#627. Footprints and shot glasses
Sep 28th by adminI’m not going to lie to you, sometimes it is hard to come up with ideas for Stuff Christians Like. Although I learned a fire drill kind of approach to idea generation when I was writing branding for Home Depot, sometimes there is absolutely nothing creative coming out of my pen.
I mow the yard and my head keeps coming up empty. I drive to work and can’t concentrate on my commute with the flood of horribly unfunny ideas in my head. I scribble down nonsense on scraps of paper that my wife’s friends later find and mock me about. (“What did your husband mean by that post it note that just said, ‘I wish I knew more unhappy rich people?’)
Sometimes new ideas just refuse to show up, but other times, they fall right in my lap.
Or hand as it were.
I took this picture at a souvenir store in Destin, Florida. The resolution isn’t great, but hopefully you can clearly see what is written on the side of this shot glass.
That’s right, it’s Footprints in the Sand.
Arguably our favorite piece of literature outside of the Bible, the Footprints poem is a short ditty about a man talking with God. After seeing only one set of footprints in the sand during the difficult times in his life, the man asks, “Where were you God?” To which God replies, “Those were the times I was carrying you.”
I’ve got nothing against the Footprints poster, mug, commemorative belt or sport hair visor. I like sand, I like indentions in sand and I love God. Me and the footprints poem could probably share a small Kia rental car on a long trip through California wine country without getting into any major arguments. But footprints on a shot glass?
That is ridiculous.
The front of the shot glass says, “Footprints in the Sand. Destin, Florida.” The back? Oh the back is where the nonsense really gets the party started Pink style.
Here’s what it says:
“When times are tough, when you’re feeling blue,
if you’re not sure where you’re headed, remember the Lord, he will carry you.”
I wish I was the copywriter assigned to that project. I would have taken a slightly different angle on that poem.
“When times are tough, and your drink was blue,
If you pass out, someone will upload a photo on facebook of you.”
Or
“When times are tough, and you lost your right shoe
Remember your left eyebrow? Cause you lost that too.”
Or
“When times are tough, and you’re feeling blue,
you should go look in the mirror because you’re looking kind of purple too, I don’t know if all those shots was a good idea and then you ordered the #17 at the Magic Sun Chinese restaurant after eating “the fourth meal” at Taco Bell. I don’t feel like any of those things were wise decisions on your part. I’m just saying. You my friend, are the color of rotten pomegranates.”
OK, OK, OK, that last one got away from me a little bit, but I think I’m still reeling from the absurdity of the footprints poem on a shot glass.
How about you? How would you have written that poem if you were given the task for the side of a shot glass?
Let’s have a “Footprints Shot Glass Poetry Contest.” (I’m pretty sure Guideposts magazine already did this exact same thing, but I’m not terribly original.)
What would you put on the side of that glass?
Comments
This is so hilarious! There are a bunch of creative people here.
My Christian friend went to Florida and the only thing they brought me back was this empty shotglass….
"When times are tough and you start stumbling,
don't blame me for your idiotic bumbling"
"When times are tough, and you're feeling down,
remember your favorite white shirt? Yeah, now it's brown."
"When times are tough, and you start drinking,
just stop and think, what the heck was I thinking"
When times are tough
and you're out of gin and Dew,
Get your pagan fanny
back into the pew.
When times are tough
and you've thrown back a few,
You may not have the memory
but you'll still have that tattoo.
If you didn't understand the "I love Jesus but I drink a little" you need to youtube Ellen Degeneres and her phone call with Gladys. Guaranteed to give you a laugh.
Are we voting? Cause I vote for Jase Rhode and imwright9!
Here's my lame attempt:
When times are tough
and you've had your fair share –
Jesus may carry you
But He won't hold your hair
(one for the girls!!)
The author of this poem is a friend of my husband's family. I'm pretty sure she must cringe every time she sees one of these horrid things.
"This isn't the Spirit you're looking for."
"God wants to carry you… but not because you're too plastered to walk. Drink responsibly."
I work at a Christian university bookstore, and when we got a new item with the school's name on the front, my boss asked me what I would call it.
"A shotglass," I said.
Ten minutes later, the price stickers had been printed out for the new "mini vases."
Right.
"Footprints, footprints in the sand, you're savior carried you because of the drink you had in your hand."
hmm…
"Retrace those footprints in the sand
back to the place with that noisy band
Let's fill that glass with living water, and here's to the one in the Holy Land"
"I'm lost because the waves took my footprints away. Good thing Jesus' footprints stayed!"
here's a picture I took at the beach, and it could totally be used on a shotglass with the last one.
okok..i'm just really bored.
hope that served someone with laughter.
I had people at my former work asking if we sold shotglasses..collectors..what in the world?!
When you feel down
and want some booze
knock one back
with the King of the Jews
I live in Destin.
We get visitors of all ages, Thursday. The elderly kind usually drop anchor in the winter, and we call them 'snowbirds'.
When you live in a tourist town, you just kind of let that tourist mindset of Beer With Breakfast prevail. I mean, I don't- no earlier than brunch for me.
Am I the only commenter from Destin?
What the heck were you doing here, anyways?
When you're feeling blue
And Destin didn't do
To help "spiritually renew"
And you did shots till you spewed
At least the glass won't out you
'Cause it's about You know Who
You can play it cool
And say, "I use it for orange juice."
I agree, Jase Rhode's is pretty awesome.
“When times are tough,
when you’re feeling blue,
I'm glad you're reading this
and not drinking too.”
“When roses aren't red,
and violets aren't blue,
get rid of the booze,
and the shot glass too.”
