#619. Offering grace and forgiveness exclusively to people named "me."
Sep 16th by adminKanye West deserves less grace and forgiveness than I got.
I don’t know the exact amount, unfortunately the Bible’s not terribly clear on measurements. I mean sure, I know Goliath was six cubits and a span, everyone knows that, but when it comes to doling out grace, there’s not a clear form of measurement.
Is grace a liquid? In the songs people sing about God’s love it’s always in the form of water, “fall down like rain,” “wash over me,” etc.
So let’s say that Kanye West deserves one less gallon of grace and forgiveness than I got.
Or maybe a jug. It’s hard to say what the precise amount is but that’s what I was thinking when I heard he ruined Taylor Swift’s moment at the Video Music Awards. After he walked on stage, and interrupted the nervous teenager to tell her about another performer who deserved the award more than she did, a few thoughts popped up. I didn’t think about the whole situation a lot, on the Jon scale of thought I gave the incident more time than Salt and Vinegar Pringles but less than the new season of “So You Think You Can Dance.” But here’s what ran through my head:
“Kanye West always does that. He’s got a history of doing that kind of thing.”
“Kanye West probably did that on purpose, it was staged. He planned it.”
“Kanye West just wounded a teenager, a kid, that is horrible.”
“Anyone who supports him is dumb.”
“He’ll probably apologize but it won’t be real.”
And I felt pretty good hating on Kanye. I got a hit of that, “I’m not as bad as somebody else” drug. I felt better than him and told my wife the whole story with smugness.
But then I thought about it. That was a worst moment, staged or not, that was a mistake and I am so happy my worst mistakes were not televised.
Then I thought about Kanye the person, the son whose mom died. The broken man with a savior who is longing to see a glimpse of him on the road back to the farm. Then I thought about who I wanted to be in the prodigal son story, the older brother who condemns or the servant who helps plan the party? I know which one is easier. I know which one I usually run to. But this time I couldn’t.
Suddenly I didn’t like the first things I thought:
“Kanye West always does that. He’s got a history of doing that kind of thing.”
So do I. I’ve never committed a single sin, a single time. I am a repeat offender. I have a longer history with sin than Kanye does with running on stage at events. Have you ever repeated a sin more than once?
“Kanye West probably did that on purpose, it was staged. He planned it.”
My worst moments were planned. I didn’t fall down the stairs and suddenly find myself landing in a heap of unexpected garbage at the bottom. I made plans. I was deliberate. I set things up that at the time seemed to be what I needed. I did the things that crippled my life on purpose.
“Kanye West just wounded a teenager, a kid, that is horrible.”
He did and it’s inexcusable, but I wounded my own kids, not a 19-year old stranger. I hurt my own kids by working 70 hour work weeks and chasing money instead of them and mortgaging everything that mattered about being a dad. I did that.
“Anyone who supports him is dumb.”
Do you have to support to show love? Do you have to condone to offer grace and forgiveness? Clearly Proverbs spells out a million reasons you shouldn’t support fools and foolish behavior and what Kanye did was foolish. And it’d be equally dumb to judge people for judging Kanye. Are there only two options though? We love him which means we’re pro “running on stage and hurting people” or we hate him? Can’t we disagree with the behavior and offer love to the person? (I think I just invented the phrase, “Love the sinner, hate the sin.” I should put that on t-shirts.)
“He’ll probably apologize but it won’t be real.”
According to whose standards? Mine? Is that what Christ says is the second most important commandment in Matthew 22:39 “Love your neighbor as yourself, only if their apology is legitimate and you feel that their repentance is real?” Or is it written, “Rebuke your neighbor as yourself?” Or is love the thing we’re supposed to do? And let’s be honest, what are the chances that I get to heaven and God says, “You offered too many hurting people grace. You over graced the world Jon. That is whack.”
The more I thought about it, the harder it was to hate Kanye.
So I tweeted and wrote on facebook:
“If we all had our worst mistakes televised we’d give Kanye West grace instead of hate.”
