Making purple – 11 ways to stop camp kissing.
Aug 13th by JonWhen I was a teenager, 89% of my energy at summer camp and church retreats was spent trying to kiss girls. “Tender Ronis” if you will. The important word to note in that first sentence is “trying.” I know this may shock many of you, but I was not a ladies man.
I would have preferred to be well behaved at camp when I was a teen but there’s a secret guild of pastor’s kids that makes you act up. They approached me when I turned 13 and informed me that as the eldest son in our family, it was my job to live up to the song “Son of a Preacher Man.” So I did what I had to do for the safety of my family. The PKG (Pastor’s Kid Guild) is a dangerous bunch. I’ve said too much.
But times have changed. I’m a dad of two little girls now that will one day go to summer camp or a church retreat. And when they do, some punk kid with a name like “Thayyne” is going to try to make purple with them. (Boys are signified as representing the color blue and girls the color pink. When they kiss, they make purple, so it’s common to hear youth ministers yelling “no making purple” at camp.)
And knowing that I can only arm my kids with so much sarcasm and Godly wisdom, I decided to create something youth ministers and leaders can use to dramatically reduce the amount of making out at camp. Taking lessons from Sun Tzu’s Art of War and Greene’s 48 Laws of Power, I have created the “Reduction Of Making Purple” Manifesto, otherwise known as the
ROMP Manifesto
1. Eliminate wartime propaganda
When Mao was fighting against the Nationalists in China, they used all sorts of propaganda to encourage their enemy to give up and join their side. Think that same thing doesn’t happen at camp? You’re crazy. The first thing you want to do is make a rule that no pants with writing on the butt can be worn. I promise, even if you put a Bible verse on the butt, or as K-Mart did “True Love Waits,” you’re only asking for trouble. Start camp with the rule “the butt is not a billboard.”
2. Encourage bad breath
In the eighth grade I used to date a girl named Sue. After every school dance, during which boys sat sullenly on one side and girls on the other while listening to Ace of Bass, we would walk to a local pizza joint. It used to kill me when Sue would eat Cool Ranch Doritos. Those may taste great, but it makes your breath smell like warm garbage. And Smartfood white cheddar popcorn has the same effect. It tastes good but makes your fingers and your mouth smell like throw up. So instead of having a well-stocked snack table or snack booth at camp, only offer bad breath items after 5PM. Call it the “garlic pickle rule.” Don’t sell gum or mints or other things that are going to make kids’ mouths like Alpine ski resorts of freshness. Focus on things like Swiss cheese, kippered jerky and other unpleasantly-flavored delights.
3. Know your enemy
Weeks before camp or a retreat begins go over the roster of people that will be attending with your staff. Put a check by the name of everyone you think is likely to at one point kiss someone. Go ahead and put a check by any of the pastor’s kids. Don’t be fooled by the dorks either. You might think the kids playing world of warcraft 82 hours a day aren’t going to make out, but they will. As Sun Tzu says, “If you know the enemy and know yourself, your victory will not stand in doubt.”
4. Don’t create Gremlins
In the movie, “Gremlins,” the little creatures who were the star of the film got out of control if you fed them after a certain time. I look at kids and energy drinks the same way. Red Bull is not a beverage, it’s a gateway liquid to camp kiss-a-thons. Don’t let the kids load up on caffeine, but don’t just throw the energy drinks away. The Art of War says that “A wise general makes a point of foraging on the enemy.” Save those drinks for yourself, you’re going to need them my friend.
5. Get an informant
You need an inside man. Someone that can feed you information, like when someone is sneaking out or where the make out spots are. You’ll be tempted to play this role yourself, but don’t. Teens can spot a youth minister trying to act cool a mile away. Instead, find someone that will do the job for you if you give them an important sounding title like “assistant to the regional manager of no kissing.”
6. Master the terrain
Chances are, there are only a few places that kids could use for making purple. On the first day you get to camp, send out advance scouts. Have them analyze the area and take control of the high ground. Cabins your group isn’t using, secluded spots by the lake, tool sheds, your enemy is like water flowing to a weak spot in a dam. Go there first and create a “kiss map” so instead of trying to cover an entire camp ground at midnight when two kids go missing, you can check the five or six possible hot spots.
