#629. Raising Dorks
Sep 30th by adminI don’t have any hard data on this, but I think that of all the major world religions, Christianity has the highest dork per capita ratio. Did I say that right? Is there a different metric we’re using to measure number of dorks that I should have referenced instead? Are we still rolling with the per capita ratio? It’s so hard to find good research on this topic.
But think about it, no one ever says, “You know who is cheesy? Muslims.” Rarely will you hear someone proclaim, “The Hindus are all uptight.” And when Buddhists are stereotyped they’re labeled as being “relaxed and peaceful.” Christianity though has a lockdown on dork status and you know what?
I love it.
I used to hate it. From the time I was in the seventh grade right up until I became 33 I railed against it. I did everything I could to prove to the world that I was not some cheesy Christian. I distanced myself from Christian culture as fast as I possibly could because it all felt so overwhelmingly dorky. But then something weird happened, something unexpected … my five year old tried to get into pop culture.
I’ve got nothing against the particular pop star my daughter suddenly became fascinated with but the transition from “I love the Wiggles” to “the Wiggles are for babies” was ridiculously fast. (In her defense, that Captain Feathersword who the Wiggles run with, scares me to death.) Up until that point I really hoped my daughter would grow up to be a cool kid. I wanted her to be part of the popular crowd at school and be considered hip. But when she started sweating pop stars and other little girls in our area started getting into teenage television shows, I had to pause.
Those things weren’t created for a 5 year old. The entertainment she wanted to watch was not written for a girl two years out of diapers. It’s got boyfriends and girlfriends and topics that are way out of her understanding as a little kid. And she might love it. She might sing all the songs and have a blast doing it and fit right in with all her friends. But if I encourage her to do that, if I push her toward that, I fast forward her through childhood. I speed her up from a 5 year to a 10 year old. And although I make about 47 dad mistakes a day, I have learned one secret about childhood:
You can fast forward childhood, but you can’t rewind it.
I wish I could but I can’t. Childhood only goes one direction and I want her to stay a little kid for as long as she can. There will be plenty of time later for her to think boys are cute and interesting. (Right now I’m pushing for “smelly and cootie laden.”)
Until then though, she’s not going to be hip. I’m going to raise a dork. Which is different from naïve, don’t misunderstand, she’s going to be like Matthew 10:16, shrewd as a snake and innocent as a dove. And if you’re making different decisions with your kids, please don’t hear this as an attack. I’m new to being a dad, am by no means a pro, don’t have all the answers and am really only writing about the two kids with my last name. Who will be dorks.
I hope I don’t help create one of these sheltered Christian girls that just goes insane when they get to college, but I promise you that I’m going to do everything I can to keep my kids young, out of the loop as far as the world goes and maybe even dorky. And when my oldest daughter yells at me when she’s 13 because she can’t go to a party with a bunch of boys, who I know are going to try to kiss her, I’ll show her this post. And she’s going to yell some more, but at least I’ll kind of look like I predicted the future, which is fun.
Comments
great post…I have an eight month old and I hate thinking of her getting older…
I have a dorky 17 yo and a dorky 16 yo and it doesn't bother me a bit. Both would (only a little grudgingly) sit and have a tea party with your 5 yo (as long as she would play with Legos or matchbox cars or play war next). They'd also sit and talk to your grandma or grandpa for hours. They'd be ecstatic to hang out with some girls for awhile, but I try to prevent that, especially at this age!
)
James 4:4 …know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God.
My future husband (in 24 days!) and I often talk about wanting to raise dorks! I was in the "in-crowd" and he was the "artsy, comic-book, computer game club, marchin band nerdy" type. After much conversation, we've concluded that being unique, intelligent and dorky is wayyyyyy better than fashion obsessed, snobby and run of the mill. Great post!
After years of trying to negotiate childhood's "dork/cool" tension, daughter has emerged, at age 13, as an interesting hybrid species: the Stealth Dork. This rare creature blends in perfectly with the "in crowd", but then, subtly, imperceptibly, like some sort of evangelism ninja, begins to change their hearts in small but significant ways. If your daughters also become Stealth Dorks, give glory to God, and look back on this post of yours, and smile.
Word.
) or those HSM kids.
I've got a 5 year old who has not watched an episode on H.M. (we know who that is
She's still into Dora and Sesame Street and I'll keep it that way as long as possible.
Great idea having her watch Dora and Sesame Street. Except Dora is produced by M-tv and Sesame Street is strongly connected with Planned Parenthood.
Amen. 'Dorkiness' is so hard to preserve when we are bombarded by what is 'cool!'
