Deep V-Neck Syndrome (DVS)
Oct 26th by Jon- Tagged in:
- music,
- worship leader
Recently, I saw a commercial for a new show on ABC called “V.” I immediately got excited because I thought someone finally had the courage to address a problem that is tearing the church asunder …
V-necks.
Unfortunately, my enthusiasm was misplaced as the show appears to be about aliens. Fine, ABC, chicken out. Address fictional issues. V-necks however, are fact. And they are terrifying.
If you’re reading this right now and you can feel a slight breeze on your sternum because you’ve rocking a deep v-neck, it might be too late for you. If you’re reading this and thinking, “What’s a v-neck?” there’s still hope for you my friend.
Having recently seen 19 million v-necks at the Catalyst Conference and found myself in stage three of Deep V-Neck Syndrome (DVS) I feel qualified to offer the following caution. Here is how DVS typically goes down:
Stage 1 – The Questions
“I wonder if I could wear a v-neck?” As soon as that question dances across your mind like a nimble antelope, a seed has been planted. No one ever jumps right into a t-shirt with a neck that plunges toward their belt, it usually starts out slowly with a series of questions. “I wonder if I’m cool enough for that t-shirt?” or “I wonder how I would look wearing something like our worship leader is wearing? Could I pull that off?”
Stage 2 – The Initial Purchase
You don’t go to Urban Outfitters to get your first v-neck. Those are too deep and too fast all at once. You start out with “baby V steps.” You’ll be shopping at a store you often go to and suddenly notice that they carry v-neck t-shirts. “Hey, that’s different, that’s not the crew neck I’m used to. Hmmm.” I myself fell under the v-spell at Target. I saw some buttery smooth t-shirts, liked the colors and lo and behold they had a very subtle v to them. You could barely see it, but it was there. And with one taste, I was hooked.
Stage 3 – The Judgment
Once you go V, it is very, very difficult to ever respect your normal t-shirts again. You’ll open the closet, see those round, crew neck t-shirts staring at you and feel disappointed. “Look at you lazy t-shirts. Didn’t even make an effort to have a little flair, to dip your neck southward in a bold move of fashion and awesomeness. You disgust me.” I was about to pay for a maroon t-shirt at the register recently when my wife noticed it was not a v-neck. I snatched it like it was some sort of pit viper and flung it across the aisle away from me. (OK, not really, but I did hand it to the cashier and decide not to buy it on the spot as soon as it’s boring crew neckness was revealed.)
Stage 4 – The Scissors
“V the world!” your little heart will tell you. So in addition to buying v-flavored clothing items, you’ll actually get out a pair of scissors and start making your own. A friend of mine did that at a retreat recently. We were having a meeting and I noticed he was wearing a deep, ragged edge v-neck t-shirt that had the retreat’s logo on it. “Interesting,” I thought, “the t-shirts for this retreat are v-neck.” But they weren’t. I saw later that they were regular t-shirts but he had taken a pair of scissors to his and made his own v-neck. V very careful if you ever do this.
Stage 5 – The Abandon
It’s over. Your shallow v is about to go deep. First your sternum will be exposed and you’ll probably shave your chest a little. And then emboldened by that, you’ll get an American Apparel shirt that dips below your diaphragm. “Hey, look at me? Watch me breathe!” And then, it will dip so low people will be able to tell if you have an innie or outie belly button.
Has this happened to you? Did you recognize yourself in this list or perhaps someone you know and love?
Only we can stop Deep V-neck Syndrome. Please forward this to loved ones. Print it out and post it in a spot where worship leaders are known to congregate. (Perhaps a common watering hole like Starbucks.) We’ll get through this together. I know we will.
What’s your take on the v-neck?
Comments
I can't believe your timing on this, because my husband, for the first time ever, was wearing a V neck shirt the other night. Oh sure, it was just an undershirt, but now I know from reading your post that this is just the beginning. Oh dear, I should start planning the intervention now.
Well that is a tough one, I wear v neck undershirts because they look good with dress shirts. The alternative here is a white beater ( I hate calling it wife beater, hints white beater) and that turns into just wearing that instead of the dress shirt. I think the v neck is a good alternative and under the dress shirt should be safe.
Much like bellbottoms of the 70s, the quicker we can get through this horrible fad, the better we will be for it.
Could it be that DVS is an over-correction to the asymmetry of the Faux-Hawk?
Looking with a scientific eye, one can clearly see the inverse correlation.
Fashion is not immune to the forces of Natural Selection. Unchecked, the cranial blade is abrasive and unpredictable. With the high and unnatural rise of the Faux, the V had to sink low as a counter-balance.
The hand of Fashion was forced to birth the ROCK DIAMOND. < >
I fear the cure is not as simple as vaccinating with the crewneck. We will have to move toward balance by ‘letting our hair down’. ( )
Totally never considered this. Thanks for clearing the matter up. Of course with your logic, every woman who wears a top that has a boat neck should have a head shaped like Ernie from Sesame Street.
EPIC.
I was having trouble on deciding what I'd wear today. Blue v-neck it is.
