future tweets.
Thanks for your posts . . . and for making me laugh!
Jon, I am not sure I can go with the very unscientific 14% holier…if I am going holier than thou…14% is not enough…I kick it up to at least 50% holier otherwise what is the point.
John:
1. Thank you for pointing out how ridiculous these things are. I refuse to stop doing them.
2. You have every right to be proud of that tweet from last week about Atlanta traffic.
peace|dewde
http://dewde.com
I just want to say on twitter I'm not too worried about looking holier than I am just holier than @katdish is, which is setting the bar somewhat low, thus making for an achievable goal.
Seriously, if you want to look holier just make sure you have people that look less holy than you around.
Its the same reason pretty girls hang out with not as pretty girls. If they spend all their time with other pretty girls they don't look nearly as pretty.
Reading my tweets is the very definition oof "Booty God Booty".
(Okay, maybe mostly the Booty part).
I am available to ghost tweet for celebrity types. You may not like the type of followers you get, but I promise you will get a bunch of them!
Now, will someone please tell @stacyasmallSFL to change her creepy avatar?
Hmm, I neither twittle nor follow twits, but recently I read that the re-tweet is indicated by 'via'.
Thank you so much for "Here I am, Gospel like a hurricane". I'm going to get so many weird looks if anyone catches me humming today…
Great blog entry–the Richard Marx reference was a stretch, though
I want to be Jon's ghost tweeter or twitterer or twittler or whatever Richard Marx would call it. Trust me, Jon, I will keep you from becoming an arrogant jerk when the Stuff Christians Like book comes out.
@Katdish could give everyone a lesson on the finer points of twittering. Ok, maybe the lower points of twittering. Just sayin'.
hm. i'm thinking that my church could use some sort of Twitter prayer chain. That would sure make all of our Twitters 42% more likely to be holy as well as keeping our minds focused on prayer throughout the day.
Dude, you slay me with the Carmen shout outs.
Also, I loved the tweet about the commute. I was thinking about that this weekend with the weather we were having.
Once again, great post.
I wonder how many people here are responding to your blog %16 percent holier? But seriously, I enjoy reading the responses. On the Twitter subject, here's a clever T-shirt design:
http://www.despair.com/somevedi.html
I put down my Bible just long enough to seriously LOL at this post. No, but really, I'm a missionary so all of my tweets are already holy. I only have to use minimum effort and I'm already up to 16.25% without even trying.
So I'm guessing from anonymous' comment that they feel not tweeting is somehow cooler or holier than tweeting? That's weird. I didn't know blogging or micro-blogging pushed you either way – that is, of course, before reading todays post. I'm going to get my holy on right now. If only I could get all 7 techniques into one twitter.
I never thought of holying up my tweets. I'm just talking to friends natural like. I hope some holy tweets come into the conversation, but I am not pushing to be seem as I am not.
Okay, I just holy tweeted. I think I missed the church sign, and I quoted myself (kind of – I made up the quote), but I might have covered the rest.
AMEN! RT @madeupname: the other day while worshiping, i thought "does God read your heart while you read your Bible?" http://www.biblegateway.com
Oh, I've got a way people sound 14% holier than you usually are…the weekly proclamation/advertisement for the church they attend. Here's an example…
@GEZUZFREAK: Join me tonight at Buzzword Church for the 5:56 service. I hear they're playing "Hurt" by Cash/NIN!
I want to point out an error and often miss used term. Retweet should be indicated by RT at the beginning of the tweet. For example,
RT @katdish I just got my butt kicked in go fish by a little girl
See, that means katdish tweeted that I I'm retweeting it.
Via is supposed to be used when you retweet a retweet. Proper use would make it so that the original tweeter followed the rt but the person who you got it from come in the via at the end of the tweet if there is room. This saves on confusion and characters.
rt @katdish I just got my butt kicked in go fish by a little girl (via @PuriChristos)
I hope this clears things up and helps people to tweet properly
I have totally quoted St Augustine of Hippo on Twitter. But I go for the less formal "Auggie".
I think most of my tweets are at least 14% less holy than I usually am. But I know I'm always tempted to portray myself as something I'm not. I struggle with it more on my blog, tho. Probably because for me "fake holy" goes along with "verbose."
I'm glad someone mentioned the Scorpions for "Gospel like a hurricane." As usual, I couldn't remember the artist.
But thanks to you, that tune has now moved into my brain, replacing the Ukrainian accordion version of "Hot and Cold" that I put on my blog today. (Apparently one of my not-fake-holy and thus fake-authentic days.)
(Oh, and shamelessly-self-promoting.)
So, I think tweets are too holy only when you tweet about the holy things you are doing. Such as, "So I'm writing this sermon that I am going to preach 4 times tomorrow. Dude, I'm awesome. I hope the objects in my car aren't Arminian."
What if you mix up your tweets between holy and non-holy content AND your holy content is stuff you actually post because you really want to share it, not because you just want to look holy? I mean, certainly, if there is variety in your tweets, your holy ones don't look as obnoxious, right? Or is it that no matter what the content or purpose, you are going to come off really A2J? (Ahem, that is "addicted 2 Jesus," for those of you not down with the latest jive.)
