#581. Thinking pre-marital counseling is for everyone and post-marital counseling is for failures.
Jul 16th by JonSure, my wife and I went to pre-marital counseling. Are you kidding? We wanted to start our marriage on a solid foundation of communication and respect and love. It was great working with that counselor to really understand the differences we bring to this relationship and how God can use those to create oneness in our hearts and our home. That’s just what you do before you get married. Every Christian knows pre-marital counseling is critical.
Post marital counseling? Is that what you’re suggesting we do? Who told you our marriage was in trouble?
It was Frank, wasn’t it? Ugh, that Frank. Plank in his eyeball! Our marriage is fine. We’re happy, things are great. Sure we have ups and downs like any marriage but unless my wife has had an affair, secretly developed a secret credit card debt or has some sort of weird willow tree figurine habit that I don’t know about, I don’t think we need to go to post marital counseling.
We don’t need maintenance. The principles we learned during pre-marital counseling became magically cemented in our souls when we put our rings on in front of friends and family members. Those lessons we learned had a 60 year guarantee. I feel like our pre-marital counselor might have mentioned that we needed to continually work on the strength of our marriage and nurture our love continually with a great degree of intentionality, but it’s weird because as soon as we got married, those things just naturally started happening without any discernible effort on my part. Pretty cool, right?
And plus, everyone knows post marital counseling is the last stop on the “your marriage sucks” train line. It’s where you go when your house is on fire, or there’s some sort of relational komodo dragon that’s come between you and your wife. It’s not somewhere you go for a tune up. I wouldn’t even know who to ask to find a counselor. The minute I did, people at church would whisper about us and pray for us because they’d know things were dire.
Nope, I’m good. I did all the learning I needed to do before the wedding ceremony. After the ceremony it was time for living. See that? That was alliteration. Learning vs. Living. How could I possibly need counseling when I’m able to alliterate at that level?
If anything I should be giving other people counseling, in how to be awesome.
Comments
We went to our marital counseling today, and we're so grateful for a godly person willing to take us under his counsel. We've tried to find someone to help us for years, and we were just given the "standard" little marriage 5 week marriage coaching. This is more personal and this is what Jesus' love is like.
Jon, you're hilarious and relevant.
That's why I never got married. Too much $*@(#) counseling.
I often wonder…how did marriages ever survive before counseling? In fact, how did we survive as a civilization before therapists?
It seems that pop psych has conditioned us all into thinking that forking cash over to a shrink is a vital ingredient for a normal life.
Sorry, Jon…normally I agree with your posts, but I'm gonna beg to differ on this one.
Post marital counseling is essential. But, for it to be sucessful you must be honest. My husband and I went for "maintenance" counseling, but we were in real trouble. Both of us were so conditioned to keep up appearances that we kept them up to the counselor too. We're still together but after much heartache and tribulation. I wonder what it would have been like if we were honest with the counselor 4 years ago?
on a lighter note:
wv: manailsi – the only condition under which a man would get a manicure.
Amen to this! My fiance and I have been out of the "honeymoon stage" of our relationship a while, but we're still not married, and know that we will face a LOT of stuff during our life together. So why on earth wouldn't we want help and counseling to do that, even if it's just problems about laundry days and simple communication?
I've noticed that people are much more excited (and anxious) for your relationship BEFORE you're married…but nobody bothers to check up on the couple four years down the road. It's assumed the couple is "just fine", and they "just got married", and that's supposed to be code for a decent marital status.
"Relational komodo dragon" — I love it!!! We have several of those, and the first counselor literally gave me nightmares (in addition to not giving particularly Biblical advice), and my husband has refused to make an appointment with another one, so maybe I'll just climb a tree or something. Can komodo dragons climb trees? Maybe I can just sic a worship eagle with wicked-awesome talons on them.
Post-marital doesn't always work. It depends on how good a counselor you have and if both parties are willing to talk. My wife and I went to counseling in 2001–my idea, not hers, she went reluctantly, she does not like to talk about her feelings or anything serious, intellectual, or spiritual. We had a terrible counselor–a pastor on the side, btw. He was clueless and said some things that I almost slugged him for; I almost reported him to the state licensing board. My wife dropped out of counseling before I did. We're still together but there is little intimacy of any kind. Marriage does not get easier over time.
There is no need to ask whether premarital counseling is for you or not. The answer is always YES. Pre-marriage counseling is a psychological counseling given to couples before marriage. It is given to prepare them for and make them aware of possible marital issues that they may encounter in their marriage. Premarital counseling is very important to strengthen a couple s relationships and constructively prepare both individuals, especially while they still have plenty of positive energy in their relationship. Find more information about the premarital counseling from this site.
http://www.marriage-counselors.net/
I am absolutely in favor of divorce counseling because every one should have proper knowledge even you are going for love marriage or arrange marriage because after marriage issues not easy to handle for this one's should go for per and post divorce counseling.
Thanks
Rayan
[...] #581. Thinking pre-marital counseling is for everyone and post-marital counseling is for failures. &… – So, so true. [...]