#566. Discounting our small steps toward stupid.
Jun 24th by JonA few weeks ago, I called one of my accountability partners and confessed that I’d been listening to techno music lately.
Whoa, Footloose’s John Lithgow, what’s wrong with techno music?
Nothing. There’s inherently nothing wrong with techno music or electronic music or drum and bass or a million other iterations of that genre of music.
And twelve years ago, when I was in college in Birmingham, Alabama I loved techno music.
If the question is, “Yeah but did you ever go to a rave and wear reflective pants?” The answer is “Yes.”
Did I spin and dance around with glowsticks in my hands? Yes.
Did I have futuristic sunglasses that looked like I might be driving a motorcycle from the year 2065 that can also travel up the side of walls? Yes.
We could play that game all day, but simply put, I jumped into rave culture with both feet, which meant that on some weekends, I took ecstasy from strangers, danced in a dark warehouse for eight hours and then crawled my way back outside into a sunshine that felt accusingly bright and painful.
Fast forward twelve years and life is different. I am different. Who I know God to be is different. But on a Tuesday afternoon a few weeks ago, I noticed that techno music had crept back into my life.
Again, there’s nothing wrong with techno, but for me, it’s the soundtrack of a period in my life that is pretty dark. And when I listen to a lot of techno, there’s a part of me that wants to “reminiscence” about that time. Despite the hurt and the pain and the emptiness that came from those moments, there’s still a part of me that likes to put rose colored glasses on.
And perhaps bigger than that, there’s still a part of me that wants to hide. When things get tough, when the pressures of trying to fulfill a lifelong goal like writing a book start to pile up a little, I still reflex to a degree into my old ways and try to hide. So for me, techno music becomes an escape. A chance to close out the world, close out my day and be surrounded by a steady, faceless, wordless beat.
For me, techno is a small step toward stupid.
Have you ever noticed those in your own life? This is the first time I saw techno that way. What usually happens is that I listen to a lot of techno. I start to pull away from friends and family. I get more secretive with how I’m spending my time. I make small bad decisions that grow into large bad decisions. And I start hiding deeper and deeper in the shiny objects I used to care so much about when I used to care about nothing.
Then a few months later, I crash. It all falls apart and with a great degree of surprise I proclaim, “How did I end up here? I never saw that coming.”
Meanwhile, all along, I was taking small steps toward stupid.
You know who else did that? The prodigal son.
For most of my life I just assumed that the son, upon getting all his inheritance from his father, immediately left the farm on a fast track to hookers and pig sty living. But that’s not what the Bible says. In fact, in Luke 15:13, the moment after he got his money is described this way:
“And not many days after the younger son gathered all together and took his journey into a far country, and there wasted his substance with riotous living.” (KJV)
I’ve written about this before because it blows me away. He didn’t leave instantly. You get the sense that he packed his stuff. He got his things together and prepared for the long journey deep into the heart of stupid. He took small steps.
I don’t know if you discount your small steps toward stupid, but if you do, if there are patterns you’re missing, I challenge you to think about them today. What are they? What are your small steps toward stupid? Techno is one of mine, but I’ll go first with a couple more of mine in the hope that they’ll spark some of your own.
Two more of my small steps toward stupid:
1. My weight
I don’t think I’ve talked about this before, but my weight fluctuates by about 30 pounds. That might not seem like a lot, but going from 135 pounds to 165 pounds is a fairly big shift. When things feel chaotic, I tend to control what I can and end up not eating enough and being skinny. After a period of that, I tend to let everything go and pendulum swing back the other direction and gain so much weight that the button of my pants could spring off and kill someone.
2. My quiet time
When I’m taking small steps toward stupid I tend to stretch the boundaries of what “quiet time with God” really means. For instance, last June and July I started to lie to myself and say, “Well since Stuff Christians Like is about God, writing it kind of counts as a quiet time.” That’s not true, but when I’m headed toward stupid, my quiet time tends to disappear.
Those are a few small steps toward stupid I take. Yours will be different. Gaining weight and listening to techno might mean nothing in your life but chances are, you have your own small steps toward stupid.
What are they?
And how can we all stop taking them?
Comments
1. That boy and being certain he's too good for me.
2. Lack of quiet time/ saying I'll do it tomorrow. We all know that's an empty promise.
3. Daydreaming… I do this way more than I'd like to admit, and it does a lot of damage.
4. Being certain that my friends have forgotten who I am.
Thanks for that post, it's helpful to hear someone else's struggles – makes me feel like I'm not alone. I've got too many steps to count, that's or sure.
