#566. Discounting our small steps toward stupid.
Jun 24th by JonA few weeks ago, I called one of my accountability partners and confessed that I’d been listening to techno music lately.
Whoa, Footloose’s John Lithgow, what’s wrong with techno music?
Nothing. There’s inherently nothing wrong with techno music or electronic music or drum and bass or a million other iterations of that genre of music.
And twelve years ago, when I was in college in Birmingham, Alabama I loved techno music.
If the question is, “Yeah but did you ever go to a rave and wear reflective pants?” The answer is “Yes.”
Did I spin and dance around with glowsticks in my hands? Yes.
Did I have futuristic sunglasses that looked like I might be driving a motorcycle from the year 2065 that can also travel up the side of walls? Yes.
We could play that game all day, but simply put, I jumped into rave culture with both feet, which meant that on some weekends, I took ecstasy from strangers, danced in a dark warehouse for eight hours and then crawled my way back outside into a sunshine that felt accusingly bright and painful.
Fast forward twelve years and life is different. I am different. Who I know God to be is different. But on a Tuesday afternoon a few weeks ago, I noticed that techno music had crept back into my life.
Again, there’s nothing wrong with techno, but for me, it’s the soundtrack of a period in my life that is pretty dark. And when I listen to a lot of techno, there’s a part of me that wants to “reminiscence” about that time. Despite the hurt and the pain and the emptiness that came from those moments, there’s still a part of me that likes to put rose colored glasses on.
And perhaps bigger than that, there’s still a part of me that wants to hide. When things get tough, when the pressures of trying to fulfill a lifelong goal like writing a book start to pile up a little, I still reflex to a degree into my old ways and try to hide. So for me, techno music becomes an escape. A chance to close out the world, close out my day and be surrounded by a steady, faceless, wordless beat.
For me, techno is a small step toward stupid.
Have you ever noticed those in your own life? This is the first time I saw techno that way. What usually happens is that I listen to a lot of techno. I start to pull away from friends and family. I get more secretive with how I’m spending my time. I make small bad decisions that grow into large bad decisions. And I start hiding deeper and deeper in the shiny objects I used to care so much about when I used to care about nothing.
Then a few months later, I crash. It all falls apart and with a great degree of surprise I proclaim, “How did I end up here? I never saw that coming.”
Meanwhile, all along, I was taking small steps toward stupid.
You know who else did that? The prodigal son.
For most of my life I just assumed that the son, upon getting all his inheritance from his father, immediately left the farm on a fast track to hookers and pig sty living. But that’s not what the Bible says. In fact, in Luke 15:13, the moment after he got his money is described this way:
“And not many days after the younger son gathered all together and took his journey into a far country, and there wasted his substance with riotous living.” (KJV)
I’ve written about this before because it blows me away. He didn’t leave instantly. You get the sense that he packed his stuff. He got his things together and prepared for the long journey deep into the heart of stupid. He took small steps.
I don’t know if you discount your small steps toward stupid, but if you do, if there are patterns you’re missing, I challenge you to think about them today. What are they? What are your small steps toward stupid? Techno is one of mine, but I’ll go first with a couple more of mine in the hope that they’ll spark some of your own.
Two more of my small steps toward stupid:
1. My weight
I don’t think I’ve talked about this before, but my weight fluctuates by about 30 pounds. That might not seem like a lot, but going from 135 pounds to 165 pounds is a fairly big shift. When things feel chaotic, I tend to control what I can and end up not eating enough and being skinny. After a period of that, I tend to let everything go and pendulum swing back the other direction and gain so much weight that the button of my pants could spring off and kill someone.
2. My quiet time
When I’m taking small steps toward stupid I tend to stretch the boundaries of what “quiet time with God” really means. For instance, last June and July I started to lie to myself and say, “Well since Stuff Christians Like is about God, writing it kind of counts as a quiet time.” That’s not true, but when I’m headed toward stupid, my quiet time tends to disappear.