Some people got mad and defriended me (worst verb ever) and some people were cool with that idea. I understand both reactions. I’m not justifying a dumb mistake from Kanye or desupporting Taylor Swift (second worst verb ever). I can only tell you what my experience was because it’s 100% of the experiences I had yesterday. When I heard the story about Kanye, I judged him. I hated on him. I did not correct him or try to offer wise counsel, I hated.
Maybe you didn’t.
Maybe you laughed at how silly and insignificant the whole thing was because it’s just a bunch of celebrities, who cares. Maybe you threw on Kanye’s “Jesus Walks” and got down like the awkward girl from the rich part of town that inexplicably moves to the inner city high school and has to learn how to dance to survive some sort of all girl gang but ends up falling in love with a tough on the outside by soft and tender on the inside street youth while learning the valuable lesson that if you believe in yourself, anything is possible.
Maybe that was your reaction.
Mine was hate.
And I hate that.
And I love that God loves me like He loves Kanye.
Because we are both in desperate need of it.
Comments
Thank you for posting this. I know at times I am quick to speak and easily forget that I too make “mistakes” and I would hope that others would extend grace to me. In a society that is quickly becoming one of anger and rudeness it is nice to know that there are still those out there who can forgive and love their neighbors.
~M
And another point: As someone posted, if only God can offer forgiveness, exactly who do you suppose you are to offer judgment about Kanye or his motives in apologizing? Only God knows the heart.
WV: foodop – when someone on the 2nd floor brings food and puts it out on the conference table for everyone to eat.
Man, Pat gave us another foodop today. I love her cooking!
oh my – this is good stuff.
we just love giving grace to people we think deserve it – don't we?
Thanks for writing this. When I heard and read about what Kanye West did, I, too, initially thought that he was a jerk, but then I began to search out what his background is and found that his mom had died a couple of years ago along with one or two other things.
I immediately began to have compassion for him…being a hurting and broken young man.
I am so glad for the Romans 5:20-21
which says: Moreover the law entered, that the offence might abound. But where sin abounded, grace did much more abound: That as sin hath reigned unto death, even so might grace reign through righteousness unto eternal life by Jesus Christ our Lord. (KJV) So glad and thankful for Grace reigning and covering all my sin, past, present, and future!
I, think Kanye West, undeserving (isn't this what Grace is for?) as we may think he is, needs Grace poured out on him by God (already done) and us. And instead of condemning him (condemn the act, yes, but not him), we should be showering him with Prayer, Love & Grace. And always remember,"But for the Grace of God, go I!"
We sing this this song in worship (Hosanna). The Bridge says, "Heal my heart and make it clean. Open up my eyes to the things unseen. Show me how to love like you have loved me. Break my heart for what is yours. Everything I am for your kingdom's cause. As I walk from earth into eternity." This is my prayer for the Body of Christ! I sensed that God's heart broke when Kanye got up on that stage. Because, in reality, it wasn't so much about him dissing Taylor Swift as it was about him needing and wanting attention (whether positive or negative). Surely this, along with the rest of past his behavior is a cry for help!
Just my 2 cents!
Thanks again for writing this and being true and honest!
Pat Thomas
Ouch and ouch.
You just ruined my hate of Kayne's actions.
Thank you.
I'm too concerned with other people and not with my OWN SIN. Thanks for the reminder that I'm not perfect. It sounds ridiculous but it's true.
Love this. And I love how it made me think about my reaction, which was the same as yours.
Over graced the world! Love it! Etched in my mind the next time I start to participate in the judgement olympics.
Schadenfreude is something that should be deconstructed by Christians. Kudos.
That said, are we unreasonable in being reluctant to forgive folks who continually exhibit hypocrisy, ego, selfishness, etc.? Not saying we shouldn't forgive, but I think our cynicism surrounding public figures who continually screw up in messy ways is justified.
Same goes for Jon and Kate- and anyone else who has their lives televised all over the world- I'm like you- condemning- hateful- til God reminds me that I'm just as guilty and really no different- except my life is not flashed before the public eye- You have a brilliant way with words!!!
Grace is a wonderful thing. Grace is something we receive but do not deserve from God.
This is a good post, but that being said, I find there are often times when we talk about grace grace grace grace grace and don't discuss consequences. The ENTIRE Bible is something we need to heed, not just the New Testament.