The idea that our downward spiral and eventual "how did I get here" thinking is gradual instead of instantaneous is certainly a convicting one. It reminds me of the Casting Crowns song "Slow Fade", with the idea that "people never crumble in a day".
http://www.metrolyrics.com/slow-fade-lyrics-casting-crowns.html
Thanks for the reminder…
My steps to stupid:
-Drinking sodas (addicted to the sugar)! Packs on the pounds and makes me feel awful.
-Watching too much TV
-Not spending enough time in God's Word
-Taking relationships for granted (they'll always be there, right? Umm, no. They won't.)
Someone above hinted at porn, and I concur.
But I've noticed in my addiction the small steps that lead to porn (the looks, the scene in the movie that titillates, the cute checkout girl,) and have been most convicted of late by the understanding that porn isn't an end in itself for me, but is itself a series of small stupid steps to physical adultery.
That scares the hell out of me.
Thanks for giving me an outlet to articulate that. I wouldn't have otherwise.
I think this is just what I needed to make me reflect on what I've been doing lately. My steps toward stupid:
- Keeping secrets from my husband, like the fact that I signed up for Second Life out of curiousity and got sucked in for two weeks
- Pushing my regular Bible-reading time back by hours
- Emotionally and spiritually drawing away from ministry
This is great Dr. Phil or Oprah stuff…
How about breaking any of the Ten Commandments…in our hearts…then many times outwardly.
A little leaven…will leaven the whole lump?
Thank you for being able to distinguish between bad music and bad cultural influences and not going all av1611.org on us. I appreciate it.
That being said, I don't know if this would help but there is a thriving Christian techno underground. Here's an excellent Top 40ish worship song remix set for starters. http://dancechapel.wordpress.com/2009/06/03/ccm-remixes-by-digital-aura/ Now, if it's the music in general that causes you to stumble, run far far away, but if giving it a positive spin would help, you might be able to have your cake and eat it too.
thanks… it got me to think… staying up late, surfing the internet for that one more thing when i have other things to do then slipping oh and yes sleeping… i need to get in the habit of having that morning time but i fail at getting up because i don't want to. I guess it boils down to escapism like many others have said… thanks…
and Amanda this is exactly what i do exactly… wow thanks
I quote:
"- I tend to be a deep thinker – again, not necessarily a bad thing – until I take it to the extreme and become way too introspective and start beating myself up for every little mistake that I perceive myself making, again deepening the depression."
and how can we stop taking them?
getting that time in the morning to remind ourselves that God is awesome and taking the time to listen to his voice that is what i need the most. Just being able to remember through out the day that God is right their with me.
Like you, believing Satan's lies as he revises our history to glamorize what was truly a painful and dark time. Used to hate being viewed as a piece of flesh for some guy to bed and felt worthless thinking that's all I was good for. After a decade married to a great guy who loves and respects me, start thinking back on how I used to be able to turn any guy's head. (stupid step one). Start wondering if I could still seduce anyone, and getting anxious that I am not so hot anymore (stupid step 2, and wow sounding arrogant now when I face it). Start wondering if I could seduce that guy (college pastor, guy at work). Around stupid step 3 I realize the horrible path my mind is taking me on, confess to accountability partner, focus on the original lies, and chastise my mind repeatedly when my thoughts wander.
Sorry, I'm too ashamed to post my name.
Amen brother. Been there done that and really don't want to go back. Definately needed that oh so gentle reminder to pull back from those small steps.
Taking small steps toward bitterness…dangerous steps
pray for me!
I think I need an accountability partner…
I'm so glad I'm not the only one here who's on a slippery slope…
My small steps:
Spending too much time alone with a friend who I have a history with
Isolating myself from my friends because they're asking too many questions
Blaming God for not doing things in my life fast enough and as a result avoiding any meaningful time with Him.
Thanks for giving others the opportunity to share.
"Again, there’s nothing wrong with techno, but for me, it’s the soundtrack of a period in my life that is pretty dark. And when I listen to a lot of techno, there’s a part of me that wants to “reminiscence” about that time. Despite the hurt and the pain and the emptiness that came from those moments, there’s still a part of me that likes to put rose colored glasses on."
This is SOO real for me. If we don't pay attention to the small steps – the things that those not aware of our struggles dismiss – we will find ourselves back where we left.