I twitter. I'm not near the twitter ho Katdish is, but I try…
I don't sound holy on Twitter. (See above for reason why) but maybe I should try. If I can fit my daily My Utmost for His Highest devotional into 140 characters, perhaps I'll tweet that. That would make me 56% more holy I suspect.
As it is, Twitter has slowly ruined my life. I find myself typing emails, texts, notes to my boss, grocery lists, etc in 140 characters or less. My writing looks like hieroglyphics…
My favorite tweet right now is: "God is seriously BLOWING my mind right now!" For some reason, that always makes me picture their brain literally exploding all over the place. Not a mental picture that I want during my quiet time of Bible reading and Frosted Flakes.
PS–Jon, you're already my twitter tweep, but for anyone else, I'm marni71. Come say hi
PSS-Church of No People needs a twitter account. If we keep grinching, I bet he'll get one. Shark Bait won't budge, but we try all the same. SFL has a creepy avatar and we're currently praying for her God to soften her heart and change it.
I'm totally going to Retweet this and holy it up.
And I'm @jen_rose if anybody cares to follow. I'm nowhere near as holy as @prodigaljohn though.
Let just say that anything that you twitter would be at LEAST 14% holier than most of my friends who find it more important to inform me that the bathroom at Kohls needs a cleaning….WHAT?
I agree with you totally on the subject..the church billboard is the way to go…;) Me on the other hand..I stick to blogging! Just can't be confined to only 140 characters!! LOL
Thanks for laugh, I LOVE it!
LOL! I love Twitter. I will have to apply your words of wisdom to my tweets …
http://twitter.com/KevinMartineau
#shamelessselfpromotion
So I have a newborn, and thus, very little time in which to actually read your blog let alone other comments…
That said, just in case no one has mentioned it yet, they actually do make a waterproof Bible. But it's from some special company where you have to write them a letter explaining how you'll use it before they send it to you. (Couldn't that become it's own post?? "Only sending you your special Christian paraphernalia after you explain the godly thing you will us it for") Our home fellowship leader has one that he uses in the bath. Can't remember what he said his letter stated…
You forgot the all-important "Tweet the lyrics from a worship song." Works every time.
Example:
When the music fades, and all is stripped away, and I simply come….
For added points, RT it.
WV: "dumbe" Something stupid in Great Britain.
Everytime I tweet my twitter I find myself doing two things:
I try to say the most I can with those 140 characters, which typically means editorial re-writes before it goes out.
And, since the ultimate show of holier tweets is getting retweeted, I've sometimes secretly tried to come up with clever comments to get people to RT what I say. It's only worked once, and that one time I wasn't really aiming for a RT.
So, maybe this plan isn't very productive, and wastes a lot more time than it should.
LOL. Great way to start Monday morning.
I guess what I am saying is that it is all pretty much narcissism anyway right? But a holy tweet/blog etc might at least make me think.. or pick up my bible… or sing a praise. Whereas a tweetpic? of your sushi meal… just really doesn't inspire anything. That being said.. I do not tweet.. but the unholy union of Facebook and Twitter subjects me to an endless barrage of @ symbols of both holy and mundane tweets.. with an occasional witty gem. Yes, I know Facebook is also narcissistic..
Fourteen percent? Jon, how did you come up with that figure? LOL.
I rarely use that thing…But I do sign on to see what people are up to.
I don't Twitter.
Maybe I should Twitter that.
Afterthought: I thought of Holy Twitter Rule #10
Ending a ranty/sad/bad day tweet (or Facebook status) with some variation of "But God is in control! Thank you Jesus! <3"
Cancels out the negative holy points, y'know.
I will now go twitter a link to this post.
http://twitter.com/Sonnetgirl7
Most of my family doesn't get twitter. I love it, because my friend Pocket cracks me up: http://twitter.com/pauli_pocket
My pastor gives insight, quotes (like what you shared, Bible verses and other random thoughts: http://twitter.com/novashep
you give a little of both of the above and my other friends just share what they're doing!
Personally, I think that when people start obsessing about "following" celebrities is when the web has taken things too far, but to keep up with friends in a way that is pretty much as simple and non time-consuming as it gets, I'm all for that.
"…go to church for a faith lift."
Ha. When said it sounds like someone has a lisp, and I'm not quite sure that will make you 14% holier, or will it…
… having read only to the Right Here Waiting asterisk …
::slow clapping and shaking head in admiration::
Nicely done, Jon. Nicely done.
I actually have a waterproof NT! It was a gift and I was like, What the heck am I going to do with that?
Now I know.
Now I know.
Two reasons I DON'T tweet…CNN and Ashton Kutcher…PLUS, I don't really care when (friend A) is on his way to the supermarket, or that (celebrity B) cannot believe that she almost forgot her phone at home!!! OMG!!!
BUT, i would have to say this,
"Sometimes, Atlanta drivers react to rain the same way my 3 year old reacts to the vacuum: raw terror, apprehension and 5MPH escape plans."
this is the funniest thing i've read in a long time…even funnier than this…good show!
WV: phydropa
Def.: The lazy college student that chronically drops his phy ed class each semester because it's interfering with his WoW time. Used to be referred to Phy Ed Dropper, but was shortened to phydropa to save time.
"Hey man, you dropped your class "Walking for Life Wellness 101" again? Dude, you are such a Phydropa!"
"I may be a Phydropa, but I acheived a level 78 Monk last night on our WoW raid."
THAT'S what RT means!