#574. Grumbling
Jul 7th by JonIf the Stuff Christians Like book sells well I’m probably going to fund an event called “The Church Olympics.” The competitions will range from VBS scissor skills to prayer shot blocking to palm branch sword fighting. There will be dozens of events but the one that I think will draw the most spectators?
“The complain off.”
In this thrilling bout of athletic prowess, each church that enters the Olympics will put forth their greatest grumbler. They will find their best complainer, the person who is never happy, never tired of whining and forever spreading verbal vinegar or paragraphs of poison and then put them on top of a platform. The platform will be ten feet high and will be sticking out of a pool of Miracle Whip and Cinnabons. (Miracle Whip is like mayonnaise’s underachieving cousin and Cinnabons smell roughly 900% better than they actually taste. So as they’re falling the loser will briefly think they’re about to land in a delicious cinnamon roll. Nope. Just a Cinnabon slathered with Miracle Whip.)
Each person will yell their best church-flavored complaints at the other person until only one is left standing.
I try to be a pretty positive person most days but I could probably win this event. Know why? Because I know the greatest church complaint ever – “I’m not being fed right now.”
That is the worst because it’s one of those complaints designed to inflict hurt while at the same time making you look super spiritual. And every time I hear someone say it, I want to ask three things:
1. Are you doing the simple things right now?
When people say, “I’m not being fed,” what they’re really saying is, “This church is too surface for me. These sermons are too simple. I want to dig into the meat of the Scriptures. I want to explore the deeper mysteries of God.” And at the heart of it, desiring to explore God and dive deeper into who He is can be a wonderful thing. But when we get drunk on the idea of “not being fed,” we often skip right over the “simple things” and focus instead on the “complex things.” We lose sight of the simple things like “loving our neighbors” and “being salt and light.” So when someone tells you, “I’m not being fed,” ask them how they’re doing on the simple things. Ask them if they feel like they’ve completed the “easy things” like loving God and loving others and are therefore ready to move on to the meatier topics.
2. Who are YOU feeding?
“I’m not being fed” is such a “take” statement. It’s about me making sure my needs are met in my life and taking what you’re giving to do that. But if the desire to get fed is truly from God, there should be a large degree of giving present in the person’s life. If feeding is important to them, there should be evidence of them feeding other people. Even if you feel like the sermons are too simple, have you shared that simplicity with people at work who don’t go to church? Are you feeding people further down the line from you? Are you taking the small seed of knowledge you feel like you received and scattering that in your neighborhood, your community, your workplace? If the answer is no, then you’re not really into feeding. You’re into devouring. Devouring things for yourself, and that’s completely different than feeding.
3. Is this something the Pharisees would do?
I think this is a litmus question we should ask ourselves constantly. If I took the complaint, “I’m not being fed,” and placed it in the New Testament, who would be saying it? Is that something Jesus and the disciples would say to each other, or is that something the Pharisees (old school religious law zealots) would say? If the little Pharisee on your shoulder ever chimes in, “Great point. Thanks for letting everyone know how we feel,” about something you’ve said, you’ve got a problem.
Ultimately, a member of your church might blow off all three questions and still beat the “I’m not being fed” drum loudly and proudly through the halls. These are not silver bullets, and depending on how deeply someone is in a complaining funk, they might ignore a thousand questions you ask them.
But if they refuse to listen to you, the least you can do is make sure they enter the Stuff Christians Like Church Olympics. Who knows, you might think they’re an amazing complainer but maybe there’s a dude in Ohio whose complaints are so solid your friend will end up waste deep in a pool of Miracle Whip. Which in a weird way is win-win for you.
Comments
Usually when I say to myself, "I'm not being fed" its when I haven't been feeding myself. Not when someone else hasn't been feeding me, In so many ways, a sermons not going to mean anything to me in the future(or present) unless I've been feeding myself before hand. Everything else is the milk that washes that Tender stake down. If you know what I mean
"If the answer is no, then you’re not really into feeding. You’re into devouring. Devouring things for yourself, and that’s completely different than feeding."
I could not have said that better myself. This complaint is something I have heard for years now, but it has always boggled me.
my complaint is that I am not allowed to feed others in the way I feel I am called to feed them.
Satan loves it when people grumble about church. I always feel like a lot of those complaints come from people who aren't finding their church to be exciting enough. I know that's where most of my complaining comes from.