Jon,
It really bugs me when people do this, and I can't believe that I'm about to be that guy (and on such a serious and beautifully honest post) but…
I just got published! You've GOT to see this post on my blog!
I'd say…
Spending too much time on the internet/watching TV
Reading up/caring about celebrity gossip
Weight fluctuation
I heard this quote many years ago (Perhaps from Jon Courson, but I can't be sure) and it has always stuck with me:
"When you get where you are going, where will you be?"
Meaning… look at the small steps you're taking. THAT is the life you are headed toward; not what you "pretend" your life is about or the way you try to present yourself. Your small choices determine where you end up, like it or not.
I almost quit the faith a while ago – and all because of sex. Got through it by the grace of God. But now I notice myself taking stupid little steps in that direction again, so this post has acted as a bit of a wake up call for me, thanks.
steps towards stupid:
- "reminiscing" about past relationships by looking at pictures, listening to love songs, etc. This just leads me to believe that I'm "missing" those things, that I need them in my life for me to be happy and content.
- obsessing over things i dont need
- getting advice from people that arent living their lives for God (just getting what I want to hear, not what I need to hear)
We are all broken. We need to die daily. It's not easy, but that's why God gave us the Bible as a daily reminder that someone died for those small steps toward stupid.
thanks for this Jon.
I think I'm in the middle of a small step at the moment. That's beginning to get interested in a non-Christian guy because it's better to have someone whose not perfect than to have no-one, right? Wrong. I know that God has a big plan and lovely guy sorted out for me, but sometimes I forget that and just want a little attention. Not good.
Other little steps include reading magazines (as Beautiful Intellectual said) because that makes me 1) want to lose weight 2) shop more and 3) find a man who I don't need and shouldn't be with.
There are some songs that I listen to, for example anything on my 'depressing' or 'noughts and crosses' playlist which house generally sad songs that just encourage me into a downward spiral of negative thoughts.
There are many, many more small steps I take into darkness and away from the light but I can't think about them right now. Maybe I will blog about them myself? I'll keep you posted.
Thanks for your honesty which in turn encourages others to be honest,
Blue Eyes xx
Very moved by the post, and equally by the comments. Thank you, Jon. Thank you, everyone who was so thoughtful and vulnerable.
I'm fasting and praying today for some friends who have been going through tough stuff — today was my turn out of a whole group doing this. And here I was thinking, you know, I can fast till dinner… okay, maybe till lunch… and I can still pray, after all…
What a tiny step. Thanks for helping me see it as such. "Small steps toward stupid." Such a great phrase.
Thank you.
Sci-fi and fantasy.
Easy.
I love it. I do, but when I start to slip away, it starts to replace my Bible time. The movies I watch get worse. The books I read take up my brain space and I start thinking about Harry Dresden more than Jesus.
And then I lay off the asthma meds. And then I work more. And before I know it… I'm stuffed, empty, broken and looking around for the way back home.
"Thanks for your honesty which in turn encourages others to be honest"
Nailed it, Blue Eyes – that was just what I was thinking
I have a LOT of "small step" areas, but music is a biggie.
I KNOW some music has a negative effect on my life, but it's hard to ignore the voice in your head that says
"it's okay for other people…why isn't it okay for you?".
It's like an allergy. I have this compulsion to "test" my problem areas every so often, just to make sure I'm still "allergic".
Jon, I know I'm going stupid again, I hurt my back a few weeks ago and was given very liberal prescriptions for some of my old favorites, needless to say I now have the choice between going to small group or going home and taking a few extra and having quiet stoned time. It for the pain, but not the pain in my back anymore. The weight thing is second, if a comment is made by my family I can starve to prove a point and not feel the hunger, all about control, me me me, not Him, Take care
Great post.
The whole 'button thing' made me laugh pretty hard… and I'm in a class right now. I guess being on SCL while in class is a small step towards stupid… lol, kidding.
Music and movies are a big thing for me. For a while the soundtrack to the movie 'Queen of the Damned' was nearly 24/7 for me. Those were extremely angry and dark times.
Thanks again for this post. It's always a great wake up call when you start to let your guard down when it comes to protecting your heart and mind.
Man I can relate to this one. I have so many ups and downs I wonder if I might be mildly bipolar and the swings can last forever. Look to family and friends and search for inspiration constantly.
