#564. The 11 people every youth group needs.
Jun 22nd by JonAs I’ve mentioned a few times, my dad is starting a church in Chapel Hill, North Carolina. In addition to helping him think through his blog and planning some sort of Stuff Christians Like event there this fall, I’ve also started to analyze all the critical pieces a church needs to have in place—like a youth group.
Now granted, if your mission field is retirement communities in Florida, then you probably don’t need a thriving youth ministry. You need a rascal ministry, the little scooter that I plan on owning as soon as I hit my 70s. (Have you seen that commercial? The lady drives it to the edge of the Grand Canyon and then yells at it. Is there an elderly person in the world that’s ever said, “I need some sort of scooter device with a ridiculous turning radius that can quickly deliver me to the precipice of national landmarks?”)
In addition to a wicked cool youth group room, which I laid out in detail in the Stuff Christians Like book, after reading Tyler Stanton’s “Essential Cast of a Mission Trip,” I realized there are 11 teenagers every youth group needs to be successful:
1. The guy that owns a Jeep.
When I was in high school I rotated between hating this guy and desperately wanting to be this guy. I don’t know how he got it but when I was getting dropped off by my mom in a blue Dodge Grand Caravan (wood paneling sides holla!) this guy was screaming into the parking lot in a rugged looking Jeep. I don’t care who you are, having a Jeep in high school is like having a space shuttle. Girls love the Jeep guy.
2. The kid that hates God but got forced to attend because of her parents.
Don’t try to get this girl to play any youth group games, speak up during discussions or not kick the bucket of orange drink over when no one is looking. Ugh! I wouldn’t even be here but my parents keep making me come. As soon as this girl gets her driver’s license you’ll never see her again. Or she’ll become a Christian in what is a really touching transformation process. This one could go both ways.
3. The ridiculously beautiful girl that doesn’t know it.
This girl is a lot of fun right up until the moment that you go to a camp or event where other youth groups are gathered and every guy in the tri-county region hits on her. Even though you’re not dating her and she’s told you the dreaded “you’re like a brother to me” there’s a part of you that thinks, “I wish all those guys from that other church would stop bothering Kim.” (And by bothering I mean, “making her laugh and have a good time” two things that you are apparently incapable of.)
4. One obnoxious pastor’s kid that thinks he’s a celebrity.
I need to do a whole post on pastor’s kids, but for now, let me just say that every youth group needs one who kind of thinks he’s a celebrity. He’s contextually famous, which just means a handful of people know who he is because his dad is the pastor but sometimes he acts like he’s some sort of superstar. His name may or may not have been Jon Acuff.
5. The kid that wears shorts in the winter.
You could also call this kid “the contrarian” because when everyone else zigs, he’s going to zag. Growing up in Massachusetts, there was always at least one kid that would wear shorts during the winter. It would be 10 degrees outside, he’d have a coat on and a pair of basketball shorts. Makes no sense, but then I shaved a stripe into my eyebrow a la Vanilla Ice when I was in the 9th grade so what do I know?
6. The guy that somehow got ordained at the age of 13.
You need at least one “mini-pastor” in training. The junior high doesn’t offer seminary classes, but for some reason, this guy has a deep theological understanding of all things Bible. He’s not going to be the best person to take on a late night youth group prank, but he’s going to be awesome at helping you find Biblical reasons to support why the town should forgive you for that prank.
7. The group of people you’ll talk to at youth group but pretend you don’t know at school.
I think teenagers today are more secure than I was but back in the day, there were definitely, “youth group friends” and “in the hallway at school” friends. And when they accidentally collided together before math class it was always kind of a sweaty experience. We used to have a Bible study before school when I was a freshman and we’d all walk together to our first class and then immediately when we touched our feet onto school property we scattered in the halls like acne covered marbles that didn’t know each other. Good times.
8. That dude with an acoustic guitar.
You know who you are. Stop.
9. The guy whose girlfriend goes to church, so he’s there too.
Save your PDA message for this guy, but realize that if they break up, there’s an 82% chance you’ll never see him again.
10. The cool kids from school that come to youth group for a brief period of time.
Maybe your youth group will never experience this strange phenomenon but when mine did, it was awesome. Out of nowhere someone pretty or cool decided that our church youth group was pretty or cool and started bringing all the popular kids. For about a year, youth group was amazing. Then the popular kids faded, in part due to the “Pizza Blast incident” and a wave of dorkiness spread across our youth group like a dark cloud climbing the coast of New England.
11. The kid that farts all the time.
Hate this kid. Hate getting placed on the same retreat van with him. Hate getting placed in the same cabin with him. Hate sitting near him at youth group. Still thought he was kind of funny though.
