#623. Believing in the magical power of the :)
Sep 22nd by adminIf I had to guess, the inventor of the semi-colon is pretty angry right now. I don’t know who he or she is, I mean I suppose I could look it up on the Internets, but that feels way too close to me googling something grammar related and I swore in the seventh grade that would never happen. (I know, that was before the Internet even existed, but I was always a pretty intuitive lad. I had a gut feeling it was coming, you know?)
And do you know why the inventor of the semi-colon is so bothered right now, why he’s jealous of the inventor of the colon, why he’s somewhere getting drunk with the lady who invented the ampersand and bemoaning his fortunes?
The smiley face emoticon.
Even though I predicted the Internet a decade before it blew up, even I didn’t see that thing coming. When you combine a colon, not a semi but just a regular colon, with a parenthesis, wild things happen. Magically a smile pops up. Look at it, 
, it’s so powerful and tiny.
Big deal, right? There are a million emoticons, we even made a list of Christian emoticons. We all use them in some way. The chat system they put on our computers at work inexplicably has both a sheep and a soccer ball icon you can automatically insert in your corporate chat sessions should you find yourself in need of a “sheep soccer” reference. Who cares about the smiley face? It’s useless. Or is it? I’ve started to notice something lately, whenever someone tells me something difficult or borderline mean, they punctuate their thought with a smiley face.
That small smiley face absolves you of anything hateful or mean or gossipy in the email or text message or tweet you’ve just written. It’s the ultimate Christian get out of jail free card.
I dare say it’s the digital version of “bless her heart.”
We’ve covered that majestic phrase a million times on this site already (it’s what you say when you want to slam someone but not look like you’re in fact slamming someone). But lately I’ve really seen the making a strong showing.
Just the other day a pastor busted on me on Twitter and then threw out a smiley face at the end of his tweet. For the first part of the message I thought, “Ahh, that stinks, that dude doesn’t like me. I hate to read negative stuff about me. Why do I care so much about this stuff? I wish I wasn’t so insecure. Maybe this guy is right, maybe I am horrible.” And I started to get blue, but then I saw the smile at the end of his tweet. “Ohh wait, wait, wait. There’s a little smile at the end of the tweet. Phew, for a second I thought this guy didn’t like me, but those kidney punches at the beginning of his tweet were just to soften me up so that I could receive this hidden hug at the end.”
It’s uncanny really, and I fear the smile face is going to eventually replace my favorite “pretend I didn’t just say that” phrase. I’m of course talking about “I was only joking!”
That used to be my go to phrase to drop when I wanted to pretend what I really thought wasn’t what I really thought. I’d say something hurtful or maybe even confess something honest about what was going on in my own life and then I’d say, “Ahh just kidding. I was only joking.” I used to hide behind sarcasm like it was a quilt lovingly made during the moments before church starts.
The whole phrase worked pretty well until I saw this in Proverbs 26: 18-19:
“Like a madman shooting firebrands or deadly arrows is a man who deceives his neighbor and says, ‘I was only joking!’”
Oh snap! The phrase “I was only joking” is in the Bible? Are you sure? The real Bible, not just the Message. I mean the message says a lot of things, that’s a Bible sure, but are you telling me, that the NIV puts the phrase “I was only joking” on blast?
I am, that’s what it says. And I don’t want to shoot deadly arrows. I don’t want to deceive my neighbor. I don’t want to be a madman. And I don’t want you be one either.
Let’s retire the . Let’s put it in the same place we put our Ace of Bass CDs. (I agree, those were crazy, heady times, I loved “All that she wants is another baby” just as much as you, but we made the right decision. We did.) Let’s retire the digital “bless her heart.”
Let’s retire the : + ) = we can say whatever we want. Let’s give the inventor of the semi colon a reason to smile again. All he has right now is that stupid wink emoticon 
thing. Let’s knock down the colon guy a few notches. We can do this. I know we can.
I saw the sign.
(I couldn’t help it. I tried to avoid a second ace of bass reference but I just couldn’t do it. I’ll be a better blogger next year. Promise.)
Has anyone ever smiley emoticoned you?
