#575. Refusing the gift of the desert road.
Jul 8th by JonWhen I’m nervous and meet new people, I tend to read them my resume.
Not literally, I don’t carry it around with me, but I usually find a way to rattle off interesting tidbits about myself.
I did this recently at the Orange Conference. When I went to the blogger lounge I felt kind of insecure and didn’t know what to do. Everyone had their laptop and business cards all over the tables and I had neither. I immediately thought, “Oh yeah, bloggers are supposed to carry laptops not Moleskine notebooks. I’m so dumb.” After a few minutes of standing there like someone that’s eating alone and has forgotten to bring the “don’t feel pity for me I’m reading a book” book, I walked to the Land of a Thousand Hills coffee stand.
I asked if my friend was working at the stand that day and the guys behind the counter said no and then kind of said in a kind way, “And you are?”
I immediately started blabbering about how I had a blog and I once told thousands of people about their coffee and it’s read in all these countries and I’m a special person and look at all my accomplishments, me, me, me, resume, resume, resume. Even as the words were coming out of my mouth I wanted to grab them back, but I couldn’t.
And I find myself doing this more lately as I struggle with the impatience of wanting to be an author and a speaker. The Stuff Christians Like book will come out in March 2010 and I’m speaking at a bunch of conferences this fall so I completely get the foolishness of this thought but it’s still there. It’s a completely dumb thought to have but usually in life it’s not the wise thoughts we have that do the most damage. It’s the dumb ones.
When I pray, when me and God wrestle, there’s a part of me that keeps saying, “How come I only get to spend such a fraction of my day on Stuff Christians Like? How come I feel like I’m bursting with ideas and I’m only getting to write about them an hour a day? How come I’m not a super fantastical mister important Christian writer person right this second God?”
In the midst of those questions, in the midst of being wildly impatient and selfish and arrogant and a million other words that mean “whack,” I feel like God reminded me of a simple question,
“Why do you keep refusing the gift of the desert road?”
That’s kind of a weird question, but it comes out of some verses I’ve written about before. In Exodus 13: 17-18, as the Israelites are leaving Egypt, the Bible says:
When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them on the road through the Philistine country, though that was shorter. For God said, “If they face war, they might change their minds and return to Egypt.” So God led the people around by the desert road toward the Red Sea. The Israelites went up out of Egypt armed for battle.
I love the simplicity of that. God knew that if the Israelites took the short way, if they took what probably seemed like the logical route, they’d face a war they weren’t ready for and would probably willingly return to slavery. So out of love, out a deep, big love for His people, he took them on the desert road.
As an Israelite, having spent decades doing hardcore physical labor and leading the kind of manual labor lifestyle that puts the P90X exercise program to shame, you’d have to be thinking, “What? I’m armed for battle! The desert road? Seriously? Look at this sword, I’ve got skillz! Let’s take the short way and give the Philistines two tickets to the gun show. Hey, I just compared my biceps to a weapon that is still centuries away from being invented, that’s odd.”
OK, maybe they wouldn’t have thought that last sentence, but I promise that they probably felt a little confused at why they were on the desert road and maybe at some point in your own life, you’ve felt that way too. Maybe you’ve felt ready for something and for some reason instead found yourself taking the long way around.
I don’t know what your “thing” is.
Maybe you want to fall in love and get married.
Maybe you’re at a job that doesn’t use your God-given talents and you feel desperate to get out.
Maybe you want to start a ministry.
Maybe you don’t know what your thing is, but you know it’s not what you’re doing right now.
Maybe you want to have kids.
Maybe you want to head out to the mission field overseas.
Your thing, your dream or goal or vision could be a million different things, and when it doesn’t happen, when it takes longer than we want, it’s so easy to get frustrated. To get disappointed, to think that the time delay is because maybe you’re not doing something right. Maybe God is mad at you. Maybe if you were a better Christian things would be happening faster and you wouldn’t be on a desert road.
But what if that’s not right?
What if God loves you too much to send you to war? What if He loves you too much to throw you into situations you’re not ready for?
What if that desert road is a gift?
I still struggle with the desert road concept. I’m not “done” with that idea. But my hope for you and my hope for me is that the next time I find myself on one I’ll pause long enough to ask God this simple question:
“I’m on a desert road, what war are you protecting me from right now because you love me so much?”
Comments
I needed to read this post today… this week… I just told a friend of mine that I am in a desert place right now. This is going to be my prayer a lot this week: “I’m on a desert road, what war are you protecting me from right now because you love me so much?”
Good stuff!!
What? You don’t like sand?
I don’t like sand. The desert sucks. And is an immense blessing as you say.
From someone who is 2 months into the whole first book release process (resume), I wanted to share a few thoughts. It’s stuff you likely already know or suspect or figured out since the time of this post. I’ll basically be writing to myself and using you as an example if that’s OK with you.
I know very deeply the longing for relevance, not simply relevance in culture, but relevance in God’s kingdom. I know well the impatience of wanting to be an author and speaker. The progression has gone something like this:
1.I want to be a respected author and speaker because I want to feel good about myself
2.I want to be a respected author and speaker because I want to be more useful in God’s kingdom (slightly more spiritual)
3.I don’t know what I want (death of personal dream = a little more spiritual)
4.I want what God wants, but secretly because I think that if I want what God wants, He’ll give me what I want (slightly less spiritual, but realizing that is the case is slightly more spiritual)
5.I don’t know what I want again (death of the deeper personal dream = a lot more spiritual)
6.Still waiting for this one…
I suppose you know or suspect this already, but from my own experience over the past 2 months…
…The book launch date (resume) didn’t satisfy.
…The speaking invitations (resume) aren’t satisfying.
…The radio interviews (resume) haven’t satisfied.
…The reviews (resume) haven’t satisfied.
…The positive emails from readers (resume) are encouraging but aren’t ultimately satisfying.
Only God satisfies. Today, Apr 1, next year. Not for the sake of then getting what I think I want, but for the sake of getting what I need, which is more of Him. I’ll learn this and live this one day.
I still love this post. My family and I were kicked out of our situation onto the desert road last year, and even though it's a painful way to go, I'm beginning to realize the importance of it. However, I still have to come back and read this as a reminder of where I am, and where I need to be – right where He has me. He will move me when I'm ready. I just hope I'm listening that day.
Oh wow! I really, REALLY, needed to read this today. It took my husband and I 10 years to graduate from Bible college and we feel such a call to ministry. Yet no oportunity has presented itself, no one is championing us. I have been so frustrated, wondering why God hasn’t made it happen yet. We’re both going to be 30 this year and I feel like we should be so much further ahead in our ministry experience then we are. Your message that God loves us too much to throw us into a situation we’re not ready for is both new and hope-giving to me. I was feeling like maybe we missed a signal or had done something wrong. I’m going to have to have my husband read this! Thank you for this…it really encourage me.
BTW, “Don’t feel pity for me I’m reading a book” book? Brillant!
Wow, soul punch of the day. Thanks.
When I'm nervous I too talk a lot, and really fast and if I happen to catch myself saying something dumb I turn beet red, beggining with my ears. That's why I wear my hair down when I have to meet new people.
My dream is simple: To be a full-time worship leader. But I can't. I have two young children and married to a Marine that is constantly taking me through and TO the desert, every two years. No church will hire someone who can only work for 18 months and then peace out. Oh well. One day…probalby when I'm old and wrinkly. Until then, I'm wiping snot, changing diapers and taking names.
Thank you for this.