Wow! This is one of my favorite posts I've read by you. Mainly because it touched such a deep nerve in me.
My small steps toward stupid always occur through music, as well. Prince, punk, or alternative rock take me back to memories best left buried. All I have to do is accidentally wander upon one song and like an addict I dive into more. Then the darkness sets in, my quiet times fizzle, and I have to stumble into an abyss before God finally says, "ENOUGH OF THIS STUPIDITY!" and I am shaken out of it.
Ironically enough, getting too caught up in blog comment threads.
Thank you.
Thank you, Jon and all the commenters. It's interesting to look at how common some of our patterns are. My steps toward stupid…
- hours of TV/computer time, leaving obligatory quiet time until the wee hours of the morning when I'm too tired to think…
- a combo of all the romance stuff — novels/chick flicks, old pictures/notes/reminiscing
- (more a sign than step, but) biting my finternails. I know that's really stupid and elementary, but it always coincides. I bite them from boredom, lower self-esteem, the ruts of old habits…
I guess that's enough of a ramble. Time to go take some small steps in the other direction…
Convincing myself that it's not gossip if I say, "I'm not trying to be gossipy here, but…"
*too much computer time, for sure
and
*procrastinating on housework
they both lead to a very grumpy mommy and wife
Are you sure this blog doesn't count as "quiet time?" It really gets me thinking! Thanks!
My stupid steps:
1) Isolating
2) Starbucks
3) Busy-ness
Here's a visual- Gollum running around with a Starbucks in hand hiding in a cave somewhere. The busyness is his energy to move around from place to place without people quite knowing where he lays his head to rest. That's me. I am a freak!
It used to be spending too much time on the internet alone, but I've installed accountability software that won't even let me visit some innocent sites, so that's not (as much of) a problem anymore.
Now my steps toward stupid include, but are not limited to:
1) Thinking of things that aren't mentioned in Philippians 4:8, which leads to dwelling on them
2) Saying "I'll do it later" in regards to my QTs or prayer. Later rarely comes.
Thank you for that post! I really needed to hear that. Recently, I have "caught" myself listening to the "best of the 80's music." In and of itself, perhaps is not so bad, but I can see how things like that distract me away from JESUS and dull my heart to HIS way and HIS will. Thanks again for being transparent.
One of my many small steps:
Reading news articles about Christian/political issues like abortion or homosexuality – articles about some court decision against a Christian organization or person- for example, an article about people suing a Christian organization for not letting them use their land for a lesbian civil ceremony.
I know there is nothing wrong with reading these articles, and it is good to keep informed, but sometimes it really fires me up and I get all self-righteous and seek out more similar articles to read just to fuel my anger at people who think those sins, such as homosexuality, are okay and we Christians are being close-minded.
It is a small step to a sinful attitude.
steps towards stupid …
1)isolating myself and crawling deep into self pity thinking nobody gets me not answering calls not replying texts giving excuses saying i'm having my finals i left my phone at home ..
2) it gets stupider ..when feeling extremely down ..expecting my friends especially attention from guys to cheer me up and constantly be ther to say sthing nice ..which obviously is never enough..desperately depending on people to satisfy my unhappiness ?? ..honestly how fregin stupid can that get …
it's taking me time …bt i'm slowly taking steps to SMART…
first step to smart ?
not giving a lil bit ..or 1/2 ..or even 3/4 ..bt giving EVERYTHING ..my unhappiness , dissatisfaction to HIM and letting Him take control and fill my emptiness …Amen !
p/s ..U totally ROCK JON !!!
Brilliant. Thank you. I really needed to be klonked over the head with this right about now.
WV: carber — as in, stop being such a gluttonous carber and put the potato chips away THIS INSTANT! (yeah, comfort eating is definitely one of my many steps toward stupid)
Great. Now my summer plans to stuff my face full of empty calories while devouring the stack of "vampire romance" novels my friend lent me are ruined.
WOW! I so needed this post. I have taken many small steps lately and recently ended up with a HUGE stupid…and now I am sitting back wondering how I got there so quickly. You explained it so well…and let me know that I'm not alone and that a perfect example is found in God's Word. More importantly…the example of forgiveness is found. And that's exactly what I needed to see today. Thank you…and keep on…
I listen to the same sad song on repeat, write unsent letters to a friend who left a long time ago, and scrape my skin with a safety pin remembering the cuts I used to make on my arms.
small steps towards stupid is right…
making sure someone else reads this