Anybody that has read Numbers will see it referenced often in the New Testament. If you don't remember, in Numbers the people consistently sinned (when they did nothing but complain and rebelled against God) and God finally said, "Enough. You don't think I can deliver you to the land of milk and honey? You don't think I'm big enough to make sure that you defeat the enemy. Fine. You're going to die out here in the wilderness and I'll give to your children what you no longer deserve." I'm paraphrasing but you can read Numbers 14 to see what I am talking about.
The point I am making is that yes, there is grace. But there are also CONSEQUENCES for ones actions. God will forgive us all the time for our sin, but it does not mean there will not be consequences at times. There is nothing wrong with forgiving but also saying you're deleting yr Kanye West songs from your iPod and pledging to no longer buy his music. There is nothing wrong with calling him out and saying, "What Kanye West did was wrong."
As Christ followers we need to keep things in perspective.
As usual, hilarious and pertinent reminders about faith and love. Thanks you!
Great post, sobering content.
Jon, I re-posted your update on this yesterday and I have to say, it caused a stir. Thank you for following up with a powerful post on this. I don't mind at of being accused of over-gracing the world. I want THAT on a t-shirt.
Very insightful post.
I've noticed a lot of unfriending and unfollowing lately on Facebook and Twitter. It seems we can't disagree without disassociating. It's very disheartening.
I blogged about that very phenomenon recently. I think it has great conversation potential.
Friend of mine once said
"10 billion oceans of grace"
There's plenty for all
http://www.ChristianHaiku.com
Romans 6:10, 1 Peter 3:18
it wasn't on TV, but i fell on my face after tripping over sin in front of a lot of people. when your sin gets painted on the wall for everyone to see, your willingness to give compassion rapidly expands to the size of your desire to receive it.
when we hurt people, i really believe it's because we're selfish, struggling with our own issues, and because of this fallen world we end up slapping an innocent bystander as we fall.
sin is intense, thick, slimly, and able to get itself into anything. which makes grace all the more amazing and powerful.
See, even my comment got saved!
Anonymous dissenting comments with the phrase "blood boil" make me smile. Because I am that guy, hiding behind my keyboard.
And to the commenter who said that saying hurtful things isn't as bad as cheating, stealing, or murdering, you must have never had anything hurtful said about you.
People (men especially) want to be respected more than just about anything. So, I'd much rather you take my car and my money than to take my respect. And to cause others to lose respect for me is exponentially worse. Saying hurtful things is much worse (as it relates to harm done) than "tangible" sins like stealing. That line about sticks and stones we all sang in elementary school is a lie. Sticks and stones only hurt the physical. Words can ruin you.
I'm kind of puzzled as to why we're so focused on this celebrity clash that has absolutely nothing to do with us. Granted, I'm not a news follower, but to me this apparent obsession with and exhaustive discussion of the lives and actions of public entertainment figures, even in context of doctrine and "Christian" attitudes, places too much weight on the trivial. How is it not just the Christian version of tabloid gossip?
Our reaction to this incident, it seems to me, only has value in cultivating a certain attitude within ourselves; it has nothing to do with either party involved in this situation, and minimal impact on the way we live our lives together as a community of believers balancing grace with justice and consequences. And while cultivating gracious attitudes is important as it applies to how we treat the people we encounter on a daily basis, it seems kind of silly to worry so much about whether or not we forgive a man whom the consuming majority of us has never met, and who personally knows nothing of us, for an act that caused us no personal offense.
I like what Josh had to say about justice — and I think that the question of the extension of grace raised by this post is much better applied to our own smaller communities. I've seen grace misapplied at the expense of justice in the church of my growing up, and people I know, myself included, were directly damaged by that misapplication, to the extent that it has taken some of the members of my former youth group years to begin to recover. Situations like this, in which leaders of our own churches and communities and families act damagingly toward the people under their care, would, I would think, merit far more attention than one drunken fool being a jerk to a young girl on a public stage.
