SCL

30. The sermon illustration so touching and funny that you remember it for years afterward, but can't recall anything from the sermon even on the drive home. = + 5 points

The DVD the pastor shows that blows everyone's mind more than his words ever did. Three words "Lou Giglio Laminin"

thats some funny stuff there…any points awarded for the illustration actually being relevant to the topic? lol. someday i would be happy with that.

Once one of my pastors brought in a REAL LIVE LAMB on Easter Sunday and then reminded us that this is what people had to slaughter with their bare hands.

He had tried to hire the lamb but the owners told him they don't lease out animals. Do you think that deterred him? Do you think he sought out another establishment! No sir! He bought the lamb then and there. I still don't know what he eventually did with it though…

As Adam and Brian allude to, I can't actually remember what the sermon was about, but I do remember that the pastor was trying to make it seem real, when Jesus healed the blind man by spitting into the mud and rubbing it on the blind man's eyes. So the pastor stood before us and spit, for quite a while, into a fist full of dirt.

This doesn't actually earn points on the Sermon Illustration Score Card, so I'd like to formally petition that the following be added:

30.- Illustration actually calls for Pastor to produce some form of body fluid on the stage = 1 pt. per oz. of fluid.

@ Jeff…

"bodily fluid on stage" ?!? How about it being = – NEVER. I think that's grounds for an immediate dismissal, or an exorcism at the very least.

Using my father who was recently diagnosed with stage 4 cancer as an example of when bad things happen to good people = -50 points each time

(My dad was always very gracious about it but I wanted to chuck a hymnal at my pastor.)

+1 point for every reference to 'this is what three year old kids said when asked…'. For example…'Little Sally, 4, was asked what she should pray for…and she replies My daddy to stop snoring so my mom can get some sleep, that's what she asked me to pray for.

+ 2 if it was your kid used in the illustration
- 1 if it's something you've prayed yourself recently (including vacations, dogs, video games, action figures, muscles, etc. )

I have yet to use it in a public speaking setting, but "Daddy broke the attic" is one that was on my mind this morning, and one I hope to work into one of my presentations someday.

(It was on my mind because my husband tossed and turned last night…and whined all day yesterday…because he had hurt his toe and he was in pain. If that had been one of our children, he would have told her to man up

"+spooky" = awesome

I think the worst sermon illustrations I've heard involve Dear Abby columns. There's a certain breed of pastor that just loooooves Dear Abby.

I read these with a smile, but burst into loud laughter at number fourteen.

btw, according to your Dad's ethic, my Dad owes me a bajillion bucks. But he's gone now, I miss him and I forgive him that debt.

This post reminds me of the time I was walking on the beach with God and I asked Him why there were only one set of footprints in the sand…

Using an illustration from a book but pretending like it happened to you. -10

Uh, oh. #3 is not true according to Snopes. I'm crushed. That was the favorite illustration of my former pastor.

Slow Boiled Frog

My fave sermon illustration story — a student speaker at our college chapel service was illustrating how prayer can stop temptation dead in its tracks. He had a couple of guys hold up a sheet, while he threw a hockey puck at it as hard as he could. He missed. The hockey puck went through the stage door. The CLOSED stage door.

The sermon illustration involves Niagara Falls, a tightrope and a wheel barrow – 50 points…that story was old 20 years ago when it was first making the rounds!

There was a minister in the town where I went to university who was a chaplain with the British SAS (USA: think the Navey SEALS). He completed all their training with them and went on missions. Talk about sermon jackpot!

He came back from a holiday in South America one weekend with a limp, apparently he had gotten into a kick boxing competition with the world kick boxing champion.

James

Count me out on the Komodo Dragons. They made this big ol' deal about the Komodo Dragons coming to the Indianapolis Zoo this summer. Radio commercials, billboards, you name it.

Yeah, we saw 'em. They just sat there. I was underwhelmed.

-18 points.

Pastor destroys tennis rackets (or other stuff on the stage) to illustrate points about anger = +5 points. The fact I did that and giving myself points = -10 points.

sermonillustrations.com

snopes.com isn't always accurate. There is a story on Snopes about a little church in the NC mtns whose doors were locked by the city because they didn't have adequate parking per city code. Since it was built into side of mountain, their lot had nowhere to expand. Unless the mountain moved. Long story short (go read it there for full story) the mountain moved. This is a true story. I know the pastor of the church. I heard the testimony from the church and sent the story via email to some friends. Next thing you know, story is viral and, according to snopes, false. But they never tried to research it. I emailed and corrected things from version they had (though gist is same) as well as gave them verifying info. Now? They changed from red to yellow. Don't believe everything they say.