I recently made a video about this and entered it in a contest. Check it out.
http://www.ekklesiadetroit.com/contest/?p=71
This post brings to mind a story I heard on the news. The single mother of an 18 month old child died in her sleep. A couple of days went by before anyone came to the house. When help arrived, they found that the baby had survived on ketchup and uncooked noodles…the only things she could get her hands on.
Case in point…even the youngest of babes will find a way to feed themselves when no one is there to do the feeding.
If there was a "like" button on this post, I'd click it. (Actually, I'd probably "like" every post on your blog!)
By the way, I think miracle whip is DISGUSTING. I'd be very motivated to win the complain off knowing that the loser would fall into that…ewww.
fist bump to Stacy and Lindsay….
Miracle whip is NOT an underachieving cousin to mayo it is in fact the older overachieving sibling golden child
other than that… awesome post
I would so agree about the grumbling of Christians … and I would also agree that the line of "I'm not being fed" which you picked to pick on can certainly be used in a very immature fashion.
But, sadly, I think it played a bit into a reality that exists today … one that needs to be addressed so carefully.
Is it possible to go to church and spend seven years never growing deeper as a result of church attendance, but only in your own personal spiritual life? Would that be a result of a pastor not feeding his sheep? Is it possible that someone in that position could be cheerfully and lovingly serving in their own neighborhood and job and church on a regular basis, encouraging … and yet carefully also noticing warning signs that not all the sheep are being fed? Is it possible that sermons can do what Scripture does … weave the beautiful simplicity of the gospel with the gorgeous complexity of it at the same time?
Is it possible to leave that same church, the first "leaving" in your adult life, in such a way that you are complimented by the leadership in the way in which you left? By not gossiping, or bringing the church down, by merely being lovingly honest and only prayerfully sharing concerns with the correct people? Is that possible? Is it possible to also discover later that you were part of a large group of people that also left the same church without gossiping, without leaving as a group or causing a church split or causing other rifts?
Is it possible? It did. It happened here. The church itself still does well, is prayed for diligently by those who left without feeling the need to consult all their friends, but knowing that God had guided them in their actions, knowing there is no perfect church, knowing they would stay if God had asked them to (they all preferred to stay, including us).
Is it possible that a pastor and pastoral staff could carefully examine what is happening when a large portion of their deepest in maturity believers/leadership so carefully and in such a concerned fashion approached them all separately for the exact same reasons, but without consulting each other … ? Sadly … not yet as we know. But we also know that while they still preach the oh-so-vital and simple truth of Christ dying to save sins … they save the oh-so-vital growth in maturity for … well … for … well … they have yet to have preached it that I know of.
Friends of ours visited another church which was not preaching anything new or weird or odd or out there … just basic biblical truths … and realized that in fourteen years, they hadn't heard any of it in our former church which continually cycled through the same things, never challenging the sheep to move ahead in their growth … setting the bar very low.
These things really do exist and I sadly feel that it's possible your post gives credence to what sometimes amounts to mockery made of those who are trying so hard to help the church stay in line with maturity (maturity never leaves behind the gospel, btw) and yet are told they are selfish to admit that they are still themselves sheep who need a shepherd, even while they shepherd others.
Is it possible to not be fed by your earthly shepherd and have concerns for not yourself, but for the other sheep around you? To not want your children to grow up in a Christian environment where people stagnate and live down to the expectations given them, to not have a leadership that respects the word of God enough to actually preach the whole of it?
And these are our dear friends with whom we maintain contact and deep friendship. They know our concerns at this point, and we know that they love the Lord and serve Him. But the struggles they face, the danger of error into which a church falls because of the people not knowing the full word of God …
… oh I could go on and on and on and on … and it's not even Wednesday yet.
michele
Anonymous 9:55? that was intense. It really was,
I was in a sunday school class like that(which I HAD to go to. I'm the PK) it was our only sunday school class, and it was horrible.
The poor guy, he was teaching out of a book that tought about john (which was good). the problem was that every story had to do with one of maybe twenty stories, ten of which I had ever heard.
I would play games with myself. (ex: hmm….i think he's going to use THIS story today) it was horrible.
anyway, I never learned anything new. it was horrible.
oh, and by the way, want to know what is better than someone who complains about the people that complain?
the people that were just complaining in this blog about the people that were complaining about those who complain. Best thing in the world.
