Comments on: #577. Surviving church as a married couple without kids.

By: Princess Leia

Princess Leia — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 00:12:29 +0000

On Mother's Day, our pastor tells every "woman who _is_ a mother or _has_ a mother" to stand up and be recognized. Essentially he's found a way to make EVERYONE feel uncomfortable. Well, everyone except for those of us who are laughing at the teenaged boys who weren't quite listening and stand up because they have a mother.

By: Justin

Justin — Sat, 09 Jan 2010 21:08:07 +0000

About 2 years ago, my wife went to a leadership conference at one of our denomination's sister churches nearby. At the session on "learning to hear God's voice" (or something like that), one person in the audience piped up with their vision that someone in the audience was praying to have a child. Pastor A asked if that matched anybody in the audience, and my wife raised her hand. Pastor A prayed over my wife for this to come true. The second leader of the session, "Pastor B", told everybody that Pastor A had a great track record with pregnancy prayers, and told my wife that she would be pregnant by the time the leadership conference reoccurred next year. It didn't happen. We were both left very disappointed; the verse about the punishment for false prophets went through my head a few times.

I don't hold any grudges against either pastor, and I haven't been praying for any well-placed lightning strikes. I was very bothered though that ordinary human enthusiasm for a deep-felt need was given a "thus saith the lord" endorsement.

By: Lisa

Lisa — Sun, 03 Jan 2010 18:50:32 +0000

I fall into a different category. I got pregnant young (I was 20) and unmarried. When my son was 4 years old I got married to my wonderful husband. We tried for many years to have a child of our own but we were not able to. Though I never heard it out loud, the attitude I felt was that I was "being punished" for having a child out of wedlock and that is why I couldn't have anymore children. I believed that for a long time. I now realize (I've been married 10 years now) that God just had a different plan for us and He has blessed me greatly. Even though I made poor choices, God redeemed them. My son will be 14 next week and he is such a blessing!

By: Dom

Dom — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 20:03:21 +0000

Actually, our dog is preferable to most kids.

By: Dom

Dom — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 20:01:59 +0000

The so-called "Christians" at our bible study and church were such idiots to us when they found out we didn't want kids we stopped going to any church.

By: Dragonfly

Dragonfly — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 01:22:29 +0000

27. I think there should be extra points if you are single and get all these.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 20:38:22 +0000

Oh thank you, thank you for posting this! Every single comment has been made to me as we have been trying over 3 years now. We were tested as ok and have not taken drugs yet. We have small group get-to-gethers and everyone has kids but us! I like the church, I was we just had more couple things going on. I feel like such an outcast b/c I can't chime in on their children convos. So with all the other things spectulated as to how to have children… we are getting a new puppy this weekend. Ha, I'll start there. I wish everyone with kids could see this posting, as well as pastors.

By: Jenny

Jenny — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 18:08:23 +0000

@ Anon on July 10, 6:56 PM - Thank you! This is exactly what I was working to try to articulate in my mind. "All things work together for good for those who love the Lord." Love Him, and He will direct your steps.

To me it boils down to the self-centeredness of people. Not to sound harsh, but if folks would stop for two seconds to step out of their tiny world view and listen to themselves, they might think twice about the way they approach sensitive and private issues like childbearing.

We are called to pray and to show compassion, not to stick our noses where they don't belong.

By: Emily

Emily — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 13:56:06 +0000

This wasn't at church, but recently a relative of my husband's grabbed me in a restaurant, put his hand on my belly, and told my husband to "get to work." I wanted to scream.

By: Carolyn

Carolyn — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 05:50:47 +0000

My favourite comments always include people telling you they have the gift of praying for healing for infertile couples... the amount of people who have that gift is AMAZING!!! I can't believe that I still know any infertile couples, with that gift so freely available to so many in Christian circles. Close down fertility clinics, every second Christian actually has the ability to heal you!

I've also found bizarre the number of "prohetic pictures" people have of you holding a baby, or having your baby dedicated etc - I've been married 12 years with no kids. (Don't people know what happened to false prophets back in the day!!!!)

My worst, however, is people's eyes starting to tear up when you tell them you can't have kids, followed quickly by them grasping your forearm and telling you how sorry they truly are - this is almost always from people who hardly know you. "Sympathy" from a stranger makes me squirm!

I worked as children's pastor in my church for 6 years, when I finished people told me how great it was because I could finally have my own kids... actually it was because I decided to do a PhD!