@savinggrc,

Good point. Snopes has become accepted as gospel truth, but as you pointed out, it isn't. I, for one, am thoroughly shocked that someone would put something on the Internet that is not true.

Sermon illustration gone wrong. This happened at a church close to my hometown:

Motorcycle stunt backfires on Kokomo pastor

http://www.wthr.com/global/story.asp?s=8717453

referencing Beth's comment:
Komodo Dragons in captivity -18 pts
Komodo Dragons in the wild +bajillionty points

favorite sermon illustration seen in person: smashing a coconut & watermelon on stage to demonstrate missionaries under pressure in the field. +bajillionty points because I remember the point years later!

My favorite sermon illustration was when the pastor of the Friends church I attend (sweet, sweet irony) used "that's what she said" jokes as a hook.

31- Sermon illustrations that call for a "volunteer" and have no obvious connention to the sermon, then proceed to throw muddy water on that volunteer ruining his shoes. -3 points

You have got to stop making me laugh out loud at work. I'm getting funny looks.

(Nah, on second thought, keep it up.)

The best sermon illustration in history was that pastor in South Wales who disguised himself as a homeless guy and sat on the steps of his church in the morning while all the parishoners came in. Nobody recognized him or offered him anything until he got up in the pulpit, took off his disguise, and preached on how no one recognized Jesus, either. True story (read here).

I'm surprised no one has mentioned my favorite sermon illustration: the little boy who stood in the offering plate. I've heard this one no fewer than 1 million times.

A teacher I had at missions college was doing a finale lecture on suffering and wanted us to remember the point clearly so he brought some large. very hot peppers and crushed them with a rock. As the odor spread through the room he talked about how trials and suffering can help Christians spread the essence, the odor, of Christ. Very memmorial. It became even more memmorial when a few minutes later he forgot he had pepper juice on his hands and he wiped his eyes. We were able to see a real-life example of suffering, and for that I believe he gets at least +5.

Still, I doubt anyone will ever beat a speaker at a conference I was at when I was about 15. The man was preaching on how a grain of wheat must fall to the ground and die to produce fruit. Near the end of his sermon he dropped dead on stage and they couldn't revive him. Talk about living what you preach…. I don't think I can ever forget that passage.

On the other hand, I now get slightly nervous whenever a psstor chooses that passage for his message. I'm thinking, maybe you don't want to go there.

Bummer, I never got paid a dollar for being a sermon illustration. I feel jipped…

First, I have to say David Crowder is notorious for #20–the "how is he gonna get back to God on this one…oh! wow…awesome."

Second, I went to a church where the pastor brought in a real bear and its trainer to show how you have to spend quality time with someone if you want him/her to trust you and be in good relationship.

Third, I remember a few of Francis Chan's sermon illustrations from at least 6 years ago. He brought his youngest daughter on stage & pretended to nail her to a cross to show how hard it was for God to crucify Jesus. And he brought a chicken leg up on stage & showed how when we don't specially give time to God, we give him a nasty eaten up chicken bone as an offering of our time. AWESOME.

"20. At the beginning of the illustration you think, “I have no idea where he is going, this can’t tie back to God” and at the end you think, “that makes perfect sense.” = +3 points"

I call that the "Bob Ross" illustration…one minute he's painting happy little clouds, then he paints a HUGE brown line down the middle of it and you're thinking, "how can he ever recover…what the heck is that?". But then, with second left to go, he goes to the trusty fan brush and said line becomes a happy little tree in the foreground, most likely by a stream and a little shack at the foot of a mountain. Epic.

@Huck-wha…wai…you mean I'm not going to ge…oh dear. sigh I guess no million bucks is going into my checking account this week. That's pretty craptacular.

If the sports reference is the Boston Red Sox, all points should be doubled because they broke the Curse of the Bambino!

(Please note, I'm not a Red Sox fan, but my boss, aka the pastor, is)

I love awesome sermon illustrations… and bad ones, definitely fodder for the after lunch dissection of the sermon.

I was at a youth retreat in HS, and the speaker had this illustration going on… throughout the entire sermon….

She kept holding up a banana and saying, "What's this?" and we'd all shout "A banana!!" until she got to her point, where she peeled the banana to reveal that inside was not actually a banana but a hot dog. I don't remember exactly what it was.. I think probably about judging someone on the outside vs what's on the inside… but that illustration certainly stayed with me!

Funny post! Personally I would rather my pastor spend his time studying the scripture than trying to figure out how to get a Komodo dragon to ride a motorcycle across the stage just to make a point.

Wish my dad had known about the $1 for every time he mentions you. Heck, I was visiting my parents at the church my dad pastors on Father's Day and got a positive mention from the pulpit. As an adult, that $1 has to inflate, right? I should be entitled to what, $100?