Who did I miss? It’s been 15 years since I was in youth group and I’ve probably grown out of touch and perhaps even a little rickety. Might be a storm a comin’ soon, my knee is acting up. Bring the rascal in, she hates to get wet.
What youth group stereotype did I forget?
Comments
I was stereotype number 2, but I did get saved, at youth group! LOL Everyone was so happy, I was the obnoxious one that when told I was going to go to hell if I didnt get saved, said "I know and I don't care" Have been saved now for almost 20 years and am a homeschooling mom of almost 8 children. I definitely didn't turn out how people expected me too. Amazing what God can do!
Wow, that hit the nail on the head. #3 in my group was Sarah Sundquist.
Going to bible camp after her sophmore year changed here self-perseption for good (bad news for my brother.)
Totally had 6, 9 and 10 in our youth group growing up. Great post! These other commenters do have some great additional ideas though too.
thank God i didnt become a christian til i was 19. cuz i wouldve been that kid you didnt mention who told everyone what they thought. the one with no filter. yah…the 11, wouldve hated me.
Or the kid who tries to kill everyone in sight with the dodgeball.
I'm a youth pastor now, and while I have a fairly small group, there some other stereotypes in it:
1)PGK (Preacher's Grand-Kid): Favorite quote- "I'm gonna tell my pee-paw on you!" I just call the bluff with, "Good, then I can tell him some stuff about you, too." We get along great after that.
2)The little brother who can't wait to get into youth so he can torture his older sister at church AND at home and goes to events that he has absolutely no interest in so he can report back to mom all the little things his sister did. "Mom, during prayer requests tonight, (insert name here) said that she was struggling with obeying you." "Oh really, 2 months grounding, young lady." (True Story)
wow… my youth group always had an excess of acoustic guitar players… therefore i settled for being a goofball… now i'm going to bible college for worship arts, but half the people i went to youth group with don't remember that i ever played… been playing since 8th grade thanks. oh yeah, i'm still good friends with Jeep guy, but he now drives a tin can (Kia Sephia).
The princess. She's a lot of fun on service trips. OK fine, bless your heart, I'll take out the trash because your daddy said his princess never had to. Sigh.
This one is fairly new due to the advent of reality TV in the last decade.
The American-Idol Wannabes: These are usually girls who think their singing voices are awesome. They spend the music portion of the evening "worshipping" by trying to out-sing each other. They escalate their loudness to the point that the meaning of the music is lost in the midst of all their self-appointed awesomeness. They are never actually anywhere near as talented as they believe they are.
There's the kid who always has to pee at the most inoportune time. What do you mean we're in the middle of a Guatamalan forest with no outhouses for the next twenty miles! I gotta go! No, I will not violate that tree in such a horrible way. We have to turn around right now.
I read several of the comments, and didn't see THE KID WHO GETS SAVED AT EVERY RETREAT. our youth group had one, did yours? I watched a kid either re-commit or get saved every time we went to an event.
I was "the Soloist." don't hate.
The kid who is involved in way to much: (S)He literally shows up for two hours of a weekend retreat because that is all (s)he can manage, and of course those two hours are spent listening to the explanation of where else (s)he needs to be this weekend and why (s)he cannot stay. Absent more often than present one cannot help but forget that this person is actually a part of the youth group from time to time.
The age outlier: The group is open to grades 6-12, but the reality is that it is dominated by one end or the other, and there is one unfortunate kid either gets lessons on transitioning to college and such while they are adjusting to middle school, or lessons on middle school survival when they haven't been in middle school for years. This is a challenge to even a skilled youth leader, and yet they cannot really split the group, as there are not enough people.
The middle school kids whose parents have enough clout that they are allowed to go to the high school youth group: Pretty much self explanatory. Usually their promotion to high school youth group is justified because they are just too mature, when in reality, they are your average middle schooler.
The summer kids:The kids that are staying with their grandparents for the summer. One of my best friends in youth group was one of these.
The babysat: Younger siblings that are only their because their older siblings are babysitting them.
Ha ha…Jon, I love this blog. You are so observant and spot-on. I had a relatively small YG, but we still had every one of these kids.
I'd like to add:
12. The Socially Awkward Youth Pastor's Kid
Oh man, I didn't envy this kid, and I still don't. It's hard enough surviving the teen years as the shy and introverted type, so it must a cruel, cruel fate to also know that most of your peers would rather hang out with your dad than you.
The SAYPK dedicates most of her adolescence to wriggling out from under her beloved pa's shadow. This is mostly attempted by vigorous "friend collecting," (latching onto anyone and everyone who even glimpes her way), and pitiable attempts at trying to be the Youth Group's clown. The SAYPK is especially vulnerable to obsession-prone niche groups (i.e. Trekkies, Anime Kids, Twilight Kids, LOTR Kids, etc.), since these groups provide her an with easy way to define herself as something other than "the daughter of our beloved youth pastor."
