#562. Making God Almost All Powerful.
Jun 17th by JonI went ahead and figured out how powerful God is.
Considering that this is probably a question philosophers and theologians have struggled with for thousands of years, that’s pretty nice of me. Who knew one day a random blogger would figure it out and share it for free. What can I say? I’m a giver.
So here it is:
God is slightly less powerful than Mutton Hollow Chevy.
That’s it. That’s the answer. If you have some other things you need to go do or other blogs you want to read you can probably skip out right now, having been exposed to that little gem of knowledge. But if you’ve never heard of Mutton Hollow Chevy, who is slightly more powerful than God, allow me to explain.
When I started stuffchristianslike.net, I had to go with a .net address because someone already had .com. A small church themed online gift shop had that web address. They sold puzzles of Jesus and what not. I felt like .net was not nearly as cool as .com but oh well, that was what I had available.
Apparently they went out of business or sold their domain to someone else though because now, if you type the .com version of this site, you will be taken to Mutton Hollow Chevy, a small car dealer that specializes in 1955-1957 Chevy parts. I’m not sure why they registered a Stuff Christians Like URL. I guess the hope is that if you searched for wry Christian satire but instead found a Chevy dealer you might stay at their site and buy a 1957 Billet Hood Latch Support Bracket instead. (You know the one I’m talking about, it’s all Billet Hood Latches these days boys.)
I’d like to say that when I found out that, once again, someone from Mutton Hollow had scooped me, my first thought was “aw shucks!” But that would be a lie.
My first thought was more like this:
“I am so dumb! How could I let that happen? I am screwed. If I was smarter and more web savvy that wouldn’t have happened. That kind of nonsense would never happen to a real blogger. When my book comes out, people who don’t know this is a .net are going to accidentally type .com and never find me and I’ll never sell any books and never get a second book deal and will waste this opportunity that God has given me. It’s all over. It is all so freakin’ over.”
I know that probably sounds dumb, but it’s true. I felt sick to my stomach and kind of panicky and really ashamed of myself. And I’ve felt that way before about other things, but do you know what I don’t ever do? I don’t ever take thoughts like that to their natural conclusion. I don’t ever spend time reflecting on what that thought says about me and what it says about God.
This time I did.
And do you know what I found? If that thought is true. If Mutton Hollow Chevy has somehow sunk the Stuff Christians Like ship by reserving the .com version of this web address, if they’ve effectively limited the size of this ministry, if they’ve dashed the opportunity to reach people for the Lord, than Mutton Hollow Chevy is slightly more powerful than God.
Don’t get me wrong, He’s big and mighty and “Almost All Powerful.” He set Stuff Christians Like in motion, but in a late game changing move, Mutton Hollow Chevy showed up and limited even Him. He had plans that were pretty amazing, but unfortunately they involved me getting the .com address and since I don’t have that, God is limited too. The dreams He had just got a pair of Mutton Hollow-sized handcuffs put on them.
That’s ridiculous and I hope right now you are laughing both at the shallowness of my faith and my dedication to repeating the phrase “Mutton Hollow” which is delightful to say I don’t care who you are. But I promise you’ve done the same thing before in your own life.
At some point, you’ve had a fear you thought was more powerful than God.
You lost your job and worried that unemployment was more powerful than God.
You lost a boyfriend and worried that being alone was more powerful than God.
You got in credit debt and worried that Visa was more powerful than God.
Your dream did not turn out the right way and you thought the circumstances were more powerful than God.
It’s so easy to do this, but today, as new worries crop up, I’m trying to do things I little differently. With each new fear, I’m trying to stop long enough and ask myself a simple question:
“Is this more powerful than God?”
Is Mutton Hollow Chevy more powerful than God?
Is a possible layoff at work more powerful than God?
Is __________ more powerful than God?
So far, every answer has come back with a resounding no. I still worry. I’ll still walk through the hollow of the shadow of death from time to time, but with that question and a God that loves to answer it, I think I’m going to be alright.
And Mutton Hollow, please know that when you’re ready to give me that .com I, much like the band Journey, will be waiting right here for you with open arms.
How would you write this question today about your own life?
Finish this sentence:
Is _________ more powerful than God?
Comments
Anon @ 10:40 –
BTDT with church splits…..twice….
guess what?
God won, both times!
(still did hurt like the dickens)…
Thanks so much for this post.