7. Make a sacrifice
Charles Maurice de Talleyrand was one of Napoleon’s chief advisors. When Napoleon was first sent to exile, Talleyrand knew that he would try to retake France. He felt that Napoleon would destroy the country, so he actually helped speed up Napoleon’s comeback plans. He realized that the faster he could make Napoleon fail at his plans, the less harm it would cause France. You need to do the same thing at camp. Instead of fighting the making purple issue, make it really easy for one couple to kiss and then get caught. One of the best ways to beat the enemy is to crush what scientists call their “kissing spirit.” OK, I made that phrase up, but the principle stands. Set a trap for two kids, give them a few seconds to kiss and then spring from the woods with your troops. As punishment, make them wear cow bells for the rest of camp. In addition to knowing where they are all times, you’ll show the entire camp that the teenage Kryptonite, embarrassment, awaits anyone caught.
8. Never underestimate the enemy
It’s tempting to believe in the kindness of humanity. Resist that temptation. I know people that made purple on mission trips. Another friend’s parents thought he gained 40 pounds in high school from being a big eater and didn’t suspect beer. My friend’s new car got smashed at church in the parking lot and the church member hit and run without leaving a note. As the policeman that filed the report said, “Even churches have squirrelly people.” Don’t think your kids who love sleeping in won’t set their alarms to sneak out at four in the morning. Don’t think that we won’t use a prayer walk as a chance to go make out. Don’t underestimate what we are capable of.
9. Never show your hand
When you are sharing the rules at camp, don’t reveal too many of your plans. Don’t say things like “we’ll be watching the lake shore and checking all the cabins at midnight to make sure everyone is in bed.” If you told me that as a teen, what I would have heard is, “Avoid the lake and feel free to leave your cabin three minutes after midnight.” As Sun Tzu advises, “By altering his arrangements and changing plans, the general keeps the enemy without definitive knowledge. By shifting his camp and taking circuitous routes, he prevents the enemy from anticipating his purpose.”
10. Use chemical warfare
Kids at camp should smell bad. That’s part of camp. That’s just what you do at a retreat. You should have a unique smell combination of sweat, sun tan lotion and bootleg cookies. So on day one, use chemical warfare and go around to each dorm and confiscate body sprays, colognes and perfumes. Especially take the ridiculous ones like Axe and those new products that promise girls will rip your clothes off if you splash on a few drops of what smells like discount Drakkar or Cool Water cologne.
11. Embrace audio assaults
You might not need to confiscate Prince’s “Purple Rain” as I imagine today’s teens have not discovered this fantastic record. But google a few songs before camp starts and make sure you never hear them played in the cabins. Lil’ Wayne’s song “lollipop” for instance should be eliminated at the gate. If you want to go old school fundamental, you can light them all on fire in a awesome bonfire of judgment. A bonus benefit is that everyone will smell smoky, which fits idea #10.
There are certainly other methods that work well when it comes to reducing camp make outs. But it’s almost the weekend and I didn’t want to turn on the SCL fire hose too hard and drown folks in words at the end of the week.
Did I miss one? Some technique that will work well? Let me know.
Comments
In my old youth group, we had our own elite team known as the "PDA patrol" that every summer at youth camp would stalk the area in front of our cabin, preying on any young suspicious looking couples that passed by.
Screaming, blowing horns, and running in between the oft unsuspecting lovers were their methods of choice.
Very effective, and hilarious to observe. ^-^
But even though we students looked for ways to -break up- "purpling", that doesn't mean we always practiced what we preached…or brutally enforced. *laughs*
Great post once again!
Is the PKG like the Lollipop Guild? That's all I could think of when you wrote "guild". Thanks a lot-not I'm going to have THAT song stuck in my head!
You dated in the eighth grade?!?!
You WERE a ladies' man!
And I never heard the term "making purple"…suck-face yes, Making purple , no.
Great post – really brought back some memories!
Thanks
Oh geez. The youth group I'm a leader for is taking a camping trip in just a few short weeks. I think I'm going to make a "the butt is not a billboard" announcement at the next youth meeting. And possibly try to come up with a few deviously embarassing "punishments" for being caught with someone in a position considered a bit too…friendly.
Love this post!
Me and a group of friends are in college and were the oldest in Youth group for years and always said (and taught the new youth pastors about the rule of) "No purple"
Kid: "Whats purple?"