Those are a few small steps toward stupid I take. Yours will be different. Gaining weight and listening to techno might mean nothing in your life but chances are, you have your own small steps toward stupid.
What are they?
And how can we all stop taking them?
Comments
I'd forgotten it was Wednesday. Reading Cosmo is normally my first step towards an obvious stupid…should work on that
x
My steps toward stupid:
-Isolating myself
-"I'll sleep when I'm dead"
-The quiet time thing you write about
I'm with you on the weight thing too, only mine goes higher in chaos and lower in calm. Comfort eating, ya know.
(These are well known and come to mind with little thought. I'm going to keep thinking on this though, because I bet it's the ones I'm not aware of-yet-that get me the worst.)
Great post. My steps:
-Music I listen to and how I listen to it
-number and content of movies I watch
-not answering my cell phone
Wow, thanks for your vulnerability. It's more fun talking about your steps towards stupid than mine though.
What if you don't have any small steps towards stupid? Just Kidding. Um, my first is pride?
Other steps,for me,would include shopping in abundance….overspending.
And there's more but I think that's enough public confession for today.
Awww mannnn, I was meeting a friend today at the outlets to SHOP and probably overspend. This is making me think twice. But that's a good thing. Thanks for the great post!
Using sunglasses.
I don't wear them because I want my wife to know where my eyes are roaming. I need to get back in the habit now before we go to the beach next week.
If I look, that turns into a lingering thought, then it plays into my imagination.
I guess all these things are what make us peculiar to the world.
Great article! Thanks for being so candid.
I think it is a self defense mechanism that is keeping me from being able to easily acknowledge my own steps toward stupid. Maybe I'm already there! I know neglecting quiet time is on the list. Oh, and saying I'll do something then bailing at the last minute in favor of sitting home doing nothing. So I guess isolation would be the other one.
This is giving me lots to think about. I look forward to checking back later and seeing other people's comments.
I think Deek and Nicodemus have nailed the two small steps that lead me quickest to stupid.
Do I have to give up my sunglasses? And my idiot box?
Jon, this is a powerful message, a much-needed reminder that "the little foxes spoil the vines."
that makes sense.
Weight is a pretty good indicator of stupid for me. I gain weight pretty easy, a comfort eater for sure. So when things at work or in life go crazy, I eat too much, get down about it, cut out God, contribute less at home and end up being a real lousy husband and Christian.
It's not my only indicator of stupid, time on the computer is another, I'm full of stupid.
Thanks for the reminder.
Wow…talk about a much needed post for my state of being right now. I've been taking those small steps toward stupid recently and God has been talking to me all morning about it.
Here's mine:
-Music & movies
-Wandering eyes
-The lack of a quiet time
Coffee. I know, sounds strange, but caffeine does really weird things to my brain. If I have it for more than two days in a row, I get a little edgy. Then my appetite gets all messed up, leading to weirdness with my blood sugar. Before I know it, I can't put together a proper thought, I can't sleep, and I'm having panic attacks driving over bridges.
Of course, when I stop, I have terrible headaches and feel like a zombie. So I think, hey, I'll have a little green tea, just to get me going. Then: maybe just half a cup of coffee. Then: screw this, I'm going to Dunkin' Donuts!
All I can say is, I'm really glad I never tried cocaine.
My church small group was talking about this last night – about the things that get twisted and how it affects us. Thanks for sharing
Jon,
Your thoughts have me laughing out loud and my office-mate thinking I'm losing my mind. Thank you! I'll be using #566 as my devotional for staff meeting next Tuesday. Kudos. Can't wait for your book!
Reading this helped me understand a conversation I had years ago, when I was a teenager. The youth leader, an older but vigorous lady (her five children were all grown), was arguing with me about "personal convictions". My general point was that people living under different sets of rules was ludicrous, and her points were that 1) God can assign personal convictions as He wishes 2) individuals should follow their own consciences.
Longish story short, "personal convictions" make a lot of sense when they stop someone from "small steps toward stupid".
