Comments on: #579. Forgiving people who didn’t apologize.

By: Ann

Ann — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 15:40:30 +0000

I've been trying to understand the whole forgiveness thing when it comes to a divorce after 20 years. You can't really move on without it, yet I'm sure we both offended one another, if not during the marriage, certainly during litigation. I've decided when God brings something to mind I will forgive either myself or him. I'm sure if we had done the "forgive as you go along as much as neccessary" we would never ended up in a divorce taking 3 years. Hmm. maybe it was the adulterous affair, or possibly all the financial havoc he did before leaving. So much to forgive I just forgive as God calls me to. Neither of us are looking at reconciliation.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 22:34:50 +0000

Great post, and many great comments!

I know someone who makes a point of proclaiming loudly to all in a pre-emptive strike that _they_ 'don't hold grudges'; but of course, -this- is the person who repeatedly steps on other people's toes. Then this person evades apologizing when confronted, and blames all the victims for being 'unforgiving' when they yell 'ow!' The perpetrator then magnanimously declines to bear a grudge against the victims....who can't possibly win.

By: Christopher

Christopher — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 14:46:20 +0000

This is so funny. I think if we had more life skills like dealing with confrontation in a healthy manner, stuff like this would never happen.

If someone genuinely offends you to the extent that you have to forgive them, have the guts to tell them you were offended. Then maybe they'll have a clue they upset you and NOT do it again!

But that's way too practical for most of us

By: Sarah

Sarah — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 18:12:13 +0000

Ugh. SO true.

What's even better is when people "forgive", but still won't friend you on Facebook because "the trust just isn't to that level, yet."

Yeah.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 05:10:30 +0000

Oh wow, what Jeff (comment #5) said! That same scenario happened to me in a high school youth group, with the additional awkwardness multipliers that

1) I couldn't understand what the guy said, because of background noise and the fact that he was (understandably!) mumbling, so I had to ask him to REPEAT the confession about three times!! Eeeek! And then, you guess it, awkwardly stammered out, "Ummm, it's okay, I forgive you?" and escaped with a burning red face.

2) I had several classes with him so I had to see him often and at length for the rest of the year after that...never was quite sure how to act around him after that.

Poor guy. I still cringe when I think of me standing there asking him, "What?"

By: Aybeecee

Aybeecee — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 00:06:38 +0000

Holy crabapples! Pretty much that exact conversation happened to me a few days ago. Are you sure you can't read my mind, sir?

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 18:16:51 +0000

Great post. More often than I forgive people who haven't apologized, I find Christ making me apologize to people who weren't even offended.

By: mikesgateway

mikesgateway — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 20:19:14 +0000

If only that happened for real…it seems like some kind of SNL skit! I think I will try that tonight when my wifey comes home.

By: Gretchen

Gretchen — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 18:46:24 +0000

I once received a letter in middle school-not an e-mail or a text, but a hand-written letter mailed to me- from a sweet girl in my youth group whom I was friendly with. This long letter explained how and why she was harboring deep feelings of jealousy toward me and had been since I joined the church. She said God was helping her work through it and she wanted to ask for my forgiveness, even though I had no idea it was happening. I liked this girl and I knew she was sincere, and if it helped her move on in her life, I'm glad it did, but it honestly just made me feel awkward around her.

By: Dan in Minneapolis, MN

Dan in Minneapolis, MN — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 04:00:33 +0000

This is a fun site, but actually I find this topic VERY tough because I have struggled with my faith for so many years because of much abuse done to me in my lifetime, and some of it by my fellow Christians, most of whom have ever confessed to me and asked for my forgiveness. I am now in counseling for anger and realizing that it isn't God's fault for the abuse done to me.