Sure, from what I glean of this incident, the whole thing was wrong. But why are we so fixated on it? There's plenty of injustice and unkindness going on within our own spheres of experience without worrying so much about our attitudes toward one stranger's effect on another. The story is interesting, as are the resulting debates, but on some level the noble theorizing seems to be an effective distraction from real application of this very relevant and nuanced (thanks, Melissa) subject regarding the treatment of broken people who hurt other broken people.
Maybe a public incident is a point of connect for a large number of readers who live far apart from each other and know even less of each other than they do of Kanye and Swift. But even so…it seems kind of trivial.
Heh… I posted my thoughts about this on my blog yesterday. Mostly about the whole being judgmental thing…
http://nicholasccasey.blogspot.com/2009/09/judging-people.html
@ savinggrc – I am totally with you. Not one, but two out-of-wedlock pregnancies right after being born again (same man – also born again). Talk about having your repeated sins on public display. But in the midst of the 2nd pregnancy, when I hit bottom, God reached me in the most remarkable way with His love and His grace. I finally let Him pick me up and turn my life around.
I don't know where Kanye West is spiritually, but regardless, I pray that God will reach him in the same way and that Kanye will let Him turn his life around too.
Awesome piece, Jon. Seriously great stuff. And like Melody said, "I needed that."
You are such a stinkin' good writer! I'm jealous!
This all is so utterly true. For some reason, I have had a lot of "judgment" issues occurring in my life recently, and this was exactly what I needed to read. It hit home! As always, love love love your blog. It’s my guilty pleasure to read as soon as I get in the office Yes, probably a sin as well, but I somehow justify it because I’m connecting with God.
Thank you for this. So powerful and a much needed reminder.
Jon, I LOVED this! Thank you! Can you or have you written about that phrase "Love the sinner, hate the sin." If not, please do.
Beloved Mama, thank you. I judged Kanye West and then read this post and was convicted. So then I read the comments and felt so good about confessing my judging sin. What a cool Christian I am! THEN, I read what you said about Jon and Kate and I said, "Nuh-uh. They don't get grace, those idiots!" Um…I need to hang out with Jesus a little more.
I agree and I do have love for Kanye as I believe God would want me to and as He has loved me. Yet, I have dislike for his actions. He has a pattern of an unrepented sinner and while I too am a sinner at least I try to work along side the Lord in my life to change that. Therefore, I have to say that there is no way I will ever support Kanye in any venture he undertakes unless he too repents and returns to the God that loves him. Because in reality, my love means nothing, God's love really matters.
I was thinking the same thing, yesterday. Thanks for writing this.
Thanks, Jon for this post. When you get the T-shirts printed let us know
.
I have been struck lately on how judgemental the media/ entertainment industry is (also how much all news media outlets have conformed to "People" magazine on their focus, but that is a side issue). And I start getting judgemental in return. Then God shows me that some/most of those people working in that business haven't really EXPERIENCED true grace and forgiveness, so how can they offer it and demonstrate it to others? And then God brings to mind all the people that I have failed in giving grace.
His latest image to me is this: if you are "enjoying" seeing them punished for their mistakes, you aren't showing grace. Ouch!!!
Thanks for speaking some truth with love and snark. You are like the Jon Stewart of christian culture.
i gotta say, i truly believe that even god hangs his head occasionally at his children and mutters "what a jackass…" before smiling to himself and then offering a big bowl of grace and forgiveness. but maybe thats just me. =]
Wow, you got defriended? That's an intense reaction to something like this.
I did my best to avoid juding Kanye as a person. I don't know if his apologies were sincere or not. For all I know, he's an okay guy who has some issues to sort out. But there's no denying that what he did at the VMAs was stupid and rude. I try to be careful to draw the line between judging a person and judging that person's actions.
Love it. And, as always, love the reference to the after-school special movie. I'm a new reader and look forward to the blog every day…well done!
I could NOT agree with you more.