(My small step is assuming the worst about other people.)
making fun of people when i feel low about myself…on top of that…finding others to do that with me.
also, i'll here a song that reminds me of my 'not so holy' college days and have happy thoughts. blech!
Thanks for this post, it is a well timed reminder for me. I identify with that "how did I get here?" feeling – when all along, you were gradually headed in that direction.
My small steps toward stupid? Skipping quiet time because I work mornings and don't want to get up any earlier than 6:30; watching tv online all evening instead of interacting with people or actually being productive; and so many other methods or wasting the time I've been given.
Two steps toward stupid for me are: (1) turning on cable news (an absorbing, discouraging, waste of time that leaves me semi-depressed); and (2) daydreaming about being a successful writer (anytime we ponder self-glory instead of seeking God's will and His glory we are taking small, but steep steps into an abyss). Thanks for your candor and your wisdom. We really do need to be mindful of our uniquely stupid steps!
- oversleeping (escapism)
- reading blogs / surfing the net / watching tv too much
- not writing in my journal
Yes… they all seem to be around avoiding things and procrastinating! Yet when my eyes are fixed on Jesus it is Clear what really matters. Kingdom matters.
Deborah
Two lessons on from the prodigal son in one week. God is trying to get something through my thick skull, wish I could figure out what it is!
Great post, Jon.
Man! As always your wit and transparency reach me in powerful yet simple ways. THANK YOU for sharing so much of what goes on in that mind of yours!
Side Hugs,
–Darren
Thanks for this post.
My small step is wishing I were prettier and then obsessing about how I can make myself look better. I tend to lash out at my husband if he makes any comments about me (whether good or teasingly bad).
Thanks for the great post. It has given me something to think about during my "QT" this morning. I love how you asked about how to we stop them. I don;t know if we can stop them completely, but I know that by recognizing them slowly coming into our lives helps. Also, I have a wonderful godly women in my life that, knowing my story and being a part of life, can call me out if they see the signs of the small steps. They asking probing questions, call randomly to know how my life is going, and that love me even when I start making the bad decisions. I think it helps knowing that others are out there helping me on my walk! Thanks again for an insightful post
This is one of your best posts yet, by far.
Mine is gossip. The more I gossip, the more I get wrapped up in "everyone is married and happy and knows what they're doing with their lives" and I instantly start to doubt God and become impatient with the events in my life. Regular gossip sinks me into a deeper and deeper hole of negativity that pretty much leaves me feeling depressed and empty very quickly.
My steps toward stupid:
-going to the mall, any Buckhead boutiques, and even Target "just to look."
-watching Gossip Girl
Great post!
My danger signs are escapism and nihilism, which for me are connected. I can chart my disintegration against how many times a day I think or say (and I know this sounds awful), "What does it matter? We're all going to die eventually anyway." Not to justify wrong things, but to justify avoidance. Left too long, I'll start to really resent God for the fact that things do matter, and then for the fact that the universe exists…and, see, there's just no way I'm winning that one.
Good stuff, good stuff.
Um … I don't want to talk about this … okay.
1. I listened to a romance novel yesterday. Romance novels are porn for women. It was my first romance novel in over 10 years. That was so stupid of me. It is officially the last one for the rest of my life.
2. Entertainment. I can't stand to be bored; I watch TV and movies, play around on Facebook, or read to stave off having to be quiet and think or spend time with God.
Sigh.
Great post.
Mine are:
a) Listening to the news too much
(those peeps are so negative)
b) Spending too much time watching
TV shows.
c) Getting so busy I don't have
time just to hang out with
people and chat.
Self pity. Although I have nothing to throw myself a party for, I still do it, and it leads to saying things I shouldn't say and excuses for doing things I shouldn't do.
Great post Jon.
My steps: Wasting too much time on the Internet (i.e., Facebook, etc.) and rationalizing poor spending habits.
How to stop: Recognize, remind, resist!
I'm with Emily. My worst "how did I get here?" moment came when I realized how much time I spent on the internet BLOGGING. It was shameful. I have greatly cut back!