Comments
I've been known to use a smiley emoticon, generally only with people I know. I find it usefully when IM'ing because it is hard to show tone when typing, and sometimes it is good to let the person know you are saying things in jest or with a smile on your face.
I agree that it shouldn't be used in a "bless her heart" sort of a way or an undo to something mean.
I am not going to retire the smiley, but I will make sure it isn't used to deceive my neighbour.
Just commenting that the : is a colon, not a semi-colon.
Definitely not the end of the world, but being a dyed-in-the-wool grammar geek, I thought I'd give it a mention.
A better question is, have you ever not been smiley-face emoticoned? My answer: at least 14,000 times, bless their hearts.
What a load of rubbish, you suck at blogging Jon
I'm only joking! (no really)
I've never had it used on me in that context but I know what you mean. Maybe I hang around really blunt people who don't sugarcoat their digital communications. (And since when does online networking count as hanging out? Last time I checked, hanging out actually involved physically being with people.)
And on a biblical note didn't Paul once write, 'Let your "You're an awesome blogger!" mean "You're an awesome blogger!" and your "You're a sucky blogger." mean "You're a sucky blogger."
No
there
I decided back in the late 90s that I would never, ever use emoticons, and I've stuck to that. They really, reeeeaaaalllly bother me in a way I have never been able to explain.
How awesome to discover that they irritate me because I am forthright (yet sensitive) and not because I'm a total curmudgeon!
I'll admit to using emoticons when I say certain things that might be a bit hating, but only because I'm trying to express my "sarcasm" voice on the interwebs. What we need is an international sarcasm font that can be enabled with a mouse click so the huddled masses can finally express and understand sarcasm online.
Anon,
Being a died in the wool grammar geek you might want to actually read what you are critiquing so you would understand that Jon was saying the guy that invented the semi colon was all depressed because the colon was getting more use in the smiley face than his paltry winky face.
Yes, : ) can be used for evil, but I think you're downplaying the even eviler (ha) use of ; ) That semi-colon + right parenthesis are my usual go-to when I'm ignoring the prompting of the Spirit, trampling all over Proverbs 26:19 and diving head-first into sin. I personally have only used colon + right parenthesis for good, but when I pull out that semi-colon instead? Trust me, my friend, you've just been leg dropped like an elf.
Those last 2 lines are my new favorite quote!
On a serious note though, people say, "I'm only joking", but they're not really. Like there's a shady guy here at work one time who took off on a Friday because he said he was sick. My boss and him were talking on Monday and my boss said, "What'd you go away for the weekend and have some fun or something? I'm just joking."
But I realized saying, "I'm only joking" is a way to say what you really think but disguise it as just a joke.
I've had evening long conversations with friends about the "smiley". We had/have a message board. As soon as someone posted a smiley on a topic it was the mark of death on it. It basically means "I agree with what you say, but I really don't have anything to add." As we have moved into chatting with each other the "smiley" has partially taken the place of "Yay!" or even follows that phrase. Now about the slam emails. We own the slam. The "smiley" in that email would be our little sign that says "I mean this and I had to say it, but I still love you and I'm not mad at you." If the email contains no "smiley" it means they are not even trying to be nice and they are still ticked.
It's like what we called at our Christian college: Care-fronting. Someone would give you a compliment (Oh, that's a great shirt!), then squeeze in something uncomfortable or a sin of yours they felt compelled to address (But hey, I didn't see that snazz in chapel today…you didn't skip again did you? haha.), and then end with another compliment-type or encouraging comment (Don't worry, God loves you and so do I! *hug).
The smiley emoticon is overrated. Let's lay it to rest.
I will also say, in my sarcastic efforts online, I would rather be misunderstood as mean than use the smiley.
Some people take what I'm saying too literally, so emoticons are quite necessary.
Smile on, smile on!
At the Christian school where I've been teaching, our motto is that if you have to say "j/k", then it's not a joke.
Good points on the emoticons… and you used one of my favorite scriptures! Love your blog — been lurking for awhile, now. Keep up the good work!
Ouch.