I like the poem buttprints in the sand. http://www.greaterthings.com/Humor/buttprints.htm
"or sport hair visor"
Visors. Now that's something Christians like! Maybe it was just the churches I grew up in, but those things were everywhere – at VBS (different colors for different teams), church camp, you name it. They were right up there along with their good friend the fanny pack.
My cousin used to live in Destin. I'll ask her if it was a popular spring break place.
Personally I'm over the whole "Footprints" thing. It is the most cliched poem EVER.
And the shot glass … could be a toothpick holder, could be a paperclip holder, etc.
You drank too much,
From this little blue cup
Last night is a blur
So lighten up!
This holy tumbler
filled with grace
Is not to be used
To get grog to your face
God carries you
through times of pain
If you drink too much
You're on your own
Fill me with grape
Fill me with wood
Just don't forget
you're supposed to be good!
When you're feeling down,
And your life seems shot.
Have a drink,
And give it to God.
We all know He can carry a lot.
I've always thought that when the church is doing communion it looks like they are all doing shots, it seems like the shot glass for communion is meant to be.
Hey Guys! I found the second set of footprints! Their trail ends at the foot of the porcelain throne.
That's what happens when the wrong cup runneth over……
why is there only one set of footprints?
because you got drunk using your tiny quasi-religious shot glass, passed out in the destin sand, and your friend left you there!
How about
'When times are tough, don't be shy, get out this glass and get high on the most High!'
The only way to be a happy drunk….so I'm told.
I once won an "I <3 Jesus" shot glass at a white elephant gift exchange. It was the best.
My friend went on a trip to Israel and brought me back a shot glass with a stained-glass-esque image of Jesus in the boat with the disciples, calming the sea. It's my most prized possession. I've thought about taking it to church and requesting that my communion wine be served in it – you know, for the sake of the environment.
A friend of mine who has a great ministry in a poor rural community tells the footprints story with a completely serious face, right up to the end, where the man asks why there's only one set of prints. "Then," he says, totally deadpan, "the Lord answered 'My child, that is where we both hopped.'"
Comments on this page
Are so good and creative
I am haikuless
http://ChristianHaiku.com
Funny stuff people!
Jon, that was clearly an evangelism tool, used to preach to lost souls as they engage in their debauchery.
Here's the poem the way it should have been:
You'll never ever be a winner
All you have is scotch for dinner
Your chance at heaven's growing thinner
Turn or burn you heathen sinner!
On a related front, Jon… if you get a chance, try an offering from Big Boss brewery here in Raleigh, NC. Great stuff.
It's the ultimate witnessing tool when you go out:
This drink may delight
But God's grace runs over
Choose Him tonight
Don't wait 'til you're sober.
Then buy your friend another round and show 'em the chasm & the cross drawing on a paper napkin.
No disrespect to Ben, but. It's a shot glass. And the reason it has the Footprints poem, with the name of the town on it because there are some souls, like my grandparents who were tea-totalling, non-dancing, non-movie watching, no drums in worship Baptists, by those glasses to "prove" that they were in one place or another by their proud, loud and frighteningly large, collection of shot glasses. Except grandma called them "baby" glasses.
"When times are tough, and your cup is blue, don't worry, the legalists have still got it out for you…"
There's actually a rather tragicomic story of an ongoing war behind three authors who claim they wrote the Footprints poem. And I discovered the sad saga because it's the favourite poem of a Hindu fundamentalist leader. (no, I'm not kidding!)
I'm a Christian and an Indian journalist and while covering our general election campaign earlier this year, I attended a campaign event by the Bharatiya Janata Party, a Hindu fundamentalist party which believes India should be a Hindu nation. (It's allegedly behind the demolishing of mosques and churches and its members have been involved in the persecution and killing of Christian converts and missionaries in India.) The party's leader was L.K. Advani, and he was introduced at the event by his daughter Pratibha. She said her dad's favourite poem was "Footprints", that he had it hung up on his study wall, and that it had taken him through a lot of hard times in life. Clearly, though, he read the "Lord" of the poem as a Hindu deity.
Well, that story left me flabbergasted, since, like many evangelical Christians around the world, I had grown up reading Footprints on everything from wall calendars to coffee mugs to mouse pads and had absorbed it as a distinctly "Christian" poem. So that night after typing in my copy on Advani and the campaign event, I sat down to do a little research on the internet, in order to prove to myself that no matter what Pratibha Advani thought, Footprints was part of my Christian heritage.
Every version of the poem I've seen has "Anonymous" or "Author Unknown" written at the end. But the internet doesn't respect anonymity, so I discovered a rather twisted story. One claim for authorship comes from a woman who thinks she is a descendant of Robert Louis Stevenson, who wrote the poem as a poor and abused 14-year old locked outside in the cold on the front porch of her childhood home in Chester, PA in 1936 on a piece of scratch paper. She died in 1999, but her son and the women who "discovered" her authorship are now embroiled in a court case over her "exploitation". Two other women are also claiming authorship, and the Copyright Office, the Library of Congress, a forensics expert and several books are quoted in support of the various claims. The story is here: http://www.wowzone.com/fpnews.htm.
At the end of which, I'm still not sure if it was written as a Christian poem. At least one of the claimed authors says that she supports all religions and feels that people should believe whatever they want since it all leads back to God no matter what we worship. Which sentiment would shock most of the devout evangelical Christians I know!
So at the end of the day, all I really know is that it is still the favourite poem of Hindu fundamentalist LK Advani. So Jon, I wouldn't worry too much about the fact that it's also on a shot glass in Florida.
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Hey cool, I work in Destin, FL! Neato.