I don't need THAT much interaction with others. Hearing so many constant "voices" does interrupt the flow of hearing God's still, small voice. There must be a balance. I found that I was getting more excited over what my blog pals had to say than the Creator of the universe? How sad.
I literrally had to step away, regroup and find a reasonable way to incorporate blogging into my life, and not the other way around.
Dude.
I'm a paid up Slimming Club member (for the third time around) because of my small steps.
I love Serious Weds. You always seem to have some way to stop me in my tracks. Thank you.
K
I'm bipolar, and this pattern is a very familiar one for me. When I'm on the upswing I can develop odd obsessions, followed by a crash. It's frustrating because I can both see that the obsession is just that and yet be unable to extricate myself. I've started dealing with these situations by asking myself, "What is this obsession trying to tell me?" It's a more helpful approach than beating myself up or trying to will myself to normality. (Of course, I'm not talking about obsessions that would result in reckless behavior, which would require some sort of intervention.)
Thanks Jon for sharing! This is a great point, and one that I hadn't really considered before.
I will second Tracy's comment, though, that romance novels, movies and even TV paints a well-scripted picture of what to expect from men. And it is completely impossible for any man to live up to. When I allow those inflated expectations to seep into my personal life, I become filled with bitterness and loneliness. Not a good place to be.
I think that it is a great idea to track the mind, paying attention to the bread crumbs of thoughts and see where they are leading. It may seem odd to admit that reading a fashion magazine (thanks BI) or sunglasses (kudos N@N) can lead to disaster, but knowing you and being willing to realize your stumbling is deep and vulnerable.
Lots to think about for me.
Beth's Small Steps Toward Stupid Which Lead to a Big Fat Depression:
1. God time lessens.
2. Isolation from friends and not doing anything social.
3. Refusing to talk and/or lying about concerns and worries with my husband.
4. Making mountains out of molehills in my mind- way overthinking small things.
5. Believing that everyone is purposely trying to hurt me or leave me out. (Big pity parties.)
6. Eating and sleeping too little.
It's taken about 10 years to recognize that little cycle. If I at least keep lines of communication open with God, friends and family, I am SO much healthier and I've learned that they love me MORE when I'm honest about my struggles. Not less. Blogging has been a fantastic way for me to keep my lines of communication open. Thanks, Jon. This was a fantastic way to look at something we all do.
Thank you! This was a great word & one my heart totally needed to hear!
My steps toward stupid:
- Getting so busy I can hardly see straight
- Completely isolating myself when I'm hurt & not asking for help when I need it
- Weight – which is both a reflection of my rebellion against my mother (I'm 34 years old – SERIOUSLY, I'm still rebelling against my mother even when she's right? COME ON!) & a reflection of discontentment (& apathy toward changing the situation)
-the ease with which I'm iritated. Proverbs 12:16 "A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks insult." (particularly good one to remember when driving!)
wv: padhfu – what I do when I'm discontent. IE – When I'm really frustrated with my job I tend to padhfu pounds.
When I grow up I want to write just like you *smile*
Small steps towards stupid.
- the music I listen to; Being a musician, I'll justify my listening to music I ought not listen to with "i need to broaden my musical horizons" Plus it makes me feel like I'm edgy- one of those I can do this and still be a Christian Christians. you know?
- my weight… ha. I really thought i was the only one who this affected- my weight affects me majorly! Mine is a catch22 I am the opposite of you- and tend to gain weight in chaos…lose sleep…stop exercising etc. and then snap and start exercising like crazy and that consumes me days, my thoughts, etc.
- my interaction with other people diminishes. I don't want to see anybody, text anybody, or listen to 21938439 voicemails saying that I didn't pick up the phone
- my attitude changes. I get really restless..irritable… and blah!
Projecting my faults onto other people.
My first step towards stupid is being bored online. Instead of getting offline and reading or being creative, I just sort of wander. And wandering is never good; My fingers have memories that my brain would like to forget.