Us: "Boys are blue and girls are pink. No making purple!"
invite some kids with mono.
Hilarious, man. You could have a slide show on the first day of camp that show how many germs and bacteria live in the human mouth…that would at least stop the germ-phobic ones. You could take cultures from several of the most popular boys and look at them under a video microscope…in would ruin any possibility of any girl kissing…maybe for life.
This is fantastic! I've been doing camp for 18 years as camper, counselor, and program staff…and your post is SO true…in fact, I'm sending it onto my camp director right now
But it's a little tough to scope out the kissing spots…we have over 700 acres at our camp. At least 600 of it is woods…
I work for a youth outreach ministry that targets the farthest out kids. I work specifically with teenagers with disabilities. They all know the first thing I am going to say when I get on the bus on the way to our camp trip is "Boys are blue, girls are pink – we don't make purple." But, what they don't know – is I now have the ROMP manifesto to make sure it doesn't happen! Yes!
And, we do the "no boys and girls sitting together after dark" rule too. Of course, that didn't stop some kids from making out OVER the seat last year. So, now it's "boys on the left side of the bus and girls on the right side of the bus" rule. Seemed to work much better.
Of course, camp just isn't camp without a camp crush – so, what can you do? (Other than sleep on the floor of the cabin in front of the door, with a flashlight and a lasso – because, I'm with Shawna – "not on my watch!"
This is the funniest thing I've read in such a long, long time. Thank you!
This is hilarious, and so true…never underestimate even the most well behaved teenager. Practically everyone in my family is or was a youth pastor or counselor and I remember well all the talks about not making purple. In fact a couple of summers ago I went to a summer mission trip where they made a "rules video" that addressed that very issue. Here's a link to it if anyone is interested
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8rqX_Ag29Q
As usual, this is hilarious. But I especially love that you worked in an Office reference!
This. Is. Incredible.
That's all I have to say. And by "incredible," I mean "amazing." I do not mean "lacking credible information," as every word is true.
The best ever! My daughter just got back from camp and says these rules would've come in handy! Does the youth pastor have to follow his own rules? He's not married…yet;)
The best ever! My daughter just got back from camp and says these rules would've come in handy! Does the youth pastor have to follow his own rules? He's not married…yet;)
The best ever! My daughter just got back from camp and says these rules would've come in handy! Does the youth pastor have to follow his own rules? He's not married…yet;)
Wow u are truly an idiot! My parents met at a christian camp when they were fourteen and I as well met my fiance at church when we were very young, I'm talking sixth grade bro. I was raised on very strong beliefs and God fearing values. I have never heard such sickness and such perverse actions to take towards children and young christians trying to meet there future spouse! I sure held hands in sunday school and definitely kissed after church. In no way was I harming my relationship. I was with her from sixth grade all the way till now, I AM 21 YOU FOOL! My brother as well met his christian other when he was 13 and just married her in may he's 22 do the math. You are ill misinformed and obviously have done plenty of your own evil in the eyes of our God. But believe you me God has blessed me with such family and such a lady. If you are not to kiss or hold hands or hug what are you to do? Lust in your own mind? Look at pornography? Masturbate every waking moment of your days? What helps me most is knowing that I can kiss but I have so much to wait for. You are wrong and this has been disproven by my family and many others for years and years to come. Do you think you are God? You sound vile in all the words you say. I assure you your words are not the words of Christ. No one should ever listen to you and your filth. I will do everything in my power to raise awareness of PURPLE??? A former camp I used to work at just picked up this nonsense, the same camp that I spent years with my future wife and the same camp MY PARENTS MET AT!!!!! (and o yea we kissed there) You are an embarrassment to christians all over the world. I will pray for you……
To previous commenter: Don't you think you are going a bit over the top to accuse someone of such horrible things for writing a sarcastic post about the trials of youth leaders trying to look after their campers? Maybe you had strictly honourable intentions about your actions with/towards your future wife but you don't need to be around youth group age kids very long to know that many have intentions that are far from honourable. Marriage is not what a lot would have in mind. Sexual sin can have very serious spiritual and physical consequences so it is wise for youth leaders to reduce the opportunities for it to happen at the camps they run.