Amazing that we are all spending so much time debating or agreeing…grace? justice? forgiveness? some conbination of these in a particular order? Truly, who are we to judge? Let's be honest with ourselves though. We judge. We DO judge. All the time. We judge one another for our sins, for perceived sins, for interrupting Taylor Swift's acceptance speech, for apologizing for interrupting TS's speech, for whether or not you think Kanye deserves grace or only grace if it comes with "appropriate" consequences (and appropriate by whose standards? are we appointing ourselves the judge?). We judge other christians, other churches, for secondary matters, for doing things differently even though still in the name of Jesus and for the glory of God. We judge things, people, the world daily, we judge each other…all the time. Only the judgement of our God matters. I'm thankful for that. And I'm thankful for his mercy. Even after this post, even after we all become aware (again) that we judge one another, we will still judge one another because we are all imperfect. Thank God that the Truth and the Gift is not contingent on me.
Great post Jon.
Last night, when i couldn't sleep very well, i lay in bed thinking about this whole debate on your facebook page and had a scripture come to mind… Let he who has no sin cast the first stone. Thanks for standing up for what you know is right.
Great post, great reminder. And I feel you, Jon, I really do. That said, Kanye really falls into the camp that rhymes with "koosh tag." There's nothing – staged or unstaged – that the brother does that is with integrity and kindness. He's 100% about himself.
And yes, I know that the same could be said about me. And I know my mistakes aren't televised – but that's really irrelevant as he wasn't asked to go up on stage and show himself to be the jerk that he is. That was volitional and, in the age of the Internet, it's also viral and permanent.
Yes I have a plank that is hard to see and for some reason it seems to be clear in color because I surely can see the speck in others eyes. It is when I complain to the Lord that He shows me how I do the same type of thing. I pray that I would have eyes to see as He sees and a love that is real that really cares for humanity. NOONE is perfect except our Father in Heaven and His sweet son, Jesus!
Help me Lord!
well, go 'head on! so glad you had the nerve to put us in our places. awesome. i wish more conservative christians had the same thoughts about terrorists and obama. hate doesn't do a whole lot for the kingdom, but it sure does make us feel justified…until we remember that we were still sinners when we were bought at a price. it also shows us who we truly worship. love this post.
What about justice?
What about hey, that guy acts like a jerk over and over again, maybe we shouldn't give him our respect and such cultural influence?
What about the fact that he's hurting people? He's causing racial divides? Where's the grace for those people he's having a negative impact on?
The fact is this messed up kid has been put on a pedestal and given too much power in our society, and I for one am GLAD to see people finally realize what a jerk he is and pull him down off the pedestal. Being a celebrity isn't a birthright – we're not being harsh on him when we allow him to destroy his own career by his own choices and actions.
I think a lot of people let themselves or others be stepped all over in the name of grace. What about grace to the victims? There used to be respect for having good judgment. Now you can't use the "J" word without coming off like a villain. Even Jesus took a stand, people.
How about a little tough love for Kanye, let him finally reap the consequences of the seeds he's sowed? Only then might he actually learn something.
This is beautiful. I love it!
Your comment about that on twitter stayed with me all day…I realised how quick I am to judge, and for honest people like you who wake me up to what I'm doing. I love your blog btw…I have been known to cry laughing for many minutes at it. Ace.
Although I get your point it is not my place to offer forgiveness to Mr. West. He didn't do anyting to ME. Grace, yes, that should be exteded to everyone. But, considering whether or not to forgive him for an offense committed against someone else, nope.
I couldn't have said it better. Grace always wins.
Preach it, brother!
Thank you for that post, Jon. Right on the money. It's easy for me to hate on people when they make mistakes too but then, if I really think about it, I hope that people would offer me grace and forgiveness when I screw up rather than abandon me as worthless.
Jon, you are so right. I too often fall into judging. Thank you for the reminder.
Diane
Oh man. I totally hated on Kanye, too. But, you are totally right. Humbling post, Jon. Thanks. I needed that.
I don't follow pop culture really so I didn't really know about this till it was pretty much over. Apparently, after his earlier clumsy attempts to apologize on his blog and on Leno, Kanye West called up Taylor Swift and apologized to her, and she accepted that apology. Doesn't that make the rest of the discussion moot now?
Maybe the self-righteous ranting was not good for the people doing it…but on the other hand, maybe the public disapproval helped him get to that place where he was able to give a decent apology at the main person he offended against.