It's at times like that I'm blessed that my wife is my accountability partner.
I forgot the how we can stop part of your question.
1. Accountability partners
2. Scripture memory (so that we are able to recognize a lie as a lie!)
Great Great Great, honest post. Needed to hear this today. Excellent, brother, thanks.
@Nicodemus at Nite: Your eyes still need protection – it's important for your long-term visual health, especially in bright places with light reflecting off the water! Maybe wear lighter-tinted sunglasses?
Wow, this entry blows my mind. Loving the word picture of 'small steps toward stupid' because I do indeed relate. Though lately I feel like im taking leaps & bounds…
I'd love to see you ponder on this one & write a follow up — maybe some of your thoughts on how to beat these small steps. I mean we are reminded we make them, but I have my suspicions that acknowledgment may be easier than the repair thereof.
Ouch! This whole post really hits home for me right now. For me
- lessening the quiet time. Or, if I do read the Bible, spending all my time in Ecclesiastes – not a bad thing in itself (after all, it IS the Word of God), but it only serves to feed my nihilism, which in turn leads to a deepening depression that is extremely hard for me to pull out of.
- throwing up the walls around me and refusing to let my friends know that something's wrong
- I tend to be a deep thinker – again, not necessarily a bad thing – until I take it to the extreme and become way too introspective and start beating myself up for every little mistake that I perceive myself making, again deepening the depression.
Wow this is powerful stuff! Thank you Jon and everyone for sharing their small steps!
I have a couple right off the bat-
1) watching the Hills ( what I call a 'guilty pleasure' but really it screws me up in the long run and I begin to see what others have and I don't…. and it becomes a spiral down hill..)
2) often tv shows and movies that are romance… unfortunately this means some of my favorite shows like gilmore girls (which I have acquired all 7 seasons now… talk about temptation) but when I am alone I will watch these things… or when I have a bad day and just "need a friend" (sounds pathetic but I do it… especially that I have been home alone in a different city for like two weeks now, it is comforting to sit down and watch my "old friends") but I use them and do not go to God when I am most lonely or need him to fill the void or help me through the hard day…
sooo that is just two of them… but man I know there are a lot more…
Way to fix it:
I have fasted these things for a while… It has helped a little bit but I am not very disciplined so that presents problems sometimes! And one time I gave all of my chick flicks to a friend and havent seen them since (she is gonna give them to me the day I am married! haha we will see about that one!) but it has helped taking that out of my life…
Yeah. Politics. My old career. Mercifully, God yanked me out of it by the scruff of my neck, but I still have lots of friends who are involved in staffing campaigns, working for elected officials, etc…So I get opportunities to talk with them about what they're up to, who's doing what, would I go walk in a parade for so-and-so, etc…
An hour later, after trashing random people I don't even know and treating everyone like an object to be manipulated, instead of a child of God, and throwing out enough cuss words to make a sailor blush, I remember why God called me OUT of that life. Problem is, it's fun. It's seductive. There's power and scheming and drama and bonding and laughing and "fixing the world."
Just the other day, I heard from an old campaign friend I hadn't talked to in years. After wondering why I was uncomfortable with the sudden contact, I realized it was because I knew that it would be bad for me to get sucked back into that.
Thanks for writing this today – it's a good reminder to keep tabs on myself and my "shadow mission."
like you….my small step towards stupid involves music.
Mine was the big hair, spandex wearing days of the late 80s. I love how you put this:
"it’s the soundtrack of a period in my life that is pretty dark."
wow, now that is great.
So yeah, for me…listening to that partying good times head banging music doesn't send me off to doing drugs and being wild…..but it inches me to a time that am thankful is in my past and staying there.
Sleeping
My willingness to talk to people
How fast I get irritated with my husband
Your willingness to be vulnerable is moving.
I can't even name all the stupid steps I've taken lately. I guess the biggest one was not asking for help when I desprately needed it. Now I'm stuck in terrible situation and I don't know how I'm going to get out of it.