"You can't rewind childhood." Wise observation, Jon. And you are wise to keep the fast forward button inaccessible.
(Are you sure you are not confusing "dork" with "right?")
Best to you and your wife as you raise those sweet children.
Yeah…I've spent too much of my life chasing the cool. Now I've got a little one, and another on the way, and I am going to make sure they don't spend as much engery as I did chasing after wind.
Love God and be yourself. That's what I'm gonna tell them.
wingnut
Okay, so I'm a 22 year old girl. I wish my father had raised me to be a dork. It's not that he didn't try, but I was a little sneakier than he expected. (Do not, I repeat, do not let your daughter go to a party before talking to the other parents. Even if it's uncool. Because a lot of the time, those parents have no clue they are hosting a party.) I miss being a dork!!!
I love this entry because I think it's true for all Christians. We do everything we can to be "hip" and once we realize what that means to everyone else, we can't wait to be dorks!
Just remember: Your daugther can still be a beautiful, original little girl without becoming a full on dork (i.e. long denim skirt, doily on head, and rolly backpack)
Great post!
don't forget the white keds and bobby socks . . .
Preacher Lady, I love your Stealth Dork comment! I have two boys — an 8-year-old who is 8…and a 4-year-old going on 14. My husband and I call that one Little Id — he's the one who who keeps me up at night…already!
Long live the dorks!!
…besides, it worked for Bill Gates. May we fearlessly fight for innocence!
By Grace,
K, married to one and raising 3 more
"You can fast forward childhood, but you can’t rewind it."
Ohh, how i needed to be reminded of these words today! Since kindergarten has started and we are going through that transition, I often want to look at him and yell, "grow up already, dude!" But that's not really what i want… I don't want to wish my kids' lives, or mine, away.
Thanks for the wisdom!
My husband and I have fully embraced our inner dorks. We're teaching our kids to do the same. In fact, we're thinking of having matching family t-shirts made with slogan "Embrace Your Inner Dork" on the front. Maybe we could sell them at all the Christian conferences we attend as HWMT.( =
Could not agree with you more.
There is no pause button on childhood either! Thank you so much for this post.
I think we will have to answer for what we allow our kids to view since when they are very young we still pretty much have full control over it. The world crowds in on them soon enough without our willing participation (or blind eye).
Your girls are so blessed to have a Daddy that protects their innocence. So many girls do not have that. Rock on, brother.
stealth dork……..love it!
Have one……was one………
I think the source of dork is in someone trying to fit in, but being unable due to just being too different. The reason the mentioned religions aren't dorks is because they're so alien that they're clearly not trying to fit in (and not interested).
I hail from Nerd-dom. The way that I saw it, if the complex mental activities I personally enjoyed are dorky, then bring on the dork! Average is for shmoes!
Jon – Good luck and keep praying. My daughter is 8, and the onslaught of worldly influence seems to be constant. She told me the other day she thought Nick Jonas was "hot". I threw up in my mouth a little bit. He should still have cooties at this point, shouldn't he?
If you'll allow me to be a language dork: "I hope I don't help create one of these sheltered Christian girls that just goes insane when they get to college"
I think "she" would be better than "they" here.
Great post…and stealth dork? Genius!
"You can fast forward childhood, but you can’t rewind it." Man, I love that line.
I've tried everything to keep my two kids from growing up too fast. I've even tried pushing my hands down on the tops of their heads (didn't work). Society seems determined to make them eighteen-year-olds in tiny bodies. I've even had to start censoring commercials.
Thankfully, both of my kids are dorks. I'm going to try and make sure it stays that way.
You're on the right track, dad. Take my word for it — I have two girls in their 20s now. Dork on!
First off, don't diss on "The Wiggles." I still work out to their wiggly motions every motion because I can't afford the PX90 home workout video & kit.
Maybe I'm being a little bit proud here but my 16 year old daughter has a t-shirt that says, "I Love Math" with a big calculator on it. The other day day at her volleyball game at school, she ran up to the most awkward looking girl out there and gave her a big hug. It made me want to cry tears of dorkiness at her awesome uncoolness.
Also Jon, if you could make an SCL t-shirt with a person riding a unicorn on it, waving his Bible with a caption that says, "For the sins of the world God included the removal of unicorns until His day of restoration to the world. Then, we who are in Christ may all ride unicorns to church."
Here's one dork that would buy several of those.
Loved this post. I don't have any kids yet, but I have recurring nightmares about giving birth to someone who is by nature athletic and suave — in other words, to someone to whom I would be completely unable to relate.
I look forward to finding out whether it works for you. And then I want tips on how to keep your kids nerdy.