About 20 minutes ago I sent an email that said, "Let me know what the next ridiculous request is whenever it comes in…
"
Somehow, it seems less magical now that my strategy has been outed.
Smileys can be well-intentioned; winkies are of the devil.
Just sayin!
(Will "just sayin" be another JK?)
Don't worry; I use enough semi-colons to seriously compete with the colon.
I like the emoticons. I agree with Nick, that it does help connotate the tone with which one wants to be heard.
My husband once told about a math teacher who said the tone with which one says "Go rationalize your denominator!" can create a misunderstanding. Of course, I can't see putting a smiley face after that statement, but that's not my point…
I agree with Dory.
I read the whole post, preparing to scorn you over your lack of knowledge of the winking smiley with the semi-colon, only to find at the end you were fully aware of its existence.
Now I have nothing except a word verification definition.
wv: frepie
def: a yummy dessert with a fruited center atop a flaky crust for which you don't have to pay
"For a limited time, Burt's Bakery is offering frepie."
I get more aggravated with the
Is that a sarcastic wink? An I am in agreement with you wink? Is it one of those Palin "Maverick" winks with the tilted mouth clicking snap sound? Is it a condescending/smirking wink?
Along the lines of "j/k" is the phrase, "I'm just saying." You can say whatever you want, as long as you're just saying. I don't even know what that means.
I've never been a fan of the emoticons, but have used them in the past. Thanks for the just joking scripture reference…I've always told my daughter that "every joke has an element of truth."
Whenever someone (like my daughter) says "Just sayin'," my immediate response is, "Just sayin' what?" I agree it is either meaningless or a way to get away with saying something impolite.
I love your random references. Ace of Base used to be IT. Ahh…I can remember it now. Anyway, at my place of work we have to have a chat window open all day to help do our jobs, since we are working with people from another city. There are a handful of super sarcastic, mean-spirited people there who make digs, and automatically throw in the smiley face as a buffer. Like, if I put a smiley face after this insult, maybe they'll think I'm kidding, but everyone knows I'm really not. Its awesome. Or awful. Whichever.
Ha I couldn't help it, sorry.
Amy–hahahaha. "winkies are of the devil". If I steal that, I'll send you royalties.
I never use my emoticons as a digital "bless your heart". But I use them when I'm being sarcastic lest those who don't speak sarcasm get offended at the language barrier problem it can cause.
Also? Don't use emoticons with Katdish…unless you're looking to annoy her. She has no love for the emoticons.
That's for you Katdish!
I use the smiley face all the time. Only because I want people to know I'm saying something with a smile on my face. Because technology doesn't allow for people to know the writer's intent. But I've never used it to deceptively slam someone. Do people really do that?
Oh Jon! Thank you. This post is long overdue.
I FREAKING HATE THOSE THINGS!
Say what you mean and mean what you say. Marni's right. If you want to annoy me, use emoticons. Of course, everyone uses them when leaving comments to me on my blog or on twitter for the express purpose of annoying me.
But that's okay. I see how they are…
( | )
I have definitely seen the smiley in use as hedging for critical statements. It comes across as snide, and I tend to not respond to those posts and sometimes delete them.
On a fun international note, in Spanish, rather than the smiley, people tend to use jajaja – the Spanish equivilent of LOL – for the purpose of hedging. Of course, just like the smiley, jajaja is mostly used appropriately, but the Twitteros can also wield it like a sugar-coated sword.
Even more so in forums and comments, I see people use IMHO. In general the people who use this phrase are not actually humble, nor do they believe what they're posting is their opinion, they think it is fact and your opinion is just plain wrong.
haha thanks Jon…I used to LOVE Ace of Bass!! haha!! That's why you werite so well, you throw random things in there like this that keep people like me reading!! Thanks again!
I just L-O-V-E the
and 
because when I use it, I seem oh-so-happppyyyy and cute and stuff! 
Like, omg, I just don't know how anyone can resist my cuteness and happiness! 
LOL! And I can say anything I want and flirt with the best because I'm sooooo cute and happy! 
Yay! And then I can send the girlfriends of all the men I flirt with cute little messages too because I'm just so cute and happy and they will never know that I want to steal their men with my cuteness and happiness!! 
