Deep V-Neck Syndrome (DVS)
Oct 26th by Jon- Tagged in:
- music,
- worship leader
Recently, I saw a commercial for a new show on ABC called “V.” I immediately got excited because I thought someone finally had the courage to address a problem that is tearing the church asunder …
V-necks.
Unfortunately, my enthusiasm was misplaced as the show appears to be about aliens. Fine, ABC, chicken out. Address fictional issues. V-necks however, are fact. And they are terrifying.
If you’re reading this right now and you can feel a slight breeze on your sternum because you’ve rocking a deep v-neck, it might be too late for you. If you’re reading this and thinking, “What’s a v-neck?” there’s still hope for you my friend.
Having recently seen 19 million v-necks at the Catalyst Conference and found myself in stage three of Deep V-Neck Syndrome (DVS) I feel qualified to offer the following caution. Here is how DVS typically goes down:
Stage 1 – The Questions
“I wonder if I could wear a v-neck?” As soon as that question dances across your mind like a nimble antelope, a seed has been planted. No one ever jumps right into a t-shirt with a neck that plunges toward their belt, it usually starts out slowly with a series of questions. “I wonder if I’m cool enough for that t-shirt?” or “I wonder how I would look wearing something like our worship leader is wearing? Could I pull that off?”
Stage 2 – The Initial Purchase
You don’t go to Urban Outfitters to get your first v-neck. Those are too deep and too fast all at once. You start out with “baby V steps.” You’ll be shopping at a store you often go to and suddenly notice that they carry v-neck t-shirts. “Hey, that’s different, that’s not the crew neck I’m used to. Hmmm.” I myself fell under the v-spell at Target. I saw some buttery smooth t-shirts, liked the colors and lo and behold they had a very subtle v to them. You could barely see it, but it was there. And with one taste, I was hooked.
Stage 3 – The Judgment
Once you go V, it is very, very difficult to ever respect your normal t-shirts again. You’ll open the closet, see those round, crew neck t-shirts staring at you and feel disappointed. “Look at you lazy t-shirts. Didn’t even make an effort to have a little flair, to dip your neck southward in a bold move of fashion and awesomeness. You disgust me.” I was about to pay for a maroon t-shirt at the register recently when my wife noticed it was not a v-neck. I snatched it like it was some sort of pit viper and flung it across the aisle away from me. (OK, not really, but I did hand it to the cashier and decide not to buy it on the spot as soon as it’s boring crew neckness was revealed.)
Stage 4 – The Scissors
“V the world!” your little heart will tell you. So in addition to buying v-flavored clothing items, you’ll actually get out a pair of scissors and start making your own. A friend of mine did that at a retreat recently. We were having a meeting and I noticed he was wearing a deep, ragged edge v-neck t-shirt that had the retreat’s logo on it. “Interesting,” I thought, “the t-shirts for this retreat are v-neck.” But they weren’t. I saw later that they were regular t-shirts but he had taken a pair of scissors to his and made his own v-neck. V very careful if you ever do this.
Stage 5 – The Abandon
It’s over. Your shallow v is about to go deep. First your sternum will be exposed and you’ll probably shave your chest a little. And then emboldened by that, you’ll get an American Apparel shirt that dips below your diaphragm. “Hey, look at me? Watch me breathe!” And then, it will dip so low people will be able to tell if you have an innie or outie belly button.
Has this happened to you? Did you recognize yourself in this list or perhaps someone you know and love?
Only we can stop Deep V-neck Syndrome. Please forward this to loved ones. Print it out and post it in a spot where worship leaders are known to congregate. (Perhaps a common watering hole like Starbucks.) We’ll get through this together. I know we will.
What’s your take on the v-neck?
Comments
i like v's as long as they aren't uber deep…then its just awkward. its like men wearing shirts to get girls to look at their chest…
Oh no!!! This is happening to my boyfriend. He is between stage 3 and 4. Just 6 months ago he wouldn't dream of wearing one and would give them to me if one had crept into his undershirts. Then all of a sudden he's buying the Hanes V-neck perfect tees from Target, asking me to tweeze his chest hairs….Then it happened… He bought a green one… that wasn't from Target…When will it stop? I can't take it if it reaches stage 5.
A dramatic intervention might be enough to save him but you'll have to move quickly
Have you noticed the girl on the cover of your book is wearing a V-neck?
