Comments on: #630. Awkward opposite sex friendships.

By: Matt Richards

Matt Richards — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 05:59:25 +0000

Randall & SK,

Lights out responses both of you. As a 19 year old looking towards marriage in the next few years, I see taking every necessary precaution as just that…necessary. Do I think I would ever cheat on my (future) wife? Absolutely not! In fact, that's not even close to an option for me. I want to vomit just thinking about it. But I would be a FOOL not to understand that satan and his minions are hard at work trying to cause us to stumble in big ways. There's a reason God calls us to use the shield of faith…

By: Dena

Dena — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 04:37:24 +0000

Some of these replies are just vacuous and totally un-called for.

Do those who are blatant critics of Jon and his decision realize that it's just that….HIS decision, to respect and protect HIS marriage.

Some of you guys are taking this way too personally, and acting as if Jon has stated that his actions are in fact "the only way to Christ and a perfect marriage."

Thank you Jon, for showing respect for your wife and for sticking to your personal convictions.

After all. The Bible does say that we are to "work out out own salvation with fear and trembling."

God Bless.

By: Rebecca

Rebecca — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 13:24:17 +0000

I think it's very sad that the only way you can see another human being who happens to be female is as a sexual temptation. It strips that person of all the richness and complexity of her humanity. And honestly, if an hour in a car with a person of the opposite sex leads to thoughts of adultery, you've got some heavy praying to do my friend.

By: Disillusioned

Disillusioned — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 20:13:23 +0000

I grew up Christian and was considering going back to church. This post just reminded me of why I strayed from Christianity in the first place. Really? You were uncomfortable with having a female driver? Isn't that a bit childish for a man with a strong relationship with God and with his wife? This attitude reminds me of Islamic views towards women. I had no idea that there are Christian men out there who are uncomfortable with being alone with a woman to this extent. Perhaps if she were wearing a burqa and was accompanied by a male family member you might have felt more comfortable with this woman performing her job? You have the ability to control your impulses (or at least not to act on them). If being alone with a person of the opposite sex is this big of a problem, there may be a larger problem with the marriage that needs to be addressed. I am sorry to be so judgmental, but it really did hit a nerve with me. It is hard enough to combat sexism in the workplace (which is still rampant in some fields) without being treated like a communicable disease on top of it!

By the way, this was not intended to be a personal attack on the author- I still think that his heart is in the right place and I enjoy this blog immensely. I am just attacking the attitude that being alone with a person of the opposite sex is dangerous in all circumstances.

By: SK

SK — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 00:40:48 +0000

Rationalising also sounds like:
'It started innocently enough but before I knew it I was sleeping with her.'
– At any point up to and including when you were getting undressed you could have said 'stop'. You're trying to make it sound like once it passed beyond a certain point the temptation had an irresistible momentum all its own. You're trying to downplay your responsibility: all you're really guilty of is the initial spending time alone with her, right? The rest just happened, not your fault, inevitable.

No; nothing 'just happens'.

By: SK

SK — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 00:33:25 +0000

Surely if someone called and said 'I saw him alone in a car with a woman in LA!', his wife would just say 'Oh yes, that was the woman who drove him back to the airport', because he woul have told her about what happened on his trip.

And he wouldn't have told her what happened out of some idea that he had to account for his movements, either! He'd have told her because talking abotu their lives to each other is what married couples do.

People seem to be imagining it'd be some huge drama caused by the appearance of impropriety — but if you actually watch something like 'Much Ado About Nothing', you realise that the whole thing would be a non-issue if people just TALKED TO EACH OTHER.

By: SK

SK — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 00:13:59 +0000

Surely the only person to blame if a man 'stumbles' is the man? I mean, unless you tie him up. Without him asking you to, I mean.

The man is the one who's married; the man is the one who's supposed to be faithful; the man is the one to blame if he breaks his vows.

That's not to say the woman would be blameless, but all she's guilty of is fornication: she's not guilty of 'causing' the man to 'stumble' (what an awful euphemism!). That is all on him.

How on Earth could it be otherwise?

By: SK

SK — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 23:39:13 +0000

Thing is: there may never have been a single day when he sat down and said 'I'm going to seduce her'; but there was certainly a day when he failed to say 'I'm not going to seduce her'. There was a decision; that it was a negative decision rather than a positive one doesn't make it any less a decision, and one that could have been made the other way.

Like the song says, he 'should've said no'.

No is always an option.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 23:04:33 +0000

I think this is primarily an age thing. I'm 37, single and female, and even a virgin. I used to be careful about opposite-sex friendships and frienships with married people, but over the years everyone in my circle (or potential circle) has matured and it's really not a big deal. When someone is open to cheating, they know it and eventually they show it and then it's everyone's responsibility to respect boundaries and even back off if necessary. However, every situation doesn't involve potential sex. Once you realize that, it's a lot easier to maintain proper boundaries without ostracizing people.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 22:45:01 +0000

Your husband is overstepping. A professional relationship should NEVER take precedence over a marriage. I pray that he'll wise up. Soon.