You are so insanely right about childhood fast forwarding but not rewinding.
Our kids are now 17 & 14 and I feel like it was yesterday that our oldest was 5. We moved out to the "sticks" [at the time] when they were very small in an effort to help slow things down a bit.
I think it definitely helped to be surrounded by other kids who are running the same speed but it still goes by faster than I imagined.
Some research suggests that we have successfully managed to stretch adolescence so that it begins in single digits and ends in the mid-thirties. I don't think think is quite the same thing as what you're saying, but I shudder when I hear you say you want to keep your kids kids as long as possible. Youth is appropriate for the young, but our culture has turned it into an idol and tries to make sure that no one ever moves beyond it. Thus, we end up with irresponsible twenty-somethings who use Mom and Dad as a shield against anything that feels bad in the world rather than integrating into society and becoming contributing, useful people who can be relied on.
Again, I don't think that's exactly what your post here implies, but the parallels frighten me. As a teacher and member of society, I'm just tired of people that believe they don't ever have to grow up…
If I were to guess, it sounds more like Jon was not looking to raise irresponsible kids who act like they are in high school forever, but rather to keep them "innocent." The "growing up" = date/drink/dress skankily mentality seems pervasive in our society, and he wants to fight that. I would venture to say that in keeping them out of that culture, he'll end up raising more mature children in the process (i.e. the "dorky" girl who you would love to babysit your kids b/c you know she won't just plop them in front of the tv and then go talk to her boyfriend on her cell).
We are doing our best to raise dorks in our home, too. We play board games. We swing dance in the living room. We hardly ever watch TV. Lots of folks probably think we're weird & dorky, but I am 100% ok with that.
Welcome to the wonderful world of parenting. It kind of changes your point of view on lots of things.
We are a dorky bunch. The other night my husband were out at the local frozen yougurt place. While we were there one of the schools obviously had some activity that just got out because suddenly there were a bizillion elementary kids, proud parents and grandparents milling about attacking the yogurt machines. There were two schools nearby. One was the local upper middle, hip one and the other was the Christian one. We both immediately sized up the crowd and said… it's the Christian school. It was a whole heard of dorks… and we recognized our own kind. The kids just had a different kind of innocence, and the parents all looked like they would be hanging out staring at new hard drives in a computer store.
Teaching a bunch of kids who are old (and stressed and depressed) way beyond their years every day, it was a great sight to see.
I love this post. I am not a parent, but I hope and pray one day that I will be. And I hope that I can show my child/children that its ok to be a dork. In high school I was a Christian, and involved in every musical thing I could be in. Marching band? Oh yeah. Show choir? You betcha. Musical? Jazz band? Winter drumline? Chamber Singers? I did it all. AND I was a bookworm in all advanced classes. I was a suck-up, I was a dork, and I look back on high school and realize I had the best time ever. I never got into a lot of trouble, and I'm grateful for that!
Your little girls are blessed to have a mother and father who will allow them to be who they are and help protect them from what the world calls them to be. Great post.
Love today's serious Wednesday post! I'm currently pregnant with our first and I'm pretty sure he/she will be doomed to a childhood in which he/she actually is a child. I've certainly wrestled with decisions my parents made at the time, wishing I could do certain things, but I'm so glad I had a childhood. Thanks for posting!
I have written before about how my husband tells my daughter that she is beautiful every day along with how smart, funny, strong, etc. He does that so that when the first guy that comes around tells her that….she doesn't even bat an eyelash and says, "that's all you've got?" The fact that she has three older brothers also weighs in that she probably won't be dating until she is 26.
I am in agreement with you also with those teenage shows….thankfully, my girl isn't a girly girl so she doesn't really get into the Hannah Montana stuff….but it is so true about how these shows that are marketed to the younger kids exploit boyfriends, dating, and focus on appearances.
Another great advice we were given and we are following through is "keep her in the barn"…..thankfully she is all about her goats and chickens, isn't afraid to get dirty and shovel the manure and won't let any of her brothers out-do her in sports.
So for now, I relish in her wearing tie dye with striped shorts….knowing the different breeds of chickens as opposed to who is dating who with Zoe 101…and keeping her seven years old.
My older sons are "cool"…at least they think so, lol….covered in tattoos and piercings. But I think that God blessed them with the personalities that people gravitate to for a reason….their tattoos are verses from the Bible and they never waste an opportunity to witness and/or invite people to church.
Amen, amen and AMEN!!! Raising 2 dorky girls and getting ready for a 3rd!
I want to raise kids that are cool in their 30s. Because being cool in high school leads to a great fast-food job where you think back on the glory days of high school.