Unless they are really low cut, they are less troubling on women
I got to stage 2. Like literally. Target. Yeah… Don't really ever plan on going past that!
only those with a goatee significant enough to cover the v should wear the v.
i used to rock the DVs until I had an open chest surgery, now I've got a mildly-hairy-cut-through-the middle thing going on in my chest so I've been working on my confidence to actually start wearing DVs again, so looking at it from my point of view, the DVS can become a life struggle with positive end results
I recently went to a children's museum with my family and in-laws. My brother in-law sported a V. I was sure that he would be escorted off the premises. It should be clear – men in V's do not belong in children's museums.
lol im a guy, and i wear deep v necks and girl jeans almost every day.
& people love it
I didn't really see a problem with it. Me being a freegan, I don't really care what people thought of me. I started out this year buying my clothes from a thrift store and getting clothes from friends. I have no problem wearing a crew-neck. I actually wear those more often, since I only have two deep V's on my person. I wear those every once in a while. The only people that seem to have problem with it also are in a relationship and have sexual problems of their own. The first time I wore a V-neck people complimented me on it, but that was about it. I understand there are people who wear it alot more often, but I don't stick to fashions or fads, knowing that the king of kings' thoughts of me are the only thoughts of me that I actually care about. No, I have never been on any of these stages, but I've seen people who have and I say, people stop worrying about looking good for that guy or girl. Being a great person usually works alot better. I actually purposely dress like crap on some days to make sure people are treating me differently. They don't. They know that I'm not trying to be cool in any way possible. Which is great for me because I feel free from society's ties to fashion and free to evangelize regardless of the way I look. I know I totally went off subject, but I feel like it should've been said.
Oh bro!!..loooove the v necks!!..gota wear them with nice tight jeans.
u americans are soooo weird with your dramatic thoughts on v necks!
V-neck on a worship leader? Nothing that a cassock and surplice won’t solve.
My friend and I have actually had discussions on this before. I say the only men that can pull off a V-neck are musicians. So if you are not well-known as a lead singer or guitarist for a popular band, keep the v-neck wearing to something you do at home where no one can see you.
no one, man or woman should be caught wearing a deep v-neck, blegh!
Hey, this is an innocent question, and I haven't looked on many other pages on this site, but is this stuff serious?
"ONLY WE can stop Deep V-neck Syndrome. Please forward this to loved ones. Print it out and post it in a spot where worship leaders are known to congregate. (Perhaps a common watering hole like Starbucks.) WE'LL GET THROUGH THIS TOGETHER. I KNOW WE WILL."
I just have a hard time believing this is indeed NOT sarcasm (sorry for the caps, no italics), as you literally make it sound as if you're talking about an exponential increase in youth suicide rates, or something that actually has an affect on anything. I also know quite a few people who WOULD pretend to be this serious and enthusiastic about something this ridiculous (which is why I'm not certain this time), as a joke, a quite funny one too, but I suppose if this is legitimate, it's exactly what makes jokes like that funny.
Enlighten me?
v-necks are huge in europe, or at least they were a few years ago. so were styled mullets, capri pants, and fruity cologne. beware, america. the invasion has begun.
That's some dangerous stuff you are talking here, be careful.
I'm attracted to guys who wear V-necks. So there.
i have a hard time calling my self a man when i were them not only because of DVS but also the style originated from dresses. thats a fact
It's not our place to judge how everyone else lives out petty issues. Just because it's a standard for yourself, doesn't mean it is for anyone else.
It's a trend that will eventually pass, and be replaced with something even more immodest.
Seriously… why should we concentrate on changing fashions as a Christian? Is that our job? Does it say that anywhere in the bible? No. That's God's job. All we should be concentrating on is seeking God everyday in our own lives.
I think the heart is a much bigger issue than V-neck t's.
I'm all for guys making an effort to look nice and trendy, but seriously, guys should NOT wear v-necks. The slight one that stays up near the collarbone, fine. Actually, those can look pretty good. But don't go lower than that. Here's what girls think about that: Ew!
I think the end game is when we see men dressed like J-Lo at the 2000 grammys. Also, it seems very apparent to me that people I can only describe as DOG the Bounty Hunter lookalikes paved the way in the late 80's/early 90's with their "cabana-chic" shirts with only the bottom button closed… I'm just hoping the bleach-fried grizzly mullet doesn't come back next…
i don't mind the deep v's on guys… it kinda shows their confidence. but… is it a double standard? because a woman could never get away with wearing anything that low in church… something to think about!
Don't be a hater. God made us all different shapes and sizes for a reason. Some of us need Vs to not look like a beanpole prude.