Gotta put my hand up and admit my guilt to as least thinking this one before!
God is directing me though, to become a blessing to my church and to use my skills to help as opposed to complaining.
Great Post!! Food for thought…
~Beth
where in the Bible does it say we're supposed to be fed at church? New Christians are "fed" but mature Christians should be feeding themselves! It's all part of growing up in Christ. I personally have found that people who are saying they're not being fed are either offended with leadership or are not getting into the Word of God for themselves, often both. It's an attitude of the heart – regardless of how simple the sermon, a heart that's open and teachable will find something. So mny Christians are just gluttons – wanting to be spoon fed everything but never learning to feed themselves. It's sad. We're here for others, not for ourselves.
@Lindsey and Anonymous @9:55: I totally understand what you are saying. And I agree. My little soap box speech was strictly based on my own personal experience with people telling me that line. It was in no way painting everyone who leaves a church for some reason or another in that way. I agree that God has given us each ways that we hear Him best and we should find a church that fits that. Sorry if my speech came across as lumping everyone together. It was more a personal frustration with some of my friends that have used that line and looked down on me because I go to a certain church
Carrie, I can totally understand that. I think it would be really rude to look down on someone who attends "that" church that another left … thinking they are so far ahead of all the other poor souls left behind.
That's so wrong. I'm sorry you've experienced that.
Someone else asked why Christians are to be fed at church. It comes out of the various mentions of the church in the Bible, both Old and New Testaments, where the people would gather together to worship as a group. Everything we do is an act of worship, but God placed great importance upon worshiping as a group on the Sabbath and then the early church changed to Sunday for a couple reasons we know of. The readings of what they would do in those gatherings are what we base our gathering times upon today … singing, reading the word, preaching, …. The New Testament explains that nonbelievers will be present in the gathering of the church (and will be blessed by it) but the gathering of the church is for the enouragement and edification of believers who need it so desperately as they go out into the world day by day, spreading Jesus wherever they are. I think we forget how dependent the Bible makes us upon each other.
michele
In relation to #1, the essential statement I usually hear is, "I just don't get anything out of it." Whether it's a bible study or sermon they will always complain.
I know people may have to church hop sometimes to find a good church home, but if we always say we don't get anything out of church, it shows our immaturity.
I don't intend to get all defensive here, but if you point the finger at the individual person, you can miss the fact that the church is indeed not feeding people.
I went to a church a couple times near my campus. I stopped going to the Sunday mornings when the pastor said, "I think we give God ideas, sometimes," and I stopped going to the Wednesday nights (to which I only originally went because of the free food) when the pastor (who had been divorced) said, "I know Jesus said this about divorce, but…." I don't remember what the "but" was, but I don't think there should be a "but" in that situation.
Although, for that situation, grumbling shouldn't happen. Leaving the church should.
I can see how you would get upset if someone said this about your church, because it can be said in a way that makes the person sound super spiritual. However, if we assume that everyone who makes that statement is wrong, that means that EVERY single church out there is preaching the true gospel in a way that should reach everyone. Many of us have church-shopped, do you really want to make that claim?
It was always my policy, when church pastoring, to listen thoroughly to the "I'm not being fed" folks and do all in my power to meet their needs. But for the ones who slept or Blackberry'd their way through all the sermons, blew off Sunday School and midweek Bible Study, left their home prayer/study materials in a heap on the pew each week, and refused to show up for evening prayer and song, week after week after week …well, there just wasn't too much I could do for 'em. (But it was still my fault they weren't being fed, of course.)
It's a two-way street. Pastor's gotta feed, but parishioner's gotta chew and swallow.
wv: hisst – what the chief complainer and her accomplice did all through the service: "I wasn't fed today because the McRotten Sisters hisst right behind me the whole time."
I Peter 5:2 Feed the flock of God which is among you, taking the oversight thereof, not by constraint, but willingly; not for filthy lucre, but of a ready mind;
3 Neither as being lords over God's heritage, but being examples to the flock.
Barbara, you little black sheep you. I believe you just used "feed" and "willingly" in the same comment. All backed by scripture.
[...] church is all about khakis and collars so we can “get fed” until next Sunday, then Jesus really died a pointless death. Thankfully, it’s not. [...]