Just so you know, you can get the contact info of the guy who owns stuffchristianslike.com: http://www.networksolutions.com/whois-search/stuffchristianslike.com
Aug 3, 2010 is the expiration, so keep you hand on the mouse.
My word would be porn.
And at the moment the answer is yes.
Anon!
Surely, you and your publisher are just calling them to ask how much they want for it? It expires in a year anyhow. Go to GoDaddy.com and backorder it for $20 too. It's all in the whois directory – if it's current. Good Luck!
Registrar: DomainPeople Inc.
Domain Name: stuffchristianslike.com
Created on ………….2007-08-03-15.29.48.000000
Expires on ………….2010-08-03-17.29.48.000000
Record last updated on .2008-07-31-11.43.41.140000
Status ……………..ACTIVE
Administrative Contact:
TNG Enterprises, Inc.
Rick Yoss
PO Box 123
Marlboro, NJ
07746, US
+1.7326790200
+1.7326792227
ryoss@tngenterprises.com
Is an eating disorder more powerful than God?
Just as I sat to read this, I was planning to… well… make some bad decisions directly after completing the reading of this post. Because today I have been struggling, and just now as I debated making said decisions, I came to the conclusion (as you did with Mutton Hollow, which is delightful to say I might add) that my eating disorder was more powerful than God. Thank you, and I do mean thank you, for helping me not to turn my life completely around in an instant, but to make one right decision… by reminding me that it is not, and food is not, and my sin is not, in fact, more powerful than God.
Is unbelief more powerful than God?
Is Satan more powerful than God?
These are questions I seriously ask.
Is indecision more powerful than God? Is security? What about obligations to one's family?
Mark tells us in his gospel that, upon being called by the Lord, the disciples "immediately" left their nets and followed him. But what about when it isn't so easy?
Wow, that was exactly what I needed to read, uncanny how that happends, I know just what to put in that sentance for is _____ more powerful than God. It's a resounding no!
@Anon at 3.45: My word would be porn.
And at the moment the answer is yes.
Porn isn't my word, but I think I know what you mean.
My word is fear.
Perfect love is supposed to drive it out, but it doesn't feel that way right now. Right now it feels pretty darn powerful.
http://www.stufffchristianslike.com/
Is open, you can grab it.
I just found out that I'm pregnant. I'm afraid that my husband and I can't handle this, can't afford this, aren't grown up enough for this (we're 25), etc. I'm forgetting the man who made it all possible. I need to step back and remember that He gave us this because He trusts us and will ensure that we are taken care of because we trust and believe in Him.
Great post! Just what I needed. (Meanwhile, Muttonchops Chevy or whoever they are, are all excited because their web stats just spiked huge and they think they've finally cracked this internet thang…)
I was going to put my silly little thing in, but after reading some responses, I am appropriately humbled. I think I have to tattoo this on my forehead so I am reminded of it frequently.
Is my fear of failing and letting my whole church down more powerful that God?
Thank you…
Don't know if anyone elsw has said this:
Is 'Social Rejectment'
is 'My Fear'
What about 'my own plans'
Pray about this.
Because if there's anything that we've convinced ourslelfs is more 'powerful' than Him, its 'our own plans.
Example: Gee,I'de love for God to work through me, Its just that I have other plans. I'de rather not be a social reject. I'm just to afraid.
In this way we assume our own oppinion is more powerful, And It's breaking his heart.
What about Goku? I'm actually not too sure myself. He pretty much has unlimited potential and just keeps on getting more powerful each day.
People have even said that he's more powerful than Superman. Personally, I think this would be a close battle, albeit highly entertaining. At the same time, all Goku has to do is bring some kryptonite with him… so who knows?
And just so people know how powerful Goku is, he beat villains that could destroy planets in the blink of an eye, even though he always nearly dies in the process.
He in fact, has died on two occasions but has been revived.
I know I'm extremely late, but I absolutely love this blog entry…really caught me off guard!
I've got one. Chariots of iron are more powerful than God.
Judges 1:19 And the LORD was with Judah, and he took possession of the hill country, but He could not drive out the inhabitants of the plain because they had chariots of iron.
Darn those chariots!
Don't know the exact size, but it goes something like this: Infinity / Infinity
That is roughly his size, or maybe Infinity Squared / Infinity Squared
We know that means both infinitely small and infinitely large, because the exact value of infinity is unknown.