Is a V neck tshirt like a button up shirt with several top buttons undone? Difference? I think not – both look gross….
I agree. The couple of buttons undone look just doesn't work for most people
Man cleavage. Makes women stumble ya know.
I think my pastor Matt Chandler hit on this subject quite well last night at service. He made the comment that for the most part, church has become a women's game. Men in the church have given up masculinity in persuit of doing what's "cool." Or more so what they think women will like more. Look at a lot of worship songs out there. A lot have become increasingly uncomfortable, at least for me, to sing to. Songs that talk about climbing into Jesus's lap, stroking his beard, becoming thuper intimate, kiss me all over… awkward. Men want to serve and worship. Fru fru worsihip is rampant, and if you consider yourself a son of God, and Jesus as your Lord and Savior, then dress as a man. V-neck=feminine Crew Neck=masculine — the end.
ROFL! the super soft worship songs ick me out too! (and i'm 100% female)
men dressing in a way that women will appreciate does NOT ick me out. bring it on!
Hey guys! Keep sporting the V, some of us girls are okay with it…
Of course, this just my opinion so take it for what it's worth. I'm all about fashion. Love. it. However, I find the deep V's on men feminine. Sorry boys. I would suggest you go with a more shallow V neck instead. It's in style but not so feminine you look like a girl. Maybe I'm crazy but give me a guy in a clean white t-shirt, baseball cap backwards, and a pair of khaki's any day. I don't want the guy I'm with to look prettier than me. I'll be the fashionista and he can be the guy in the baseball hat
"give me a guy in a clean white t-shirt, baseball cap backwards, and a pair of khaki's any day" PERFECT<3
My dad wears V-necks and he's 60.
I hope I am that cool when I am 60
I've been trying to fight this epidemic for awhile now, but it's difficult out there on the frontlines alone.
No one wants to see man-cleave. No one.
i'll never wear the V. ever. just not manly.
As a youth pastor, I don't personally suffer from DVS, nor plan to start any time soon. Nothing against those that do, it just isn't me. Also as a youth pastor, I know many other youth pastors (and other young leaders) that DO have DVS, and this post just cracked me up. Thanks again for the laugh!
i don't SUFFER from DVS. i THRIVE.
i love my v-neck. and yes, i do shave my chest.
i've come to find crewnecks too constricting, and the v-neck gives me the freedom i need.
I hope you don't shave your legs as well.
definitely don't shave my legs. and, as it's no shave november, my chest shall remain natural.
this is brills Jon! I agree with Jeff – we should point the finger solidly at Phil Wickham and Chris Quilala. maybe if we can convince them to seek help for DVS, we can eradicate this epidemic altogether.
I am a worship leader. I am 6 feet tall and over 300 lbs. The day I wear a V-Neck, all is lost.
All is not lost, my friend.
That actually would be pretty interesting to see.
I run far away from the V. Faarrrr away…
You hit the nail on the proverbial head with this one. I wish there was something I could do to stop DVS. It scares me.
V is for Vendetta!
=) Duh.
I think this fits perfectly with the topic of DVS – Wearing a V is like a vendetta against society. It's like a rage that can't be stopped. You are out for blood. Pouring from the eyes, of course.
But really, if you sport the V, what did society ever do to you that could justify such an atrocity in return? Please, stop the madness.
I see people on my Christian campus wearing v-necks all the time. Although I don't own any, I must confess that I have had some serious v-neck envy.
I go through my closet every day looking for the perfect shirt to wear before I head off on my day. 5/7 days I opt for that breezy Vneck. I don't suffer from DVS, I'm just in denial.
I've been disturbed by men wearing V-necks ever since I watched The Crucible and was exposed to the scarring sight of Daniel Day Lewis flashing his 17th century V-neck attire…
I read this post while wearing a DVS and enjoyed it all the more. Well played sir, well played. You got me this time…
i'm not gonna lie, only certain people can pull off the deep v. its not for everyone. repeat, NOT for everyone. shoot, not even for most people. the deep v is for those guys who wear it because they're comfortable in it and they like it, not because they notice it catching on as a trend.
and i'm in agreement with the comments about girls and deep v-necks, please please pleaseeee(with a billion cherries on top) wear an undershirt with the deep v-neck!!!
Well, I NEVER wear v-necks. I own one or two that were obtained in a stage 2 type move. (well… MAYBE i'll pick one up, just to see, and it's cheap. Why not?). However, I do own two that are straight black.
I played in a intramural volleyball game tonight and my team wears black… so i grabbed the first t-shirt I saw. One of my two v-necks.
So on the first time this YEAR that I've worn one, you write the article on V-necks. I absolutely love it.
Good work.
there are not enough "nevers" to put in the following sentence: "men should NEVER wear v-neck shirts."
dude. the v-neck is a bad idea. always. and, clearly, it is a slippery slope… one that can only lead to tragedy. not to be melodramatic or anything…
sins (including the deep v) are so sneaky and slow like that! they creep up on you before you realize what has happened
Let me just say, as a lady, the only thing in the world I think when I see a Man (boy/thing?) rocking a v-neck is: “That man is single or gay, because any self respecting woman wouldn’t be seen walking out of the house with that.”