Unfortunately, the only way the SAYPK can break from this role is to become a #2 or an uptight #6.
One more:
13. The Always-Obsessed-With-Something Kids
Star Wars. Matrix. Lord of the Rings. World of Warcraft. Anime. Twilight. The pop culture may fluctuate, but one thing remains constant…there is always going to be a particular cluster of YG kids who live and breathe for whatever nerd phenomenon is sweeping the nation. The object of these kids' obsessions may change over the years, but that matters very little; they just enjoy being obsessed. (Trust me…I was once one of these kids; my thing was music. Eighties music. In 2003.)
For those who can humor them, these kids are rather entertaining. Talk to them for long enough (say, 4 minutes) and they will inevitably steer the conversation to Lord of the Rings (or Naruto, or Harry Potter, etc.) Any small group or Bible study discussion with them will always yield at least one comparison between Edward¹s struggle to resist Bella¹s blood and their own
struggle against sexual temptation. Whenever the youth pastor teaches a message on idolatry, everyone in the room knows that he's mostly written the
sermon for these kids.
But the true mark of an AOWSK is his or her hair…cut, dyed, and styled to resemble their favorite character. One particular girl I know started out with "Trinity" (from the Matrix) hair in her early teens, which morphed to
"Storm" (from the X-Men) hair in her late teens, until she finally settled on her current 'do…Alice (from Twilight).
jadekb-
I was totally the crying girl. My poor youth leaders.
Thank God my hormones finally leveled out.
A lot of these stereotypes are kinda sad, because Christians are so willing to judge personality, intelligence, and even faith off of appearance. As a pastor's kid myself, I know that my parents got a ton of angry phone calls about my brother's earrings and my tattoos. And because of inaccurate assumptions and hateful comments both to my face and behind my back, I sort of just gave up. I started doing all of the things people already assumed I was doing. I got into partying and drinking and hooking up with a new guy every week or so. And despite my sinful actions, I'd never been so stress-free, because my non-christian friends didn't limit me to a stereotype and then dismiss me as a lost cause. I still don't go to church. I spent a lot of time and passion and energy to church, and made myself vulnerable, and they essentially told me that I didn't matter. I mean, I've even been told that I have the mark of the beast and that I'm going to hell. And I'm only 18. Church is supposed to be a safe haven, a learning environment, some kind of solace from the harsh routine of life. I stopped going because I feel like I can love better without it. I'm less cynical and I don't come home every sunday/wednesday in frustrated tears.
Anyway, all that to say that stereotypes such as these can be accurate sometimes, but mostly they're just hurtful because no one takes the time to learn the ins and outs of the individual.
Youth Groups tend to have an interesting dynamic of closed-mindedness and judgment.
Wow, you all have some serious issues with homeschoolers, don't you? For the record, all the homeschooled kids I know (which are quite a few – it's pretty popular here) are way more well-adjusted and socially adept than the public school kids, who can't seem to break free of their rigid labeling systems.
anonymous, I can't speak for anyone else, but I mentioned homeschoolers because I WAS a homeschooler (and a not-so-well adjusted one for the record, so I feel I can make fun of myself). There are well-adjusted homeschoolers and socially awkward ones, just like everyone everywhere else….(interesting how you completely stereotyped "public schoolers" in the process of your comment).
Honestly, can't we learn to laugh at ourselves through some vague stereotypes? I don't think anyone is meaning to judge anyone.
I was the youth group kid that was at every youth group event and basically the youth pastors assistant. If there was an outreach, I was there. A concert, I was 2 hours early. My t-shirt collection is full of either Event T-shirts or all those small Christian bands that only played 3 shows and they were mostly at your youth group.
One youth group kid I remember is the girl (or guy) that had to always date a member of the opposite sex and had maybe a week break in between break ups. They would show up to youth group every other week because they were at their significant others youth group or house. You knew they had broken up because you started seeing them back at youth group every week. Somehow she ended up going to the same college as I did 2 years later. She hasn't changed much.
How about:
The bull in a china shop kid who broke a chair every time you played musical chairs.
The kid who on retreats showered 4 times a day to keep his hair looking good.
The expounder, he would always expound on the meaning of the verse.
The boy who always forgot to do up his zipper. "wo is me, for I am undone!"
The kid who could quote every scene from the Chevy Chase's "Fletch" movies.
the mini-missionary. you know who he is.
you forgot about the kid who is super christian but will most likely end up drinking under age