Pastors who forget to tell you to sit back down.
Nov 2nd by JonA few weeks ago I went to a worship event. Midway through, one of the speakers got up and told the crowd to get on their feet. The crowd obliged and for a few minutes the speaker talked while we all stood listening.
Unfortunately, he forgot to release us from our foot bondage.
The “go ahead and sit down” never came. We waited patiently and it just didn’t happen. Have you ever experienced that? If not, I want you to be prepared. I want you to be ready. So let’s break down what goes through your head when you find yourself marooned on your feet in the middle of church …
1st minute.
“Awesome, we’re standing up. Time to get the blood flowing again and wake up.” That’s what you think the first minute after someone asks you to stand up at church. The world is really hopeful and bright and new at that moment. Will you be asked to greet the person next to you? Maybe clap or wave your arms in some sort of pew Pilates? Who knows. Anything is possible at this point.
2nd minute.
“I think the stand up part is officially over, but maybe I’m wrong. Maybe we’re about to do something else that requires me to be up and out of my seat. Maybe I need to stay standing. I’ll give this another minute or two.”
3rd minute.
“I think this guy just launched into his sermon without letting us know we can sit down now. Doesn’t he notice us? I mean, there are hundreds of us standing up. He sees that, right? Is he already in his sermon? Is it possible he wants us to stand the entire time? No way, there is no way that is happening.”
4th minute.
“I want to sit down, but I don’t want to be the weird guy who sits while everyone else stands. You always look like you love God about 11% less than everyone else who is standing when you do that. I’m not going to be that guy, I won’t.
5th minute.
“What if I sat down slowly? Would that be so bad? What if instead of sitting down at normal speed I just gently lowered myself to the chair over a period of 30 seconds? If I go too fast he might actually see me and call me out from the pulpit. That would stink. He’d probably say, ‘Can you not stand in the presence of the triune God?’ And then I would yell back, ‘The triune God toldeth me to sitteth.’ I don’t know why I’d say it that way, I think I get all King Jamesy when I’m nervous.”
6th minute.
“Would God smite me with a lightning bolt of disappointment if I pretended to be slain in the spirit so that I could sit in my chair? He would probably frown on that.”
7th minute.
“Sweet release! Some bold member sat down and started a tidal wave of derrieres crashing into seats. That, my friend, is a true next generation leader.”
Maybe this won’t ever happen to you, but if it does and we’re sitting near each other at church, let’s make a pact. We’ll hold hands and do it together. And if we get any guff, we’ll sing friends are friends forever and have a sit in just like they used to do in the 60s.
Freedom reins in the place my friend. Freedom reigns.
Comments
It's just as bad when they tell you to sit down after prayer, then make you immediately get back up for a song. We have one deacon at our church who does this almost every week when it is his turn to run the service.
My dad is a deacon and when my cousin got married he wanted my dad to officiate the wedding, which of course he had never done before. So, he did everything to prepare for his 'first wedding.' Well, when the actual wedding goes down, (i was a bridesmaid) everyone is the crowd strands for the bride. And my dad never tells everyone to be seated. I was trying to figure out how to get my dad's attention to tell him he needed to seat everyone but being a bridesmaid we were not at a good angle for any dramatic hand signals or facial expressions. Finally, everyone figured out that they were not going to be told to sit, so they did it together..
I have become the person who sits down first. I think of it as my spiritual gift – caring for others.
another time that goes in the "opposite" category: thoughts when you are seated too early in the service (like after the first or second song)
First thought – wow…seated already…it's going to be a different service today
Second thought – shoot…not different…long and now I'm sitting down for the entire thing because we never stand back up…I don't think I can sit here for another 60 minutes
Third thought – it's the last song before the sermon and my backside can't take another 30 minutes of sitting down, it's now or never, time to get moved by the spirit – stand up – raise my hands maybe even sway/dance/conga line worship just to get the blood moving
I try to never do that. When your legs start tingling, you know you're on the verge of a pentecostal moment. The wise thing to do is sit, the worship leader will get the hint. But sometimes standing is better than the Wack-a -mole worship leader. Sit-stand-sit-stand-sit-stand-greet a neighbor-sit stand etc.