There are some massive and very very serious judgments you have made in your comment. Some of the things you have said would only be appropriate in dealing with someone unrepentantly committing great evil. This is most definitely not one of those situations. To make them publicly about a believer whom has not taught any heresy or committed any major sin as part of the action in question is utterly inappropriate. The "God fearing values" you claim to have should extend to how you speak about other people, knowing that God will hold you accountable for what you say.
Fantastic list! I've often found that Zhu is tragically underutilized in the operation of Christian camps…
Though somebody has likely touched on this topic already (way too nice a day to plow through 68 comments!), seems like one of the biggest drives towards purple that most summer-type camps struggle against is the underlying purple-tension of its counselors & leadership. Pack a bunch of post-HS young men & women together for weeks of training, complete w/ tons of worship time, and feelings of spiritual intimacy will always swirl in with other intimacy feelings. This is Guitar Guy's arena. Results: lots of playful teasing and "oh, I didn't know you'd be here alone, too"'s that turn into long alone chats and, most often, the inevitable meeting of the blue & the pink.
Now, I'm not trying to shoot down "Summer Romance" in general; it just can't coexist w/ the message they're often telling campers. To set a culture of emotional & sexual boundaries with campers, leadership must be in solidarity in the one they embody, too.
Signed,
The former YG leader who spent that one whole MX trip trying to snag some alone time w/ the cute red-head leader, while trying to break apart several pre-purple situations…
Comment 1: "Sun Tzu's Art of War FOR YOUTH LEADERS!" would sell for money, I promise you. (especially if the last bit were on there sideways like it had been stamped as an afterthought…)
Comment 2: "Pre-Purple" is both an awesome and slightly queezifying word.
THANK YOU SO MUCH!! the writing on the but always bothered me….simply because I like to read….and there I am…starring at a but….ya..
anyway its good to hear that it bugs other people to.
shut up joanna
Kids struggling with sexual immorality is NOT for the youth leaders to correct. Its between that child his/hers parents and GOD! Not some weirdo "pastor" working for some EVI FREE money machine……
To "anonymous", the angry (and unnecessarily confrontational) propronent of camp love: my original comment here was a smart-ass line about poor breeding practices, but I decided that would be rude. Mostly, I'll just let you and your anonymity go be unnecessarily angry at other folks, while the rest of us keep trying to have a good, worthwhile conversation.
As part of the PKG and now as a veteran Camp Director, I honestly don't know which is more fun: getting away with purpling or catching students attempting to go purple.
If you are wise, do not believe your "most holy & pure" students for any reason who are "staying out late to pray" or get close to Jesus.
Nothing good happens after midnight (& yes, this is a not so veiled slam on Lock-ins which are a child of the devil!) bw
My husband has been a youth pastor for the entirety of our marriage, and I, a sponsor. The easiest way into student's PDA plans is their peers. We always have a couple of students who talk a lot. While we discourage gossip and deception, playing like you're uninterested while they mention what other students may be planning to do (or were doing the night before during free time) is a great way to get information. They have no idea they're spying for you because by your nonchalance: They think you already know. You can then use your discernment to deal with whatever it is. This goes for prank scenarios as well.
Anon @ 12:46
I really missed out. I wish I could have gone to camp with you so we could suck face. You seem so tender. Hummmmm…..
Anonymous is entitled to his opinions, as ridiculous, narrow-minded and nasty they are.
To you Anonymous i can honestly say BRAVO. You are actually the first person that i met that met the woman that he is marrying at the age of 14, and she is the only one he has kissed. By the sounds of it the same can be said of your brother and parents. I can also tell you honestly that when I was 14, I wasn't looking for Miss Right. I was looking for Miss Right Now. And believe me, I was far from being the only one just looking to hook up for the week at camp.
I really don't have a huge problem with making purple at camp. Just so long as the purple making doesn't get carried away.
I will pray for you and your spouse Anonymous…if you'd talk to a stranger that way, i can't imagine how you'd treat someone that you'd know who happens to disagree with you.
Just ran across your blog and saw this post – good work! At the Christian camp I staffed at we had a "five minute rule" – guys and girls were expected to stay five minutes apart at all times. Actually, it worked pretty well!
[...] Making Purple – 11 Ways to Stop Camp Kissing. Because making members of the opposite sex swim at separate times just isn’t cutting it any more. [...]
im 16
i made a lot of purple at camp
i do every year
last year it was with 4 different guys