Winner.
I'm not a parent but I want to be someday. All you parents give me hope that people are raising their kids right. It drives me crazy when I see little girls dressing like a grown woman and talking about how "hot" a boy is. Or some little boy talking about how good looking some girl is. And I know all the marketing directed at your kids doesn't help you guys out at all. Unfortunately, I was a part of the "in crowd" and I can tell you that it's empty. I was always striving to look the part and be cool but inside I was unhappy. I wasn't comfortable in my own skin so I filled it with all the latest styles, purses, etc. It wasn't until I was an adult that I broke out of this cycle. So keep raising those "dorks". They'll grow up to be confident kids who know who they are. I always wanted to be those kids when I was a teenager and now as an adult I finally am.
Fantastic post! I was a dork all though school and in my 30’s I am still embracing my dorkiness. Although my husband and I do not have children, we encourage our nephews to hang on to everything that is childlike and innocent with both hands. Children today grow up way too fast.
~M
we're totally trying to raise a Jesus dork too – in hindsight, it takes much more cool to be honest about who you are and what you believe (aka: Jesus dork) than to TRY to be cool … does that make sense? It does in my head so hopefully you get what I'm saying
YOU HAVE CABLE????? YOU ARE THE DEVIL!!!!!
As a certified dork (I have the certificate framed), you are parenting from wisdom, Jon. However, the road to dorkdom can be lonely and disheartening to your dorkling as she traverses its cold, dark way. Be prepared to encourage & affirm her during the times when she is hurt by harsh comments from those known as the "cool kids." There will certainly be times when she will not understand, but when she matures, one day she will praise you for your wisdom in all things dorky.
"This is the way, walk ye in it."
Great blog. Reminds me of the movie "Click" with Adam Sandler.
I know the day is coming where I walk in the mall with my daughter and a teenage boy will look her up and down. That's why I've decided to join the FBI and carry a gun
I battle with this a lot when thinking about my kids' school years. I think if we're honest with ourselves, we all want our kids to be well-liked and un-picked-on. Because if our kids are dorks, it reflects on us, and I'm not THAT far removed from my own high school experience to not worry about that just a little bit. But as often as I've looked for it, I've never found the passage in the Bible that guarantees popularity in this life.
In fact, everything I've read on the subject is quite the opposite.
John 15:19
If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.
About the comment about not dating until a girl is 26 . . . i know that was a joke some folks tell, but it isn't funny.
I was such a dork i didn't have a single date in HS. I moved away at 18 (ok, yes i did the fast forward of childhood, but i wanted to be away from home as soon as possible).
Believe me, dating for the first time when you are living on your own with no limits/boundaries & are very low on self esteem is NOT a good way to go.
Let them hit the age-appropriate things at the proper time & the child will have a much better handle on living life well.
Another great post, Jon. Your serious Wednesday stuff has been really good lately, and as a parent with a child in pretty much the same age bracket as yours, this is right on the money.
On an even more serious note, I'm seeing the love for the dork and the nerd in the comments here… but what about the geeks? Let not the Christian geeks be forgotten!
@Claygirlsings
Amen!
My parents raised me to be a dork, and I am so grateful! Though it was hard at times, the difficulties helped prove my convictions and draw closer to the Lord. I am also grateful that I had parents who were willing to guard my innocence and let me have a childhood.
Long live nerdiness (dorkiness)!
mine are all grown up….but I remember when the oldest was a sophomore in high school and I was out of state. She had some friends over on an afternoon and got caught when I called. I was very stern and they all left…knowing they were in trouble.
But I called my best friend right away, pretty thrilled my daughter wasn't too much of a geek.
several years later my youngest learned the etymology of "dork" and "geek" and "nerd."
When one of his sisters called him a dork…he would respond with something along the lines of "I am not a whale's penis"
Man…
I'm so far passed "dorky" Christianity that I am having a hard time relating to conservative Christian girls when I attempt to date them.
But just about any other kind of girl would probably be bad for me.
I am in relationship hell.
Christian fathers, stop raising relationally awkward girls!!
My parents raised me to be a dork. That meant being the only one not being allowed to watch certain movies and slumber parties in elementary school and staying home with my family instead of heading out to the big parties in high school. I'm at a sophomore at one of the top party schools in the nation, but it hasn't changed who I am or what I believe. I am so thankful for the way I have been raised and that i was raised to be a dork. Your daughter will thank you one day.
I am now looking back at my younger years…. "was I a dork?"
haha, I don't know, but now I guess I am. Living the college life as a Christian is very interesting
BTW: Awesome job in the Potential Podcast!
Dork is the new cool.