Two weeks ago, my pastor showed a Susan Boyle clip as part of a sermon illustration. The sermon was talking about when Samuel went to annoint David king, and clip went towards making a point about not looking at outward appearance.
The next week, when he talked about David's adultery (we just finihsed a 3 week series on David), the pastor told this incredible story about a guy he knows; a reformed racists who is now a pastor of a large church. Yesterday, the pastor reffered to both Michael Jackson and Bernie Madoff (he was talking about David's legacy).

Oh and our former pastor (the pastor we have right now is an interim pastor; we're currently in the process of finding a new senior pastor), sat in a lawn chair as part of a sermon illustration. He leaned back too far, flipped over, and fell out of the chair. Thankfully, he was okay, and he just laughed about the whole thing.

I once told a friend who is a senior pastor that I would give him a dollar if he could work in a good Shakira illustration for the next day's sermon. He related the song "hips don't lie" to being fishers of men…and he did it well. I gladly gave up that dollar.

I enjoy a good sermon illustration occasionally, but I absolutely love the fact that my current pastor hardly ever uses them. He just brings the Word of God and let's it speak for itself. It is so incredibly nourishing without all the "additives."

The most vivid illustration was not in church but in a youth group I was visiting. We walk in to the youth group, and there are two goldfish swimming around in a blender. The youth pastor removed one of the goldfish to represent Christians who do not face hell. However the unsaved are in more danger than the goldfish in the blender. A lot of the students were freaking out, worried that the youth pastor was going to blend the fish. One girl unplugged the blender, but the youth leader plugged it back in. It turns out that the blender was broken so we did not see a fish frappe… but there were some loud protests over the fish.

My brother was giving a talk on "Christian Standards" once and took the American flag out of its little holder thing, scraping it across the ceiling and knocking white plaster onto the heads of the first three rows.

Also, I don't know if this counts as an illustration fail but once, during a spirited holy jig our music leader kicked the communion grape juice off the stage and onto the lovely light-colored carpet, causing the cleaning lady (also a member of the church) to fly down the aisle, carpet cleaner in hand to clean it up.

Good times.

I remember as a child when missionaries from Africa came for a visit. One of their illustrations/demonstations was to show us what food was like in their area.

In typical missionary style, they hand out this edible ground grain, and while folks are about to munch, they tell that this food is usually filled with worms and maggots where they come from.

Good eats.

How many points do you lose for using a joke I remember from grade school?
How about a joke your mom heard in grade school?
I think you should lose points for all the people that remember the illustration and forget the message.
I give a big plus to an illustration that is about the message and that is followed thru in the entire sermon.

WV-ardstses–using a sermon illustration is an ardsteses many preachers don't have.

LexLaura, that is too funny. Wish I had thought of that.

Almost half of your office gets saved: 10 points.
An SCL illustration: bajillionty points.

Jon, I think your priorities are a little out of whack.

Plus, boiling a frog? Has someone used that illustration?

Not really a sermon illustration but an excellent way to get attetion from the pulpit. If you go to a church and they ask visitors to raise their hands to be recognized you're gonna love this. Sit next to someone unassuming (read: has forgotten you're obnoxious). Just when the pastor asks for visitors to raise their hands and you sense the pastor's eyes coming toward your section of the sanctuary, tell the person next to you, "Man, that's a sweet watch. Can I look closer?" As soon as his/her arm comes your way throw that bad boy up in the air with a good amount of force. Your friend will get called out for lying to the pastor. At that point you look at them, disgusted, and shake your head as if to say, "You horrific heathen!"

I have done this. It is spectacular.

I saw one as a kid where an associate pastor was preaching (there's an idea for an entry for a post for you), and he was using an apple as a prop. The idea was that he would cut up the apple at the beginning, and by the end of his sermon, the apple would have started to turn brown. He would then relate this back to sin, or something. The trouble was that, as a novice preacher, he went through his sermon way too fast, and the apple hadn't turned yet, rendering the fruit prop useless.

Ha! My Dad also had to pay us $1 whenever he used us in an illustration. That little situation came about when my Mom took all of us kids out of town for the weekend, and while we were gone my Dad used a particularily embarrassing incident as an illustration while we were gone.

End result – we got payed when he used us in his sermon.

My Senior Pastor once challenged the Associate Pastor to use "aluminum siding" (a la Leap of Faith) in the announcements during our Easter service. He pulled it off, and quite well at that.

Okay, so I know I've mentioned this one before but whatever…

The week before Christmas, the fresh out of bible college new staff pastor starts his sermon with "Do you remember when you found out there was no Santa Claus?" – 100

And since in the first service, it only sent 2 families out the back doors with crying children, he repeats it in the second service.

Lawsome.