Sorry John.
Of course, the V-neck issue is often made worse by the color of said shirt. I mean, if you’re rocking a pink shirt with a polo icon… it’s all over. Same for black shirts with shiny embelishments. Are there not enough women in the world? Do men have to dress like women too?
Just say No to the V and the ladies will start saying yes.
“Look at you lazy t-shirts. Didn’t even make an effort to have a little flair, to dip your neck southward in a bold move of fashion and awesomeness. You disgust me.” Too hilarious!
Jon I think the V-Neck makes for an excellent on-the-spot bridge illustration. Only God can close the gap.
I honestly would love to try a deep V. I embraced the V this past summer and don't plan on buying any crewnecks anytime soon. But because everyone notices when I wear a V and comments on it, I'm sure they'll do it all the more with a deep V and the increased attention would make me self conscious … besides I think there's a burn scar from frying pork chops that has yet to completely fade that I'm nervous about exposing. Oh this is soooo hard ….
Hate them personally
Don't really care about my guys wearing them (although it's more than a "little" metro, it's 100% metro) as long as it's not the offensively deep v-neck some of you are talking about
Every once in a while, though, I like to tease some of my volunteer staff and students that if they'd have dressed that way at my high school, I probably would have been one of the first ones to beat them up (kidding, don't call the cops on me) and I was one of the good kids.
Boy do styles change…but joy comes around when generations have to own up to their styles when their kids see the pictures (give it ten years and deep v-necks will be like bell bottoms, parachute pants, etc.).
Jon Acuff… I love you (no homo). Thank You for your support of this epidemic in our churches, as well as Christian colleges!
I saw this syndrome in full force at the Cornerstone music festival in Bushnell, IL 2 summers ago. It frightened me to see it become so accepted. I enjoyed this post very much because it reminded of that time and just how ridiculous the trend has become. BTW nice use of a TLA.
Not a big fan of V necks on guys. When I wear a v neck, I look a little like a giraffe so I try to abstain from the trend.
The TV programme V ran in the late 80s or early 90s, so this one coming out is simply a remake; a rehash of something that has gone before, modernised and tweaked for a 21st century audience. I remember watching it with my dad. And truly, not one character wore a V-neck that I remember.
DVS. Can't say that a person's clothing style bothers me one way or another. I simply avoid T-shirts as it is, as button up shirts are neater and make one more presentable (ie. less ghetto). People that wear ripped jeans and v-neck T-shirts to church have God's wrath coming. ZAP.
Yes, a friend of mine at church has DVS (every church has one, at least every youth dominated one). He's also a worship leader and the "fashionable cool guy". Double score.
I am not a fan of the deep-V's! if your V is so low that it looks like you're wearing a vest, you need help.
Great post!
I just have to comment and say that "Stage 3" paragraph is one of your funniest yet Jon! I just snort-laughed in my cubicle…
[...] you gotten caught up in the V-Neck [...]
v-neck is so 2000-late. I think it's funny that the "Christian community" is JUST NOW starting to wear a trend that is on its way out. (which sounds like most of you are happy about it)
amusing.
This post is hilarious and I thank you for bringing up the issue. I remember when I first started seeing these "V's" invade the fronts of men's T's. I thought it looked just so wrong and uncomfortable. I still can't understand the desire to wear this style of "shirt".
[...] awesome. And witty. And make me laugh out loud. But your post on a problem that is plaguing America, the Super V, was AMAZING. Thank you for dealing with this problem head-on. Because as I’ve often written [...]
[...] awesome. And witty. And make me laugh out loud. But your post on a problem that is plaguing America, the Super V, was AMAZING. Thank you for dealing with this problem head-on. Because as I’ve often written [...]
As a 33yr-old lady, I dig chest afros, but NO I do NOT want to see men, especially at CHURCH, busting out their chest hair ala Kip Winger in an 80s video. Some dude did a guest spot at my church a few weeks back and I swear he was wearing a ladies deep V. It was awful, and enhanced his slight manbreasts a bit. And ladies? PUT THEM AWAY. I'm sick of seeing "the girls" waving at us all. People taller than you can EASILY see down your shirt and you should be aware that is trashy. Bleh.
This cracked me UP!!! LOL Love your take on the V-neck. I love them myself, as long as they aren’t real deep. When you’re plus-sized, V-necks are a God-send. I can’t wear regular tees anymore…they make me look like a turtle.
Anyway, I want to read your other stuff now. This blog put a smile on my face already.
I'm a little surprised no one mentioned Simon Cowell…
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Wow! I had no idea. I live in the sheltered midwest. It will still be a couple of years before we will be confronted with issue of plunging V-necks on dudes. But now that i am aware of it I will recognize it for what it is.
I was shopping at Kohls the other day, looking for some hip new threads for the fall. I stumbled across a V-neck shirt and stopped to take a look and think about it. But I resisted the urge and went for the comfortable crew neck instead. The V-bug almost bit me, but I was able to get away at the last moment.