Yay, God! 
God just makes me soooo cute and happy!! I *heart* Jesus! LOL!
(I cannot believe I just wrote that…I was actually twitching while I did it, but it would be my general impression of emoticons and the people that use them.)
I loathe emoticons, for me. I don't mind if other people use them, so long as they don't abuse them.
But I believe that the person saying, "Alex, you're such a posery loser
" isn't necessarily doing what Proverbs 26: 18-19 is warning against. They're not decieving me and then saying "I was kidding." They're telling the truth and trying to soften the blow.
Also, if you're a little 'backed-up' ;| works pretty nice. Gross, sorry!
I've never seen the smiley emoticon used in a deceptive way. Wow. I gotta be careful how I use my colons, semicolons, and parentheses, lol.
Totally random, but the first Internet Emoticon, The Smiley
, was created by Carnegie Mellon University computer scientist Scott Fahlman.
You know whom to blame for all the trouble now.
I admit, head down, that I have too often used the colon or the semi-colon with parenthesis in electronic communication. Although it is generally not to soften the blow of some kind of "bless her heart" truth, it is so that people think I am much happier communicating with them than I actually am, or just a happier person in general. That, coupled with the insane desire to please people, overtakes the key strokes and
and 
just keep on coming.
I should probably work on that.
I actually had someone tell me "Put a smiley face at the end so I know you're joking." It was in response to a text message I sent.
Another reason I HATE doing any real communicating by text or email.
Excuse me, my phone is ringing…
You TOTALLY need to join the Facebook group
"
" I Hate Smiley Faces
They are only 15 strong – but if you joined, it would be something like a presidential backing.
Personally, I wouldn't join the FB group because I am a sick/twisted person who throws one of those at the end of a sentence after a harsh "truth in love" statement. It’s a universal MAGIC guilt remover.
emotiCONs – our masks have evolved with technology haven't they? In the postmodern world you can deceive your friends with the press of a button.
Have I missed your post on LOL, because I bet it was a good one.
comedian dom irrera has a bit on another "bless your heart" stand by – "no offense but", as in "no offense but your baby is uglier than sin". because you say "no offense" they you've effectively blocked their anger.
i have been hit with the smiley emoticon, and i have been guilty of it's use myself. "my name is tracey & i've been using for about three years now." admitting is the first step right?
Um, it's Ace of BASE. Not Bass. I just laughed my bass off.
I'm guilty of using "I'm just sayin', is all" frequently. It's kind of my way of saying "You don't have to agree with me, but I'm gonna say it anyway."
Also, nothing drives me crazier than the Super Happy Smiley. You know…
)))) Ugh. Give me a break. That's ridiculous.
I gotta say I like using the emoticon for sarcasm and to connote meaning that would be lost otherwise, but I think you are onto something. There is a spiritual discipline that goes with the colon, I keep finding the temptation to tack one onto a harsh remark in order to soften the blow or take a stab that I wouldn't have the guts to take otherwise. Makes me wonder how strong my virtual spiritual foundation is, the smiley can in some ways be one step above the hurtful anonymous comment.
Sometimes
just conveys the kind of inflection you are intending… is that so bad?
"All that she wants, is another baby, she's gone tomorrow boy, alllllll that she wants, is another baby, eh-yeah-ah." Now this will be in my head all day– GREAT.
Emoticons are so useful because they personalize the internet, which is such an impersonal medium. When I talk to someone face-to-face, he or she can see by the look on my face or the tone of my voice whether I'm gently kidding them, rebuking them, or am mad at them. Written words are harder to read in that particular way, and emoticons make that easier.
That being said, I try to use them as few as possible. I'm a writer; I should be able to say everything with words, not punctuation gone bad..
.) Yar matey!
Cheerful look is good
Bringing joy to people's hearts
And health to their bones
http://www.ChristianHaiku.com
Proverbs 15:30
Officially my written life is over. I use colons and right parenthesis all the time. All. The. Time.
Now I'm going to feel like a poseur and a dork if I ever "smile" at someone via text or email.
I saw the… second ace of bass reference coming from a mile away.