Wack-a -mole worship leader….that is seriously the perfect name for the phenomenon.
That’s funny because this past Sunday at our church someone had all stand and then forgot to have them sit and they ended up standing through 4 hymns… ALL FOUR VERSES OF EACH! haha… I didn’t mind at all… but some folks you could tell… they were growing weary of standing… ha good stuff man!
Ha Ha Ha ha! You are one funny guy! lol
"Would God smite me with a lightning bolt of disappointment if I pretended to be slain in the spirit so that I could sit in my chair? He would probably frown on that."
LOL
and oh! this one time one a church retreat, my small group and our leaders all went out to this chapel in the woods, and we were blindfolded and called up to the altar and given a gift and such. but anyways, i was one of the last to go, and i heard all the other kids told to sit back down when our leaders were done speaking to them. well, they didnt tell me to sit down, so i just kinda stood in front of them for the rest of the whole thing, and then we all opened our eyes and i was still standing there….
…awkward.
ROFL Joanna… Honestly, how many other church problems could be solved by a faked slaying in the Spirit? "Youth Pastor, I'd like to talk to you about those spots on the carpet… Woh!… er… It'll wait."
maybe there's a round of coffee's on how long it takes till the first or last person sits a friendly wager between say the folks in tech and pastor
A corollary of this happens at my church: The "Do We Stand for this Song?" Dilemma
The pastor almost always tells us to stand for the first song, to which we sit back down afterward. The next song, there's a good chance he'll tell us to remain seated. But for songs afterward, if he doesn't tell us what to do, there's always glances shot around to gauge what everyone else will do until either someone chooses to stand and everyone else pops up, or the opportunity dies and we remain seated. Small pins of guilt accompany either choice.
Also hate when you’re told to sit…to sing. And then you’re told to stand up on only the last verse because it’s time for the offering and it’s easier to reach into your pocket for the cash.
seriously! how does a speaker not see the entire congregation standing up? how do they not notice something is odd?
My poor dad officiated a wedding once and forgot to tell the crowd to sit down after the bride walked down the aisle. We all stood the vows and at some point he finally realized, and was able to make a good joke out of it and let us finally sit down!
[...] but now that JA is a Zondervan author, I guess he can’t be too careful. Still, I like this post about pastors who forget to tell the congregation that, “You may be [...]
Hilarious! Reminds me of the times when the worship leaders asks us to sit down only to have us stand up again. Awkward.
*grins*
This post made me giggle, because I know what it would have been like, having grown up evangelical protestant.
But if you think that's hard…come to an Orthodox Church and stand for the entirety of the 1.5 hour service…or longer! That's just the Divine Liturgy and there's often Orthros beforehand (Matins) and that in my parish goes for 2 hours…
…we do sit down if we have to. But mostly we don't.
I traveled to an orphanage in Kenya this summer with a friend of mine where we were totally guilty of this! The children have a procedure they do when entering into worship..1. corporate prayer, 2. private yet outloud prayer, 3. singing, and 4. standing until the speaker of the night says sit down. Several times my friend and I spoke and forgot to tell the children to sit. Instead of reaching phase 7 the children stood…the.entire.time. We definitely felt bad about not allowing them to sit!
Perk of being Catholic #5863
This happened at a wedding I was at a couple summers ago. The pastor had us stand in the beginning for a prayer I believe….then never told the crowd to sit back down….so we all stood during the vows and everything! I wanted to sit….but I just couldn't go it alone…I fell victim to the foot bondage!
I will be the first to sit down. I sit down whenever I want! I feel NO compulsion to stand, unless Scripture is being read. Now, I DO stand, for songs, prayers, etc., but when I'm ready to sit I just go right ahead and sit myself down, and I don't care what anybody thinks! This isn't usually a problem in a traditional service, which I usually attend, because sitting and standing are usually in planned alternation. But at "contemporary" services, there is usually one long block of standing, so I just go ahead and sit down after about the 2nd song.